The rest of the morning was spent scrubbing the floors and mopping the walls.
Shuyin passed by me several times, her lips pressed thin, her eyes darting toward me whenever the others were not looking.
I knew what she wanted—to catch me alone, to beg me once more not to go.
Unfortunately for her, the pavilion maids seemed determined to never leave me in peace. They circled around me like vultures, whispering behind their sleeves, itching to see me punished.
Some burned with curiosity about my late-night disappearances, others simply longed for the satisfaction of watching me fall.
"I hope they catch whatever unlucky eunuch was forced to get tangled with her!"
It was Jinmei again, her voice dripping with malice as she spread her poison. The others stifled laughs, their eyes cutting to me, but I kept my head down
I had no interest in her petty gossip. My mind was already consumed with a far heavier dilemma.
If I accepted Renshu's offer, what excuse would I give when the maids, and worse, Lady Qinglan—demanded to know where I had been taken?
The pavilion was already understaffed. Lady Qinglan would not let me go so easily.
What if she complained to the Emperor himself? Would she dare accuse General Cao Renshu of stealing her servants? Though He likely held more influence than she did.
Dusk crept across the sky as Jinmei raised her voice again, this time directing her whining toward Shuyin.
"Miss Shuyin, I am telling you—she sneaks out every night, she—"
"That is enough, Jinmei!" Shuyin's sharp voice cut through the air like a whip. "One more false complaint and I will see you thrown out of this pavilion myself!"
The sour twist of Jinmei's face was almost satisfying. She lowered her eyes, muttered something under her breath, and slunk away until she disappeared from sight.
At last, I was alone with Shuyin.
The hall around us was grand yet lifeless, its beauty like an empty shell. Its carved beams and painted walls reminded me too much of my days in the Lanxuan Pavilion—months that seemed enviable to outsiders, yet to me were nothing more than a gilded cage.
"Meilina, you need to—"
"No, Shuyin." My voice was steady, though my heart pounded. "I have always listened to your advice. I have always respected you. I still do. But tonight… I must disagree with you."
Her face blanched, eyes widening as if she were staring at a ghost.
"No… no, Meilina, I won't—I can't let you go!" Her voice cracked, trembling on the edge of a scream. "You're the only one here who knows me—who listens to me—and—"
The words came out in a broken whisper, her wrinkled face twisted with fear and sorrow. The sight pierced me.
For a moment, guilt hollowed my chest. Was I cruel? To wound her like this, when she had nothing but me?
But I could not stay. No matter how beautiful the cage, I could not remain trapped within it.
"Shuyin, don't cry. I won't leave forever."
I had never seen her look so devastated, so hopeless. Her tears seemed to cling to the lamplight, shimmering like glass.
I silently prayed never to see such a face again.
"I will visit you. At night, perhaps. I cannot enter the rear palace, but maybe you can slip away to the—" I stopped short. If I revealed the storehouse, Renshu would be furious.
"—to the rear palace gates. The part hidden by the bushes, so no one will see."
Her expression twisted with disbelief. "You've gone mad, Meilina. Why would you even want to be an official? To be in a man's place—"
"Because I can't stay here! Don't you understand? I feel trapped. You felt the same once, didn't you?!"
"But I didn't act like a fool and run away with some powerful general!" she screeched.
"I am not running away!" My voice rose, my hands clenched tight. "I finally found a purpose. The skills I've learned for years—at last, they'll be put to use!"
Shuyin sagged, her eyes falling to the ground.
The wrinkles on her forehead deepened before she finally sighed and lifted her head. A faint, weary smile touched her lips.
"You're like an untamable horse," she murmured. "Always galloping in the wrong direction."
She stepped closer, her small, calloused hands rising to pat my head with an almost motherly tenderness.
"Perhaps I was selfish. I wanted a friend, a sister, someone who would listen to me. You were all of that. And I did not wish to lose you."
Her words struck me harder than any whip. To know that someone wanted me—it had been so long since I'd felt that. Not since I left the mansion had I been looked at with such need.
"We'll meet again, Shuyin. Don't worry."
"Yes, we will," she whispered. "Is it time for you to leave? Will you return at dawn?"
"I don't know," I admitted. Then I glanced at the window and startled. "Oh—it's already late!"
The night was silent, the halls deserted. Everyone else had long since fallen asleep. Now was the perfect moment.
"Goodbye, Shuyin! I'll come back!" I called as I sprinted away, my footsteps echoing softly on the stone.
Through gardens and winding paths I ran, my breath coming quick, my heart racing.
Minutes stretched into what felt like hours until at last the shadowed outline of the storehouse appeared before me.
There he was. Cao Renshu.
He sat casually against the wall, gazing out at the rippling water. His posture was relaxed, yet his presence filled the night like thunderclouds.
"You're late." His voice was cold, "This won't be so easily forgiven when you face the entrance exam."
"I was saying farewell to the maids—"
"Oh, really?" His tone dripped with sarcasm. "All I ever hear are stories of maids clawing each other's throats. Wait—you said farewell. Does that mean you've decided—"
"Yes," I interrupted, breathless. "I've decided. I'll enter the exam. I'll become an official."
For a moment his mask cracked, his eyes brightening with almost childlike excitement.
"That's great!" he exclaimed, before quickly clearing his throat and returning to his usual calm demeanor. "I mean, of course, it will still require tremendous effort. The exam is notoriously difficult."
He pushed away from the wall and began to walk toward me, his gaze sharp, assessing.
"You already have sword skills and strategy. You'll be excellent. But—"
He didn't stop. His steps carried him closer until I found myself backing away, breath caught.
"—would you be intimidated?"
His face hovered close to mine, our eyes nearly level. My chest tightened, and I tried to glance aside, but his voice commanded me.
"Keep the eye contact. Men will always try to test if they can break you. They did the same to me."
"Were you intimidated then?" I asked.
"Well, I—" He scowled, flustered, before recovering. "That's not the point. The point is you cannot show weakness."
After a long, unbearable moment, he finally stepped back. My lungs released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.
"It's late," he said. "We should move you in early so you can be disguised as a man."
"WHAT?!" My shout rang through the night.
"Stop yelling," he hissed.
"What do you mean, move in early? Move where?"
"Where else? My palace, of course." His tone saying it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I—why can't I just return to the Lanxuan Pavilion?"
"Because you need training. There's a curriculum, strategies, preparation." He sighed, as though speaking to a stubborn child.
"And Lady Qinglan?" I pressed. "What will you tell her about me?"
"I doubt she'll care."
I did not know whether to be disappointed or happy with this.
"Do you even have a plan—"
"It's late," he cut me off, his hand seizing my wrist with firm finality. "We'll discuss it later."
I stumbled as he pulled me forward, away from the only place I had ever known, into a path that could not be undone.
Where was he taking me? Would I truly become an official? Or had I just sealed my fate with a decision I could never reverse?