Chapter 2: Too Many Flashbacks and 600 Boners? Let your Flames of YOUTH Explode out of you!
So it was official.
D-rank missions sucked big, fat, floppy, donkey dick.
…Not that I know what that's like…honest.
Moving on then.
It's been over a month and a half and all I can say is that they're useless for ninja.
There wasn't any point to them besides benefiting Konoha's infrastructure, no matter what Kakashi said about teamwork.
And while I get that they help keep the village running efficiently, well, as efficiently as it ever runs, honestly, academy students should have done these tasks instead of actual ninja.
Although I had to agree with him that my team and I really did need to work on our teamwork, even if it would never help in the end.
The Cyclops stuck to the original timeline as far as training went, we'd grab a mission or two then do 'teamwork' drills for an hour before he left and all of us separated.
That is not to say that I was not advancing by leaps and bounds thanks to my knowledge of the anime and manga, ideas stolen from fanfiction stories, training from Hell with Lee and Gai-sensei, and the liberal application of Hax no Jutsu.
I had managed to convince Gai to get me a sheet of chakra paper by telling him that my Jonin sensei, a certain cyclopean ninja, was a lazy, hip, good-for-nothing.
I proceeded to rant about how unyouthful it was that he refused to teach us anything except for 'teamwork' drills and light sparring, and that I needed him to help me find direction for me to 'fan my flames of youth'.
I nearly had an aneurism when I said that with a straight face, but it got the job done. Thank you inherent Naruto enthusiasm for growing stronger! (Yeah, I'm awesome!)
Like I thought I still had the original Wind Nature, but I also had a second chakra nature, Lightning. (Teme can suck it!)
I was ecstatic! Some of the most OP, badass Jutsu in the world were lightning natured.
And if the two natural chakra natures I had were pretty much only made for attacking?
Well I could deal with that.
Being an Uzumaki AND the Kyuubi Jinchuriki allowed me to tank a lot of damage anyway, and originally I would never have learned any defensive Jutsu and would still win in the end. (Cause I'm awesome and going to be the Hokage!)
I'd just have to get a Water affinity next, I could think of plenty of ways to use the Kirigakure no Jutsu.
Muahahahaha, suck it dojutsu users!
Ahem…back on topic.
So once I learned of my additional nature I set my clones to mastering both of them.
After all, if retard me (…) could master Wind Nature Manipulation in a week with his clones then I should be able to at least get both of mine to usable levels fairly quickly.
Other than starting my path to true badassery, I advanced my weights to over 2,000 pounds.
Each.
It seems like a lot at first, but when you realize that Lee, essentially a civilian, can add up to 100 pounds in a week then it makes sense that someone like me can do even more absurd things.
My new goal is to get up to 8~10,000 pounds each for the Chunin Exams, I think I can do it with the way I'm advancing.
Yosh, I will fan my flames of YO…wait.
Oh Fuck No!
They infected me!
I'm one of them now, next thing you know my eyebrows will turn into caterpillars, and I'll decide bowl cuts and green spandex are cool!
Ok, I overreacted. I still think everything but their Taijutsu skills are incredibly lame.
However the two Green Beasts have had a definite effect on my psyche.
I now enjoy working myself into the dirt while training with them.
Especially since my Taijutsu has rapidly caught up to Lee's, with the use of Shadow Clones as extra sparring partners and to practice each kata and technique I learn to perfection, even then, he's still faster than me.
Not to mention that Gai-sensei decided that in order to protect my special people I needed a secret technique.
Cookie to whoever can guess what that is…hehehehe.
Oh yeah, learning the Rasengan?
Piece of cake with Shadow Clones, I learned it the way retard Naruto (…) used it, I.E. clones to shape it, in under a week.
Then I learned to do it one handed with just a few days more of effort, and decided to make Oodama Rasengan early for shits and gigs.
When I was done with that, I figured I might as well be able to make one in each hand at the same time.
It took me 2 weeks all told with several dozen dedicated helpers.
While I was busy with that I had some more clones crack open those low rank Jutsu scrolls that I squirreled away.
Shunshin gave me a new appreciation for how good Shisui must have been to use it in battle.
The first time I tried to chain multiple Shunshins in quick succession I ended up crashing into a tree and trying not to hurl as I waited for my broken face to heal.
I relegated it to movement usage only, not for combat, for now.
After all I had more important things to learn and do, like some awesome wind and lightning Jutsu, Fuinjutsu, and working out how to use the Raikage's Lightning Release Armor. (Let the awesome Jutsu training commence!)
For the first few I decided on low rank Jutsu to add some versatility to my arsenal. (Boring!)
So although I might have said that I only went through information that a Genin could access and copied some low rank Jutsu…I may have gotten carried away and snuck into the Jonin section as well.
What can I say? If I'm Naruto now that means I have to be a prankster and a master of stealth with little regard for rules.
I recreated Sora's Beast Tearing Palm, Beast Tearing Gale Palm and Asuma's Hien first as those were almost pure nature and shape transformation in addition to simple chakra quantity.
All of which are things that I'm absurdly good at doing. Not to mention they're easy to practice with Shadow Clones.
Then I went about learning Wind Style: Divine Wind, Great Breakthrough, Wind Wall, and Gale Palm.
They were primarily C-rank techniques, but the Beast Tearing Gale Palm was classed as a B-rank, and so was the Hien, which was just a technique Asuma made by putting wind nature and shape manipulation to practical use on a blade.
As for lightning Jutsu, I only learned a select few, one high and two low, as I was mostly working on the Raikage's Lightning Release Armor, since it's just so damn awesome.
They consisted of Lightning Style: Electromagnetic Murder, False Darkness, in honor of Kakuzu, and Thunderbolt (Raiton: Sandaboruto) because the name of it tickled me a little.
As for my Fuinjutsu…well I wasn't dead yet…so that was good?
While it may be true that those of the Uzumaki clan have a natural talent and predisposition towards Fuinjutsu, it is also true that both retard Naruto and I have a somewhat lax and sometimes careless nature. (Hey! Yeah I am kinda carefree at times…)
Which leads us to the occasional mistake.
Which leads us to explosions. (Which are awesome!)
Which is why I now had my clones working on Fuinjutsu away from anything flammable or that would be missed. As in I have them experimenting in the Forest of Death where Anko is the only person, I can think of, that could be around.
Other than that minor hiccup, I was on to the first of the intermediate level Fuinjutsu books, also written by our favorite Super Pervert.
So from what Jiraiya's books and Hokage-jiji say there are 10 levels of sealing, although it is speculated that the 'Original' Uzumaki clan, 'which I am named in honor of', had up to 12 levels.
The sealing levels work in stages. As in levels 1-3 is the beginner stage, 4-6 is the journeyman stage, 7-9 is the adept stage, and a level 10 is an acknowledged seal master.
Only Jiraiya of the Sannin is known to be a level 10 sealing master, all others are at most level 9 experts.
At the moment I am much farther along than I've let Hiruzen know about. I've led him to believe I am still at the level of a rank novice, but I would conservatively place myself at around level 3.
Which puts me at around the end of the novice stage and beginning of the journeyman stage, while the Sandaime thinks I'm making my way through level 2 and simply reading ahead as I go.
As for everything else, there have been a few noteworthy occurrences.
Most notable to me is my continued growth. It's slowed down a lot, I think that means that I've corrected most of the damage malnutrition had done to me.
I'm now 5'4", having grown another inch to put even the tallest of my classmates under me. Granted 4 inches in 2 weeks was a bit ridiculous, 2 in almost 2 months is much more reasonable.
And my appetite has been settling down into something resembling what a human my age and size should be able to eat as opposed to what 10 of them should eat.
Then there are things like meeting Team Gai, convincing Sakura that Sasuke will like her better if she trains a bit and becomes more useful, Hinata training much harder than in canon, Ino approaching me about my drastic change, and FINALLY there was meeting Anko.
Man those interactions were all pretty strange thinking back, especially since I'm really starting to fuck with canon as much as Kishimoto fucked with retard me. And then there is Anko…I…I just don't know what to say.
I sighed as I blew through my warm ups, after all I was just doing some stretching, 15 laps around Konoha, 1000 pushups, sit-ups, squats, and 500 pull-ups and handstand pushups.
The girls nearby were doing a much lighter warm-up that involved quite a bit more stretching and fewer weights, as the goals for our physiques are pretty much opposites, just like the girls performing the exercises are pretty much opposites.
One had dark, bluish-black hair in a hime cut, white eyes without a pupil, pale skin, and is currently struggling to push herself to keep up with me.
Yep, she is one Hyuga Hinata. She's still shy, but being around people who constantly encourage her and affirm that she is not weak has been nothing but good for her and her confidence.
We're still working on her stutter, but she has almost gotten rid of it. Now she can not only talk to me while looking at me, most of the time, but also aim a juuken strike at me. It's a vast improvement over the timid girl who couldn't even look me in the eye.
The next girl had platinum blonde hair in a ponytail, light blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. Not to the extent of my own sun-kissed tan, but getting darker the more she came to train, and I have to say the tan and her new slender, flexible, but powerful muscles combined to make her even more attractive than she already was before.
Now if only she would quit complaining and acting like a fangirl, then she might be all right.
Got it in one, this girl was Yamanaka Ino.
It hadn't been all that long since she joined us for our morning workouts, but she's definitely seeing the results already. Her physique has filled out a bit and become not only healthier and more muscular, but also more feminine.
I guess depriving her body of the nutrients and sustenance that it wanted hampered her 'development'. She already had something of a womanly figure just over a month after she started really training and giving her body the fuel it needed to grow.
Although it hadn't helped her personality all that much, she still loved to gossip, insult Sakura, and gush about Sasuke. However I did notice that she never said anything really bad about me, especially after her first day joining me for training.
Well…unless she was cursing me for convincing her to undergo this torture. Little did she know that this wasn't the truly torturous part of my training…that came later.
The final girl had her brown hair tied up in buns, greyish, brown eyes, and fair skin. This was Tenten. I think her full name is Higarashi Tenten, but she never uses it so I'm unsure.
She has a penchant for throwing weapons at me, trying to prove that she is better than me, and calling me crazy.
Flashback no Jutsu!
2 days after Team Assignments
I showed up at the usual 4 in the morning and Gai-sensei set Lee and me to work. Everything proceeded as usual until sometime around 7 when Team Gai's other members showed up.
I had been expecting this to happen for a while now, but had been hoping against hope for it not to happen.
"Morning Gai-sensei." Chirped a female voice, which could only belong to Tenten.
"YOSH!" Gai paused his light routine of one-armed handstand pushup with a giant boulder balanced on his feet and his thumb, the only finger he was using, pressed against the tip of a kunai.
The freak wasn't even sweating yet. "My young, YOUTHFUL students. It is good that you have come to once again FAN THE FLAMES OF YOUR YOUTH!"
"YOUTHHHHHHHHHHH!" Came Lee's call from where he was doing pull-ups with a boulder tied to each leg.
"We also have a new addition to our most YOUTHFUL training! I'd like you both to meet Naruto! He is a pupil of my ETERNAL RIVAL! However, it seems that my rival has been slacking on his training and so he showed a most YOUTHFUL desire to FAN HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH and sought me out to assist in his training just over two weeks ago."
Guy flipped off the kunai and struck a 'nice guy' pose as the giant-ass, boulder crashed to the ground behind him and his teeth sparkled.
"Kill me." I begged Neji and Tenten from where I am doing squats then kicking the training board like a machine, no emotion in my voice, nor life in my eyes.
Did I forget to mention that I am holding yet another giant boulder over my head the entire time?
How about that I have shackles attached to my ankles that connect to smaller boulders, making kicking even more difficult than it would normally be since not only do they add to the weight on my legs, but also they make keeping my form more difficult.
"Ummm…that's great Gai-sensei?" Tenten more asked then said as she glanced at Neji for his opinion, clearly aghast that I seemed to be doing much the same work out as Gai has Lee did.
He simply snorted in derision and moved off to warm-up by himself.
"So have you talked to Naruto's sensei about actually training him and not slacking?" Tenten asked, not knowing what she is unleashing upon Kakashi.
"YOSH!" Gai clenched his fist and flames burned in his eyes. "That is exactly what I will do! I shall remind my ETERNAL RIVAL of our burning passion and FAN HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH INTO A SWELTERING FURNACE OF YOOOOOOUTH!"
"YOOOOOOOUTH!" Comes the echo from Lee.
"Kill me." I said again and Tenten looked at me with pity as she moved off to train.
Somewhere in Konoha a scarecrow felt a shiver of dread run down his spine as he stared at a monument for the dead and checked to make sure he had another few hours before he had to arrive, late, to meet his team.
Little did he know that his fate had been sealed by a 14 year old girl's casually spoken words.
Tenten's pity and Neji's scorn lasted until we sparred for the first time. Well Tenten's pity ended, but Neji would probably still scorn me until I kicked his ass in the chunin exams.
If that will even happen anymore, shit, those are bad thoughts.
I fought Tenten first, and it wasn't even close. I might not be as fast as Lee yet, but even so I was faster than Sasuke and Neji. The poor girl never knew what hit her, until I let her stand up and hit her with it again.
Then she figured out I was hitting her with my fist…it would have been better if I'd used a giant fish, more impact that way.
However by that time she was too out of it to do anything but be knocked unconscious.
When she woke up she demanded a rematch and I pissed her off by avoiding all of her weapons with speed and my hand-seal-less Substitution Jutsu before I punched her into the dream world again.
After that Gai wanted Neji and me to spar, but Neji declined saying that his time was better spent elsewhere and that being forced to fight one failure was more than enough for him.
After that day Neji and I would ignore each other, except for his whiny and sanctimonious ramblings about Fate, and Tenten would challenge me, lose, curse me, challenge me again, and lose again. Rinse and repeat.
The sheer rage and disbelief on her face almost made how annoying it was to be constantly challenged to spar and have pointy, sharp things flung at me all the time worth it.
Gai just saw it as me taking my training to the next level, and complimented me on my FLAMES OF YOUTH.
When it was time for me to leave and meet my team I thanked Gai and Lee for their help with a friendly wave, nodded shallowly at Neji, and gave Tenten a shit-eating grin of massive proportions and wished her a swift recovery from her concussion.
Team time was the same as usual. Some boring and tedious D rank mission, an hour of 'teamwork' exercises, but after that Kakashi changed it up a bit.
First he had us all run laps and do pushups, sit-ups, and pull-ups for a bit, leaving Sasuke sweating and Sakura a heap on the ground, while I was raring to go.
Then we had some light sparring.
The asshole put me up against Sakura first, as if she would have even been a challenge for retard Naruto with how out of breath she was.
I waited until she had caught her breath enough to stand up straight. "You ready to go yet Haruno-san?" I asked her politely.
"SHUT IT NARUTO-BAKA! I'm going to kick your ass!" Sakura screamed back at me.
"Jeez, I was just trying to be considerate to a teammate. You're so out of shape and weak I figured I'd give you time to catch a breather so I didn't embarrass you too bad. No need to shriek at me like a banshee. And you wonder why Sasuke doesn't like you?"
I paused for a moment as Kakashi's eye widened, Sasuke turned to actually look at me with surprise, and Sakura seemed to have turned to stone as her brain shut down.
"Oh, did I say that out loud?" I ask my two fellow males.
"Hn." Sasuke gave what I think was an affirmative grunt.
"Yep, I'd get ready to run Naruto." Kakashi chimed in as he returned to reading his book.
"Why?" I asked with a shrug, getting the two to look at me again in disbelief. "I mean it's not like she could catch me anyway, I out ran Sasuke and he was better than her by miles."
I had even held myself back so that I only beat him by a bit. It was just enough to make him train harder and maybe start to respect me a bit. But they didn't need to know that.
"Even if she did, she's basically a civilian at this point. Her punches wouldn't even hurt unless she hit me in the balls and that can't happen unless I let it because I'm just that much better than her. She actually either goes home or stalks Sasuke when Bakakshi-sensei lets us go for the day." I put my hands out to my sides as I shrugged my shoulders as if to say, there you have it.
I quickly sidesteped and extended a foot, casually tripping Sakura who was red-faced with fury. She had swung for the back of my head with all her might and so ended up with a hard fall and a face full of dirt.
However she didn't seem to get the lesson, as she got up and proceeded to try and hit me while shrieking about me being an idiot and the dead last and about trying to make her look bad in front of Sasuke.
I simply carelessly avoided her blows and occasionally tripped her as I nonchalantly pulled out my Intermediate Sealing book and began to read while making it look like I was dodging and tripping her on accident.
Kakashi was aghast, not knowing whether to be appalled at his new apparent nickname, how bad Sakura truly was, or to wonder when Naruto got good enough to do something like this.
Wait, he said that Sakura didn't train after he let them go for the day. Did that mean Naruto actaully trained by himself? How did he not know about this?
Sasuke looked back and forth between Kakashi and the dobe a few times, trying to figure out if he'd been teaching Naruto privately or not.
He decided not, as Kakashi looked just as surprised as he felt. Maybe Naruto wouldn't be as much of a hindrance as he thought, but he would have to step his training up so that he could show the dobe his place.
He was an Uchiha after all.
Once Sakura was once again a panting heap on the ground I looked up from my book and eye smiled at everyone.
"Oh, are you done already?" I asked as I pocketed my book.
"I guess I shouldn't have expected more from a civilian girl who hasn't really committed to being a ninja yet. The reason Sasuke doesn't want to do anything with you is that you are 1. A fangirl, 2. Annoying as fuck, especially when you scream, 3. Not a real kunoichi, 4. Weak."
I dropped my eye smile and looked down at the girl who was almost in tears and hardened my heart. "Maybe if you went about changing some of that he would have time for you. As it is even I don't have to try at all to beat you, you're that weak. If you want your precious Sasuke-kun to acknowledge you then stop dieting and train like your life depends on it."
I release my burgeoning KI at this point, Kakashi's head whipped up, Sasuke froze, and Sakura started shaking like in the classroom. Thinking about it, you'd have thought she would have reconsidered how she treated me after I made her piss herself in front of all our peers.
Well, I guess some people are just slow learners. Man, I love irony.
"Because it does, and not just your life, but all of ours do. Kakashi-sensei is our safety net, but even he can't always be there. And when the time comes when you become a liability, because it will happen. There is no if here. Then you will die. Or one of us will save your life," I leaned in and ratcheted up my KI to its peak, "but at what cost? Oh don't worry, I for one will do my best to keep you alive, but I don't want to die for you Haruno."
Sasuke was staring at me, like he is seeing me for the first time and I am someone completely unexpected. Kakashi had the same look on his face as Sasuke. Sakura was simply crying as she shook in fear.
"I have a dream, I have goals beyond impressing a boy I have a crush on and hopefully popping out his babies one day. I want to be Hokage, and even if I don't want you to die, I don't think you're worth my life." Then I released my KI and turned to Kakashi.
"We done for the day Bakakashi-sensei?" I asked cheerfully, catching everyone off guard.
"Mah mah, don't you think that's a bit disrespectful towards your sensei Naruto? And yes, I think that's enough for today." The cyclopean Jonin said with a lazy wave.
"Nope!" I instantly replied, getting a sweat drop from Kakashi. "You have to teach us something to be considered a sensei. Teamwork doesn't count. If you teach me a cool lightning Jutsu, I'll consider it."
"Now Naruto, team work is the foundation of any good team." He eye smiled. "Besides I think you should wait a bit longer before you learn something dangerous like that."
"Whatever." I said disinterestedly. "Later Uchiha-san, Bakakashi-sensei, Haruno-san." No need to be rude, even if I just tore down the girl's self esteem lower than Danzo's underground base.
It wasn't all that much compared to Sasuke or me, but Sakura began to train after that day.
End Flashback no Jutsu
Our warm-up finished, we began to pair off to spar. Gai and Lee against each other as I was the only other one Lee could spar against besides Neji, and he didn't show up until at least 7 o'clock.
Tenten had only started joining the early morning work outs when I started beating her even worse as time went by, no matter what traps she laid out or what plans she made.
And she held it against ME that she was here and had to deal with more of Gai and Lee's weirdness.
She and Hinata paired off against each other, because Gai had decided that rather than strength they should both focus primarily on improving their speed and flexibility, with only a secondary focus on strength.
Having Hinata dodge Tenten's barrage of weaponry, and having Tenten run for her life from juuken strikes was definitely an effective way of training for the two of them.
Hinata had come a long way since she first stepped foot on this training ground.
Flashback no Jutsu! Round 2
4 Days since Team Assignment
Arriving at training ground 9 once again at 4 in the morning, why do I even bother to sleep, I saw someone waiting there already besides Gai and Lee.
She was hunched over as if expecting the world the beat her down for the crime of simply existing. All I could see of her clothes were standard shinobi pants and sandals, and an overlarge white jacket.
However her hime-style haircut and pupil-less eyes let me know exactly who it was. Speaking of, I should work on getting my sensing skills up to par.
"Hinata-chan!" I called out and waved at her excitedly. She immediately perked up and blushed crimson before tentatively waving back at me.
"I'm glad you decided to come!" I continued speaking in an upbeat manner to help put her at ease. "Lets go start warming up, then we can have Gai-sensei put together a training plan that will compliment your skill set and physique. We can talk as we go and get to know each other a bit better if that's alright with you?"
My rapid-fire speech seemed to take a minute to sink in before she nodded and started poking her fingers together while blushing, which was unbelievably adorable. "H-hai N-Naruto-kun, t-that s-sounds good to m-me. I-I'd l-l-like that a l-lot."
"Great!" I cheered as I intentionally grabbed her hand in mine and pulled her along behind me as steam began to shoot out of her ears. Ah the joys of living in an anime.
Or am I in a manga?
Some combination of the two?
Do I have to worry about OVAs and Movie plot lines?
NO!
Please don't make me live through the FILLER EPISODES!
I can't do that twice…sob*
Okay, I'm back. I won't worry about it for now.
It didn't take long for Gai and Lee to take to Hinata, and once we all got her confidence up enough to actually try in sparring matches, she was pretty good.
She just needed to work on her base parameters some more as she would learn her Taijutsu techniques from her family, however gaining experience against other styles and improving her body's fitness could only help her as a kunoichi.
By the end of the first hour she was gassed, but trying hard to push through.
I had to sit her down and make sure she drank some water and took a breather.
At the end of our early morning session, when Neji showed up, she gave him a polite greeting, thanked Gai, Lee, and me for letting her train with us, and promised she would return when her schedule allowed.
I cheerfully waved her off and called out for her not to be bashful about saying hi if she saw me around.
End Flashback no Jutsu!
That left me with Ino for a partner. Seeing as it was purely Taijutsu, that didn't give me much of a challenge.
Therefore I handicapped myself, only letting myself attack once she had attacked me 50 times. Even then I only did something like pushing her over or tripping her.
I used the time in between in order to work on minimizing wasted movement, improving my ability to predict my opponent, my reflexes, and my speed.
I did all of this while smiling at her and playfully pointing out all the faults in her form.
Needless to say this infuriated her and made her exert herself ever harder to try and hit me and wipe the smirk off my face.
She really lost it when I pulled out my book.
I think being Naruto now has rubbed off on me, I don't think I've ever had so much fun messing with someone before. (I'm so proud of myself!)
None of that meant she hadn't improved, because she had. Ino had made tremendous strides in improving herself, but that didn't mean I had to tell her that.
After all, if I told her she was getting better then she would no doubt tease me, and I prefer to be the only one doing the teasing until we're at least 15-16.
That way I can look at them as something other than children, even if I'm a child myself in body, and somewhat in mentality. (I'm not a child, I'm a super-cool ninja!)
After all, even though I've lived a cumulative 30+ years, retard Naruto's memories seem to be more prominent than the memories from my last life. Thank god the brain and personality from my former life seem to be just as prominent as Naruto's memories.
Makes it a little less awkward when I wake up with a 'stiffy' after dreaming about endurance 'training' with Ino a few years down the road.
Never mind, oops, she almost hit me that time, time to mock her and maybe Sasuke to keep her motivated. (Stupid teme)
Flashback no Jutsu! Round 3
Two weeks after Team Assignment
Walking over to training ground 10, I thought about how I would convince Asuma to 'teach' me the basics of Wind Nature Manipulation.
Coming up blank, I figured I'd just wing it and I could always blame it on creative genius or say I read it in a book or something.
So with a shrug I carried on and came across the expected and somewhat cliché scene.
Asuma and Shikamaru were sitting across from each other with a shogi board in between them, Choji was sitting nearby in the shade with a bag of chips, and Ino was complaining.
Complaining very loudly and shrilly, although it was practically melodious when compared to Sakura. So she had that going for her.
They all looked up as I ambled towards them.
"Naruto what are you doing here? Our team is using this training field so you should look for a different one." Ino said in a slightly surprised and condescending tone.
"Mah mah" I lazily flapped a hand at her, to Asuma's amusement, "I'm here to talk to Asuma-san about something, then I'll be out of your hair. Hey Shika, Choji, how's it going?" I ignored how she flushed and a tick mark appeared on her forehead.
"Not bad Naruto, Asuma-sensei has the right idea about training." Choji replied with a wave and a smile in between chips.
"Troublesome blonds," Shikamaru muttered, then he spoke up, "it was going well before you showed up, but I'm sure things are about to become troublesome again now that you're here."
Clearing his throat while looking up from the game board, Asuma asked "So Naruto, what did you want to ask me about?"
"Well, I've been told you're the only person currently in the Leaf that has a Wind chakra nature, and I wanted to ask you if you'd give me any advice on it." I rubbed the back of my head and offered up a slightly foxy smile.
Asuma almost dropped the cigarette that was hanging between his lips. "WHAT!? You're already learning Nature Transformations? That's a Jonin level technique! What is Kakashi thinking?"
"Um…In order then. Yes. I know. I'm not sure any one knows or wants to. But that's not here or there, I'm learning more from Gai-sensei than Bakakashi. He hasn't even taught us anything yet, all we do is take a D rank or two then do an hour of teamwork exercises and then he bails!"
I gesticulated wildly to emphasize my point. "He hasn't even mentioned tree climbing yet, and I'm already so far passed water walking on my own that it's not even funny. If I waited for him to teach me anything I'd stunt my growth as a shinobi as badly as the academy teachers did." I finished with a huff.
"Really? You haven't even learned that much yet?" Ino asked in shock, possibly horrified by her 'Sasuke-kun's" lackluster sensei.
"Well I have, but I did that on my own. My sensei is either too lazy, or doesn't care enough to teach us anything." I said lightly, but with a hint disappointment in my voice.
They all blinked at me.
"Naruto, you said you're passed water walking…" Asuma began. Knowing where he's going with this I cut him off.
"Yep, mastered that a while back. Then I mastered it while doing the leaf sticking exercise at the same time. Then I mastered it while doing the leaf sticking and the leaf spinning exercises at the same time. Then I mastered it while fighting with Taijutsu for over an hour on top of the water's surface. Then I did that but threw in other Jutsu that I know, so yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm well past simple water walking." I blithely ignored the stupefied look on Asuma and Shikamaru's faces, and the confusion on Choji and Ino's.
"Ok Naruto, um, can you show me? I just want to make sure you've actually got it all down before I help you with something as advanced as Nature Manipulation." Asuma, being a reasonable adult asked me for proof.
I shrugged uncaringly, nodded my head, and followed along with the other Genin as he lead us to a stream not far from their training ground.
Without waiting for him to say anything I simply walked out onto the water as if it was solid and blurred through some hand seals. Well blurred is relative, it was a blur for anyone around or below Chunin rank, but it was only fairly impressive for someone like Asuma.
"Wind Style: Great Breakthrough" I said quietly before releasing my overpowered Jutsu. I had tried to hold back on the amount of chakra I used, so only a few trees were ripped out of the ground and flung off into the forest.
Then I made my favorite cross-shaped hand seal. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
Suddenly it wasn't just me standing on the water, but 50 Naruto's. All of us turned as one and looked at the deeply shocked Asuma before giving an eye smile and waiting for him to pick his jaw off the ground.
His Genin didn't fair much better.
Ino was taking turns between staring at me like I was something crazy and looking at the damage my Jutsu had done to the forest with shock and awe.
Choji was frozen with his hand in his bag of chips, his eyes so wide that they were bugging out of his head.
Shikamaru took one look at the damage my Jutsu did, and walked up to and poked one of my clones before he sighed and looked up at the sky like God was punishing him. "You are so damn troublesome. I assume you could have all of your clones do that same Jutsu too? That's the point you're trying to get across by making all of them right?"
"Heh heh." I chuckled wryly.
"Leave it to you to figure that out Shika, but I was also showing Asuma-san that I know a B rank Kinjutsu that is known for causing death by chakra exhaustion and I can make at least 50 clones with it and I need to mention that that was me holding back on the Jutsu."
Picking his jaw up off the ground Asuma rubbed a hand over his face. "Fine, I'll teach you about Wind Manipulation. If! If you tell me how on earth were you the dead last of your class? This is ridiculous! Your chakra levels are well over that of a standard Jonin, and while your chakra control might need a bit more work that's only because you have so damn much of it so early."
"Hmmm." I dragged out the situation as if I had to think about it.
"I suppose it would be because most people in the village hate me and want to see me fail. It was only after I became an official Genin and thereby escaped the civilian council's authority that I actually got access to any information or resources that would let me start improving. I think it's either a major fluke or damn impressive that I managed to get to the level I was at without anything in the way of teaching or help."
Asuma paled slightly before nodding his head in understanding. "Alright, well grab a leaf and we'll get you started."
I blew him away again when I cut the crap out of the leaf in an instant. Lets go cheating with prior knowledge and Hax no Jutsu!
He had me do it another 3 times before he just shook his head, lit a cigarette and told me to keep practicing on a training post, like I hadn't already moved on to trying to cut trees and boulders apart, and to let him know when I've done that.
Then he showed me the Hien, which completed my objectives for the day.
I said my goodbyes and waved as I walked off while celebrating in my head.
Plausible explanations for my skills now abound! Muahahaha, I can't wait for the Chunin Exams!
Oh shit.
Hokage-jiji gets kills killed by Orochi-teme at the end of them. I guess I've got to do something about that too then.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice Ino until she grabbed my shoulder and I reacted by flipping her and twisting her arm around her back while I pushed her face into the dirt.
I immediately let go of her and began to apologize. "Oh kami, Ino, I'm sorry I was lost in thought and just reacted when I felt someone grab me!"
She slowly pulled herself to her feet while rubbing her shoulder, a grimace on her face. "No, it's alright. I should have known better. We are ninja after all." She offered me a slightly embarrassed smile.
Man she's cute I thought before I rapidly shook my head and returned her smile.
As she watched me her smile turned sly and teasing before she struck a pose.
"What were you thinking Naruto? Something about how gorgeous I am? Sorry to say but I'm taken, Sasuke-kun is the only one for me, even if you are pretty cute now that you're no longer a midget. But your mask is a bit dumb." She threw me a wink to take the sting out of her words.
"Mah mah. I like my mask, it adds to my growing mystery. Besides, I like strong girls and sorry to say Ino but if I can put you in the dirt while I was as distracted and my guard was as low as it was then you're not all that strong. Especially since you're handicapping yourself by dieting." I smiled slightly, but my words obviously bit more than hers did.
Blushing she looked at the ground, "I'm not weak!" she tried to sound indignant.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She looked back up at me.
"For one I'm sure my team will be training harder now that Asuma-sensei has seen what we're going to be compared to. But I also wanted to ask if you would mind training with me sometime. You've improved really fast from where you were in the academy and I don't want to be left behind everyone else, especially Sasuke-kun and Forehead! Even if it means giving up on dieting." She finished quietly.
"Sure Ino, you're welcome to train with me whenever you like as long as you stop dieting. I start at 4 in the morning at training ground 9 everyday, Hinata joins me most days and Tenten is sometimes there, so you'll also have some girls to spar and talk with."
At this point I sighed heavily. "And I don't think you have to worry about Sakura leaving you behind, she doesn't take being a kunoichi very seriously and it actually worries me a bit. Sasuke however…"
She leaned in looking excited, "I'll give him this, he's good. He was definitely the best out of the academy and he'll be one of the best in a few months, but our sensei isn't teaching us and he pushes everyone else away. There is only so far he can go on his own before he hits a wall, and when he does I hope he accepts help." I said solemnly as she looked at me in confusion.
Her mouth opened to defend her Sasuke-kun before she froze as if thinking over what I actually said. After a moment she looked at me appraisingly before nodding.
"I'll see you tomorrow bright and early then Naruto!" She sent the words over her shoulder as she took off running back to her team, ponytail flapping wildly behind her.
End Flashback no Jutsu
Once 7 rolled around the girls happily flopped to the ground, drenched in sweat and nearly hyperventilating from lack of oxygen.
Meanwhile Gai had Lee and me drop our weights and spar.
I lasted a decent amount of time, but eventually he was just too fast for me to react properly and I was smashed into the ground creating yet another crater.
I groaned as I hauled myself out of the crater, waving off Lee's apologies and exultations about my growing Taijutsu prowess, and collapsing next to the girls.
Sadly I was only taking a moment to recover myself before I had another spar with the train-a-holic Lee. What I don't do to grow stronger.
"Not so fun now is it?" Ino giggled and smirked smugly at me.
"Now you're the one getting put in the dirt and laid out on your back!" Both Hinata and Tenten joined her in her giggles.
"Mah mah, I'm having plenty of fun." I joked in return before pulling my mask away from my face. Not enough for anyone to see it, but enough to stick out my tongue.
"Besides, while I can do just fine on my back, the ladies tell me that they have more fun when they're on their backs." Then I extended my tongue to around two feet and wiggled it back and forth.
They all immediately fell silent and blushed furiously.
"That's disgusting!" Tenten said, her face distorted to express just how gross it actually was.
"They certainly don't seem to think so." I replied with more than a little smugness as I let my tongue return to my mouth and replaced my mask.
Tenten turned to see what I was talking about.
She was just in time to witness Ino and Hinata blushing a fetching scarlet from chest to forehead.
Ino's eyes were slightly glazed and she had a stream of drool running down her chin, while Hinata's eyes had changed into swirls, steam was shooting out of her ears with a whistling sound, and blood was dribbling out of one of her nostrils.
It was apparently too stimulating of an image as Hinata's consciousness ultimately gave out with a final spurt of blood that blew her backwards several meters.
Ino just seemed to be in her own little world. "Mmm, Sasuke-kun and Naruto…Sasuke-kun is so cool and aloof…but Naruto is tall and ripped…and that tongue…hehehe, maybe I'd have them take turns?"
I snapped my fingers in front of her face a few times before she came back to herself and casually wiped the drool off her chin, and then pretended it had never been there.
"That was an…interesting technique Naruto. Where'd you learn something like that?" She blushed and began to drool again. "And can you do the same for other extremities?"
"Other extremities?" Tenten cocked her head to the side. "Like his arms or legs?"
"Not quite." Ino said with a salacious grin. "But I suppose you could consider it a leg if it's big enough."
She had to think about it for a moment, but Tenten eventually understood. "GROSS!" She bellowed before she began smacking the back of her head screaming. "Get it out! Get it out of my head!"
"Oh stop being such a child, you're a shinobi, and what's more, you're a kunoichi. Using our bodies as weapons and leverage is basically in the job description. And despite being a bit of a dick when he spars, Naruto isn't that bad of a guy to look at or be around." Ino defended herself with a huff.
"Why thank you Ino, I didn't know you felt that way. What will Sasuke say when I tell him and he thinks you're leaving him for someone else. Especially since I think you aren't that bad on the eyes either, for a fragile, little flower." I blew her a kiss and to my surprise a bright pink heart flew off my hand and towards her in slow spiraling circles.
Ino seemed equally surprised and froze. The heart was almost at her cheek before its flight is abruptly halted by a kunai piercing through it.
"What the fuck was that!?" Tenten asked with another kunai ready.
"I-I don't actually know. I've never done that before." I respond, my eyes still glued on the tiny, little heart that seemed to struggle to complete its journey before giving up the ghost and dissolving into pink sparkles.
"I have another sensei besides Gai and Bakakashi, and I'm going to blame her for this. Most of the things that go wrong for me these days are her fault anyway, even if she did teach me the tongue thing." I shook my head like a dog shedding water.
"Who's your other sensei?" Ino asked, still focused on where the heart was before it disappeared.
"The craziest, sexiest, scariest, and did I mention craziest kunoichi in Konoha, Mitarashi Anko. I might not have emphasized how crazy she is enough…or how sexy." I sighed and stood to head back into the Hell that was sparring in pure Taijutsu with Lee.
"Oh and Ino?" I looked back over my shoulder.
"Yeah Naruto?" She finally looked away from where the last of the pink sparkles had faded away with a somewhat wistful look on her face.
"I can use it on my other extremities, but I don't think I'll ever need to. You can ask Hinata about it later." I threw her a wink and walked away.
Hinata who had just returned to consciousness developed another atomic blush and returned to the land of her fantasies with a gush of blood from her nose.
Tenten was crimson and stuttering as she tried to force something to come out of her mouth, but was unable to.
Ino looked between the comatose Hinata and me before her eyes widened and darted back to me as if hoping to see, but she had to settle for a view of my amazing ass instead.
Yep, I've definitely stepped down the road to corruption and I haven't even met Jiraiya yet.
I definitely blame Anko-chan.
Flashback no Jutsu Round 4!
Two weeks and two days after Team Assignment
I had finally found someone to teach me how to train my Lightning Nature, without relying on the vague notion that it has to do with piercing instead of cutting and the concept of discharging.
My teacher of choice? The Sandaime Hokage, also known as The Professor.
He was supposedly able to use every Jutsu from Konoha, which meant every element was under his command.
Not to mention I had something to bargain with if he was stubborn.
I barged in on him, as was my wont with a peppy "Heya Jiji!"
"Ah Naruto-kun, you look like you're doing well! What brings you here?" Hokage-jiji asked me with his grandfatherly smile.
"I was hoping you'd be able to help me with learning how to go about managing a Lightning Chakra Nature Transformation, beyond imagining my chakra as a very fine point and trying to make it as piercing as possible while imagining the static of lightning." I figured it was best to just lead with what I wanted, there was no way I could hoodwink someone like Hiruzen.
"Hmm, if you're at the point where you're learning something like this Kakashi should be able to help you. So why are you coming to me for help?" Jiji asked as he sat back and lit his pipe, smoke spiraling up towards the ceiling.
"Well Bakakashi-sensei," I had to pause as he laughed at the nickname, "doesn't really spend all that much time teaching me. Besides, I don't think he really knows what level I'm at, except that I'm beyond my teammates and holding back so that they think I'm not that far ahead." I offered him a shrug.
"Oh? And why would you do that Naruto? And if Kakashi doesn't know, or think you are ready to learn Nature Transformations then why would I approve of you learning it? He is your Jonin sensei after all." The Sandaime calmly pointed out.
"I don't want to have to deal with Uchiha-san's jealousy when he sees how fast I've improved, and that's without factoring in the consequence it would have on our already horrendous teamwork." I studied Jiji as I spoke, and I thought he approved of my reasoning, although I couldn't see anything, as his face was completely blank.
"And I think you'd approve of it because you've always had my best interests at heart and you probably know that your son, Asuma-sensei, has already taught me Wind Nature Chakra Transformation exercises." I smiled at Jiji, I was pretty sure I won without having to use my trump card.
With a soft sigh Hiruzen gave in "Very well Naruto-kun. I'm not sure I like this new, reasonable you. The old you was much easier to deal with…I never imagined I would say that. Oh well, here is how you are supposed to do it…"
He then proceeded to explain the methods to me over the course of the next few minutes before we decided to grab lunch together.
We ran into Konohamaru along the way, so I sent a clone to train and play with my minion and his friends.
After lunch Hokage-jiji sent me on my way and I hurried towards the Forest of Death, my go to spot for secret training.
I spawned 600 clones and assigned 100 to Wind Nature Transformation, 300 to Lightning Nature Transformation, 50 to Taijutsu katas, 50 to work on my Sensing capabilities, 50 to work on my hand seals, and the final 50 to work on my Fuinjutsu skills.
Personally, I began to exercise once again.
My Kyuubi enhanced Uzumaki healing factor having already restored much of my energy, stamina, and muscle strength from my grueling morning training with Gai, Lee, Hinata, and Ino.
Side note, Tenten may be joining the group soon as she's seen how fast they are improving and I keep beating her worse and worse every time we spar.
In the midst of my 12th set of strength building exercises I detected something close by.
Something that was trying to remain hidden and out of sight, I couldn't get any more from it as my Sensing capabilities were still new and underdeveloped.
Being where I was, there was only one person it could possibly be.
That left the question of whether I wanted to acknowledge and then meet the person in question.
With a sigh of slight sorrow for what would inevitably result in the end of my peaceful and secluded training, perhaps forever, I spoke.
"I know you're there. I may not be much of a sensor yet, but I can at least tell that you're in the area." I called out to the air.
"Hmm, you're an interesting, little gaki aren't you?" My visitor asked cordially as she dropped out of the trees and sauntered up to me.
She was just a bit taller than me, probably around 5'5" to my 5'4".
She had striking purple hair, smooth, milk chocolate eyes, and creamy skin, but her most attention garnering traits were her breasts.
Now it wasn't just that they were extraordinarily large, or that they were supernaturally perky for their size.
No, it was that the fishnet shirt she wore did little to nothing to obscure them, leaving that to the tenuous coverage of her open, tan, trench coat.
"I suppose, although I really don't think I'm all that little. But you're a shameless tease and a pervert aren't you miss." I shot back at her with a slight grin.
She grinned back at me and just the tiniest bit of bloodlust and crazy came through. "Why yes, yes I am! I'm the irrepressible, super sexy, currently single, 'snake-bitch' of Konoha, Mit-"
I cut her off as she was hitting her stride, causing her to sweat drop.
"Mitarashi Anko-san. The devil of dango, the femme fatale, the kinkiest kunoichi, the sexiest slut in Konoha, yep, I've heard of you. Nice to make your acquaintance." I offered her with an eye smile.
Anko seemed taken aback by my knowledge of her and the various monikers I mentioned. She got over it quickly and puffed up with pride.
"So what's your name gaki? And what are you doing way out here by my stomping grounds with all…your…friends…" She seemed to have just realized that all the other blonds running around were in fact Shadow Clones.
"The name's Uzumaki Naruto, village pariah, dead last of his class, demon child, that child, orphan, kyubi brat, and apparently gaki. Among other less pleasant names, at your service milady!" I performed a dramatic bow.
"And I am out here training with a stupid amount of Shadow Clones because I don't want to have to explain how I can do all of this to some people. I am supposed to be a dobe or at least a weakling after all. I shouldn't trample on the village's hard work to keep me stupid and inept. They put in a lot of effort after all, it would be rude to disregard that." I said ironically.
She just looked at me for a second as if unsure of how to proceed. Then she collected herself and grinned at me again. "Well don't we make a pair?" She asked happily.
"But are you sure it's fine to mention the kyuubi to me? I could be one of the people who hate you." Anko slid in close to me and pushed her breasts up in front of my face.
Blushing slightly I blatantly took a nice long look at her cleavage, appreciating her exceptional assets. "Well as long as those two like me I think I'm good."
She burst out laughing and busted a gut, ending up leaning on me to keep herself upright. Not that I minded, I was paying more attention to her lethal weapons pressing against me.
"You know what gaki? I like you, you've got guts, and a few more years and my girls here just might take a liking to you too. So here's what's going to happen." Anko was all smiles. I couldn't help but think it was a nice smile.
"I'm going to let you train here Blondie-kun, I may even throw in some help now and then if you ask nicely." Her smile turned a bit predatory and 'the crazy' flared in her eyes at this point.
"In return, you're going to help me with a few things, andyou get the privilege to treat yours truly, your very own, unbelievably sexy, Anko-nee to dango!" She finished with a cheer, her eyes daring me to say no.
I eye smiled at her. "Sure thing Anko-chan, as long as we can have Ramen every once in a while." I studiously avoid calling her my sister, if we ever hooked up, and that is a possibility considering how estranged we both are from most of the village, it would be really awkward.
Or it could be hot, really, really hot.
What?
I'm talking about BOINKING with Anko; of course it's going to be kinky.
"Good! One question before we start. Why do you have a mask like Hatake, Blondie-kun?" Anko asked with cheer, snapping me out of my hormone powered delusion.
"Well Bakakashi is my Jonin sensei, so I mostly wear it to mess with him. However it does lend a certain mystique when people don't remember what you look like, and it helps hide my facial expressions." I volunteered easily as she once again draped herself all over me, sending me to hormone heaven, while she cackled at my nickname for Kakashi.
Wait a minute. Start? Start what? "Say…Anko-chan?" I asked hesitantly, fearing I knew what was to come.
"Yes Blondie-kun? And it's Anko-nee, repeat after me. A-N-K-O - N-E-E." Her arms had snaked around me, and while I was relishing in the feel of her chest squashed against mine, I was also starting to worry about what was to come.
"I know I'm really going to regret asking, but what are we starting?" I asked as I subtly leaned into Anko-chan to get a better feel of her breasts, causing her grin to widen until it almost split her face.
"I'm glad you asked Blondie-kun." She leaned in and her tongue ran up my neck and caressed my ear before she blew into it gently. "It's a fun, little game we're going to play together. Just…the…two…of…us…all…by…our…selves."
She was purring into my ear, each word dripping with sexuality, and even though I knew better I was reacting to it, "I like to call it, Death Tag."
I couldn't help but moan at her sheer sexuality, I was stiff as a Bo staff and pressed up against her stomach, even as I groaned at the Hell I knew was coming my way.
"Hmm? You really like your new Anko-nee, don't you Blondie-kun?" She teased me with a grin as she rubbed herself against my front, almost driving coherent thought out of my simple, horny, teenage mind.
"I didn't know my Blondie-kun would be so perverted, but that's ok you're cute when you moan for me. I wonder how cute you'll be when you scream in agony for me!?" And Anko had descended fully into bat shit insane mode.
Or was it snake shit insane?
No matter, as either way she whipped out a kunai and cut a line in my cheek while grinding against me and violating my wound with her tongue.
Is it wrong that she turned me on even more by doing that?
I let her know too by grunting at the pain before I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulled her closer to me and brazenly groped her ass.
"Does Blondie-kun like it when I play rough?" Anko mocked, but I could tell that she was surprised by my actions. Not to mention turned on.
"Yes." I nodded rapidly. "I like it very, very much. However, I'm going to start running now."
I used a hand seal-less Substitution Jutsu to replace myself with a quickly formed clone and took off running. I leapt over the fence and disappeared into the Forest of Death.
"Oh Blondie-kun," Anko whispered seductively to my clone, "we will have soooo much fun together." Then she shoved her kunai into his chest.
Every single one of my clones flinched, clutching their chests, and developed massive erections at the same time.
What Anko didn't realize was that she now had an undefeatable argument that she was indeed the sexiest, and craziest, kunoichi in Konoha.
No one else had ever given 600 people a stiffy at the same time while killing what was essentially them.
"Run Blondie-kun!" Anko roared with bloodthirsty glee as she followed me into her forested domain. "Run for your Anko-nee!"
End Flashback no Jutsu
After wrapping up my spars with Lee, I limped my way to training ground 7. Sitting down in the branches of a tree to avoid having to interact with either of my 'teammates', I pulled out my book on Intermediate Sealing and began to read as I recovered.
Thirty minutes after I arrived, Kakashi showed up. So I jumped down from my spot in the tree and walked over.
"I have a special mission for us today!" Kakashi seemed happy about this mission, too happy.
"So, we're finally going after the infamous Tora?" I asked, dearly hoping to ruin his fun at our expense.
Silver hair drooping with the rest of his body, he complained. "Why do you have to take all of the fun out of being a Jonin sensei, Naruto? And how do you always know about this stuff anyway?"
"Mah mah, I wouldn't say I take all the fun out of it. I mean you could teach us something after all." I said with a lazy, careless shrug, still reading my book.
Kakashi responded with a similar shrug, not pointing out how I neglected to mention where I got my information. "Well, come on then, might as well get this over with!"
Kakashi made it clear that I couldn't use Shadow Clones to help catch Tora, and that we would need to work together to succeed in a reasonable amount of time.
We broke the record for catching Tora.
While we did work together, I also cheated.
I made seal-less Shadow Clones as we made our way to Jiji's office to pick up our mission and used my developing Sensory skills to pinpoint the damn cat.
I led my team to her with the excuse of a gut feeling.
We surrounded her and I swooped in and grabbed her by the scruff of her neck.
One Anko patented 'I'll gut you, bathe in your blood, and use your organs as bath toys' smile backed by my KI and she docilely allowed me to carry her back to Jiji's office and even pet her a bit.
All the way back Kakashi cried anime tears and complained about me ruining everything while dark storm clouds rained on his head.
When we walked in Jiji and Iruka-sensei were shocked to say the least, especially at how well behaved the 'demon cat' was with me.
Even when Tora was being smothered and suffocated by the Daimyo's wife.
However immediately after they left my presence Tora made a break for it again, just as we were being offered another mission.
"Or you could catch Tora again?" Hiruzen proposed with a quiet chuckle.
"Come on Jiji." I said tiredly. "We've done so many of these D ranks. Hell I've even been sending Shadow Clone squads to do more under our team name each day, so we probably have the most D ranks completed by any Genin team. Rookie or otherwise."
Iruka-sensei checked the listings and blanched. "Wow. Y-yeah, far and away the most." He recovered quickly though. "However that doesn't mean you're ready to take a higher level mission. You have to work your way up like everyone else!"
"Yeah, yeah Iruka-sensei." I waved at him lazily before turning back to Hiruzen.
"So Jiji, what do you say?" I eye smiled at him winningly as Sakura and Sasuke looked on interestedly.
Both of my teammates were just as sick of D rank missions as I was, well maybe not quite that much.
"I don't know Naruto, maybe I can find a simple C rank mission for your team." He began before lifting a finger to cut off any celebration. "If your sensei approves."
Kakashi looked up from his book and eye smiled. "No." Turning to me his eye smile grew. "You ruin my joy and I ruin yours." Then he turned back to his book.
"There you have it. The decision is ultimately up to your Jonin sensei." Hiruzen said, although he was disappointed by Kakashi's reason to decline the mission.
"What if I tell you the secret to defeating paperwork?" I offered while motioning to the hills of forms towering from their places on Jiji's desk.
Was it just me, or had the amount somehow grown since we had been talking?
"WHAT!?" Hiruzen shrieked louder and more shrilly then Sakura would ever manage.
"You know the secret? Truly? I can finally vanquish my most hated, eternal foe?" The Sandaime's eyes were burning with desire and unholy glee.
"If you can gift me with this knowledge I will let you take any C rank mission you desire! And when the time comes I'll let you pick your first B rank and A rank missions! Please tell your Jiji, Naruto-kun! I BEG of you." It was more than a little disconcerting to see the Sandaime Hokage, The Professor, and God of Shinobi on his knees, bargaining with a mere Genin.
"Mah mah, no need to go so far as to kneel Jiji." I reached down to pull him to his feet, and he headed back to his desk.
Did the paperwork stacks grow AGAIN?
Are the ANBU doing this?
Is paperwork ALIVE in this world?
Is Hagoromo using Creation of All Things to make more of it?
I refocused on Hiruzen, raised one finger and said two words. "Shadow Clones."
Hiruzen froze for a moment before he began to giggle like a little girl. "Shadow Clones. Fucking Shadow Clones! That's how he did it!"
The giggles shifted into deranged cackling. "So much for the famed Professor! Stupid Hiruzen! Stupid, stupid, stupid! But! Now I'm FREE!"
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Three Jiji's appeared and began to systematically demolish the waves of paperwork while muttering and cackling to themselves.
Clearing his throat the Hokage attempted to regain his obliterated dignity. "Thank you for that Naruto-kun, you have no idea how grateful I am."
"We have an idea." Everyone else, besides his clones, deadpanned in unison.
"Erm…so what type of C rank would you like Naruto?" Hiruzen inquired.
"What do you have in the way of escort missions?" I asked with a smirk hidden behind my mask.