There are a lot of reasons for demonology to be mostly illegal in the Empire. One of which is the very real possibility of the summoner being inexperienced enough to accept a bargain from a cunning demon and unwittingly opening a gateway to Hell which will allow demonic armies to pour forth and attempt an invasion.
This has happened enough times for it to be a nuisance.
I gently lay Poppy down on a small clean bed and shut the door.
And locked it.
With all three locks.
Then, I put my hand on a small sigil painted beside the door. This was the reason most people in desperate situations visited local brothels.
For the Privacy Enchantment which prevented spying and monitoring of anything which happened within the room.
Common people might assume this was to assist powerful elites to avoid repercussions relating to petty little trysts, but in reality this was a place where powerful elites engaged in more banal endeavours.
Such as business deals. Or market negotiations.
Or summoning the dread forces of Hell without the local guard knowing.
I pulled out the Lava Goat blood and felflame candles and set them to one side. I already had a brush and a I quickly dipped it into the blood and started drawing out a complex summoning circle.
As I was finishing up, Poppy let out a yawn and blinked herself out of her sleep.
"What's that?"
"A summoning circle."
"Oh." She paused. "Wait. You're summoning a demon?"
"I have no choice," I hissed. "It's the only way to deal with her."
"Is that real blood?"
"Lava Goat," I explained. "They're a demonic manabeast, whose blood is rich in fire elements. It prevents the demon from being able to burn the circle away and simply walk out."
"And the candles?"
"Felflame."
"Where did you get them?"
"The candle shop."
Poppy looked shocked. "But he said he didn't have any!"
"That was in case we were being recorded by any enchantments," I said, setting the candles at each nexus point in the circle. "All normal practice when purchasing illegal goods."
"Wow," she breathed. "Violet would throw a fit if she found out. And Clover would kill me out of jealousy. She's always wanted to see a demon."
"Maybe it's best not to mention it…"
Poppy grinned, bouncing on the edge of the bed. "This is so exciting!"
"That's one way to look at it."
A loud explosion rumbled from the street.
"What's that?"
"Hmm?"
"Something blew up."
"Probably the bouncer. Madeline is very ill-tempered when it comes to customer service not letting her get what she wants."
"Eep!"
I eyed the circle. The Lava Goat blood shimmered with heat.
It was a rush job, but I couldn't see any immediate flaws. Mind you, trusting one's memory with this kind of thing is a bit risky.
The risk being my soul writhing in eternal torment.
With a sigh, I lit each candle and glanced at Poppy. "I need to incant the proper spell," I told her. "Please don't distract me. One wrong syllable would cause us both some discomfort for a very long time."
"Okay." She made a show of buttoning her lips. "I won't say a word."
With a nod, I began.
The demonic language was the first barrier a budding warlock needed to breach. It wasn't made for the human mouth. However, as someone fluent in voidish, I had no trouble with demonic.
The incantation itself was relatively simple once you understood the language.
It was a series of greetings, followed by some politely-worded invitations and then a hearty round of scolding which should remind any demonic entity that you weren't someone to be trifled with.
As I reached the invitation phase, the building shook around me.
The walls began to shiver as the very foundations trembled with fear.
Something evil was coming, and the world knew it.
Of course, this had nothing to do with my summoning and everything to do with my ex-wife trying to break through the door.
Brothel doors were notoriously difficult to break into. If they were easy, no one would trust them. I heard screams as someone tried to stop her.
More screams as Madeline let her feelings be known.
And then thunder rolled across the city and the sky became black as night.
Lighting pulsed.
I made it to the scolding, my voice calm despite the chaos building in the hall.
Poppy let out a startled shriek as a heavy boom rattled the door in its frame.
A crack split the wood.
"Taran!" Madeline howled. "How dare you cheat on me with some base little harlot! Get out here! Get out here right now!"
Her voice was so loud. So high. It felt like she was right behind me and caused me to shudder. But I wasn't about to stop the flow of demonic pouring from my lips.
I had to keep going!
The door buckled as another blast smashed into it. Then Madeline began to pound on it with relentless ferocity while Poppy kicked herself back into a corner and covered her ears in terror. Her eyes were wide and I felt a sliver of rage slice through me.
How could someone be so unreasonable as to put such fear into an innocent little girl like Poppy?
Doubling down, I began the long rant which explained to the incoming demon just how disappointed in it I would be if it didn't follow my commands to the letter. I could feel the ritual building. The tension rising. The smell of brimstone and burnt iron beginning to thicken in the air.
I told the demon about the great and special friendship I had with its master, Duke Khaldrehd. How tetchy the Duke would be if the demon didn't serve me properly.
How I'd never again invite him to tea.
And, as the door behind me split right down the middle, I told it if it didn't appear right now, I'd cut a hole through space and time and send both it and its master directly into the void.
I felt the Old Twit pushing at my back, adding His weight to the threat as He pounded impatiently with every single one of His uncountable tentacles.
Unknown galaxies were smashed together by the wave of movement from Him.
"Alright, alright!" A cute squeal choked out of a puff of smoke as the demon appeared in the middle of the circle. By the way she stumbled, I could tell she'd been shoved forcefully from behind. Probably by Lord Khaldrehd himself. "I'm here, I'm here! Keep your panties on."
And the door behind me exploded into splinters.
Poppy pushed herself harder into the corner, trying to turn invisible through sheer willpower as Madeline, looking as regal as she could despite the fog of rage gathered around her like a cloak, strode into the room.
"Taran," my ex-wife snarled, her eyes drinking in the sight of Poppy in one corner and a ridiculously well-proportioned succubus standing completely naked in front of me as the brimstone cloud cleared. "Trying to hide the little tart is one thing. But raising a demonic whore for an orgy in downtown Waggenrook's dirtiest little brothel? I knew you were a pervert, but this… This is too much!"
Ignoring her, I kept my gaze on the demon in front of me.
On her eyes.
The ones in her head.
"I invoke clause 6,684, subsection 21, part D," I said firmly. Then pointed at Madeline. "This is Lady Madeline Westingham, my ex-wife. And she is within 5 metres of my person and thus clearly violating our agreement as outlined within our contract. I request immediate intervention as previously agreed."
"You wouldn't dare," Madeline gasped, her eyes flashing with fire. Her fist gripped her parasol as she prepared to do battle.
"Hey!" The demon held up a finger warningly. Then slowly pulled back her lips into a malicious smirk. "I'm not a whore, you ponced-up old slag. Also, where did you get your hair dyed? I can still see the roots!"
And she clicked her fingers.
Madeline vanished with a spiteful roar which echoed sharply in the room.
Finally, I slumped to the ground and gave Poppy a tired smile.
"It's okay," I told her, wiping sweat off my brow. "My lawyer is here. We're safe now."
Poppy blinked, looking from me to the very naked succubus whose curves defied all reason and drove many male warlocks to commit atrociously biological acts they'd regret only when their lifeforce was drained to the point their soul could be plucked from their dying body and delivered in a pretty little box with a sparkly bow to Lord Khaldrehd who was always easily amused by such things.
"Are you sure?" Poppy asked hesitantly.
"That's right, sweetie!" The succubus offered Poppy a seductive little wink before playfully bouncing her breasts. "Ain't nothing's gonna happen to your pretty little head while I'm around. It's all in my contract, right? See, I'm Taran's official certified legal representative. My name's Candy."