It was the beginning of winter when everything was finally settled.
Su Qing confirmed the flight date.
A full scholarship, three to five years of study, may be even longer.
"Qing Qing, why are you going so far away all of a sudden? Wuuuwuuu, I can't bear to leave you."
Liu Ranran burst into tears, slumped against Su Qing's body.
"Qing Qing, what will happen to Jiang Sui if you leave? He's so handsome..."
Liu Ranran was clearly drunk, her words rambling.
"Qing Qing, I wish you a bright future."
Wenwan's voice was cold and clear. Since they'd been in Beijing all along, they'd kept in touch and occasionally even had dinner together.
They all got along quite well.
Su Qing pursed her lips and smiled.
The atmosphere and pressure were very low throughout the party.
Su Qing hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, and neither had Jiang Sui. Both of them were completely sober when they left.
On the way home, they went their separate ways as usual. Su Qing knew Jiang Sui was standing right behind her, ever since the two of them had been at odds.
He stood behind her, no longer beside her.
"Jiang Sui, my flight is a little after ten tomorrow."
The cool night breeze blew against Su Qing's face, causing her to feel a sharp pain.
She lowered her eyes, feeling an unbearable sadness in her heart, unable to contain it.
The silence lasted so long that Jiang Sui suddenly felt as if the strong wind was raking his ears, unable to make out any words.
His fingers twitched, drooping limply.
"Can I fetch you there, Qing Qing?"
Jiang Sui's throat was hoarse, his chest clenched with pain.
"Don't fetch me there, Jiang Sui. I don't want you to fetch."
Su Qing's words were brisk, so quick that the sadness in her voice was invisible.
"Don't fetch me there."
Jiang Sui's eyes drooped helplessly.
Silence, another endless silence.
Ever since Su Qing said they needed to calm down, things had become like this. Unless Su Qing initiated a conversation, Jiang Sui rarely spoke.
But she also knew.
This silent young man had secretly tucked her in while she slept.
Knowing that even if she didn't let him pick her up, he'd still stand at the bottom of the lab, rain or shine.
He prepared snacks for her, bought her clothes, and prepared food for her.
He cared for her with meticulous attention, even remembering her menstrual period.
When she told him not to fetch her there, Su Qing could sense the young man's sadness.
Su Qing pursed her lips, a wave of anger rising in her heart. This was the price he had to pay for pushing her away.
But in the end, she couldn't bear to let go.
"If I don't let you fetch me there, I'm afraid I'll be sad."
Su Qing's voice was low, her emotions still overflowing.
Jiang Sui pinched his fingers. "Qing Qing."
His voice was too hoarse.
"Jiang Sui, we can spend the whole night together tonight."
Su Qing suddenly exhaled and took Jiang Sui's finger.
It was only then that Su Qing realized how icy the boy's fingertips were. When had his fingers been so cold, so cold that she couldn't warm them no matter what she did?
Jiang Sui remained stunned, letting Su Qing hold his fingers, trying to warm them.
Emotions surged within him.
"Let's be together whole night."
Jiang Sui's eyes welled with emotion, but he stood beside Su Qing, head bowed. Su Qing, a boy a head taller than the girl, couldn't discern Jiang Sui's emotions, but she knew they were surging.
His fingers trembled, and so did his voice.
"Jiang Sui, what if I do something else?"
"Qing Qing."
The boy's voice was weary and unnaturally hoarse.
"Are you still rejecting me?" Su Qing pinched Jiang Sui's fingers. They were truly beautiful, slender and white, each one with distinct bony rings. They looked like the kind of hands someone would play the piano with.
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't warm them.
Jiang Sui pursed his lips.
"Qing Qing, don't hurt yourself."
"To be truly with you, is to hurt myself?"
Jiang Sui was speechless. Su Qing's words had saddened and sobered him.
"No, Qing Qing, stop making a fuss. Let's go home."
The word "go home" brought warmth to Su Qing's eyes.
"Jiang Sui, is there a reason? Why do you have to..."
Su Qing bit her lip, not asking.
"Jiang Sui, don't regret it. I'm telling you, this tonight. If you miss this opportunity, you'll never get it again. Don't regret it."
Jiang Sui grasped Su Qing's fingers with his backhand.
Every bone ached as he strained to control himself.
The two of them didn't exchange as much conversation as they had on the road that night.
They simply cuddled together, unaware of what was playing on the TV, and Jiang Sui even less so.
All he knew was that the girl beside him was leaving for a distant land tomorrow.
"Qing Qing, have you checked your suitcase? I brought you something..."
He didn't want to say goodbye, but Jiang Sui couldn't help himself, saying it several times that night.
Su Qing pursed her lips. "You've said it eight times, Jiang Sui. We've already gone upstairs and checked seven times."
Jiang Sui hung his head, silent.
Su Qing looked at Jiang Sui.
"Jiang Sui, kiss me."
The two of them hadn't been intimate very often; it could be said they'd always maintained a sense of distance.
The boy's eyes burned, as if on fire.
After hearing Su Qing's words, he couldn't hold back any longer.
The one who protected him.
The one he loved so dearly.
Su Qing thought Jiang Sui would actually do something, but in the end, the boy didn't do anything, demonstrating remarkable restraint.
His eyes were bloodshot.
The pull caused the corners of her mouth to ache, and blood formed inside her mouth.
Even so, Jiang Sui simply held her all night.
It was that simple.
The TV stayed on all night.
From dusk till dawn, the two of them cuddled together.
When it was time to buy breakfast, Jiang Sui's stiff neck checked to see if the person in his arms was asleep, but he was met with a cold face.
"Qing Qing, I'm going to buy breakfast."
Su Qing grabbed Jiang Sui's finger, shook her head, and then looked at the time in her phone. It was seven o'clock.
"No, Jiang Sui, I'm leaving at eight. I'm not buying anything. I don't want to eat. I'm not hungry."
Her mood was low, and her eyes were filled with reluctance.
"Qing Qing, you'll get airsick."
Yes, Su Qing did get a little airsick.
"Jiang Sui, I don't want to eat."
Helpless, the young man lowered his head and held Su Qing in his arms as usual. Su Qing looked at the cut corner of her mouth and unbuttoned her collar...
"You're so crazy, why not?"
Jiang Sui's eyes were filled with a hidden storm, capable of sweeping over everything.
He pressed down on Su Qing's fingers.
He kissed the corner of the girl's eye.
Jiang Sui's words, "Can you not leave?", never came out.
And the words stuck in his throat.
I love you...
Finally, he swallowed them.