Emily woke up on Monday to 47 unread texts, three missed calls, and one very concerned voicemail from her mother.
Narrator: And this, dear reader, is how our Common Girl discovered she was accidentally famous-adjacent.
She squinted at her phone screen, scrolling through links her friends had sent.
Headline #1: "Who Is the Mystery Brunette with Jason Rook?"
Headline #2: "Jason Rook's Secret Girlfriend? Spotted at Book Event and Romantic Dinner."
Headline #3: "Jason Rook Finally Moves On From His Vampire Co-Star—And She's a Normal Girl!"
Emily nearly choked on her toothpaste. "Normal girl?! Excuse you, I am a thriving mess, thank you very much."
At work, Hannah practically tackled her at the door.
Hannah: "EMILY. YOU'RE IN PEOPLE MAGAZINE."
Emily: "I don't even buy People magazine."
Hannah: "Well, People bought you. Look!" shoves phone in her face
There it was. A blurry photo of her and Jason at the Italian restaurant, looking suspiciously couple-y. (To be fair, it wasn't helping that Jason had leaned in mid-laugh and Emily had been twirling spaghetti like she was in a literal rom-com trailer.)
Emily groaned. "Great. I'm officially 'Mystery Brunette.' The least sexy nickname in existence."
Cue Jason, strolling into the bookstore like nothing had happened, sunglasses on, holding a muffin bag.
Jason: "Hey."
Emily: "Do you ever use doors like a normal human? Or do you just… appear in clouds of chaos?"
Jason: "Depends. Did you see the headlines?"
Emily: glare "Oh, you mean the ones where I'm your secret girlfriend slash pasta soulmate? Yes. Thanks for that."
Jason bit back a smile.
Jason: "Well, technically, you did agree to dinner."
Emily: "Technically, you ambushed me with charm and carbs. There's a difference."
Narrator: Ah, the classic rom-com misunderstanding—fueled by tabloids, blurry photos, and a hero who finds the whole thing far too amusing while the heroine is just trying to live her average, caffeine-dependent life.
As customers whispered behind bookshelves and Hannah stage-whispered "ASK HIM IF YOU'RE DATING" from the register, Jason leaned against the counter, casual as ever.
Jason: "You know, there's only one way to clear this up."
Emily: "Let me guess. Fake breakup press release?"
Jason: "Close. Fake dating."
Emily nearly dropped the stack of romance novels in her hands. "Fake… WHAT?"
Jason grinned. "Relax. Just until the tabloids move on. Totally harmless. Classic trope."
Emily groaned. "Oh my god. I am literally living in a Hallmark Channel fever dream."
Jason: "Could be worse." leans in "At least I sparkle in good lighting."
And just like that, Emily realized her life had officially crossed the line into Rom-Com Plotlandia.