"Shit! Shit! Shit!" My fingers sporadically fly across the keyboard, filling in every blank, and killing every error.
I quickly scan over my progress, "Page 9 out of 25.. Shit…" my eyes darted over to the clock, "75 minutes till work.." its currently Sept. 10th 10:45 AM
I'm sure I can finalize the presentation in an hour. But there's still the 20 minute drive. I'd be really pushing it but I might be able to make it…
It's not like me to procrastinate, normally I'd have work like this done and checked twice over, It's just.. something kept me busy all last night..
Directly behind me, something monstrous stirs in the sheets of the Burgundy colored king-size bed.
"Mmm.. Dean.. come here and coddle me..," Said the beast sleeping in the sheets.
"Sigh.." I turn my head and see Grace, my wife. We've been seeing each other since Junior year in high school and she's been my partner in crime for over 20 years now.. Damn I'm old..
I ignore her and keep my focus on my monitor, typing away at my keys.
"Oh, four-eyes~ your hot wife's telling you to get on the bed and fuck her silly.."
There's a clear irritation in her tone, but it's not my problem so I keep working, 10 out of 25 pages now..
—SQUEAKKK
The bed creaks as Grace bounds from its surface, next thing I know, I feel a pair of soft slender arms wrapped around my neck, and.. something soft and firm pressed against my head..
Shit.. even after 20 years of being together, I still find Grace irresistible, but I can't stop working now. If I complete this presentation, I'll finally be promoted. So I have to give her the cold shoulder the best I can.
"Move. I'm working." I force out the most Emotionless retort I can think of, and continue clacking at my keys.
She rests her chin on my head, causing her Black luscious hair to brush lightly against my round thick rimmed glasses.
"Do it later, Mama. Needs. Attention." she demands
"Tch, to think you're 39.. When are you gonna act your age.. I've got a presentation today, so I gotta finish this then speed off to work."
"Eh?" she separated from me and peaked over my shoulder, confused.
"Y-you're working today?" she sounds shocked.
I'm not sure why she's so puzzled. I work every monday, I'm only off Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays
"Yea, Ms. Brown asked me personally to make a presentation to the chief operating officer, if this goes well, I could become a team leader.
"Hmm.. Ms. Brown.. that younger lady with the fat-ass?" she spouts
"Yes-N- No! NO!",I spin around in my cheap office chair and face her."
Ms. Brown is a relatively new manager we got after the previous one retired 6 months ago.
"Hmmm..so you'd rather spend the day with a younger woman then your high-school sweetheart.." she turned away from me and made slow small strides toward the dresser.
Currently, she is donning nothing but her pearly white panties, complimenting her Dark black hair that covers most of her back- Shit.
"You know it's not like that, you know i give one-hundred percent to my career, so if a chance to FINALLY climb higher after 10 years arises-"
As I speak she gets dressed in an enchanting form-fitting scarlet sequin dress, perfectly matching her eyes, while the light around the room seems to dance along her curves.
"Yea-yea, just call-out, we've got plans today," She says casually as she puts on her hot red heels.
..This woman.
"No, I'm going to finish my presentation, and go to work, I'll see you at 11:00 am tonight- actually maybe 12:05 am I might have some extra stuff i have to help with "
She prances over to me and rests her hand on my shoulder, "Come on, just take the occurrence, I wanted to surprise you.. But we're going to have dinner at the Gold-fish Buffet!"
" Grace. I already told you. No," I forcefully push off her hand, as I finish up a page.
"Gasp"
I turn my head, and she looks.. Bewildered, it's like she genuinely can't believe what I'm saying
"No way, are you serious?" she throws out her arms in disbelief, "It's.."
She seems to be hesitant to say something- no it's more she's using every fiber of her being to avoid screaming..
I speak up before she can find a rebuttal, "Listen Grace, right now, NOTHING is more important than finishing this presentation, if you really need someone to go to that restaurant with, go call Zayn, he's probably out of college today"
I don't look at her as I say this, I only watch her movements though my peripheral's, she clenches her teeth as her face reddens, you could probably burn yourself on it, but it's fine, when she realizes I'm just trying to keep food on the table, she'll cool o-
–Biiitzzz
A pit seeps into my stomach as I see my computer monitor completely shut off, what? All my work is..
I turned toward the wall, and saw Grace holding the computer cord, she walked around me toward the outlet, and unplugged the damn!-
"There, now let's go, our reservation starts at 1:00 pm, it's about an hour drive into the town over, so I'll drive~," She says in the same cheery light tone
She sauter's toward the door, all casual.
-Clamp
Suddenly she stops dead in her tracks- no without realizing I grabbed her by her wrist.
"Wha-" she freezes like a deer in headlights as she stares at my hand, finally, maybe now she will listen.
"Dammit Woman! It's always about what you want! Whenever I try to put my foot down on something, your first resort is to use force!"
Suddenly snapping back to her senses she snatched her wrist out my hand and retreated back toward the right side of the room.
"Woman?! Who the hell do you think you're talking to! I'm just trying to do something for you! You're always working, always busy, always tired! It's like you can't be bothered to do anything with me anymore!" she wailed at the top of her lungs!
"I KNOW what I can handle, I don't need you to worry about me, I genuinely enjoy working, and I'm just trying to keep you fed and Zayn in college!" I wailed so loud, I starting to feel light-headed
But she returns my yelling with even louder shouting.
"SO, NOW YOU ENJOY SLAVING AWAY ALL DAY MORE THAN BEING WITH YOUR WIFE HUH, 20 YEARS! AND YOU'VE DECIDED YOUR BORED OF ME IS THAT IT!" she hollered right in my face.
It pisses me off so much, I'm always the problem, don't you know how much I have on my plate? I want to say something, anything that will hurt her feelings.
"20 years.. and you never contributed anything more meaningful than sex." I push this out, even if it's not true. My pride wouldn't let me back down.
There's a silence, she stares at me, her lip trembling, her eyes starting to water- shit..
"Wait i-,"
"FUCK YOU!" a Shrill cry escaped out her throat, as fast as her legs could take her she fled the room, her heels hammering against the smooth wood floors. In seconds she's gone.
…Ok, I went too far, but it's fine. This happens all the time. She'll probably stay with her parents tonight, but I can fix things later. I know how to deal with situations like this by now..
I walk over toward the plug, my computer isn't anything fancy so it will take a-
"AAHHHH–!" Just then, a piercing scream ripped through me. Every other thought I had ceased, the wail eviscerated my innards leaving them in tatters, I can't move, as if I had been killed.
—CRASH!
The thunderous impact wakes me from my daze, without thinking my body runs out the door, while an unbearable feeling of dread poisoning my soul.
Inside the hallway, I take a sharp right, and two meters in front of me lay the stairs.
Time slows to a crawl, the two meters stretch two miles, With each step I gain a heavier dose of dread.
–Step
I'm overreacting, what could have possibly happened? I just saw her leave. Everything is fine
–Step.
My thoughts clear as I convince myself everything is alright, everything's ok, one meter from the stairs and I'll see everything's okay.
–Step
But even so the dread still eats away me, in the deepest bowels of my being, I feel sick, i want to throw up, I can't take-
–St-
I Stop, dead in my tracks, i don't need to fully reach the stairs, because when i get past the railing i see-
Tap Tap Tap, I diligently continue working, I need to finish the presentation before I leave for work! My boss is counting on me after all, I just need to handle the finishing touches, and it'll be ready… and done!
I check over my work, and find it's finally perfect, all 25 pages are ready to go, I look over and check the time.
4:00 pm, huh? Strange.. out of nowhere, more than three and a half hours flew by me. I'm more than 4 hours late, any chance of me presenting my presentation are over.
"Sigh," Oh well, no point in being sad, I ended up making a big fuss this morning for nothing.
I rise from my seat and stretch. It's not good to sit hunched over for 4 hours straight, so maybe I should lay down a bit. I turn and walk toward the bed.
—SSSSSssss
The sound of water beating on smooth fiberglass pelts against my ears, huh.. out of nowhere I've ended up in the shower. The warm calming liquid cascades down my person, easing my soul.
Across our room on the right side of the hallway on the second floor, there's a bathroom, Grace cleans it once a week. She's surprisingly tidy- maybe a little bit of a clean freak, it kind of surprised me at first when we had our first house, you never would have guessed with how crude she is.
On the rim of the tub sat 5 different bottles of toiletries, a bottle of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash for me on the right, 2 bottles of Grace's "special" shampoo and body wash sat on my left.
I've got to be presentable so I try to go all out. Grace just thinks getting an expensive brand will make sure your set, so she never gets the cheap option when she can…
I pick up her bottle of "Swan" and examine it. It's a pretty pink bottle with a smooth, sturdy texture, even the bottle feels expensive..
"Hmm.. maybe I'll smell like grace for a day," I grab my rag, sitting on the top of the shower rack hanging on the shower head, its sits alongside, soap bars there just for decoration, and multiple Loofah, Grace's a big fan of em, but I see no point.
I flick open the bottle, a satisfying pop escapes from it as I do, I then tilt it over and let a healthy amount pool onto my rag.
I slowly scrub myself, as I do the water melds with the soap, and the serene scent of white tea, bergamot, and amber wood drifts through my nostrils.
I slowly rub my being, starting from the face, moving to the arms, next the chest, legs, and finally the crotch, I repeat this sequence multiple times.
As I do, I'm reminded of Grace, the way she smelt when you held her close at night, a satisfying, palpable scent that made you never wanna let her go.
But the scent is incomplete, there's her hair too.
I pop open her other bottle of Swan shampoo and let it fill my hand, its creamy texture lathers my hand as I do, and with a quick swift motion, I let my hands surf across my short brown hair.
The all too familiar scent of orchid, honey, and smoked vanilla fill my nose too. The smell you'd get when you hug her and rest your chin lightly on her head…
She'd be pissed if she found out I used her toiletries, I'll have to apologize later.. later... later....
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I'm laying on my side of the bed, resting in the home we've only lived in for about five years.. and I'm already dressed, eh there is no point in worrying about it.
As I lie down, my eyes wander toward the clock again, 5 pm. It seems another hour passed me by, I wonder if Grace is coming home tonight.
I roll over to the right side of the bed, her side, ever since we started living together she's always slept on the right side, she said it because it's basically like being on the top.. Whatever that means..
Beside the bed, sits a small metal nightstand, a marble countertop sits at the top, paired with two metal drawers lined with gray flannel, it sits upon four metal feet ensuring the entire thing stays upright.
I have an identical desk sitting parallel to it on the opposite side of the bed. I remember how much of a hassle it was waiting for the moving company to deliver them to us, they were nearly a month late, Grace really "chewed" them out to put it nicely.
Atop the desk sits a small, intricately designed, purple lamp, an old cup of water from last night, and most important.. A picture.
I slowly reach out and grab the picture, I hold it gently as if handling a glass slipper.
In the portrait lies me, Grace, and our son Zayn back when he graduated highschool, Zayn is a tall boy- I mean man, with a solid build. He needs glasses like me but always insisted on wearing contacts, he has his mothers raven black hair, and scarlet eyes. He looks so.. Cool in his cap and gown.
Im however a mess.. I was crying and Grace did not miss the chance to capture the moment, I'm giving Zayn a tight one armed hug as I attempt to smile in the picture.
And then there's Grace.. She dons a jet black dress, matching Zayn's gown. She had gotten an enchanting perm, her hair curls and flows like a gentle river down her person.
…but what leaves me most stunned.. Is the smile.. It lies in contrast with the burning hate she left me with this morning, god.. will.. will I ever see that smile again?
O-of course I will! I'll just make her laugh, I'm sure.. I'll see it again.. then.
I gently place the picture back on the stand, and turn over onto the pillow relaxing my body.
..I wonder when she will come back, i look over at the clock again and see its 5:20
…
I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, I open the screen, and dial her number all almost in the same motion.
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiinng
Chink
The phone rings out and the automated system starts to play..
…Damn, nothing, she must still be pissed..
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiinng
Chink
Shit..
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiinng
Chink
FUCK!
I shoot upright and sit on the side of the bed, my head feels like it is being hammered with a mallet, it's so frustrating.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggg!
Suddenly my Cell starts vibrating in my hand and the screen lights up! Someone's calling!!
My hands glide to answer the call! I bring the phone to my face and spout everything on my mind!
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm Glad you're ok! I knew you were ok! I swear to god I'll make it up to you! I'll never let you go again, I'll never let you down again!-
I spout endlessly honeyed words. I must sound so stupid, but that doesnt matter, this relief.. This joy.. I've never felt such warmth in my entire life. I knew everything was ok. I KNEW IT!-
"Excuse me?"
My blood freezes as an unexpected but familiar voice sounds from the phone.
"Dean? What are you talking about?
Oh.. it's Ms. Brown.. Fuck.. FUCK!
the feeling of pure joy inverts, turning into an agonizing disappointment.
Dean?! What happened? Why haven't you been calling? You were supposed to present your presentation today!
"..Oh.. was I.."
I feel so empty, so lost.. I want to lay down, I don't even care what she has to say.
"Not to mention you haven't been answering your phone for over six hours!
"Oh.." now that she mentioned it, it's around six now, i must have been trying to call Grace for over 30 minutes straight..
"What's the matter with you? Is something wrong?
Those last words strike a chord with me, that empty, lost feeling is suddenly turning into anger..
"What.. What do you mean something is wrong? NOTHING is wrong.. Everything is fine.. EVERYTHING is going to be ok-
No, something is wrong.. HER! If it wasn't for her Grace and I wouldn't have fought! If it was for her, if it wasn't for her Grace wouldn't be gone!
"D-dean what do you-"
"SHUT UP YOU BITCH I'M SICK OF YOUR ANNOYING GRATING VOICE! JUST SHUT. THE. FUCK UP!!!
I wail into the phone and spout endless curses. My vision goes red. I feel like smashing something.
"Wh-" I hang up the phone before she can spout some bullshit.
Why would she ask if something's wrong? Nothing wrong NOTHING-
I've calmed down, I don't know what time it is, but after a little while I calmed down. Grace just needed space, so I will give her the space she needs, then after that, she'll come around.
Currently I'm in a moderately sized room known as Grace's office, her photography studio.
Grace is a photographer, she in her own words, captures memories on her camera, ever since high school this has been her passion.
Pictures are sprawled across the room, majestic landscapes from just our home town, if you asked me I'd call our town sort of a dump, Grace however always captured a picture that proved otherwise.
In the center of the room was a little studio with a background light and blue screen, mostly for portrait photos, the neighbors would sometimes need to take a special photo and Grace would get so cheerful everytime they gave us a call, these days though grace sadly doesn't get a lot of work, so she just spends her time here alone at the house while I'm gone.
To the left wall lies Grace's desk, resting on top was her laptop, a plant and most importantly her Album.
I walk lightly toward the desk, my feet softly causing the floor to squeak, as I reach the desk I pick up the treasure trove of memories.
As I flip open the first page I find a picture that fills me with nothing but warmth.
October, 9th 20XX
A picture of me and Grace, back in high school, captures the first time we technically first met.
I accidentally photobombed her picture with her friend, after she saw me in it she said she wanted me in the picture too, she said i "added diversity" whatever that meant. So I agreed not to be too concerned about some random person having a picture with me in it. After that we went our separate ways, we didn't meet again until we were in science class in the second semester.
There wasn't anything particularly special about this meeting, I just find it funny how casual the first time I met the love of my life was..
I flip through more snapshots of our life.
February 2nd 20XX
The Valley project, we managed to get an A when working together on an annoying project. Grace hated it so much but she pulled her weight.
I skip through high school and move on-
My hands stop when I reach a certain page.
May 3th 20XX
It's a group picture of me and Grace with her family, as she admits that I got her pregnant right before graduation. She said it right before she took the picture so the contents are a chaotic scramble involving screaming, crying and me getting choked out by Grace's dad.
We were so, so scared back then, but with us both giving it our all and the support of Grace's parents and my mom, it all worked out in the end.
Not to long after this, is one of my most cherished memories,
September 10th 20XX, Our wedding, some will say we married way too early. I say we knew there was no other outcome in life, so may as well as get it out the way right?
Regardless obviously, it's one of my most precious memories in the whole world, I stare at the picture, with Grace-
A poison seeps through my being again, as cog wheels turn in my head.
Wait? September..? Fuck.. FUCK!!
I rip my phone from my pocket, my fingers pound against the number pad desperate to call my beloved.
I hear it ring..
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiiiinng
Riiiiiinng
Chink
I hear the automated system play out again! NO please.. please...
"Grace! I Forgot! I'm sorry, so please, please answer the phone! Please!! I won't take you for granted ever again!!!
I sent the voicemail and called again.
But there was no answer.
"I'll treat you better! I swear! I'll make you happy! I swear!! So just come back!"
But she will no answer.
"Grace! I'll be- no I'll do anything.. I just need one more chance!! ONE MORE TIME!"
But there will never be an answer.
Grrrg.. AHGAHHHHH!!
I dash out the room, into the hall my vision goes red with anger.. I'll even end up smashing something agai-
But when i get into the hall i see _____ At The bottom of- of OF
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!AHHHHHH!"
"GRACE!! GRAAAAAACCEE!! SO- *cough*"
My throat gives out as I screech into the phone. Something is wrong, nothing is ok.
It has possibly been days, weeks, or hours since I discovered the intruder in Our home. And Grace still won't call me. Why.. why won't she..
You know why.
"Hic.." "Hicc.." I try to cry, but my tears have all but dried up."
"Grace.. There was.. So much blood.. I saw.. I saw.."
"I need someone to save me.. Please come home..
You will not be saved.
Why is this happening.. How did this start.. How do I fix this.. There is no goal to my plight. There is no path I can take. What.. What should I do..
The answer to this question all stems from one truth.
The voice.. That's right.. In this crime. There is one thing that is true.
I am the villain, I'm the one who pushed her out.
And the villain must be defeated.
A calmness washed over my heart. For the first time today.. I feel. At peace.
I walk through the bedroom, the entire room has been completely ripped apart. The computer smashed to a myriad of pieces. Barely recognizable. The bed, sheets and spread, torn to shreds. Metal stands bent and battered.. I can not tell you what happened.
But it's irrelevant. I don't need any of those things anymore.
I walked to the window, it was behind where the bed used to be.
The frail glass opening casts no light, after all it is the middle of the night, the moon shows its full glory no doubt ready to illuminate my exit.
I look outside, the ground and my current position is separated by about 15 feet. A similar height between the stairs. And the first floor.
As I stare at my faint reflection in the glass, I say goodbye to the broken man staring back.
This is not suicide, it is justice for a killer, that is all.
I raise my left hand gently toward the window and place it on the glass, ready to open it when-
Shine
The faint glow of a ring, illuminated by the moonlight, shimmers on my ring finger.
"Huh?"
Now that I think about it this reminds me of something.. Something that happened 20 years ago.
I'm alone in my room. For the first time today, everything was so hectic, coordinating with the planner, helping the florist and decorators set up. Firing and hiring a new DJ all within the same day, the last one just played a bunch of rap music.. (But Grace would have probably enjoyed it..)
And all while avoiding Grace. There's no wonder I'm shaking like a leaf.
But.. the past events aren't what's got me nervous.. It's the future.
I sit in front of the window, staring into the dreary sky. A thick fog blocks my view of the outside world.
Only a few months ago, our son was born. I can't describe how stressful it is to learn to completely care for another living being. When you don't even know how to take care of yourself.
I'm still jobless, frankly in high school I never found my dream. Even if I did. I probably would've just started whatever it is. Currently I'm just a jobless bum mooching off my mother.
I.. don't know what to do. As I stare into the bleak sky. I see no sign. No guide for me to take. How do I know.. If I make a mistake?
What kind of person do I need to be?
Creeaak—
As I stare into the window, I hear the sharp crack of the door, along with the gentle tapping of heels.
It must be mom coming to check on me. She's been running all over the place. I really should be helping her more..
As she walks up I continue to stare out the window, "Sorry do you need something?"
As I turn I feel a hand lightly grab the back of my head, stopping me from turning "Nuh uh. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."
"?!.. Grace?"
I hear the voice of the bride to be behind me, stopping me from looking at her. I haven't seen her since yesterday evening, and was expecting to only see her as I walked the aisle.
"Tch.. Grace.. How'd you end up over here.. And we worked so hard to avoid each other," I say with a fake annoyed voice, in truth, I'm exhilarated to see her again.
"Whatcha mean.. You still haven't actually seen me, so it doesn't count," a cocky tone laces her voice as she explains her loophole.
"Sigh.. I guess I can't argue with that.. heh."
A small fit of laughter erupts from me, in response, Grace joins in. After a little while we calmed down.
"Ahh.. so what did you need?" I ask.
"Oh.. I figured you'd be shaking in your boots, once you realized what you were actually getting yourself into," She traces circles with her hands around my shoulder. Slow and meticulously, "Most people don't get married this early.. you might find you regret it."
Her voice suddenly takes a pained serious turn.
"Hm? What do you mean?" I ask genuinely.
She firmly gripes my shoulders as I continue to stare out the windows.
"Even now, I still don't get it. How you put up with me… Frankly.. How you were willing to take care of a child with me.. how you agreed to marry me.
Her breath hitches as she talks, but I let her continue.
"Was it the pressure? Was it out of a sense of responsibility? Did you feel you were too in deep to back out.. I have to know. What do you see in me?"
I think for a minute of what exactly to say, Grace came to me because she was worried for our future too, so I will give her a clear honest answer.
"I don't really know." I can't really think of a single way to describe my love.
"Is.. that all?" She asked almost in disbelief?
"I just love you, more than anything in the world, it's not something you can just explain." As I stare into the window a smile creeps onto my face.
"J-JEEZ! I pour my heart out and that's all you have to say?" Grace shoves me slightly, she tries to sound annoyed but can't hide the pure joy permeating her voice
"What can I say.. I'm just a lovesick fool. I've been willing to move heaven and earth for a single girl since I met her."
".... You know what.. You better Pucker up," I hear her spin on a dime, her elegant dress shuffles as she walks away, "Because I'm gonna suck the soul out of you on that altar..," and Grace declares her revenge plan.
Suddenly I thought of a really funny line.
"Save it for the honey-moon.."
I still gaze out the window, not once looking at her.
"...Pff.. Ahahaha!! *Snort*" I hear a belly aching laughter sound from Grace as the door slams shut.
And with that, Grace withdraws.
Seems she's all good now.. I'm glad she cheered up a bit. And I feel better too.
I stare out the window once more, the fog has not parted, there is no clear path for me to take, because that path is for ME to make.
Even if I have no idea what to do, where to start. I'll do it anyway. Can't let Grace down after all.
I rise from my chair, and make my way toward the door, I grab the handle and twist it, prepared to face my new life with a smile.
After all, no matter where I go, I'll never be alone.
Finally, I'm back from the flooding memories, my hand still on the window as I stare at my ring.
My heart, body and soul have finally reached peace..
I can't selfishly run from my responsibility.. I know I must face it now.
I have to push on, I will always have Grace after all.
I retract my hand from the window and leave the tattered room.
As I walk I must steel myself, I still can't help but fear what I might see, but I won't look away, not anymore.
I approach the stairs and see.. Her, the woman I swore to my life to.
Grace.
The sight is vile, Cruel! I can't.. I can't bear to look.
But.. I won't deny it anymore.
At the corner of my eye, I.. See her sprawled at the bottom of the steps. Her neck twisted in a grotesque shape. Blood pooled around her. Unbearable.. Is life truly so fragile?
But I can't deny the truth in front of me. Grace has left me, I knew the moment I first saw her, she was gone.
Finding out why it happened is the only reason I gained my sanity. In a way it's the same reason we met.
I pull my phone from my pocket, with it only having a sliver of battery left I call 911 and explain the situation. Honestly it will look pretty bad with me just having left her this entire time, and having destroyed the house, but that doesnt matter.
This is an accident, one that can't be fixed, but it doesn't mean it can't be remedied.
I find myself in an impossible to comprehend situation, but once again I will prevail. I have to, it's for my wife after all. Because even if she is gone...
That won't change.
Grace:
The Swan's Withdrawal