"Not only do you take the risk of telling this Shuyin everything," Renshu snapped, voice sharp with disbelief, "but you decide that now is a good time to meet her? Do you even understand the chances of—"
"I'm not stupid, Renshu." I replied. "I managed to sneak to the storehouse by the lake several times without being caught. There is no reason—"
"But those times were different!" he cut in.
"I—will you give it to her or do I have to go myself?" My tone turned strict.
"Fine! I'll send whatever these useless things are that you want to give." His shoulders sagged with a sigh as I left the room.
That was a victory, though small. As long as I could communicate with Shuyin, I would be fine. Renshu's tantrums were nothing compared to the urgency I started to feel.
I ran up the stairs, thoughts racing about when to hand him the letter. Sitting at my desk, I dipped the brush and began to write:
---
Dear Shuyin,
I hope you have been well during these past two nights when you have not heard from me. I am safe. There are many things I must tell you, but it would be better to speak face to face. Would tonight be possible, by the rear palace gates near the bushes?
Please write back and send your reply through Renshu, so Lady Qinglan cannot interfere.
Your favorite Palace Maid,
Meilina
---
Short and neat. Enough for her to give a reply back to Renshu. Tonight—yes, tonight would be perfect.
I bounded down the stairs again and threw open Renshu's door without knocking. Luckily, he was just about to leave.
"You wrote that fast," he said, one eyebrow rising. "I thought you'd take forever, especially with the amount of questions that woman was asking me about you—"
"She asked about me?!" My voice cracked with sudden anger. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He froze, guilt flickering across his face for the briefest moment. "Well… I don't remember much. It was a few days ago anyway. Anyway—"
He snatched the paper from my hand with speed. "I'll take this to her. I expect thank-you letters all over my room for the inconvenience you're causing me."
He chuckled to himself, clearly enjoying my annoyance. Wei Fang seemed to be getting better and better everyday.
Renshu left soon after, the sound of his horse's hooves fading into the air. Alone again, I wandered back to my room. Though I often preferred solitude, it felt strangely pathetic to be left like this every few days.
I considered speaking to the servants, but they wouldn't understand my Chinese, and most already disliked any foreigner meddling in the country's affairs.
Lying on my bed, I thought of my past. It happened more often now, perhaps because Shuyin was no longer here to distract me. Or perhaps the thought of tomorrow's ceremony—becoming an official—made me cling to my memories.
---
~~~~EVENING~~~~
Two hours crawled by before I finally heard the familiar rhythm of Renshu's horse returning. Relief surged through me.
"Here." He pressed a folded paper against my chest the moment he entered. "She certainly took her time writing this."
I ignored his comments and unfolded the letter.
---
Meilina,
The way you haven't written or visited deserves punishment. Yes, I can come tonight, but you had better bring a sword to protect yourself, because I will make sure you pay for worrying me! And if that Renshu dares—
---
I stopped reading before the threats grew any more graphic for us.
"You read the letter?" I asked Renshu.
"Yes," he admitted without shame. "Shuyin is certainly… uh—"
"I will meet her tonight." My decision cut through his hesitation.
"Yes, I know I can't stop you. At least tell me when you leave." His sigh carried a quiet disappointment. Perhaps he feared the scandal if I were caught—a lady-in-waiting and a foreign official, sneaking through the palace at night. How exciting for the gossip spreaders.
Back in my room, I traced the edge of Shuyin's letter. After dressing carefully, I waited until the shadows grew long. It was not terribly late; many were still awake, but leaving early would give me enough time to find the path to the gates.
"I'm leaving," I said as I passed Renshu's room. He gave no reply.
Heart racing, I slipped outside. The cool night air wrapped around me as I moved quickly and quietly through the towering structures of Renshu's palace. The paths blurred in the moonlight, every bush and tree nearly identical to the next.
Left turn, then another… I racked my memory. Finally, luck reached me: scattered flower petals glimmered faintly, leading me toward the rear gates.
The garden was alive with blooms of every color, petals gleaming faintly beneath the silver moonlight. Their fragrance mingled with the chilly night air, almost enough to make me forget why I had come.
"Meilina."
The low, grim voice cut through the quiet.
SMACK!
A sharp slap landed on my shoulder, nearly knocking me off balance.
"Do you even know how worried I was? You—you deserve—honestly—"
Shuyin's shrill scolding could have woken the entire rear palace. Good thing I had chosen a secluded spot near the gates, far from prying ears. The eunuchs who usually patrolled here were strangely absent. Fewer and fewer of them seemed to remain each day.
When she finally paused for breath, I said, "I became an official. Tomorrow is the ceremony. They will decide which sector I am to serve in."
Her eyes widened as if I had spoken another language. I pressed on.
"Renshu treats me well, in case you worried. And my disguise as a man has worked, so I—"
"How? Why? Meilina, why would you do this? I don't understand."
"You wished for freedom from that boring pavilion, did you not? So did I." I straightened, pride in my voice.
"It's different. I wished for the freedom of a merchant traveling the world, or a noble free to marry whom he chooses—not the freedom of being trapped in a world of men as a woman."
"Everyone defines freedom differently, Shuyin. I would appreciate it if you accepted mine."
She looked older than the night I left, darkness beneath her eyes shaped by loneliness. Guilt pricked at me. I had left her behind, her only friend gone.
"What's your male name?" she asked quietly.
"Aryan," I said. "Taken from Ariya."
"Oh, that monk. Beautiful, really…" She exhaled a deep, weary sigh.
"I must go. Tomorrow is the ceremony. I will come again—"
"Oh no. I would not want to trouble you. Send me letters instead. How I loved getting those from that man…"
The moonlight caught her tears, turning them silver.
"Goodbye, Meilina," she whispered.