Anthony Stark's estate. Malibu.
A phone call to her personal number distracted Pepper at the most inopportune moment - when she was hiding in a corner, taking out a compact with a mirror, trying to shake confetti out of her bangs. Almost dropping the compact in surprise, the girl took out her cell phone and was surprised to find the line "Number not defined" on the panel, and this was on her phone. Nevertheless, such a number clearly should have been answered; after all, no one had called her personal phone without any reason since her senior years of college.
"I'm listening," the girl accepted the challenge.
"Pepper Potts?" the unfamiliar male voice asked in a businesslike tone.
- Yes, it's me.
- Outrageous! - the interlocutor suddenly became indignant, for a second stunning the newly-minted CEO of Stark Industries. - What is this slob thinking about?! Kick him already so that he makes you an offer, how much longer can you tolerate this?!
- Excuse me?.. - the girl's level of, ahem... bewilderment reached a height that even Tony could rarely achieve, and considering the essence of the question voiced, adding, to put it mildly, some awkwardness to the emotions, it was completely... not good.
"I am amazed at this genius idiot," the unknown man continued, "how can he be so shy at his age and with his track record? I was sure he would get the ring as soon as he found out he was no longer dying, but it seems I underestimated him."
"Who are you?" the experienced secretary shook her head, trying to intercept the thread of the conversation.
- Oh, yes, I... In a sense, colleague. Well, you've already felt that I can do with people the same things that Tony loves to do with them. By the way, why am I calling? Tell him I apologize for not being able to be at the party. I won't congratulate him on another year in this horrible universe, but you'll definitely give him a kick from me. Tell him that God is displeased with his cowardice in his personal life!
- What's going on? - This whole strange conversation was starting to irritate me. - Who are you?!
- I am His God. And, as expected, I am calling to congratulate you on Overcoming another year, - her interlocutor was clearly not himself and was talking some nonsense. But how could this be combined with the fact that he not only called a not very widely known number, but also the monitoring systems of Stark Industries, which "identified" calls from S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, powerlessly gave out "number not identified"?! And the interlocutor continued to destroy her inner world with his words: - Just don't think anything... unnatural. I am the God of strict and old views, I recognize only a harem of beautiful nymphs... Ahem, it doesn't matter, anyway, just tell him that I called and apologized. And yes, don't forget to kick! This is important! - and the connection was cut off, leaving the faithful secretary, and now the General Director of Stark Industries, in complete disarray.
- Mmm, who called? - Tony appeared out of nowhere, holding two glasses. - Pepper, for heaven's sake, don't tell me it's work! Can't you at least rest and relax on my birthday if you absolutely refuse to do so on yours? Consider it my demand, as the birthday boy!
"Surely one of us has to work?" she said, as usual, indignantly at her boss's behavior. "But no, he was just some weird psycho."
- A strange psycho? - the other s... eccentric billionaire instantly straightened up and raised an eyebrow. If the girl hadn't been absolutely sure of the opposite, she could have believed that this was another joke of this over-aged slob. Besides, Stark would have had enough skill and resources to make such a joke... even while remaining in plain sight, but... no. Pepper sighed. Given the context, it would have been too cruel a joke, and this guy, with all his licentiousness, never allowed himself to do something like that... well, towards her.
- Yes, he introduced himself as God and said that he was extremely dissatisfied with you... and that I should kick you...
- And he didn't say what exactly he was unhappy with? - Tony took her arm with a suspiciously soft and smooth movement, moving closer and shooting a glance around, as if he didn't want them to be heard. And the question sounded as if he understood perfectly well what and who was being discussed.
- So-o-o-o, - the faithful secretary frowned, straightening her back and reflexively moving the glass she had taken away from her lips, - Mister Stark, did you forget to tell me anything? Because that mysterious someone also mentioned something about "dying"...
- I have no idea what this is about! - the engineer with the "electric motor" darted his eyes around...
"…" Filled with the worst suspicions, Pepper continued to drill him with a heavy gaze.
- But... - this grown-up child raised his finger, - I really forgot something. And I suspect that this guy couldn't help but say something about it... I certainly wouldn't have been able to resist in his place... - he chewed his lips, slightly bristling his beard, but then came to his senses and turned to the crowd of guests. - Ladies and gentlemen, I ask for a moment of your attention. I understand that you have gathered, first of all, to destroy my stocks of collectible whiskey, - laughter was heard, - and also to make sure that I am still as beautiful and courteous, - now a woman's giggling was heard, causing Miss Potts to roll her eyes in pain, - however! - the billionaire slightly raised his voice, forcing the guests to focus their attention, - now I ask you to distract yourself a little from these, undoubtedly, most important activities... especially convincing yourself of my beauty and courtesy... and become witnesses!
"Tony, are you making jokes again?" Pepper hissed at her boss, feeling extremely uncomfortable under all these looks.
"No. I'm deadly serious this time," he turned to her and… knelt down, pulling out a ring box from his bosom. "Pepper Potts, marry me!"
- ... - she was speechless. The guests present also fell silent, unable to believe that the most eligible bachelor in the world had finally decided to settle down. The silence that followed was broken by the sounds of clapping hands.
"Finally!" shouted a strange young-looking man with long black hair combed back. The girl also noted in the back of her mind that she didn't remember his name and there shouldn't be anyone with that face on the guest list either... unless, of course, Tony hadn't dragged someone along at the last minute, as he often liked to do.
– …
"I'm not exactly rushing you," Stark whispered softly, "but for your information, it's a hell of a lot of awkward standing here, and I think I landed on a beer cap with my knee… Who drinks beer at my birthday party anyway?" Tony's gaze took on an incredibly touching expression with that last line – a mixture of feeling betrayed in his best feelings, a refusal to believe that anyone in their right mind would choose beer over his personal whiskey collection, and a timid hope that she would somehow save him from this cruel reality.
"Pheeee," Pepper laughed. That was Tony, he was always a master at adding a dose of absurdity and some kind of reckless madness to any undertaking. "I agree!"
After these words, the crowd came to life and began to applaud and congratulate the couple. Not all of them did it sincerely, but... almost no longer Miss Potts cared much. It seemed that Tony wasn't the only one celebrating today.
- "Now I love you,
Now I praise you!
Finally, you dirty little thing,
"I've got Moydodyr on my back!.." - the strange man who had caught her attention recited something vaguely familiar in... as it seemed to Pepper, Russian, coming closer.
- What? - Tony didn't understand, turning to the stranger. However, as soon as Stark saw his face, he immediately perked up, as if he had seen a familiar person whom he hadn't expected to see at all.
- Chuikovsky? (*) - the girl remembered something from her numerous self-education courses.
"She understands!" the guest feigned delight with what seemed to her to be genuine pleasure. "You're a lucky man, my almost all-iron Big Mek!"
"You know, when God calls you a word that sounds suspiciously like 'Big Mac,' it's a little unnerving," Tony shared with the unknown man in a low voice. Although, judging by his reaction, he was unknown only to her.
"Believe me, it's much better than when they tell tales about you for ten centuries, where you turn into a mare, let yourself be fucked by a giant's horse and in the end give birth to a foal," the man said confidentially, taking a sip from a glass he had taken from somewhere, shrugging his shoulders.
"I think I heard something similar about Zeus and Europe," Stark nodded, taking a greedy sip himself, looking into space with an empty gaze.
"Will someone introduce me?" the girl asked, with a carefully measured note of irritation.
- This... - Tony moved his fingers in the air, looking at his interlocutor, as if choosing the words. The right words... Tony. And the right words. That alone was alarming.
"Loki," the stranger meanwhile made a slight half-bow. "I can't kiss your hand, forgive me – I'm not here."
"Where are you?" Pepper asked reflexively, trying to wrap her head around either the picture of another joke or another piece of unfounded madness in her life.
- In the desert, I read a bedtime story to a sweet little girl who is capable of causing a real massacre. I don't know how she does it, - seeing their looks, the brunette raised his hands in a protective gesture.
"So it's a massacre?" Stark asked.
- No, it's very simple, - the guest waved his hand. - How does she manage to make me read her fairy tales all the time - that's the question! But why are we always talking about me? Come on, admit it, what should I give you for a wedding present?
"Shouldn't it be a surprise?" The girl's lips automatically spread into a smile at the mention of the wedding, but she didn't forget that something incomprehensible was happening in front of her.
"No," the man who had introduced himself as Loki shook his head, taking another sip of whiskey, "it's better not to trust me in this regard. If my imagination runs wild, it could get very awkward."
- Really?
"You know, Pepper," Stark narrowed his eyes confidentially, as only he can, "something tells me we'd better believe him. By the way," Tony again imitated his inimitable businesslike stance, switching to the guest, "are spaceships included in the range of possibilities?"
"Just a pleasure yacht," the brunette answered in the same tone. " I won't give you the Death Star," he added expressively in the tone that puts an end to a conversation.
"A yacht is also good," the billionaire perked up, further convincing the girl that these two were clearly on their own wavelength and knew something that she didn't know.
"So… what did you say your name was?" Miss Potts took a sip from her glass and determined to sort out the situation.
- Loki. I just called you, - the brunette smiled charmingly, causing in the soul of the CEO of Stark Industries an incomparable feeling, as if in front of her was an outright swindler and a scoundrel. Not that this feeling hadn't been itching at the edge of consciousness the whole time of the conversation, but now it came to the forefront.
- Oh, I see...
"Yes…" said Tony, at the same time and in the same tone as the guest.
The men glanced at each other, suspiciously identical smiles of mischievous schoolchildren appeared on their faces in unison, after which a short pantomime followed, in which they communicated literally by moving their eyebrows. And Pepper could have sworn that they were discussing who would explain themselves to her. And Tony clearly wanted to dodge it…
"I'll leave you," the brunette noted, with his whole appearance meanly throwing Stark to be torn apart.
- A-a-a, - the billionaire quickly slid his gaze over her face like a hunted animal and then, as he knew how, pretended to discover selective blindness in himself, - maybe another glass? - with an innocent look he shook the almost empty glass, addressing... Loki.
- No, I'm telling you - I'm not here, this body and glass are just an illusion, - the brunette repeated his movement. - And distracting the guests' attention so that they don't notice how you're talking to nothing and don't pester them with congratulations is a bit tiring.
Pepper looked around and to her surprise she really noticed that the guests were behaving somehow differently. No one really rushed to approach them, catch their eye, give them a smile, even when they were glanced at, they did it as if they were not seen at all.
"Why are you doing this?" Tony asked, also looking around.
- Doing what?
"This thing with invisibility," Stark made a circular motion with his brush, as if outlining the space around them.
- Mmm, - the guest thought for a second, - imagine that Hammer was your older brother, who truly loves you, and he had three friends of approximately the same level of intellectual development... who at every holiday would try to drag you to "truly masculine entertainment", as they see it.
- ... - Tony froze, staring into space, and his face began to look as if he had eaten something very bitter. - Can I not imagine this? - He returned to reality. - A birthday is not a time for waking nightmares.
– That's why being invisible is so important. And it has nothing to do with being able to peek into the girls' locker room at college.
- Oh yeah, of course... - Stark immediately received a surge of strength from a topic close to his heart, forcing Pepper to roll her eyes. - Wait a minute, - the man caught himself, - you said that you work as a teacher at some college?!
"Mmm, do I sense a crisis of faith in you?" the brunette chuckled, and Pepper only now noticed how deep and emerald his eyes were.
"No, well, actually, there's something to it," Stark said, as if he was even ashamed of his moral outburst.
- I knew you would understand me! Well, okay, I really have to go, otherwise people will start to notice that something is wrong, - the guest shrugged, making the glass in his hands disappear in a shimmer of green-gold light. - As they say, advice and love to you! Happiness, mutual understanding and fewer quarrels over lost socks. And yes, kick him more often! - the guy instructed, slightly leaning towards her, only to immediately dissolve into the air in the already familiar green-gold shimmer.
"…" Tony froze with his mouth already open to answer, but due to the sudden disappearance of his interlocutor, he looked extremely offended.
"So, someone can still have the last word when talking to Tony Stark?" Potts teased, smiling sweetly at the man.
- He ran away! That doesn't count!
"It's very good that you're finally ready to tell me who it was," the girl said, still smiling, moving closer.
"Yes, that's right, he escaped..." Stark noted with a new intonation, licking his dry lips and looking around the area, clearly figuring out where to run off to.
- Tony?
"Who wants to congratulate my bride?!" this blockhead asked the whole room, pretending not to hear her.
"Tony," Pepper called out to him, more coldly.
- Come on - come on! We're celebrating today! - the billionaire continued to clown around. They both knew that this was a temporary success and that later he would feel even worse than if he explained everything now, but that was Tony - he didn't look for easy ways...
A few days later.
Laura stared wide-eyed at the brown rabbit in the cage, and the rabbit responded by chewing hay melancholically, twitching its ears listlessly at the chirping of all the parrots and canaries from the other end of the store.
Our tourist trip, both before and after Stark's birthday, was leisurely and even a little lazy. We stopped in one place for a long time, grilled meat, rested, tried to sunbathe, although my companions considered the weather too cool for this and even got themselves fur-lined boots. I tossed the child around, showing her all sorts of cute things, like how to catch desert snakes and skin furry game... listened to Sarah's feeble indignation that this shouldn't be done, smiled charmingly, but didn't promise anything. Although Dr. Kinney was indignant just for show. Of all people, the scientist probably knew better than anyone that these amusements would not harm X-23's psyche. Of course, this didn't stop her from pursing her lips in displeasure, but she knew, yes.
In local towns we bought groceries, visited bookstores and souvenir shops, playgrounds and movie theaters. In short, I did everything to give my companions time to come to their senses, think and get used to each other. The fighting hamster gradually socialized, no longer grabbing everything from the shelves, but first showing her mother the things she liked, sometimes even explaining to the sellers, telling them what she needed to see from the shelf. With me, however, she still played the silent game. I don't know why, but a nod or a negative shake of the head was the maximum that I could get from her, and she didn't avoid me at all, and even on the contrary - she often followed and came up to see what I was doing. However, she managed to talk to Yuriko several times, although she tried to keep her distance, and she herself was a silent person and an introvert. It all looked very strange from the outside, especially once, when I was caught by the fire in the morning and demanded to read a fairy tale from a recently bought book while my mother was sleeping. They demanded silently and without even using facial expressions - they just came up, drilled a hole with their gaze until I turned to face them, showed the book - and started to blink expectantly with their big eyes, just like now at the rabbit. I don't know what she decided to achieve from the big-eared one, but I read the fairy tale then... as well as several times after... And in general, they harnessed me, if it comes to that...
Nothing had changed in the mutant school during this time, and even the report about Stryker's shocking death did not cause much commotion. Charles, it seemed to me, suspected me of something, but it was expressed only in a couple of postponed chess games, supposedly because he was busy, but that was all. He did not even carefully probe in conversation.
In general, everything was going well, and today did not promise any surprises. Another small town, another shopping trip, not even with the goal of buying something, but just to look and show the child. All around were nice provincial people, small cozy houses, clear skies - everything was peaceful and blissful...
Until THIS was heard behind me:
"I need a horse!" the new visitor's voice rang out imperiously throughout the store as the door slammed.
And I would recognize that voice even if I was dead drunk, after several hours of fighting trolls and getting a good blow to the ear from a stone giant. No joke - there was such an episode in Loki's biography.
"We don't have horses…" after a few seconds of silence, interrupted only by the quick steps of a man crossing the room, the seller responded slowly, clearly doubting the mental health of his interlocutor. "Puppies, kittens, birds…" he listed further, as if hinting that a pet store and a stud farm were different enterprises.
- Only bigger - to saddle, - with inimitable ease the visitor broke the poor guy's pattern with his new remark. And from his voice it immediately became clear that he was not joking at all, without the slightest halftones or doubts.
Luckily, the seller was saved from having to answer by the sound of a car horn from the street and a woman's shout through the open door:
- Hey, do you need a ride?!
The creaking of the soles of the visitor turning back, a couple of seconds of silence... and confident steps back. One, two, three... stepped out onto the threshold... the slam of the closing door. I slowly, slowly turned sideways to the window, pushed Yuriko aside a little and, furtively peering out from behind the cages, saw the back of a healthy blond man in a brown jacket climbing into a small truck to the passenger seat...
What the Surtur?!
What is HE doing here ?!
"Sir?" Yuriko called out to me, concerned.
"Everything is fine," I suddenly peeled myself away from the window and turned to my companions, who were looking at me in unison. "Everything is wonderful… I just don't understand anything!" With those last words, I jumped up and ran out into the street.
The truck had already disappeared at the end of the road, heading out of town, leaving behind a light cloud of dust and my completely upset feelings. What happened? Why was Thor here? I didn't escort any Jotuns to Asgard, I didn't disrupt the coronation, I didn't incite him to go to Jotunheim and… what else was there according to canon? Accusing Odin of being an old senile man, after which he lost his temper? None of that happened! Loki was a good boy for once and had nothing to do with it… What the hell?!
***
- Loki? What's going on? - Sarah asked anxiously, following me out of the shop. Her anxiety was understandable - she was already on the run, and now her kidnapper or patron suddenly rushed off with a long face. There was reason to be nervous.
"Oh, just like that..." I looked away from the dusty road, pulling myself together, "I met an old friend whom I never expected to see here."
- It may be dangerous?
- No, - I shook my head, - the most that would happen is a family scandal, but they didn't notice me. So, - I shook myself, - we've been sitting in this town for too long, it's time to move on. How about over there? - I raised my eyebrows characteristically and waved my hand in the opposite direction from the truck that had driven away.
"O-okay," Miss Kinney said doubtfully, once again, I suppose, doubting my sanity.
- That's great, - I needed to think about what to do in this situation. And it would be better to do it as far away from my dear brother as possible. No, my first impulse was to just run away and let him figure it out for himself, which is what I actually did, but it was an impulsive decision, almost intuitively made. The Asgardian brain is, of course, much quicker than a human's, and I already mentioned "subconscious processing", but my initial fears could also come into play here... argh, in general, I just need to sit quietly, weigh all the data I have and think.
Meanwhile, the ladies, including the young ones, had safely left the shop and were ready to move along the given coordinates, fortunately we had managed to buy everything. Without putting the matter off for too long, I gave Yuriko the order to start moving. Well, the route was so-so, we would have to stop at a campsite at best, if not in the desert at all, but oh well - there was somewhere to sleep in this mobile home, and the lack of people... perhaps that was even good.
We stopped for a rest only at about nine in the evening, as expected, the only trace of civilization around was a road of average-lousy condition, so for dinner we were supposed to have shashlik, or rather, barbecue and baked potatoes. Because electricity needs to be saved... probably, and I like potatoes. Especially baked on coals, and after such news I have the right to treat myself. Oh, who am I trying to fool, the "news from home" seriously knocked me off track, and the aforementioned subconscious threw up various horrors, from which I ran away. It may sound stupid, but what can you do, that's how it happened.
Exiled Thor on Earth is a complete asshole! The Allfather has already fallen or is about to fall into his healing coma, the news of this will immediately spread throughout all the Nine Worlds, and these are not just any planets, but very significant centers of galactic politics. These are, practically, all the mystical races of our galaxy, those who were somehow kept in the fist of Asgard, not allowing them to rebel and make everyone else laugh. Technomagic is much more effective than pure magic and pure technology, to the point that Asgard could literally wipe any planet in the galaxy into dust, regardless of all its armies and space fleets, without even risking a single soldier. As well as could simply transfer an army directly to the palace of any planetary government and take it by the udder. All sorts of trolls, giants and other dark elves, of course, do not have such capabilities, but any gang of them, if it breaks into a planet of the level of modern Earth, or even something higher, up to blasters and antigravity, is capable of arranging a real Hell and Israel there, simply because with a weapon that causes damage only on the physical level, you will kill them like bees kill a bear.
The army of Asgard is constantly busy cutting with such gangs. Thousands of years. On hundreds and thousands of worlds. And this despite the fact that it absolutely dominates, having crushed the strongest opponents and forced them to agree to peace treaties that block the movement of truly large forces. Odin's authority forces the same Laufey and Surtur to sit quietly, under the grass, and still there are always some shamans who can lead those who want along the paths of shadows, open a portal, teleport aboard a spaceship flying in a neighboring system, and so on. Let all this always require abundant sacrifices, but a gang of supernatural freaks going on a campaign does not mind at all putting half of the captured city under the knife in order to calmly get away home with the loot, not to mention slaughtering some village to start such a campaign.
If Odin is gone and the throne of Asgard is empty, the galaxy will be in total chaos. I don't care about trolls and giants, although they will have spaceships and anything else for entertainment, but let's remember Thanos! The mad titan has been accumulating strength for a long time, he already has one or two Infinity Stones and a circle of especially gifted yes-men, each of whom is equal to me, for example, in terms of combat potential. What will this wrinkled snork do (forgive me, Harry Potter tale!), having learned that the most serious and dangerous uncle who could threaten his plans has become incapacitated and has not even left a successor?
I, Surtur damn him, have already made up my mind that I have at least ten years to find a way to get out of here, and I am not mentally prepared to meet the Chitauri invasion army in two weeks! Okay, fine, two weeks is an exaggeration, Thanos has no means of instantly transferring troops across the entire galaxy, and without the help of the Tesseract, it will take him those same ten years, if not more, to fly from his bear's corner to Earth, but he is not the only one! Pirates, slave republics, all sorts of ancient primordials, like the Collector, engaged in all sorts of inadequate crap and more than willing to take advantage of the general chaos for their own purposes. There is also the Kree Empire, which exists in this universe, and it is completely fucked up by the scriptwriters here, in the sense that they are racist Nazis and immoral freaks, to whom even Hitler would say: "Guys, you are going a bit overboard with the inhumanity, even I did not consider myself an Untermenschen." Praise be to I don't know who, at least there is no Skrull Empire here, because the Kree kicked it, as well as the Phalanx and Galactus, but even without them, fun is guaranteed.
But the most important thing is that I don't understand at all what to do. I mean, how could all this have happened? What did Thor do to be banished and deprived of his powers? How could he have done anything like that? It's Thor! Odin never punished him, even when he smashed the Rainbow Bridge! Or rather, he would have smashed it... he would have smashed it in the future, where I set him up... It doesn't matter! It's still Thor! In the past, at most, he was scolded a little, no matter what kind of crazy thing he did and no matter what ass he stuck his head in. What could have happened in my absence for this to change so abruptly? And what should I do now?..
While lost in thought, I didn't even notice how I had trampled a whole path, walking back and forth away from the fire. My companions looked at me warily, but didn't pester me with questions, probably sensing with their feminine intuition that the moment was not right for this. I was grateful to them for this and was almost ready to give an explanation. That is, I would have put this matter off for another five or seven minutes, but then I would have definitely given it!.. Or I would have waited until they got tired of waiting and went to bed... But I was mentally prepared for the revelation, yes! This is accurate information! And everything would have been wonderful, but... my solitude in the evening twilight was unexpectedly interrupted.
"Hello, Loki," a stately woman in an exquisite closed dress of white and gold tones emerged from the darkness, and how I didn't jump three meters in fright, I have no idea!
- M-mother?.. - the word escaped my tongue faster than my short-circuited mind could fully comprehend the appearance of the guest. Outwardly, her age fluctuated between thirty-five and forty-five years. Soft facial features, a kind, warm look... I felt like a schoolboy whose teacher caught him putting a sharp pin on his chair before class.
"Yes, son, it's me," Frigga smiled.
"But..." I pull myself together with an effort of will, frantically trying to figure out how to behave and what this meeting could mean for me, "how did you find me?"
- You hid very well from the eyes of your father and Heimdall, but do not forget - it was I who taught you magic, - a hint of mischief appeared in her smile. Not like mine, Frigga's mischief was kind, and not, ahem... nasty, but... there was a certain family resemblance.
- This... - I raised my hand with my index finger raised reflexively, nervously biting my upper lip before I overcame and humbly accepted this graphic demonstration of my own stupidity from fate, - I didn't think. But let me ask - I finally pulled myself together - why are you here? I thought I had set out my position fully enough in the letter.
"I…" she lowered her eyes, "I'm sorry…"
- It's too late to apologize. And for what? It's just... that's how things worked out. Besides, frankly, you're the only one with nothing to apologize for. You've never singled out either me or Thor.
"You are both my sons," her voice trembled.
"Perhaps," I nod, trying to control the coldness in my voice, which was the only way the old Loki could speak on this topic, "although none of that matters now. What's more important is why are you here?"
"I want you to come home, Loki," Odin's wife answered with dignity, taking a deep breath and clearly anticipating the upcoming dispute thanks to her rich experience.
- Home? The ruler of Asgard demands the imprisonment of Laufey's spawn in Niflheim, according to the old treaty?
- Loki! - a flame flared in the eyes and voice of the asinya. - Stop it! Your father took your departure hard, but he is not angry and was not angry with you!
- My father is a monster that mothers use to scare naughty children! - I interrupted the woman. - And if you meant the Allfather, then who of us should be angry, it's me! But you didn't answer why you need me? And by the way, since we're talking about Asgard, explain what Thor is doing in Midgard, especially without his powers?
"This…" she looked away, "is a punishment from Odin.
- Punishment? For what?
- When you left, Thor was the first to notice your long absence and went to your chambers. And there he found a note...
- Oh... - a dozen pictures, one more colorful than the other, appeared before my eyes. - Did he really try to pull Odin's beard?
"Worse," Frigga didn't accept the joke. "He took his friends and broke into Jotunheim."
- But... why?
- He thought you were there and wanted to bring you back.
- Oh... - I covered my face with my hand. This was even dumber than the canonical version.
"But he didn't find you there, but he met Laufey..." Asinya continued mercilessly.
- I'm already scared...
- They almost died, but Odin managed to save them at the last moment, but after that Thor, in a rage, told him everything he thought...
– … – I was silent. I just was silent. Really? How, Karl?! I did a good deed – I got out of the world, knowing for sure that it would be better without me. It was an Act, Surtur damn him! Who else is ready to admit that about themselves?! I withdrew, I left the throne to my brother, I even got a job in the social sphere – I literally help disabled children overcome their congenital ailments! What the?!… How?!… What the?!… Oh, Marvel Cinematic Universe, how I hate you!
"We are on the brink of war with Jotunheim, and Thor provoked it. For this, he was stripped of his powers and banished to Earth," the woman continued, but...
- So, - I raised my hand, - wait a minute... You have... a war. And Odin didn't come up with anything smarter than to banish and deprive of the powers one of the best and strongest warriors of Asgard?
"You know how hot-tempered father can be," Frigga sighed.
- Oh yes, - now I believe that Thor could have started such a war - family idiocy can be seen. What one does first, then the other thinks!
"That's why we need your common sense more than ever, son," the illusory body of the queen of Asgard came close to me, looking into my eyes. "This morning, the Allfather fell into Odin's sleep…"
"You don't mean to say..." A terrible guess pierced me.
"Yes," the woman closed her eyes. "Asgard needs a king, and only you can take that place now."
- Sorry... what? - I mean... all that mega-intrigue in the canon was completely unnecessary? It was enough to just up and leave, so that everything desired would just fall into the hands of the God of Deception? Are you kidding me?!
- Son, your house is entering troubled times. And it cannot do without its Tsar. It cannot do without you.
- Uh... um... - one phrase was beating like an alarm in my head: "I hate the Marvel Cinematic Universe!", and also a passionate desire to somehow test myself for a prophet. - But I can't! I have things to do here. I have... - I quickly looked around in search of options. - A child! - I sincerely rejoiced, having discovered Laura, who, along with her mother and Yuriko, had been following the discussion this whole time, spellbound. - A very good child! - Catching a badly nervous inspiration, I close the distance between me and the girl in two steps and put my hand on the top of her head. - He knows how to wrinkle his nose. And he also knows how to be silent meaningfully. Have you ever seen children who can remain silent for more than two minutes? She is perfection itself! I can't leave her!
- A child? - here Frigga also noticed the involuntary witnesses, after which she turned her gaze from the girl to me, and then to the two women. - Loki... - in this short "Loki" so many indescribable maternal intonations were intertwined that I immediately understood - in her imagination I had suddenly fallen to the Dark Side of the Force and was now Enemy Number One, but not because I was a villain, a scoundrel and a bastard, but because I had not introduced her to my woman, had not invited her to the wedding and, scary to say, had hidden my granddaughter from her. In short, my tailbone screamed out loud that I had about a second and a half left to live, and then the Supreme Goddess and Queen of Asgard would punish me in a way that no Odin could have dreamed of even in his worst nightmare.
- You got it wrong! - I felt like I really wanted to live. - This is a child, but it's not my child! I just saved him from a lab where they were doing inhuman experiments on him, and now I'm taking him to a safe place. Mom, look me in the eyes. Do you hear me? I didn't make him! I found him. By accident!
- By chance? - Asinya returned to the real world with a slight jerk of her head.
- Here in Midgard, there is a covert war going on between ordinary people and mutants, where the former are trying to find a way to destroy or subjugate the latter. It so happened that I am already involved in all of this, and the idea of a planetary war does not appeal to me at all. For this reason, I decided to go through a couple of the most odious enterprises, so to speak, with an inspection. And-and ... yes, - I reluctantly shake my head, - I was not too soft in my assessments. It was from the last blood-soaked laboratory that I took this girl. By the way, this is her mother, - I point to Sarah.
"It's very… nice to meet you," the scientist squeezed out, helping herself with habit.
- Oh, of course, - Odin's wife finally came to her senses and smiled affably. - It is also a pleasure for me to meet my son's friends. Call me Frigga.
"Sarah Kinney..." the woman introduced herself, nodding politely. Then she glanced briefly at X-23, who was calmly observing everything, and remembered: "My daughter's name is Laura."
In response, Frigga also nodded and looked at the girl, but she remained in her repertoire and did not provide the guest with anything other than a return glance of brown eyes. Not attaching much importance to this, the queen of Asgard turned to Yuriko.
"My name is Yuriko Oyama. Lord Loki saved me from slavery," the Asian woman introduced herself briefly.
- Oh, - the queen of Asgard turned to me, examining me with a new look. And for some reason I didn't like this look. When someone else's mother looks at you with such pride and pleasant surprise - it's uncomfortable.
- So, - I decide to quickly close up shop before they start looking for traces of a halo in me or, even worse, shaming me with stories beloved by all mothers from the series "how he went to the potty as a child", - I'm very glad that you all met, it's wonderful, but I need time to think. Bye, Mom.
- Loki, - the woman pulled herself together, once again switching her attention completely to me, - I understand that you want to send me away, and I have no doubt that you can close yourself off from me if you want to, - she continued with a sigh and sadness, - but understand - this is really important. Now the future of all Nine Worlds depends on you, and you yourself know that by refusing me, you yourself will endanger this world. Midgard lived in peace and inviolability under the protection of Asgard, but if Asgard does not have a king, no one will protect it.
"Or rather, no one will think that he is protected," I answered irritably, not so much objecting as… spilling out my emotions.
"The difference is vanishingly small, my son," Frigga nodded understandingly.
- Okay... Good! - my right hand fell on my face, massaging the skin with force. - I'll come now... But I don't promise anything! - I immediately warn the woman in a tone that does not tolerate objections.
"I'm waiting for you at home, son," Asinya smiled, and her illusion fell apart, leaving me alone with three women burning with curiosity.
"Why does my family not give me peace, even when I escaped to another world?!" I rub my face, barely holding back from much more unprintable expressions that reveal my state much more deeply.
But then I turned my gaze to the frozen women and realized that my troubles had only just begun. No, Yuriko was trying hard to pretend that she was a valiant Samurai and generally a "machine gun attached to a gun," but I could almost physically feel the curiosity emanating from her. Sarah was also interested, and as for Laura... Laura looked at me with her calm and serene gaze - exactly the same as when "extorting" another fairy tale.
- Eh, I guess I need to explain the situation...
- No, what are you saying, you are under no obligation to report to us... - Miss Kinney declared, continuing to flash her curious gaze. My assistant nodded sternly, yes, yes, continuing to exude curiosity, but the little fighting hamster did not bother with such things at all and continued to press and extort a "fairy tale" with his gaze.
- Yeah, right, - I sighed, resigning myself to the inevitable, - I'll try to summarize it briefly. So, you've heard the whole conversation, of course, but I'll start from the beginning and in order. As everyone here knows, according to legend, I'm considered the son of Odin, the king of Asgard. Well, as a prince, I tried to live up to it, studied there, developed myself, but my moron brother was appointed heir and future king, - I raised my hand, interrupting Sarah, who seemed to be trying to say something. - No, it's not envy or anger. In his case, it's more of a diagnosis. You saw him - he seriously wanted to find a puppy in a pet store to ride! And this is a guy who has seen spaceships and regularly flies in cars with antigravity drive! So, periodically Odin has to fall into a kind of coma, in which he rejuvenates and gains strength, this state is called Odin's Sleep, and during its duration the throne of Asgard must pass to the heir. Well, so that control over the entire interstellar empire of the Aesir and Vanir is not lost. And everything would be fine, but shortly before Thor's coronation I learned that I really am a prince. A prince of the ice giants - the most dangerous enemies of Asgard. That war has been going on for thousands of years, and both sides of the conflict have accumulated a considerable bloody score against each other. To say that I was slightly surprised and upset by such news is to greatly understate the picture. But, as a reasonable... hmm, reasonable being, I did not rush to make a scene with Odin or run to lead the Jotuns. No, I decided to calm down a bit, get some fresh air and think about life, and with that I went down to Midgard, that is, to Earth. I even left a note specially so that they wouldn't bother me and wouldn't look for me! Well, then I was delayed by my vacation - I got a job as a teacher at a school for gifted children, saved the world a little, met a couple of beauties - I couldn't help but wink at Yuriko, who was still stoically pretending to be a samurai. - In general, I was restoring my mental balance and collecting my thoughts. And at that moment my moron brother burst into my room, saw the empty room and the note on the table. Unfortunately, his brain capacity was still enough to learn to read, and my "farewell letter" ... well, he read it. After which, instead of going to sort things out with Odin, asking his mother or just spitting and finally noticing that one pretty asinya has been running after him for four hundred years and it would be nice to pay attention to the girl... instead of all this and a thousand and one other ways to do something, if not useful, then at least harmless, he did not think of anything smarter than to take his hammer, his friends, even bigger morons, and invade the lands of the jotuns, demanding "to return his brother", simultaneously killing and maiming subjects of a foreign state, peacefully strolling about their business.
"Um, I can't quite follow the logic…" the female scientist admitted.
– Me too, but it's Thor, he's been doing it all his life! And yes, that's not the end of the story. Anyway, as you might have guessed, something suddenly and unexpectedly went wrong, and as many as four, or five, if they dragged Sif into their adventure, the young and not very smart Aesir "for some reason" couldn't clear Jotunheim of giants. In the end, the result was predictable – they were cornered and were about to present a bill for all their murdered relatives, and to recall old debts. But at the last moment, Odin heroically saves them. The result – we get enraged giants, whom they themselves, "treacherously and without declaring war," attacked. But that's not all. Odin literally immediately proved two things: the first – Thor is one hundred percent his son, and the second – idiocy in this family is passed down the male line. Because he couldn't think of anything smarter than to deprive one of Asgard's best warriors of his powers and banish him to Earth, and he just went to sleep. The result is that two of Asgard's strongest combat units were eliminated before the fighting even began, and one of these units is also the commander-in-chief. And the news of this, if it hasn't already spread across the Nine Worlds, will soon. The Nine Worlds are the key planets of Asgard's influence zone, each has a bunch of satellites, and they play one of the main roles in the political arena of the galaxy. And now Frigga's mother comes to me and asks me to clean up all of Thor's shit, as I've usually done all my life. Only this time the scale is much larger, and Odin and his "bunch" helped! And yes, one more tiny detail. The King of the Ice Giants, with whom I will now have to fight on the side of Asgard, is my biological father. But if I don't do this, the universe is doomed. If not everything, then many planets, because an inter-world war within the Nine Worlds will very quickly turn into a pan-galactic war. It's as if right now in the USA the southern states started a second civil war, simultaneously with the death of the president, congress, senate and the entire NATO command taken together, only transfer the consequences from one planet to the entire galaxy. I hope now you understand why Thor and Odin are morons?! Ugh, ahem, - I cleared my throat, - I apologize, I got a little carried away, but even I can't take all this calmly.
"N-nothing to worry about," Sarah responded, digesting what she had heard. "You were incredibly correct and reserved in this situation. But what should we do?" The scientist glanced at the girl, who was listening to my short but very expressive story, fascinated.
"I'm not going to leave two women with a child alone in the middle of the desert," I massage my face again, brushing off the woman's excitement. "Come with me."
- Where?
- To Asgard. You can be proud of yourself, no man has ever been honored to visit there, - I tried to portray all the arrogance of the Guardian of the Bridge that I was capable of. - Well, at least in the last thousand years, - I shrug, softening the moment.
- But is it convenient?
- I will arrange for you to be given the best rooms in the palace, - I was adamant. - And if these smart guys are not happy with something, then there was no need to call me to solve their problems. Got involved with Loki? Endure the pain and humiliation! - After thinking for a bit, I finish: - This does not apply to you. But the Aesir will suffer!
"What about the trailer?" Yuriko asked.
- Surtur is with him, if necessary, we'll buy a new one.
"O-okay, as you wish," agreed the former prisoner of her own body, clearly trying to wrap her head around the fact that she would be heading to "Valhalla" right now.
- Okay, - I sigh, - you can't catch your breath before you die. Come closer, - all three ladies stepped towards me, not very confidently, but obediently. As soon as we were in a circle with a radius of a couple of meters, I took off my disguise and raised my face to the sky. - Heimdall, a bridge!... please, - before the phrase had finished, a pillar of rainbow radiance struck from the sky, building an inter-world passage around us. The speed of providing "transport" indicated that the Guardian had been properly motivated. Frigga could be frightening when she wanted to, and something told me that this time the permanent sentry of Asgard had clearly gotten a good beating.
The short flight up the shining tunnel was interrupted as abruptly as always, pushing us right in front of the round arch of the active passage in the control room of Bifrost. Heimdall stood in front in all his brutally pumped-up splendor of a black man in gold. The sword, through which the "lightning" strikes the ceiling, was pompously lowered into the groove of the Bridge mechanism control, as was the piercing gaze of eyes blazing with mystical power - God and the forefather of all watchmen looked at me as if I were an undisclosed enemy of the people.
"Loki," he stated gloomily, drawing his sword with a sharp movement and thus closing the passage. He probably wanted to say something else, in particular about inviting mortals to Asgard, but I did not give him such a chance:
- A thousand years ago! - I move forward through the hall. - I am glad to see you too, oh selectively incorruptible friend of my prodigal brother! - I exchange my earthly clothes for Asgardian armor and helmet. - Can you tell me how it happened that you allowed Thor to go to Jotunheim? And why is Thor exiled and deprived of powers, and you still hold this position?!
"The Queen is waiting for you in Odin's chambers. The flying boat will arrive soon," the Bridge Guardian, his face frozen, avoided answering.
- Well, of course! How could I forget?! - I imitate a bucket of bile to scale with my voice, stopping in front of him, looking into his face. - There is no one to replace you with those magical eyes of yours, Odin is not supposed to stand here all day long?
"I had no right to hinder the heir of Asgard without the King's order," Heimdall nevertheless condescended to give an explanation. "But it was I who informed the Allfather of where your brother had gone."
"And that's how you saved him," I continued, not holding back my irony. "Only Thor is in exile now, and you're here."
I look demandingly into the face of the black warrior. Contrary to popular belief, he was not a cold-blooded idol, being an adventurer at heart, which is why he sympathized with Thor. And also, although he tried not to show it, Heimdall was very sensitive to other people's reproaches for his professionalism. And now the big guy could not stand it, looking away.
"Yes..." escaped his lips reluctantly.
"I'm glad you understand that," I turn around abruptly, so that my green cloak flutters slightly, and head towards the exit, beckoning my companions with a gesture of my hand.
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