"Onii-chan~ pay attention to me~" Deadpool kept deliberately bumping into me, acting as intimate as possible.
"..." My eyes twitched, and I backed away from him a bit.
But no matter how far I retreated, Deadpool just kept closing in shamelessly.
"Don't avoid me, Peter Senpai~ I know I can't stop blushing when I look at your face~~" Pool said, reaching out to touch my cheek.
"..." Sweat poured down my face as I noticed everyone around us staring at the spectacle we were making.
"Ah! Is it because you miss me? That's so embarrassing! I already have a wife... But you know... You can... touch me."
Gwen immediately smashed Pool's skull with a huge rock.
"..." Me, Gwen, and a bunch of others stared at Pool's crushed head, blood gushing everywhere.
"Holy shit! Why'd you hit so hard, Alice??" Pool stood back up, his head already back to normal.
That regeneration is way too fast...
"Get lost, don't come near my boyfriend."
"What's the big deal? A threesome works! I'll be on the bottom, Peter in the middle, and you on top!"
Oi, does that mean I'm the one getting anal?
"No way! I'm not okay with Peter giving me a BJ! I want to claim every hole of Peter's! I won't let Peter be shared with anyone!" Gwen declared.
[No you're not! Peter's ass is mine!] Nya said.
"I HAVEN'T AGREED TO ANY OF THIS! AND I'M NOT A FEMBOY FOR EVERYONE TO PLAY WITH!!" I stood up, pointing at both of them.
"Hmph! Who is she? She's just your first girlfriend—she'll die soon enough!" Pool pointed at her.
"What did you say?!" Gwen grabbed a baseball bat and smashed it straight into Pool's face.
It was already chaos.
"Haha! You can't beat me! I have the power of fandom and shippers on my side! Peter and I are inseparable—our fanfics are the most numerous!"
"Kuhhh!!! Shut up! I'll make my ship with Peter outnumber yours!!"
"Keep dreaming, you fake spider! Go fuck with Miles Morales!!"
Pool and Gwen started punching each other, but I already knew who'd win, so I didn't care.
"Wade, what are you doing here? Get back," a voice rang out.
I turned and recognized it was Wolverine.
"Shut up, Hugh Jackman! I'm meeting my idol!"
"My name's Logan."
"Doesn't matter. See this guy?" Pool walked over and slung an arm around my shoulder.
"Stop bothering normal people with your stupid antics, bud," Logan said, facepalming in exhaustion.
"Hmph! As expected from a boring old man—if you don't know anything about my Spidey, stay out of it!"
"Uh... I'm not Spidey," I said.
"Pfft, what are you talking about? You're... Huh? Wait, you haven't become Spider-Man yet? Is this real chat?"
"Who are you talking to?"
"Nah, it's fine if you're not Spidey yet—I still like Peter."
"STAY AWAY FROM PETER!!!!" Gwen charged in with a hammer and sent Pool flying.
Logan sighed and looked at me.
"Sorry, kid. He bothered you."
"Ah... It's fine, sir."
Logan walked over to Pool's body, dragged him away, and left.
"Hmph! That gay bastard! He thinks just because his fanfics are more numerous, he wins?!"
[Hmph! What was that pervert thinking, touching Peter like that? If he were a normal person, I'd have killed him ages ago!]
You two are totally in sync, huh? Like twins.
"Classic Deadpool... How does he even know I'm not become Spider-Man yet?" I sighed, staring at the park in front of me.
"Everyone! Got the plan?!" Harry shouted, and everyone roared back.
"Ohhhh!!"
"What do we gotta do?!"
"Beat the crap outta Israel!!!"
"No, I mean... That's fine too, but! We have something else! What do we gotta do??"
"Beat Hassan, Mizkif, and the Spider-Man writer!!!"
"Hey hey, you're basically killing the author of this fanfic—spare the guy!"
Harry sighed and yelled.
"WE HAVE TO WIN AND BRING GLORY TO OUR SCHOOL!! FOR THE EMPEROR!!!"
"HOH HOH HOH HOH!"
"What the heck are these guys doing?" I grimaced, then glanced at the other schools.
"Hmph, what a bunch of meatheads," said a glasses-wearing guy in an ahegao hoodie, looking down on everyone.
"Uohhh!! Why is OPM Season 3 so bad??! I hate you, J.C. Staff!!" another guy wailed like his parents just died.
It's not their fault! Why not blame the investors??
"Heh, you guys are so immature—IT'S THAT HATSUNE MIKU?!!!"
Everyone turned to where he was pointing.
"?" I looked too and saw Gwen cosplaying as Hatsune Miku.
"...since when?" I was stunned by how fast she changed.
"Just now!"
The other schools were all loud and rowdy.
Except Xavier's—they were talking quietly and calmly.
While everyone was hyping up, a voice boomed:
"SILENCE!"
Everyone looked at a middle-aged man holding a mic.
"Silence my dick," someone muttered.
BANG!
"Silent now?" he said, holstering his gun. Everyone shut up.
"Good. The rules are simple—just do it. First event..." He pulled out a box, shook it, and drew a slip.
The small paper was unfolded.
"First round... Run around the city, overcome obstacles, halfway through tie two students' legs together to increase difficulty, at the checkpoint draw a request slip—whatever it says, find it and bring it to the finish."
Holy crap?! First round and it's already this insane??
"Alright, you brats—each school picks two contestants!"
"OHHHH!!!"
"Hehe! This'll be easy!" said a chubby guy.
"No sweat, we'll compe—uohhh... my stomach..."
Suddenly half the participants clutched their stomachs in pain.
"What the—" I realized.
HARRY! YOU CHEATED??
Harry, watching the chaos, smirked evilly.
"To win, you gotta use your brain!"
"Harry! We'll win!"
"Definitely! Call the fastest guy over—I'll pair with him," Harry said.
But everyone went silent.
"...what's wrong?"
They scratched their heads and pointed.
A long-haired guy was lying on the ground in the Yamcha death pose.
"Nani?! Yamcha!!!!" Harry ran over and grabbed him.
"Ughh... Goku... I accidentally ate Custavos fried chicken, sorry—"
"YOU IDIOT! DIDN'T READ THE WARNING?? GET LOST!" Harry yeeted him—this time he landed in a Family Guy death pose.
"What do we do?! Our fastest guy is out!" someone panicked.
"Calm down..." Harry said.
Then he looked at me from afar.
...no no no no NO NO NO NO NO!
"Peter! With our powers, we're unbeatable!!" Harry appeared beside me, slapping my shoulder.
"..." I stared at my P.E uniform, speechless.
You bastard, you planned this!
Everyone lined up at the start—7 schools, all participants ready.
Everyone looked confident. Me? Not so much.
The silver lining? Right next to me and Harry...
Were Quicksilver and Iceman.
"..." Both stared at Harry.
Harry... they're judging if you're even worthy...
Quicksilver had silver hair, glasses on his forehead, and was dead silent.
No need to say who'd win—just look and you'd know...
"Peter!" Gwen's voice rang out. I turned, confused.
She was standing with Teto...
"Wait, you're the commentator??"
"Umu! Don't I look cool? Teto, that's my boyfriend!"
"Hold on, eating baguette."
"..."
"OIIII!!! MY LOVER!!!" another familiar voice yelled.
Yeah... Deadpool, waving a flag—his Hello Kitty panties.
"I BET EVERYTHING ON QUICKSILVER! LOSE SO I CAN GO TO GOTHAM AND MEET BATMAN!!"
"..."
I should've run when I had the chance before Harry picked me.