She had arrived.
Su Qing still didn't let Jiang Sui fetch her.
What she didn't know was that the boy had stood by the window, watching for a long, long time, until the car carrying her drove away.
Jiang Sui just leaned against the window, his back a bit gloomy, standing in the darkened room for a whole day and night.
Mei Yeqin knew that it had been a week since Su Qing left for abroad.
When she saw Jiang Sui again, he seemed completely calm.
They sat in the cafe, Mei Yeqin watching Jiang Sui.
"Your illness hasn't healed."
Mei Yeqin spoke with assurance.
Jiang Sui didn't argue or nod. He sipped the bitter coffee, surprisingly not feeling any bitterness at all, and even found it somewhat enjoyable. He pursed his lips and closed his eyes.
"Auntie, I'd appreciate your help taking care of her at school there."
Jiang Sui's words were still referring to Su Qing.
A hint of bitterness lingered in Mei Yeqin's eyes. "I know there are former classmates of mine at the school too. She won't be bullied."
"You've already made all the arrangements, and you're still worried?"
Jiang Sui's subtle movements naturally didn't escape Mei Yeqin's gaze.
He had already arranged a host family for Su Qing: a single, elderly woman, also a researcher and a gentle national.
Of course, Su Qing didn't know any of this.
Jiang Sui pursed his lips, restraining his thoughts, his eyes a look of extreme repression.
"I'm out of reach here."
"Out of reach, don't think I don't know you've already secretly told your advisor that you're going to be juggling."
"Can your body handle this?"
When Mei Yeqin learned that Jiang Sui wanted to work and pursue his doctorate simultaneously, she thought he was crazy.
Both tasks were exhausting, and his health was already poor, not to mention his illness.
He pretended to be fine in front of Su Qing, but in reality, he wasn't. He acted so well that Mei Yeqin thought he was.
"I'm fine."
Mei Yeqin had seen the stubbornness of youth before, and she sighed softly.
"Why don't you go with her for further studies? If you're willing, your advisor will definitely recommend you."
Mei Yeqin knew Jiang Sui's intelligence and talent.
Even if he can't go to the same school as Su Qing, being in the same place is definitely possible.
"I don't want to before, but now I want to, and she doesn't want to."
Jiang Sui's words stunned Mei Yeqin, clearly not understanding.
"You didn't want to before? Why?"
Jiang Sui pursed his lips and said nothing. He pinched his fingertips, trying hard to suppress the emotions that surged within him, and closed his eyes deeply.
"Nothing."
"Then, what if she doesn't want to?"
Jiang Sui seemed unwilling to discuss the issue. No matter what Mei Yeqin said, he remained silent.
The two of them hadn't dined together. Jiang Sui was merely saying goodbye to Mei Yeqin, and Mei Yeqin knew it.
Jiang Sui's illness hadn't healed.
When they parted, Jiang Sui specifically emphasized that Mei Yeqin not tell Su Qing about his condition.
Mei Yeqin knew that Jiang Sui was already terminally ill at this point.
If he had anxiety before, now the boy had transformed those symptoms into paranoia.
His paranoia about Su Qing was beyond the pale, outrageous.
Mei Yeqin couldn't let go of her feelings for a long time after returning home.
The first night after Su Qing left, Jiang Sui entered Su Qing's room, curled up in a huddle.
He was trying his best to restrain his love.
When Mei Yeqin told Pei Dai all this, Pei Dai, who was coaxing the child, had a look of understanding in his eyes.
So Jiang Sui wasn't surprised to receive Pei Dai's call.
The two agreed on a time and place, the night before Jiang Sui was leaving.
Pei Dai didn't say a word, but he seemed to understand Jiang Sui's feelings.
"You're holding back, Jiang Sui. You're afraid you'll hurt her, but you still want to be with her. You're afraid her feelings for you might be stronger than her love, right?"
You don't know how much love can be so restrained.
You don't know how much love can be so strong that I'd rather leave you than feel your guilt.
Jiang Sui, this young man, simply wants Su Qing's pure love.
Pei Dai's words made Jiang Sui's eyes crimson, his blazing gaze fixed on the sky.
A sob whimpered in his throat, like a wounded animal.
A glimmer of light flickered in the corner of his eye.
When did Su Qing's eyes, when she looked at him, become filled with unfathomable guilt?
Jiang Sui didn't know when he saw it.
When she was treating him, the girl always had a suppressed pity. Because of her mother's situation, she also had that look when she looked at him.
This was not what Jiang Sui needed at all.
Also, when did Su Qing's eyes start to look at him with more guilt?
Since the end of the college entrance examination?
Since the case was over, or since he gave up on pursuing a doctorate?
This was not what Jiang Sui wanted.
"I don't want her to feel guilty. If all she feels towards me is guilt and pity, I'd rather not have that kind of love."
"Not have?"
Pei Dai looked at Jiang Sui, his eyes broken and a hint of resignation on his lips. "Even now, I still don't know whether your auntie feels responsibility or love towards me."
Some of the Pei family's bloodline is rooted in love, while others simply resist and dare not touch it.
Jiang Sui pursed his lips, sipping his wine, his eyes unfocused.
"My auntie loves you."
"Then I don't think Su Qing feels guilty towards you either."
Both men were mountain dwellers, and neither could see clearly in the chess game.
Jiang Sui arrived in San Francisco just as night had fallen.
The city was ablaze with color, the lights blazing like daylight.
The thought of being under the same sky with Su Qing sparkled a glimmer in the boy's eyes, and his heart stirred.
Holding his phone, Jiang Sui, though somewhat restrained, couldn't help but find a quiet place and call Su Qing. He was eager to hear her voice.
[Hello, I'm in the lab. If you need anything, please leave a message.]
It was Su Qing's formulaic voice.
Ever since she left the country, their contact had become increasingly rare.
From once a day, they'd talk once every two days, then every three days, then every five days, then every month.
Each time, he would leave a message and Su Qing call him back.
As the messages dwindled, so did the messages between the two of them.
Three years passed in a flash.
As Su Qing walked across campus, textbooks clutched in her arms.
The bachelor's cap on her head reflected the achievements of her past few years. As she walked across campus, Su Qing thought of herself walking similarly around the campuses of Peking University three years ago.
Today was her graduation day.
"Hello."
Su Qing paused as someone tried to stop her. She saw a blond, blue-eyed boy speaking halting Chinese.
Su Qing's eyes froze for a moment, clearly not expecting someone to block her path.
"Hello."
Su Qing responded politely.
"Hello, I like you. Can we date?"
Even after years abroad, Su Qing wasn't used to such directness. Her face and eyes held a hint of surprise.
Before she could respond, the blond, blue-eyed boy stared at her intently.
"I fell in love with your beauty at first sight. Can you date me?"
Su Qing was even more stunned and shook her head.
"Sorry."
The blond, blue-eyed boy seemed confused by Su Qing's words, so Su Qing once again uttered a direct rejection in English.
The young man left disappointed.
Su Qing shook her head.
On graduation day, it wasn't that she missed this place, but rather that Liu Ranran kept telling her in the phone that she wanted to hear about her college life and internship after she returned.
Su Qing worried that she, a boring person, had spent too much time in the lab and had nothing to say to Liu Ranran. So, she had to take advantage of her last few moments to wander around here.
After three years in this place, Su Qing still felt unfamiliar everywhere.
She had rejected so many awards and job offers.
She didn't know why she had to go back her country.
What exactly was there in China?
Su Qing pursed her lips. After completing the paperwork, she didn't linger a single day in San Francisco. Her mentor's reluctance to let her go brought tears to her eyes, and the woman at her homestay had tears in her eyes as well when she saw her leaves. But none of this seemed to stop Su Qing.
On the plane, a long-lost sense of strangeness ignited within Su Qing.
On her flight mode phone, Su Qing swiped to the familiar yet unfamiliar contact number.
It had been so long since they had seen each other, how long since they had spoken.
The call logs were saved from that night three years ago. Ever since the call went unanswered, the two hadn't spoken since.
He hadn't called her.
She hadn't initiated contact either.
On WeChat, aside from a few messages from college, there had been no more.
When Su Qing couldn't help herself, she had cried secretly at night, repeatedly scrolling through Jiang Sui's Moments.
His Moments, like him, were cold and aloof, pitifully clean, save for a single message last year about the establishment of a law firm.
Did he set up a law firm?
She heard he graduated with a PhD a year early, even before herself. He's a true role model in the industry. He landed a major case right after graduation, instantly becoming a household name in the legal world. At the end of last year, he became a rising partner, creating a sensation within the legal community.
This is what Liu Ranran told her.
Su Qing thought she'd managed to overcome the initial pain of leaving, the longing she felt, and even the feeling of hearing news about him without a single emotion.
Even Liu Ranran lamented, saying they were so close, how could they have broken up?
How could they have broken up?
In the past, Su Qing hadn't quite understood why Jiang Sui had insisted on letting her go, why he had to let her leave.
Now it seemed that perhaps the boy no longer loved her.
As a medical student, she should have the clearest understanding of love, right? It was simply a surge of hormones.
It was just a momentary excitement; after the excitement wore off, nothing was left.
It was winter when she left, and it was still winter when she returned.
As Su Qing stepped off the plane, a gust of cold air washed over her.
She had returned in such a hurry that she hadn't told anyone, and no one had come to meet her at the airport.
But Su Qing felt a long-lost sense of familiarity, the Chinese language all around, and a sense of familiarity welling up.
After booking a hotel, Su Qing decided to adjust to the jet lag and sleep soundly.
Exhausted, Su Qing took her medicine and slept for a whole day and night.
She had no idea when her insomnia would go away. People say doctors can't treat themselves, but she could. She knew she had insomnia and was extremely dependent on medication.
After waking, Su Qing still felt lost and overwhelmed. It had always been this way, and she had long since grown accustomed to it.
When she opened her phone, it was nine o'clock, and there were quite a few missed calls.
There were calls from Liu Ranran, Mei Yeqin, her tutor, the hospital, and even the hostess at her homestay, but there was no call from that person.
Su Qing went to the bathroom, washed up briefly, and then returned their calls one by one.
First, there were the calls from her tutor and hostess, both worried about her well-being. Su Qing pinched her brows, so exhausted she'd forgotten to tell them she'd arrived safely.
Then there were the calls from the hospital, where she worked, none other than Jiang Hospital.
While abroad, Su Qing had actually been an intern in clinical medicine for a long time. The requirements abroad weren't as strict as she was back home.
They'd let you do your internship very early.
So Su Qing had already stood in front the operating table early, albeit only as a recorder.
But she had gradually grown less afraid. Surgery had seen so much joy and sorrow, she didn't know whether it was good or bad.
After learning her appointment period and the hospital's location, Su Qing curled her lips. She was just an ordinary intern, so there was no need for the hospital to cause such a commotion.
Then she called Mei Yeqin back.
The two had kept in touch during Su Qing's years abroad. Furthermore, Su Qing was returning to China, still working at Jiang Hospital, so she couldn't hide the news from Mei Yeqin. Naturally, Mei Yeqin knew.
When Mei Yeqin called to say she'd host a welcome party for Su Qing, Su Qing politely declined, but Mei Yeqin insisted, so Su Qing had no choice but to agree.
It wasn't that she didn't want to go, she just didn't want to see that person.
Who was it? They hadn't seen each other in three years. Su Qing knew she couldn't avoid him, but she still had a bit of an ostrich mentality and wanted to avoid him.
Finally, she called Liu Ranran back.
"Qing Qing, you didn't even tell me you were back? You came back secretly!!!"
When Liu Ranran called Su Qing, she found her phone was off, so she called Su Qing's host family directly. Only then did she knew that Su Qing had returned to China.
Su Qing said with a forced smile, "I didn't come back secretly, I just didn't have time to tell you, don't be angry."