Lavínia Fadel
Once my father told me:
— Lavínia, you are so beautiful that you will only suffer one day if you choose to.
It was a lie!
He lied to me like a coward, he lied and deceived me.
I've been in this damned country for a month, kidnapped from my own country when I was trying to escape the war between the bookies. That day, I saw an opportunity to disappear from that place because my own father had also promised me to a grumpy fat man who kept hounding me at every step I took.
I was brought into prostitution precisely because of my beauty. I am suffering, and it's not because I want to. My father was a liar and ruined my life. He was to blame, it was because of him that I fled, and it's because of him that I was kidnapped. If he had been a good father, he would have accepted when the man I loved asked for my hand.
After a week in this place called "Paradise," which has absolutely nothing paradisiacal about it, I was forced to do my first job with a man so perverse and terrifying that even now I shudder in fear just remembering.
I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, crying and curling up, trembling just at the memory of the perverse and filthy things that man did to me.
Since then, I've had to work one or two times a day. The woman who runs this place is a very harsh, cruel, and demanding lady; she even punishes those who don't serve her clients well. How can you serve well when they hurt you?
I've been trying hard, but it's very painful to go through everything I endure here. They even tattooed my body to give me the look of a woman of the streets. This place is hell itself. They devour your soul while your body is still alive.
And I had no way out, no money, and no documents. I was surrounded by security guards, exploited, and mistreated by everyone. All I had were orders and demands, all the time, to follow.
Suddenly, someone touched my shoulders, and I jumped out of bed, startled, wiping my eyes flooded with tears as I realized my life was over.
— Calm down, Lavínia. It's me, your roommate. _Aurora smiled and flopped onto my bed._ — The house will be full again tonight.
I sit on her bed next to mine.
— That means a lot of men will come. _I hug myself, watching the sunset through the barred window._
— I don't know why you panic. Mrs. Margaret would never hand you over to just any lowlife. Don't you see that your clients are handpicked?
I look at her.
— I get the worst ones, Aurora.
— The filthy rich ones, you mean. I don't know how you can't take advantage of that. _She seemed to complain._
I swallowed hard, rubbing my arms.
— We're forced to serve them in the best way possible; it's that or we lose our meal for the day. _I reminded her, showing her that we were exploited, and Aurora didn't even seem to care. She had gotten used to it... and I can see she even likes this life._
— I've never missed a meal. Because I do my job.
I looked at her in horror.
— This isn't a job. Only they profit.
— Wrong! I do profit, and quite well. You don't because your clients complain that you're a crybaby. So you're punished. I've told you a million times to relax and be attentive to the big shots, but you insist on causing problems.
I feel sad, so humiliated.
— How do I relax? Every time it's bad and uncomfortable.
Quickly, Aurora sat on my bed.
— Do they go down on you? _She asked._
I nod and explain.
— My first client dared to do that, the one who hurt me. _I shiver just remembering._ — He treated me so badly, and I think he was a criminal. He was armed...
— What he is doesn't matter. That's none of our business. _I stay silent, listening to her._ — What did you feel when he went down on you?
— It was bad. I didn't like it. _My eyes fill with tears again. I am so unhappy._
— Damn it, Lavínia! You don't help yourself either. When I say you need to relax, it's because I want you to at least make this less bad for yourself. Relaxing means taking a deep breath, focusing on the moment, and letting them do whatever they want. Your body will react, and it'll feel good.
— I don't know if I can. _I say sadly._ — That man traumatized me. He seemed to hate me with all his soul. He even said he was disgusted by me. And he's right, even I feel disgusted. Mrs. Margaret told him I was worthless, and of course he believed her. She probably didn't even tell him he was my first client... I don't know, maybe if he knew, he would've been less cruel and dirty.
— I don't think even if you were a virgin he would've acted differently. _She said, and I agreed, because he laughed mockingly when he asked if I was a virgin._
I wasn't actually a virgin anymore. I had lost my virginity to the man I fell deeply in love with, and my father had him killed, promising me to his old, potbellied friend.
There was no way I could stay in that place. No way!
I tried to escape, and look where I ended up...
***
Mrs. Margaret had called me to her office, and I was taking deep breaths, apprehensive, sitting in the chair, waiting for her to finish her phone call.
Suddenly, she swiveled in her chair and smiled at me.
— As you already know, the house will open tonight, and I posted on our website that you, our new gem, will be available to the three highest bidders.
My eyes sting, and I blink, not fully processing her words, spoken with such amusement.
— What? _I don't understand._
— Understand, Lavínia, all the men are crazy about your beauty, but we can't let you sleep with those below a certain status. Better to sleep with three rich and clean men than with 15 tonight and deal with broke guys who count coins to sleep with you.
— 15? _Tears stream down._
— Yes. You'd have to sleep with 15 men to match the amount these three loaded guys will pay. _She stood up, walking around the desk._ — I've told you before, you're a rare jewel, and those special, unusual eyes of yours prove it. You're expensive, Lavínia. If you took advantage of the opportunities, we could both get filthy rich.
Opportunistic old hag.
Disgusting!
I hope she dies.
Still, I stood up and ran to the door. I tried to leave, but the security guard, bigger than the door itself, blocked my way, terrifying me.
— Let me pass. _I cry._
— First, you need to take this.
I turn around, and that wretched old woman was picking up a box from the desk, coming to hand it to me.
— What is it? _I ask, frightened._
— The outfit you'll wear tonight. _She laughed heartlessly._ — Take a shower and get clean, because tonight you'll have to handle all three of them together. You'll give them the best orgy they've ever had. _She grabbed my chin, and her fake nails scratched me._ — Woe to you if there's a single complaint. Don't forget that your little brother is under my power, and I can easily have him killed. _That threat was so diabolical that my body surrendered to fear, and I nodded, accepting the damned box and my damned fate._
I didn't escape alone that day. I took Faruk with me. I would never leave my brother suffering in that place; for money, my father would've ended up selling him, just as he dared to sell my soul to a hideous old man.
***
I walked through the crowded house, feeling strange as everyone stared at me and parted to let me pass in my heels.
The loud music and the smell of strong liquor bothered me, as everything in this place did.
As I walked among the girls who worked with me, looking me up and down with disdain because of the difference in our clothes, and the euphoric clients cheering and whistling at me, I thought about what Aurora had said earlier with every step I took—about accepting my fate and stopping victimizing myself and crying in front of everyone who humiliates me. I needed to stop being weak; I no longer had any dignity to offer respect to anyone, not even family, and I had no one to save me from this faraway place that corrupted my good morals. Of course, I had Faruk, my 9-year-old little brother, but he couldn't save me—it was I who had to save him. But for that, I needed to change my behavior, be strong at the very least, face things, and accept them for what they are.
Maybe my mistake was sleeping with a man out of love, believing we would marry and be happy forever. Maybe my mistake was running away instead of staying and accepting being the wife of an old man who would've given me a miserable life because I didn't love him. Maybe my mistake is trying to seek God when it's clear He isn't in this place.
So I would change and be stronger. I have nothing left to lose.
I just don't know if it would be easy to enjoy the dark nights I've been having ever since that perverse man touched me for the first time and opened the door for other men to come too.