Also known as: "Spiritual Grilling and Accidental Arson"
It began with a single statement:
"I hunger... spiritually and carnivorously."
—Flint, 9:47 a.m., covered in grease and enlightenment.
The rest of the Crimson Communion paused mid-prayer.
Father Asher, eyes wide, looked up from his tarot-shaped pancake."The signs are clear. We must grill."
The Church of Last Pour's courtyard turned into a holy prep station within the hour.
Juno enchanted the salt (it screamed when sprinkled).
Marrow brought "emotionally butchered" ribs.
Thorne sharpened corn cobs into throwing spears.
Spillglass chugged vodka and injected raw steaks with cursed bourbon, shouting, "THE MARINADE OF REDEMPTION!"
And Flint—saint of flame, disciple of propane, maniac of meat—stood before a rusted cursed grill and proclaimed:
"From this day forth... fire shall be our prayer."
Then he dumped kerosene, pig blood, and holy oil onto the coals. The sky darkened.
The grill exploded.
Not violently. Ritually.Smoke twisted into a humanoid flame creature—red, greasy, and pissed off—with a pork rib sticking out of its chest and a chef hat made of fire.
"WHO SUMMONED ME?" the creature bellowed. "I AM REGGIE, CURSE OF THE BACKYARD COOKOUT."
Juno bowed. "The prophecy is fulfilled."
"THERE WAS NO PROPHECY!" Gojo yelled, stepping over the fence with ice cream in one hand and lawn chairs in the other.
He sighed. "Every time I leave you unsupervised... something cooks itself alive."
Reggie—the flaming meat demon—grabbed a propane tank and began juggling it while singing a cursed jingle:
♪ "YOU CAN'T EXORCISE WHAT'S BEEN MARINATED IN SIN~" ♪
Flint charged him with a grilling fork shaped like a trident.Reggie deflected with a flaming brisket slab.Meat sparks flew.
Juno cast Grease Ward, causing sausages to orbit her like Saturn rings.Marrow screamed and slapped cursed burger patties across the yard like flaming frisbees.
Spillglass lit a cigar and yelled, "IF I DIE, BURY ME IN THE SAUCE."
Yuji, Megumi, and Nobara—here to borrow soy sauce.
They froze at the entrance.Yuji: "Are they fighting a meat golem?!"
Nobara: "...Is that grill bleeding?"
Megumi squinted. "Why is Gojo flipping hotdogs mid-fight?"
"I'm multitasking," Gojo answered, flipping a perfect weiner while deflecting a cursed drumstick with his foot. "Want a bite?"
Yuji took one.
"It's cursed."
"I know," Yuji said. "Tastes like vengeance."
Things escalated when Flint dumped an entire tub of ghost pepper sauce into the grill.Reggie shrieked and mutated—growing wings made of bacon and screaming:
"I AM MEAT ETERNAL. YOUR COLON SHALL REMEMBER ME."
The BBQ turned into a divine food-based kaiju battle.
Flint rode Reggie like a bull, yelling psalms.
Spillglass tried to bless mustard. It turned into a demon.
Thorne headbutted a hotdog curse midair, yelling, "YOUR TRAUMA IS OVERCOOKED!"
Gojo finally intervened, drawing a smiley face in the air with Blue, and said, "Alright, I'm hungry now. Wrap it up."
Reggie's final form was defeated when Juno summoned a sacred picnic basket, full of vegan coleslaw, emotional closure, and antacids.
The cursed fire burped, calmed, and slowly condensed into a Zippo lighter with a smug face on it.
Flint picked it up. "You're mine now."
Reggie blinked. "You better cook with love, motherfu—"
Click.
That night, the Communion hosted a BBQ so chaotic, it showed up on five cursed radars and two unrelated food blogs.
Nobara won the cursed pie-eating contest.
Gojo DJed on an old iPod full of 2005 emo hits.
Marrow stabbed a grill so hard it became sentient and thanked her.
Yuji cried after eating a rib that reminded him of his grandpa's funeral.
Megumi left early. Someone gave him potato salad with raisins.
And Father Asher stood tall above the smoke, wine in one hand, burger in the other.
"Let this be known," he bellowed. "We exorcised hunger today. In body. In spirit. In brisket."