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The Celestial Roulette by The Dark Wolf Shiro

Books » Worm Rated: M, English, Humor & Fantasy, Panacea, Words: 122k+, Favs: 3k+, Follows: 3k+, Published: May 23, 2024 Updated: Oct 11, 2024

1,732Chapter 8: Villany

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters and works; all other characters and worlds belong to their respective owners. I'm just playing with them.

Betad by Priapus, Marethyu, Beans, Mike God of Lore

The Celestial Roulette

Chapter 08: Villainy

– Lisa Wilbourn (Tattletale) –

No, she couldn't risk Coil getting his slimy hands on Sugar Rush. Sugar was a power multiplier, one that could accelerate Coil's plans considerably and she couldn't risk him winning. If he did, her chance at freedom was gone, and she'd spend the rest of her life as Coil's pet Thinker.

Watching Sugar Rush chat with the local Protectorate heroes, she frowned slightly. She was sure Coil had plants and leaks inside the PRT, so they couldn't be trusted for the battle she was about to ignite. So, how to go about this?

Sugar Rush was a sexually frustrated hero, and she was an attractive damsel in distress. She could play to both his libido (providing an outlet that wasn't his horny sister) while also using his desire to be a hero to point him at a villain that so many people ignored. She wasn't exactly eager to sleep with him, her power providing TMI for her to truly have any sexual desires of her own, but removing herself from Sugar Rush's side would be far easier than escaping Coil once he got his claws into them both.

Still, she'd only have one shot at this. If she failed, she'd make things far worse for both of them. Making a plan, she went around the event, making sure to position herself in places where Sugar Rush would spot her. Hidden in her pocket, a hastily scribbled note was waiting for the right time to slip it to her potential saviour.

Worst case, she could drag Panacea into this mess, and having the world's best healer be threatened by Coil would cause the hammer to come down on him. She'd noticed he tried to avoid dealing with New Wave for that exact reason; all she had to do was play to Panacea's love for her brother.

– Felix Dallon (Sugar Rush) –

Feat Achieved: Draw Tattletale's Attention (50cp added, 50cp total)

100cp granted, 150cp total.

[The Laws are Mine] - 600cp

The laws of such trivial things as physics, biology, chemistry, and really any sort of recognized science are mere guidelines to you. You can break an established rule of a scientific nature so long as it supports your goals and abilities. Anything from the conservation of energy to the conservation of matter to the second law of thermodynamics in that entropy increases over time. Just... still... try not dividing by zero. I can't trust what will happen.

The bullshit in front of me almost has me locking it immediately, but after a moment, I let it pass and don't reroll. For the first time, I'm actually going to save up my points because I don't want to get a new power with so many people watching.

Tattletale? The name rings a bell, something about a new group of very minor teenage thieves. My eyes glance over the event. There are too many people here for me to be able to work out who she is, too many people paying attention to me for any one person to stand out.

Today has been very successful so far. The event got far more attention than I expected, admittedly, but it turns out that offering free food in a place with so many people below the poverty line is enough to get some serious attention from the public.

Sure, beating up a villain is great, but unless that villain is attacking you? It's a more abstract thing. Hunger? That's something so many people understand, and watching me make food out of nothing has gotten me plenty of praise and attention.

I've noticed some people seem ashamed to want the Cleansing Croissants, but I've made it clear I'm not here to ask questions about just what they want cleansing. It won't cure cancer, but STDs? That it can clear up, and those nasty addictions that are so prevalent? Those I can deal with.

Amy is a godsend because she can simulate those things in me, allowing me to test my own creations without needing to actually be an addict or have some nasty disease. I think she took a little too much pleasure in playing doctor with my body, giving me all kinds of unpleasant things she could clear up just as fast. Maybe it's just an amusing change of pace for someone who's normally healing those exact things.

Yes, she gave me seven different kinds of cancer to test if it could fix the more serious diseases. She seemed far too amused about it. In other news, I'm terrified of what I've created.

Amy is a menace, and I've never considered just how dangerous she could be if she felt like it. Now she's incredibly strong, fast and can give you terminal cancer to go with your ass-kicking.

She 'joked' about kicking Lung in the face and leaving him with every terminal disease to see if any of them could take the fucker down. I don't think she was actually joking; I could see her considering if he'd actually escalate from something like lung cancer.

My musings on how terrifying my sister can be are interrupted by the sound of roaring engines, making me blink as the very ground rumbles.

Turning to the source of the noise, I freeze as I watch the source rapidly approaching, a single thought leaving my head.

You've got to be fucking kidding me?

Around two dozen cars drive over the fence of the park, each looking like something out of Mad Max, covered in armoured plates and spikes as an uncomfortably skinny man shouts something at us as he pops out of what I believe is a fucking armoured truck.

Naturally, I can't hear a word he's saying over the roar of over a dozen engines, but I don't need to be able to hear him to be able to recognise this particular idiot.

The cars line up, revving their engines as Skidmark gives us a filthy smile, rotting, stained teeth grinning down at us.

"You got that, you shit-cake?!" Skidmark asks, staring right at me.

…got what? We couldn't hear a word he was shouting. Did he start his monologue three streets over?

The heroes look equally confused, but they move quickly into action, rescuing the civilians and forming their own line in preparation for fighting the Merchants. Vicky grabs Amy and flies her away from the danger immediately, Eric shielding their retreat. The usual operating procedure for New Wave when Amy is caught up in something.

"You dumb or something, Cakeboy?" Skidmark shouts, waving a gun wildly as he points at me. "You think you can cut into my business with your stupid fucking cakes, and I would just lay down and take you fucking my business up the ass?"

Ah, the Cleansing Cakes. I honestly didn't consider that he'd be smart enough to realise the threat.

"Don't worry, Urinal Cake, you're coming with us. Gonna get you to make my drugs with your bullshit food powers; you might even get your candy-cane dick wet if you do a good enough job," Skidmark continues, making me blink. Could I make drugs?

Well, if I tried them first, then… yeah? I don't see why not.

"Skidmark, you do see the dozen heroes staring you down, don't you?" Miss Militia asks, sounding more tired than worried as half the Protectorate and the entire Ward team stare at the cars. "I suggest you reconsider this."

"I didn't ask your opinion, Barracks Bunny. Don't open your mouth unless you want me to put it to better use," Skidmark crudely laughs, but Miss Militia just sighs. She's clearly dealt with him before. "Nah, you spandex-wearing cucks are gonna fuck right off and leave me to deal with my new supplier."

His confidence in his words makes everyone blink, wondering in what world he thinks people will go along with that.

"And why would we do that?" Brandish asks, weapons already in her hands.

"Because of this, get to work, boys!" Skidmark cheers, grinning widely. I can see how dilated his eyes are from here, obviously high as a kite, as all the other cars start moving. Not towards us, but in every direction at once. "See, Squeals gave these cars a little extra kick, and if you don't back the fuck off, they're all gonna go boom."

…you have to be fucking kidding me.

"You expect me to believe that your men are going to turn themselves into suicide bombers?" I ask, getting his attention.

"Please, I didn't tell those deadbeat junkies shit. None of them could pay for their kick, so I told them I'd give them a pile of free shit if they drove some cars around," Skidmark scoffs, a cold dread filling the park.

Skidmark gets insulted as the dumbest of the gang leaders; the Merchants are barely worthy of the title of a gang… but he's unpredictable. Turning junkies into unknowing suicide bombers kind of unpredictable, smirking proudly at his 'genius', uncaring of the anger he's faced with.

Maybe he's bluffing, but he's just dumb enough that maybe he isn't. Either way, two dozen armoured cars are raging around the city, driven by junkies and maybe rigged to blow.

"If the others leave, you won't detonate them?" I ask, getting the heroes to look my way.

"Yeah, just me and you, Sugar-Shit. Man to man," Skidmark gloats, as if he's not in an armoured truck with a fucking turret on top. "Don't worry; I save the good shit for my capes; once I kick your ass and take you back, you'll be thanking me with some of my stash in your veins and a hot piece of ass bouncing on your cock."

"Miss Militia, I can handle Skidmark," I say quietly, getting her attention. "We can't risk him telling the truth, and frankly, I don't trust that the cars won't blow up even if he isn't."

She snorts slightly at that, giving me a serious look.

"Are you sure?" Miss Militia asks, sharing a look with Brandish.

"I am," I say confidently, making her nod. "Skidmark will taste sweet justice this day."

She blinks at my sudden change in tone, and I swear I catch her laughing before she focuses.

"Everyone, we need to track down those cars. Skidmark might just be high enough to be telling the truth," Miss Militia decides, giving me a concerned look before she nods. "Just buy us time; Squealer's trucks are very hard to take down."

– Max Anders (Kaiser) –

Attending the charity event as his civilian identity had seemed like a good idea to get a good look at the new cape, one that he was very interested in. After all, who would be dumb enough to attack with so many heroes grouped up?

As the CEO of Medhall, his interest in healing food was obvious and had nothing to do with wanting the trump food for his gang. It was an edible version of Othala, one that could be spread throughout the entire gang and didn't need Othala to be there in person.

Clutching his side, he made a mental note to skewer Skidmark later, having been clipped by one of the wildly swerving cars. Had Victor not pushed him out of the way, he might have died to a junkie who thought the grass was a good place to drive.

That wasn't even mentioning Skidmark's claims that the cars were bombs, now running rampant in the city. He gave Victor a look, getting a nod. The Empire was deploying, first to stop any car that went into their territory and then to teach the Merchants a lesson only some of them would live to regret.

Fucking drug-addled maniacs.

– Adam Mustain (Skidmark) –

Yeah, he was a fucking genius.

Watching the heroes spread out and leave the park, he grinned as he took a drink from his bottle and tossed it away as he slipped back into his armoured beast. Obviously, Squeals didn't have time to turn all those cars into bombs, fucking idiots…. and he wouldn't blow up his own men, even the deadbeat ones. He didn't want to go to the fucking Birdcage.

She only turned three of them into bombs, but that was why he sent a couple dozen bluffs. The actual bombs weren't driven by his men, just some suckers he'd grabbed (along with their families); three bombs weren't enough to get Birdcaged even if he got caught (which he wasn't going to, obviously)

Revving, he looked at the dumbass wearing an apron with a grin. He'd just clip the fucker a couple of times, throw him in the back and be gone before the heroes could pull their heads out of their asses; yeah, that'd do it.

Slamming down the acceleration, his smile faded into a frown as his truck refused to move, revving in place as the engine roared, but the wheels didn't do what he was telling them to. Did his dumb bitch put some weird lever he had to pull to get this scrap moving?

Fucking Tinkers were always making shit more complicated than it needed to be.

Pulling random levers and pressing every button on the dashboard, he punched the steering wheel as he leaned out of the window and looked down. Immediately, he knew what the problem was because his wheels were sinking into a fucking pool of… toffee?

Leaning down, he wiped some off his wheel and licked it clean, his eyes widening at both the delicious taste and the fact that his mouth was so sticky he couldn't open it again; it felt like he'd drunk superglue, teeth stuck together as he glared at the cuntstain who tricked him.

That was it; he'd show this cockmuncher not to try and trick him as he opened the door. He didn't need a truck to deal with this cake cunt, stepping out as he raised his gun, landing in the pool of sticky shit.

Trying to move, his eyes widened as his feet refused to move from the floor, the movement making him fall forward and land face-first in the trap. That sneaky cocksleeve, he was gonna let the boys have a turn with this bastard for this once he got free and taught this cunt a lesson.

– Felix Dallon (Sugar Rush) –

…watching Skidmark struggling in my Super-Sticky Toffee, I scratch my chin through my mask. He's just making things worse for himself, coated in the stuff and unable to stand.

I'm mildly worried he's going to choke, dismissing the toffee around his face, which gets me a long and imaginative series of slurs.

…like, I've won, right? His gun is so caked in caramel that it couldn't fire even if he remembered he had it. He's making his fields to try and launch himself out of it, but he just causes himself to jump up slightly before faceplanting right back into the puddle.

Feat Achieved: Skidmark Defeated (100cp granted, 250cp total)

…that's it?

Did he forget his truck had a turret mounted on the top? I get that it's Skidmark, but really?

[Claw Shield] 200cp

A golden gauntlet strong enough to be used as a shield, capable of blocking magically sharp swords and deflecting energy blasts, with sharp claws at the end of the fingers. It also includes a short sword scabbard inside, and the knuckles of the claw can be shot as grappling hooks, each with a several dozen feet of thin but very strong line. The gauntlet is also polished enough that one can use it as a mirror.

It's useful, but after a moment of thought (while I kick Skidmark for fun), I reroll. It's not bad, but it's not great either.

[Castle Jumper] - 200cp (50cp remaining)

What is the point of living if you don't do it in style? Certainly, you know the importance of aesthetics even in the face of practicality... but that does not mean that something can't be both stylish and practical. You are the proud owner of a large European castle. It's practically straight out of a storybook, having stone walls and great towers - hell, the thing even has a moat. However, despite its ancient appearance, it is fully updated to the modern times. Possessing everything from standard amenities such as running water and electricity to a state-of-the-art security system and laboratories. The way you live should make a statement, a fact that you seem to understand very well.

A fucking castle? I feel the change in my pocket dimension, the Heart Shaped Herbs now in the castle's large sprawling gardens.

Skidmark, I could kiss you if I wouldn't need Amy or a CroissantCrossiant to detox me and cure me of the seventeen STDs I'd catch just from being that close to you.

Securing Skidmark in a gingerbread cage, I patiently wait for the others to return. I do admire Skidmark's escape attempt (eating the cage), but experimenting with imbuingembuing my creations with mana has made those bars as hard as steel. They just taste better for anyone who could actually bite into them.

"Is it over?" a soft voice asks, making me turn to where a blonde girl had been hiding in some bushes, wide green eyes glancing at the captured gang leader.

"He's only a danger to our noses and ears, now," I promise, making her giggle as she looks at the truck covered in sticky syrup and the cape locked in a gingerbread cage.

I saw her earlier, and my finely honed bullshit senses go off. She didn't take the opportunity to flee with everyone else?

– Lisa Wilbourn (Tattletale) –

Sugar Rush stiffened, his posture changing slightly as he went from seeing her as a victim to a potential threat. Ah, damnit, she was too calm, and it had made him suspicious.

She wished the fight against Skidmark ('fight' being a generous description) had lasted longer because she was hoping to see more and get a better idea of Sugar's capabilities, but Skidmark was continually disappointing. He was also dumb enough for her not to have considered that he'd try something like this; it was hard for a genius to predict stupidity.

Still, Sugar was distracted by something for just a moment at the end. Shock and delight were clear in his posture before she came out of hiding.

"Were you harmed?" Sugar asked, his suspicions well hidden as she smiled softly.

"No, I ducked into the bushes when they started driving. Even the merchants were smart enough to at least try to avoid driving into things," Lisa explained, giving him a soft smile. "You did well, shame that Skidmark interrupted such a nice event. I don't suppose you do autographs?"

He showed up yesterday and now he had three captured capes. Yes, it was three idiots, but it was still impressive.

"Ha, I never have before, but there's a first time for everything," Sugar admitted, watching as she went through her bag. "Who am I making this out to?"

"Lisa or Tattletale, either works," Lisa admitted, making her choice as he froze. They were far enough away from Skidmark that he couldn't hear their quiet conversation.

"Tattletale, the thief?" Sugar asked, taking the pen despite his words. His entire posture was defensive, ready to strike. She was just a Thinker; with the strength and speed he'd shown, he'd destroy her if he attacked. Knowing she was about to be beaten by a Brute wouldn't stop her from getting her ass beat.

"You've heard of me? That makes this easier," Lisa admitted, going for honesty. "Because I'm being forced into villainy at gunpoint, and if you don't help me, I don't think I'm going to survive the month."

Sugar froze, and she knew she had him hooked.

"Explain," Sugar stated, blunt and not quite believing her.

"Coil recruited me at gunpoint; he's the mastermind behind the Undersiders. I was sent to spy on you by Coil, who is much more dangerous than he acts. I learnt a lot, and if I go back to Coil, then he will get your secrets out of me. I can't stop him. I don't even know what his power is, but he always knows when I try to lie. He'll stop at nothing to capture you, to use your buffing buns and whatever you used to make yourself and Panacea Brutes, Felix," Lisa stated, putting her cards on the table. "I can't go back to him, or we are both in a lot of danger. He has plants in the PRT, so I can't go to them either. I need a hero, and I hope for both our sakes that you are it."

– Felix Dallon (Sugar Rush) –

Staring at the villain in shock, I wonder if I'm being taken for a ride.

She knows too much, and I can't let her leave with that information. We're also on a time limit before the PRT returns, and despite my suspicions that she isn't explaining everything, I can see the genuine fear in her eyes.

Coil. I know nothing about him; nobody really does, and that alone is enough to put me on edge. Making a decision, I look back at the cute blonde begging for my help.

"How soon do you need an escape?" I ask, making her let out a sigh of relief.

"I've just stabbed him in the back; if I go back to the Undersiders, I have to expect that they've already been told to take me down," Lisa admits. Sometimes I wonder if my power thinks it is funny because I got my hands on the perfect place to keep her safe moments before she showed up.

"Stay nearby; once the heroes have taken Skidmark away, I have somewhere that he won't be able to find you," I say after some thought, getting a wide, relieved smile from her. "But we have a lot to discuss."

"I know, and I'm sorry about this. I couldn't refuse him, but if I didn't think you had a chance against him, I wouldn't have taken this chance," Lisa promises, offering her hand which I reluctantly shake.

Feat Achieved: Recruit Tattletale (150cp gained, 200cp total)

[Family Tree] 100cp

It can be hard, sometimes, to track down ancestors when one side of the family can live for centuries, but now it's just a little bit easier. With a drop of blood on this large scroll the names of your ancestors will be filled in - provided their identity isn't being supernaturally concealed. This only provides the name they would be most commonly known by, which may unfortunately be a title for some beings, but hey - it's a start.

I… why would I need to know that? Reroll!

[Luck] - 200cp (0cp remaining)

Do you want to live a carefree life? Fate seems to continually smile on you...it's no coincidence, as your magic actually makes you just a little bit more lucky. You duck out of the way of lethal attacks more often; you find clues by accident just a little more, and so on. However, this doesn't make you invincible, for even with magic, luck is rather flimsy and random - it will just tilt in your favour a little more often. This is a passive effect without an energy drain.

Good luck is never something I'm going to turn down, even if it will be hard to know when this is even doing anything. Lisa distances herself as people start to return, finding Skidmark in his cage.

One of the cars did, in fact, explode, but the deaths were limited to the poor bastard driving it since Aunt Sarah was quick with her shields. I get praised for outsmarting Skidmark, which feels like being given a participation trophy, seeing how little I actually did, and despite the chaos, I decide to continue the event, making it a celebration over the defeat of the Merchants as I create entire tables made out of the same Gingerbread, bringing back the food. It shows how used to capes the people of the Bay are, as they move on quickly at the promise of more free food, and any injuries are healed by my cookies.

Lisa blends in well, hiding her worries as she moves around the event and enjoys the various foods I've made.

As the sun starts to set and I finish getting rid of the mess (though I can't help with the tyre tracks), I make my way out of the park, summoning the Knight Bus and moving the short distance to where I said I'd meet Lisa.

"Nice ride," Lisa admits, getting on. Her praise doesn't last long as we leave the city at hyperspeed, clinging to me for dear life as we reach our destination, an abandoned stretch of road. "I hope your plan isn't to rough it in the woods, I'm a city girl at heart."

She's only somewhat joking as I give her a grin, waving my hand as the portal to my pocket dimension opens up.

"I'm sure you'll find my accommodations satisfactory," I joke, leading her through it, hearing her gasp as we arrive in front of a castle that looks right out of a fantasy novel. Thick walls and a large moat protect it from invaders as if being in a hidden pocket dimension isn't enough, and I lead her across the drawbridge and into the castle itself, finding a large room with some very comfy seating. "I doubt Coil can get into here, so you can stay here for now. The real question is, what do we do now? Do you actually have a plan to deal with Coil?"

Lisa pauses, still taking in her surroundings before she smiles.

— Quest Options — VOTING CONCLUDED

What should they do?

[Take down the Undersiders; try to limit Coil's influence]

[Go to the PRT, expose Coil for having backdoors into their systems]

[Go to New Wave; try to get them to help]

[Hire Faultline's Crew to help, use his goods to entice them]

[Create a new hero team, look for other potential recruits (Squealer/?)]

Author's Note: Even when she's nice, Lisa is a manipulative little shit. I love her.

[X] Priapus' note: Extract/abduct the undersiders, including the Laborns and Bitch's dogs. That will limit his influence while getting them out of harm's way.

Beans' note: I like this idea. Additionally Lisa could pass on any of Coil's moles she knows about, it's not like she can get in *more* trouble with him.

Written: 26/06/2024

I am entirely motivated by praise and interaction, so leave a review, and I'll probably write faster. I do read every review/comment, because it gives me the happy brain chemicals and motivates me to write more. My body is a machine that turns positive reviews into new chapters.

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I also set up a Subscribe Star as well, more or less just as a backup/test to see which I prefer. The chapters are available on Discord if you're a Patreo n and on the site directly on Subscribe Star due to the different site rules, so if you don't use Discord or have issues finding the chapters, Subscribe Star is the better choice.

The Advance Chapters

Diamond: The High Roller Ch06, The Celestial Remnant Ch05, The Tamer Ch14, The Supervillain Ch26

Plat: The Operative Ch06, The Occult Ch07, The Vampire Ch11

Gold: The Craftsman Ch04, The Dragon Ch04

Basic: The Gambler Ch12

Quest: The Celestial Roulette Ch09-13

Links:

Patreo n. com (slash) TheDarkWolfShiro

Subscribe star. com (slash) the-dark-wolf-shiro

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Chapter 961 - 8