Early next morning.
One of Huang Mao's lackeys came running over, panic in his voice.
"Boss, someone's here to see you!"
"Who? Are they stupid? Who the hell knocks this early in the morning?!"
Huang Mao rubbed his bleary eyes. Clearly, he hadn't fully woken up yet.
"She said she's the director of... the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Should I let her in?"
The lackey sounded nervous, afraid of triggering his boss's temper.
"Funeral what? Bullshit. Let's see who dares show up."
Half-dressed and wholly pissed off, Huang Mao stormed toward the gate, dragging a posse of half-awake thugs behind him. He hadn't been in Liyue long, but figured this had to be someone coming to stir up trouble.
Bothering him in the morning? That's a capital offense.
He shoved the front doors open, swearing—
And promptly stumbled back several steps, face gone pale.
Right outside the gate were dozens of pitch-black coffins. Perfectly arranged. Perfectly silent.
Early morning. Barely awake. You step outside—and it's coffins.
And considering Huang Mao had done more than a few morally bankrupt things lately… he instantly passed out.
"Hi there!" a cheerful voice rang out. "I'm Hu Tao, 77th Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Who's the lucky one we're sending off today?"
She looked around with wide, curious eyes—like a kid at a candy store. Except instead of candy, it was traumatized criminals.
Every guy her gaze landed on started sweating bullets, afraid she might just... stuff them into one of those boxes.
"Xu Zheng, who's the delivery for today?" she asked with a playful grin.
Xu Zheng stepped forward, clapping his hands and shaking his head with regret. "Sister Hu Tao, it's that guy with the yellow hair. Such a pity... he was so young."
"Oh, that one?" she glanced over for confirmation.
Wangsheng's motto was simple: Deliver the dead with dignity. Service with a smile—even if you weren't dead yet.
"Cough—cough—I'm not dead!!"
Huang Mao groaned awake, helped up by two shaky lackeys. His eyes landed on Xu Zheng.
He almost fainted again.
Delivering coffins at sunrise?! What kind of unholy demon child is this?!
"Still breathing?" Hu Tao tilted her head and circled him thoughtfully.
"Wangsheng charges the living, buries the dead. Since you're not quite dead yet, maybe you'd like to schedule your service in advance? We take pre-orders now!"
She added with a wink, "Oh, and don't worry—little Xu Zheng already paid for your funeral. But slots are filling fast. If you don't die today, you'll need to make a reservation later."
"COUGH COUGH—" Huang Mao doubled over again, practically frothing at the mouth.
Who the hell makes appointments to die?! That's not how this works!
Ganyu stood behind Xu Zheng, trying her best not to laugh. She failed.
Meanwhile, Xu Zheng casually clapped his hands again.
"Next."
From the rear of the group stepped out Yanfei, calm and professional as always.
"This is Liyue's top legal consultant," Xu Zheng introduced her like a car salesman. "If you'd like to write a will, now's your chance."
Yanfei stepped forward, serious as ever. "Sir, it's legally advisable to draft a will before any sudden, unexpected… endings. It'll help avoid future disputes among your descendants."
Xu Zheng coughed lightly. "What if… he has no descendants?"
The crowd burst into laughter. It was savage. Downright cruel. But no one could deny the comedic timing.
Yanfei blinked. "Ah. Apologies—I didn't know you were dying alone."
Huang Mao's eyes rolled back, and he fainted again.
"Still not dead?" Xu Zheng sighed. "Tough little bastard."
All of Huang Mao's thugs turned to look.
Xu Zheng gave them a bright, innocent smile. "What? If you're feeling left out, we can add a group discount. Hu Tao gives great rates for bulk orders."
That adorable grin chilled them to the bone.
"W-we're good! Just doing minimum wage labor! I-I gotta go!"
One of them bailed on the spot. Didn't even look back. His boss could rot—he wasn't dying for 300 Mora a day.
And once the first ran, the rest followed.
Within seconds, Huang Mao was left with just two shaking lackeys.
Xu Zheng blinked. "Huh? Why are you two still here?"
The last two looked miserable. "We broke his antique vase. We owe a lot of money… we can't leave."
Xu Zheng turned to Yanfei. "Take these two to anti-fraud re-education. Huang Mao's clearly been scamming his own guys."
The onlookers laughed and whispered. Best morning entertainment they'd had in a while.
Honestly, they were a little disappointed. They'd expected a fight. Some resistance. Something juicy.
But nope. Huang Mao got absolutely steamrolled by a toddler and a smiling undertaker.
"Damn. We can't send him off," Xu Zheng sighed. "Let's move on to the next target. We're definitely sending someone today."
The group—coffins and all—turned and marched off toward the home of one very fat merchant: Childe's favorite money-laundering pig, Chervyovich.
Meanwhile, in the Jade Chamber…
Ningguang's private office. A mysterious woman stood silently by her desk.
"Yelan," Ningguang spoke softly, "word is a large number of Snezhnayan agents have slipped into Liyue."
"I know. But… they're not actually from Snezhnaya."
"Oh?" Ningguang smiled. "Then find out who sent them. I want names."
Later at Wanmin Restaurant.
Xu Zheng, Ganyu, Yanfei, Xiangling, Eula, and Hu Tao sat around a table.
Their plan had worked. The idiots from yesterday? Just pawns of a bigger fish. And this morning's scare session? A little stress relief.
Why was Hu Tao here?
Well, yesterday she'd come to market funeral services at the restaurant.
Xu Zheng loved it.
The two hit it off instantly—like long-lost marketing bros.
Xu Zheng even taught her about e-commerce tactics from Earth. Flash sales, coupons, "Buy 3, get 1 free."
Hu Tao was thrilled. She vowed to completely reform Wangsheng Parlor's sales strategy.
"That yellow-haired dude was hilarious," Xiangling giggled. "He really passed out."
"Shame we didn't get Chervyovich," Eula said, more animated than usual. "That bastard jumped the wall and ran."
"It's fine," Xu Zheng replied, eyes narrowing. "We'll settle the score."
"???"
Eula stared. That was her line.