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Chapter 12 - How to Talk to Children About Safety

One of the most effective ways to prevent child abuse is through open, honest, and age-appropriate conversations about safety. Children who are informed about their rights, boundaries, and how to seek help are far more likely to recognize unsafe situations and speak up.

Talking about body safety doesn't have to be scary. In fact, it can be empowering, protective, and even reassuring when done with compassion and clarity.

1. Start Early and Keep It Age-Appropriate

Children as young as three can begin learning basic body safety rules. The language and depth of conversation should evolve with age, but the core message remains:

> "Your body belongs to you, and no one has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable."

Keep explanations simple:

"There are parts of your body that are private."

"If anyone asks you to keep a secret about your body, tell a trusted adult right away."

"If someone touches you or makes you feel unsafe, it's never your fault."

2. Use Correct Terminology for Body Parts

Teach children the proper names for private parts (e.g., penis, vulva, chest, buttocks). This helps:

Remove shame or confusion

Encourage clear communication if something happens

Make it easier for adults or professionals to understand disclosures

Avoid using nicknames or vague terms, as this may make abuse harder to detect or report.

3. Explain the Concept of Safe and Unsafe Touch

Children should understand that touch can be:

Safe (good): Holding hands with a parent, hugs from family (with consent), high-fives

Unsafe (bad): Touches that hurt, make them feel scared, confused, or uncomfortable

Unwanted (even if not harmful): Any physical contact they do not wish to receive

Reinforce that it's okay to say "No" to any touch—even from someone they know or love—if it makes them uncomfortable.

4. Teach the "No–Go–Tell" Strategy

This simple method gives children a clear plan:

NO – Say no clearly and loudly

GO – Leave the situation and go to a safe place

TELL – Inform a trusted adult immediately

Practice this through role-playing or story-based scenarios.

5. Identify Trusted Adults

Help children identify three to five adults they can go to if something makes them feel unsafe. This may include:

Parents

Grandparents or older siblings

Teachers or school counselors

Family friends who are safe and supportive

Remind them that it's always okay to tell, even if the person who hurt them said not to.

6. Talk About Secrets and Bribes

Teach children the difference between:

Good secrets (like a surprise party)

Bad secrets (anything that makes them feel scared, sad, or confused)

Make it clear:

> "No one should ask you to keep a secret about touching, your body, or something that feels wrong."

Also explain that if someone offers gifts, toys, or threats to keep them silent, they should tell a trusted adult immediately.

7. Revisit the Conversation Regularly

Don't treat this as a one-time talk. Check in regularly, especially after:

Exposure to new environments (schools, camps, tutoring centers)

Hearing news about abuse or safety

Signs of emotional or behavioral change

Ask gentle, open-ended questions:

"Has anyone ever made you feel unsafe?"

"Is there something bothering you that you haven't told me?"

Conclusion

Empowering children with knowledge doesn't scare them—it strengthens them. When we teach them that their voice matters, that their body is theirs, and that there are safe adults who will listen, we give them the most powerful tool of all: self-protection through awareness.

Talking about abuse doesn't steal innocence—it protects it.

> "Empowered children are not just protected—they are prepared."

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