They say nothing here goes as planned...
Jack is a regular boy average in anything he does. Other people's might call him a jolly guy
Always happy and making others laugh but deep beneath this mask lies some another man who hides from the world. A man who wants to kill himself but he's a coward who can't complete this dream of his,shall their be somebody who can kill and make his misery go away..
Its been some time I get this dream where a gray ash like figure comes to my dream. I try my all but I can't get to him. He is so near to me but everytime I touch it, It vanishes away.
Every day is same I wake up, eat breakfast go to work and see my ugly ass co-workers who I hate and still act as I like them. I don't like breathing the air they breath I hate their eyes how they look at me thinking they all are better than me being happy about small thing. I want to puke so hard when I see them I start suffocating every time they talk to me if it goes like this I will probably massacre them. I wanna see them all bloody taking their eyes out I wanna throw them in the walls I wanna play balls with their head I want to take their bones and make structures from it I wanna cut their skins in small pieces and feed it to the crows I want to mKe them suffer I wanna torture them until they ask for death. I want to beat their face until it gets vanished with the blood (I HATE THEM I HATE THEM SO MUCH)I want them to disappear from this world. (DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE ) you all just die.
I hate them so much but still act like I love them and enjoy spending time with them. I am nothing but a coward who can't do nothing. The more I see them I start suffocating the air turns heavy like it's pushing me to the ground my nostrils can't fathom this smell. I want this felling to be over so I plan to kill my self so I can get over this felling but it's hard then said.
This night I tried to hang myself but I got afraid to do so, So I drank alchole to make a decision I threw the rope in the celling and put it around the nake the only their was left was jump from the chair.
I did it finally I am going to be free from the world I thought but the rope snapped and I fell on the ground. I can't take it anymore what is this felling I am such a failure I can't do anything I wish to iz their somebody out there? Who can put end to this life of mine. If there is than please help me please I can't take it anymore.
Another day passes my hatred grows even more so much more that I can't control it anymore. Today after my work ended my coworkers invited me for a drink I went tagged along a female coworker of mine, lucky me she got blackout because her ex broke up with her and she caught him with another girl. Girl who was uglier then herself her regret was that he chose the ugly girl leaving her she was mad cussed about her ex and cried. She used to live near my apartment so my co workers wanted me to go and take her house safely I booked a taxi and went to her apartment with her. After reaching her apartment I opened her room door and threw her in the bed but seeing her lying on her bed unsecured I couldn't control my hands so (I went climbed on her body and choked her she started trembling but I didn't let go I choked on even harder all the hatred I have hidden all came at once she started turning blue her vains popped up like they were about to explode after some minute I let go she was dead) but it was all in my head I couldn't do it someone in me could not do it as I said my coward self couldn't do it. I have to end myself before I do something bad. I must kill the man beanith my heart iI must kill myself then only I can be free but it's easy said then done I don't have any courage to do so.
I ran away from their before that thing comes out again I went home and started puking hard as I was washing my face I saw it that gray figure from my dream I punched the mirror and shattered it to many pieces as I saw on it their was nothing nothing. I went to my bed and started staring at the ceiling I don't remember falling a sleep.
Today I saw a different dream their was two of me identical to one another one was running as another was chasing it was me and the bloodlusted man with the face of mine.I am not him I don't want to cause any pain to others I must end that thing before something bad happens please lord save me I am nothing but a cowered I don't want to live like this I am not him to he is me.
Another day passes fighting with myself I can't take it anymore it won't be long before something bad happens that guy is slowly take control over me I am vanishing away deep in this blackhole where their lies nothing but emptiness and I am falling fast in it. They say new day brings new opportunities but in my case new day means I am losing ones that thing devour me it will be the end as I was falling a sleep it happened my hand started choking me I couldn't let go only thing I saw was a grey figure in my room I killed myself with my hands without me wanting it