Chapter 2:
Being outside is terrifying. I'd rather be locked inside my house forever than deal with the freedom out here.
"This is so dumb," I grumbled, walking down the street, my clothes soaked in blood.
"It's not dumb, but you? Yeah, you are dumb," Rena replied, also covered in blood.
…Honestly, she looks worse than me, but that's fine since it's her fault for dragging me out here in the first place.
I could have spent a few more hours bonding with my bed rather than being covered with all this nonsense if she hadn't forced me out.
"Well then, I'll head home first to clean myself up. Later, Lairn."
"You know it's bad for me to hear later, especially if it's coming from you."
I'd rather hear the words I'm not talking to you anymore than later. Later sounds like work.
"Well then, I'm off-"
"Oh~ crap."
I blurted as my foot decided it was done walking and I tripped face-first into the ground.
Ouch.
Oh hello, ground.
Maybe I should just sleep here.
"Lairn, you stupid-"
"Oh, a coin."
I spotted it lying on the ground as I was still face-planted. Yeah, we're both on the ground, so I relate to it.
I picked it up and noticed it had a weird design I'd never seen before. Was it new?
It was unique, with strange symbols instead of the usual boring coin markings.
"…Lairn~ What are you doing? Why are you not standing up? Lairn, are you sleeping?" Rena asked, irritation dripping from her voice.
I hate when people can't just let me be. It's like this world wants to see me constantly moving.
The ground was comfier than my bed like it was telling me to just doze off and wait for someone to carry me home.
"Give me five more minutes… or five hours. Either works."
Being a coin actually sounded like a dream. Just lying around until someone picked you up.
Speaking of coins, this one was perfect for my collection.
"You really are hopeless. Well then, I should be going."
That's right. Don't disturb my little nap. "Bye, then," I mumbled, tilting my head toward where she stood only to find she was already gone.
"She really is quick."
Rena was always sneaky. Matter of fact, she was a noble, but because she could move like a ghost, she snuck out of her house whenever she wanted.
"OI!"
A man's voice echoed from the distance.
"Hey, you in the ground!"
Was he talking to me? Oh please, don't.
Another annoying being was approaching. Once again, someone had come to ruin my nap, as if the entire universe had a personal grudge against me resting.
I yawned, trying to savor what I assumed were my last 10 seconds of peace before destruction.
His footsteps grew closer heavy, deliberate. I'm not selling magnets, but trouble seems to be attracted to me anyway.
Finally, the steps stopped. I was pretty sure he was standing right there, but looking up felt like too much effort.
"You! On the ground. Stand up," he ordered.
Who was he to make me stand up? I needed at least three more lifetimes of naps before I'd consider it.
"What do you want? Go away, I'm dead," I muttered.
Well, now that I thought about it… what does it feel like to be dead?
"Dead? Don't make me laugh. I didn't know corpses could speak," the man said, voice dripping with irritation.
I cracked one eye open to peek at him. Big guy. Heavy boots. Armor that looked like it could crush me by existing. And the sword? Oh… it was big.
Guess my nap was officially over.
"Well, I could be a talking corpse if you consider me one," I added, rolling over to face him while still lying down.
His brow furrowed. "Stand up!"
Ugh. A forceful type. Well, I already have a forceful type of friend, so this wasn't new.
Time to execute my life-long survival plan.
"First step: stand up. Second step: brush off the dirt. Third step: walk away," I mumbled, doing exactly as I said until my peaceful exit was interrupted.
His head looked like it was about to sprout a new bumpy road. Any second now, veins were going to pop and curse words would start flying.
"HEY! Don't you dare walk away!" he shouted angrily.
Quit yelling. You're ruining the peace here. If you were selling artifacts, I'd come to you. Otherwise, shut it.
He started walking toward me. Each step was like a dumbbell hitting the ground, screaming death.
But I had a special ability one I only used in emergencies and that cost an absurd amount of energy: running.
Before he could even touch me, I bolted straight toward my house.
I might be dumb, but I'm not suicidal. That guy wasn't normal.
I ran far enough that he was nowhere in sight. Sure, I'm not used to running, but when my life's on the line, I'm basically an Olympic sprinter.
I stopped only when my lungs filed an official complaint.
I glanced back to make sure he wasn't behind me… and turned forward just in time to meet a familiar face.
"Oh. Hello, big guy," I mumbled, taking a cautious step back. Yep same guy.
"You really think you could escape me, huh?"
"Escape? No, no, no. This was just… exercise for my legs. Haven't done that in years."
Yep. This was my fate. No point resisting. I'd already fulfilled my greatest purpose: sleeping.
"That crown on your head, you're lucky to have gotten it. But now it's time to hand it over."
So that's what he wanted all along. Honestly, I could give it to him. I didn't need it. It'd look nice in my collection, but survival ranked higher.
"Oh, the crown? I'm surprised it's what you wanted… though I'm more surprised you can even move in that scrap metal you're wearing."
"What did you say!?" he growled, teeth grinding like he was auditioning for a toothpaste commercial.
"I said I can give it to you. I don't even need it."
That was close, almost got split in half for sarcasm.
I reached up to take it off… but it wouldn't budge. No matter what I tried, it was stuck.
The man just stared, confused, as I pulled on it.
"What are you doing?"
"Removing something stuck on my head. Obviously."
Why even ask? He was watching the same thing I was experiencing.
"You're just pretending so I can't take it. Maybe I should do it myself. Weaklings these days…" he muttered, stomping toward me.
In the chaos, I tripped again and one of my artifacts rolled out of my pocket. a small bottle.
It rolled to his foot. He stepped on it. Crack.
"This is bad."
I shut my eyes immediately. Experience told me this was one of those "see God or see nothing" moments.
A white light exploded, swallowing everything within ten meters.
Blinded, the man stumbled and slammed face-first into the dirt.
When the glow faded, I opened my eyes to see him dazed, clutching his face. Too late for him now.
That's what you get for underestimating a weakling like me. I can't fight, but if surviving means closing my eyes? I'm unbeatable.
"There he is!" someone shouted.
Great. Again. Guards were rushing toward us.
With my would-be murderer still groaning on the ground, I took my chance and bolted into the nearest alley.
Guards? I hadn't even done anything wrong. Why were they here?
Chapter Ends...