I trodded along, each step sinking slightly as the loose sand shifted under my feet. It was like trying to walk uphill on a pile of cornmeal, every movement was a struggle.
There was sand , clinging to the damp spots were the sweat seeped through at the bend of my knees. I was always one to over perspire in the weirdest places and this was an opportunity for that disgusting quirk to shine.
It didn't feel as if I had made any progress at all, nothing had changed around me. It was impossible to measure distance like I would in my home town. Where walking around the block was considered exercise.
'Not like I got much exercise anyway, time to pile on the steps! Wonder how much I've gone already?'
My mind flashed back to the groceries I had discarded once more,the thought of them, perfectly good food and supplies baking in the sun, felt sacrilegious. I tried to let the feeling go though, it was pointless internal chatter that was going nowhere.
I glanced back anyway, even though I knew they'd be long out of sight. Sure enough, there was nothing but sand in sight.
According to my watch, I had been walking for five hours.
"Five hours bloody hours! This is getting on my last nerve"I said out loud.
Soon my pace had slowed to a difficult trudge.
"Isn't this sun a bit too stationary?shouldn't it be going down by now?"
I watched the stubborn sun in the sky that hadn't seemed to have shifted even a bit during my trek. Something wasn't right here.
I lifted my wrist to check the watch again, the brown leather band was cracked in places and softened from years of use. It had a silver face, the second hand ticking away without pause even in the chaos happening around me.
This watch had been a birthday gift from Hanes, back when we had just started dating. He'd laughed when he gave it to me, saying it might help with my late problem as I was prone to being a few minutes behind every once in a while.
It had become one of my favorite things, not because it kept me on time but because it reminded me of him.
The sudden prickle in my eyes had nothing to do with sand blowing into it. I stopped walking and for the first time since the earthquake the full weight of my situation came to me.
"I'm really out here, aren't I ?" I muttered, my voice faint.
The adrenaline had burned away hours ago, now I had to face it.
I was alone. Alone without my family.
I wondered if they were okay. My husband, who was best friend, the love of my life, and my other half, Hanes Christian. My first and only baby boy Kane. Had the disaster reached them, or had it been contained to where I had been and to whatever hell this place was?
"Please God let them be safe!" I whispered a prayer for my small family. Though I love my extended family as well, my emotions were tied to Hanes and Kane in this moment.
My heart ached with an almost physical longing. I thought of Kane's little hands, the way he had grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled as if trying to keep me with him before I left home.
If only I had lingered. If only I'd stayed home and decided to do the errands another day. Kicked off my shoes and went back to hug him, to press my cheek to his fine, dark hair and listen to him babble nonsense words. If only there had been a warning, a single premonition, that everything could turn inside out in less than an hour. I would definitely be with them now.
As I stood there, my heart and mind wrapped around the image of my son, something strange began to happen. At first, it was only an ache in my chest, an emotional burn that I thought was just loneliness. But the longer I focused on him, on the love, the fear, the desperate need to see him again, the hotter that burn became.
It passed the point of discomfort quickly, building into something piercing. Molten heat sat in my chest, then began to radiate downward, bleeding into my lower abdomen. My breath hitched, my knees just about ready to collapse. The pain intensified until it started moving back up my chest.
It was too much.
"Argh!" I cried out when it became too much to muffle.
I dropped to my knees in agony, my fingers clawed at my chest as if I could dig out whatever was in there.
The heat built to a peak where I couldn't tell if my body was about to collapse or combust. Through the raging pain, one thing remained fixed in my mind: Kane. My son. His image became my anchor, the one thing keeping me from unraveling completely.
Then, burning pain imploded inward.
It was as if something deep inside had folded in on itself, collapsing before flowing outward again like a shockwave.
There was a different feeling coursing through my body, a new energy. It was as though my entire body had just inhaled. It was so vivid that, for a split second, I almost believed my skin could draw in the air around me. The sensation was both intoxicating and terrifying at the same time.
I shook my head sharply, trying remove that notion, something like that was impossible.
"Did I hit my head somewhere? What am I even thinking?" I muttered as I sat on my heels as I pulled myself up.
When I took another breath, the feeling came again. It was actually real. My senses felt sharper, more in focus with my surroundings.
"What the hell?" I muttered, my voice rasping.
It wasn't just physical. This was something else. I remember reading many stories that described emery like this.
"Is this… mana?" I whispered, the word tasting weird on my tongue.
The thought sent a thrill of both fear and awe through me. Mana in stories of magic and lore, yes , but in real life?If that was what this was it would be extremely life-altering.
I turned to my side to grab the umbrella I had dropped when the pain had first hit, my arm stretching toward it, and I froze for the second time that day in terror at what I saw.