Jaokhun checked his reflection in the 7-Eleven window for the third time. The sneakers were the star of the show. Limited edition Nike Dunk Lows in cream and burgundy. He'd stood in line for six hours to get them, then immediately maxed out his credit card. Worth it. The rest of his outfit was simple, a plain white tee, black jeans, but the sneakers did all the talking.
"Excuse me, are you going to buy something or just stand there?" the cashier called from inside.
Jaokhun flashed his best smile and tapped his wrist like he was checking a watch he didn't own. "Running late, sorry!"
His phone buzzed. A message from his roommate, Non: "Dude where's the rent money?"
Jaokhun typed back quickly: "Coming. Big opportunity closing today. Trust me."
There was no opportunity. There was never really an opportunity. But Nont didn't need to know that yet.
He crossed the street toward Inter Bangkok University, weaving between motorcycles and taxis like he owned the road. He didn't own anything except three pairs of expensive sneakers and a confidence that could survive doomsday.
"Jaokhun!" A girl's voice called out.
He turned, smile ready. Three girls from his Business Communications class were walking toward him. The one in front, Ploy, had turned him down twice last semester. He considered that it was her warming up to him.
"Ladies," he said, flashing a grin. "You're looking at the future founder of... well, something that'll make the news. Still deciding if I want Forbes or Time Magazine first."
"Aren't you supposed to be in Professor Sombat's class right now?" Ploy asked.
Jaokhun checked his phone. 10:47 AM. Class started at 10:30.
"I'm strategically late. Builds memorable entrance."
"It builds a failing grade," one of the other girls said. "He takes attendance in the first five minutes."
"Then I'm strategically failing with style." Jaokhun gestured at his sneakers. "You see these? Limited edition. Only three hundred pairs in Thailand."
"How much did those cost?"
"Let's just say they're an investment in my personal brand."
"Your personal brand is being broke and delusional," Ploy said.
"Broke is temporary. Delusional is forever." He winked. "That's my motto."
The girls walked away, and he heard one of them say, "He's going to graduate owing money to half the campus."
"Only half?" Jaokhun called after them. "I need to work harder then!"
His phone buzzed again. This time it was his bank: "Your account balance is 47 baht."
Forty-seven baht. That was one and a half orders of street pad krapow. Or three BTS rides if he didn't transfer lines. Or basically nothing.
He needed a new scheme. Schemes were his specialty. Last week, he'd convinced three freshmen that he was starting an "exclusive investment club" and collected 500 baht each as "membership fees." The club met once in a coffee shop, where he bought everyone drinks with their own money, then never scheduled another meeting.
The week before that, he'd sold "VIP concert tickets" to a show that didn't exist. He would've gotten away with it too, if one of the buyers hadn't been the Dean's nephew.
He was currently on "academic probation," which sounded way more serious than it was. Probably.
He decided to walk along the Chao Phraya River. The river was free, and sometimes tourists dropped money. He'd found a twenty-baht note there once. Best day of his life.
The riverside was busy. Tourists taking photos, vendors selling grilled squid, and people walking past with places to go. Jaokhun had nowhere to go, but he walked like he did anyway.
He passed a woman throwing bread into the river for the fish. Jaokhun briefly considered asking if she had extra bread. He was that hungry.
His phone buzzed. Another message from Nont: "Serious question. Do you actually have rent money or should I start looking for a new roommate?"
Jaokhun was about to type a very convincing lie when he heard it.
A loud, deep voice that sounded angry.
"This is MY river!"
Jaokhun looked up. Then he looked around. No one else seemed to hear anything. The tourists kept taking photos. The vendors kept grilling squid. The bread lady kept throwing bread.
"YOUR river?" Another voice yelled back, higher but just as loud. "You've been saying that for three hundred years! Get new material!"
Jaokhun looked at the sky. Two figures were floating above the river. One of them was huge and covered in golden scales. It had a snake body with arms, and its face looked too human for something that definitely wasn't human. A Naga. Jaokhun had seen them in temple paintings, but those didn't move or yell.
The other one had wings. Big wings that were red and gold. Its body was half bird, half person, and it was wearing armor that looked traditional but way too shiny. A Garuda. Also from temple paintings. Also not supposed to be real.
"I am the guardian of the waters!" the Naga shouted. "I have been here since Ayutthaya!"
"And I am the mount of Vishnu!" the Garuda shouted back. "I outrank you!"
"Outrank me? This isn't an office, you overgrown chicken!"
"I am a DIVINE BEING, you glorified eel!"
Jaokhun blinked. Then he blinked again. The two creatures were still there, arguing like they were fighting over a parking spot.
He looked around again. No one else was reacting. The tourists were looking at their phones. The vendors were counting money. The bread lady had moved to a different spot.
"Okay," Jaokhun said out loud. "Either I'm going crazy, or someone put something weird in my coffee this morning."
"The RESPECT," the Naga continued, waving its clawed hands around. "I deserve RESPECT. Do you know how many offerings I get per year? Do you?"
"Oh, here we go with the offering count again," the Garuda said, crossing its arms. "You got like six bananas and some sticky rice last month. Stop acting like you're popular."
"That's six more than you got!"
"Because no one builds shrines for Garudas anymore! It's not a competition!"
"It absolutely is a competition! And I'm winning!"
Jaokhun pulled out his phone. He should call someone. The police? An ambulance? A monk?
He dialed emergency services. It rang twice.
"Emergency services, what's your location?"
"Hi, yes, I'm at the Chao Phraya River near Saphan Taksin, and there are two giant mythical creatures fighting in the sky."
There was a long pause.
"Sir, have you been drinking?"
"No! I'm sober! There's a Naga and a Garuda, and they're arguing about respect and offerings and..."
Another pause.
"Sir, I'm going to transfer you to a different department."
"What department handles flying snake gods?"
"Please hold."
The line went quiet. Bad elevator music started playing.
Above him, the argument continued.
"You know what your problem is?" the Garuda said, pointing at the Naga. "You're insecure. You need constant validation."
"I am a DIVINE SERPENT. I don't need validation from a BIRD."
"You literally just said you count your offerings!"
"That's called keeping track! It's professional!"
The music stopped. A new voice came on the line. This one sounded tired.
"Hello, this is Agent Pradit from a specialized department. You reported seeing a Naga and Garuda?"
"Yes! They're right there! Fighting! In the sky!"
"Can you describe what you're seeing?"
Jaokhun described everything. The golden scales, the shiny armor, the hand waving, the ridiculous argument about respect.
Agent Pradit sighed. It was a long sigh.
"Stay where you are. Someone will be there in ten minutes. Do NOT go near them. Do NOT take photos. Do NOT post anything on social media. Understand?"
"Who are you people?"
"We'll explain when we get there. And sir?"
"Yes?"
"Welcome to the worst day of your life."
The line went dead.