Sirius took a whole day to awake, he was too tired, he had lost too much blood, he had to rest.
When he stood up, his left arm and leg were hurting, he had been pierced by an arrow after all.
The chaotic and horrific spectacle of yesterday was still on Sirius's mind, he was close to vomiting, he had killed, his hands were filled with blood.
He looked at where he was. It seemed he was in Marn's wagon, at the front of the convoy—or rather, what remained of the convoy.
Caelan was talking with Marn in front of the wagon, Aurelia was sleeping close to him, Sirius blushed at this sight.
Saelira was defending the merchants again with a peak stage of the Self Vision realm. It seemed that only seventeen people remained.
Caelan, hearing a sound, turned back and saw Sirius, he smiled happily.
"Sirius! You're awake! Do you feel good?"
"I'm half good. Physically, my leg and my arm hurt, but it's nothing. But... I think I'll need time. The scene of yesterday, the fact that I killed people... It's too heavy for me."
Caelan nodded.
"You're still young, that's normal. Aurelia and I have seen that kind of scene several times in our lives, that's why we have a better resistance. But it's still horrific, so I can imagine what you feel."
"Caelan... My goal was to save others, yet I killed... I killed six people... I took lives..."
Caelan jumped into the wagon where Sirius was and hugged him.
"Sirius, you know, you killed cruel people to save good ones. Without you, I'd be dead, my dear sister would be dead too, and the eight other merchants—you saved us, Sirius.
Sometimes, you'll need to kill others to save. The world is not kind, Sirius. Death is everywhere. That's not your fault, not at all."
Sirius was still in doubt, but Caelan's words made sense. He had saved people too...
He had to think about that, yet he still thought of himself as an infamous murderer.
Caelan smiled.
"You need time, don't you? Fine. Just take as much time as you need."
Caelan looked at Aurelia and remembered something. He then added:
"Oh, you have to know that Aurelia was so worried about you that she monitored your condition all night long. You'll have to thank her later."
Sirius blushed. He was still very worried about the fact that he had killed, but he calmed himself while looking at Aurelia. She was so beautiful but… Sirius was not in love. He didn't know what true love was, yet he truly knew that he didn't love her.
It was more like a brother-sister love. He wanted to give her everything he could so that she'd be happy, but he didn't want to be the one who would be with her.
It was... a complicated emotion.
He was only sure about one thing—he didn't want her to be harmed, not at all. Even if he had to kill, something he deeply despised. Killing someone was... something ominous. Yet, if he had to protect his friends, he was sure he would be able to do it.
So, he somehow found his answer. He hated the fact that he had killed, or that he might kill in the future, yet if he had to protect his friends, family, or loved ones, he would be able to do it.
What he was unsure of was about mundane people—would he be able to kill to save strangers? He had no idea, and he hoped he'd never have to make that choice.
And so, the journey toward Sephoria City continued. Sirius was talking with Aurelia, Caelan, Saelira, and Marn, who seemed to accept him even more—because he had survived.
The convoy had a bad mood, but it was normal. After all, only one-third of the convoy had survived.
Every person except Saelira who believed in fate didn't come close to him at all, as if he were the one who had caused the bandit attack, and the reason for all those deaths.
For Saelira, even if she believed in fate, seeing how Sirius tried his best to protect everyone made her no longer think that he was an apostle of death.
It had already been one week since Sirius joined the convoy. The horror of the battle was slowly fading. Sirius was slowly accepting how cruel the world was, and how a martial artist couldn't live without killing.
After talking with Marn, he understood that—the stronger one is, the less he has to kill, because fewer are the fools who dare to act against him.
One more time, Sirius understood that, only when he will be strong enough he will be able to realize his dream, he will be able to save others.
Sirius also learned the real reason behind the attack—it was because of Caelan and Aurelia. Because of their prestige.
Their family, the Virelys family, was one of the most influential in the Ash realm—third, in fact. Only two families were above them.
That's why, since their birth, many people had tried to kill them. Their family bought guards, but their current mission was a secret one—they couldn't have Echo of Resolve guards, not to mention Crimson Step ones. So they had hired Marn to protect them.
And it seemed someone had hired the Wolf Gang to kill them.
Caelan told him that, because they were nobles, a lot of people wanted to kill them for money—or simply because they hated the rich. People only needed small reasons to kill, as if life were worthless.
Sirius didn't understand why others treated life like nothing. It seemed he was still far from understanding humans.
Aurelia also gave him her family's crest. She said that, if he showed the crest anywhere in the Ash realm, he would gain absolute privilege, or get as much money as he wanted.
Sirius didn't want to use it, because he wanted to earn his money by himself—but he would keep it preciously, in case he ever desperately needed it.
Caelan and Aurelia also gave him the location of their family's base. If one day he wanted to see them again, he would just have to go there. The crest was needed to enter—it was another reason to keep it.
Sirius, Aurelia, and Caelan continued their discussion. Talking with them made Sirius forget about the horrific scene. They talked about their lives, about their goals, and about their global knowledge of the world.
And so, time passed.