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Douluo Dalu: Tang Xiao’s Body, No Refund Policy!

Positive_Guy
7
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The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
[Synopsis] ___________________________________ An ordinary boy with an ordinary life transmigrates into Douluo Dalu—and of course, into Tang Xiao’s body. Not just any body: the 52-year-old, level 87 cultivator elder brother of Tang Hao, the protagonist’s father and his own future nephew’s uncle. Perfect timing, right? Too bad Tang Xiao is entirely unremarkable, has no cheats or golden fingers, and somehow expects him to deal with a life already set in stone. Now, our boy has to survive in a world of powerful Douluos while stuck in a body that’s about as exciting as a salted fish. With memories of a love-stricken predecessor clogging his head, complicated family dynamics, and absolutely zero say in his own life, he must figure out whether to meddle with fate—or just lie flat, hug his nephew’s thigh metaphorically, and hope for the best. ________________________________
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Chapter 1 - 1. Bah… Fuck Your Stupid Love

A small forest outside the Star Luo Empire.

The night wind whispered gently through the trees, carrying with it a bone-chilling cold. The towering trunks, stretching as though to touch the heavens, swayed in rhythm as countless leaves fell like a frequent rain.

The sky shimmered with scattered starlight, and amidst it, the solitary crescent moon glowed softly.

It must be said… a perfect setting for romance.

As if to prove it true, beside a pool deep within the forest, two figures—a man and a woman—were immersed in the night's tender atmosphere.

The man's features were unremarkable, yet his very presence exuded confidence and a fierce, magnetic charm. His seven-foot frame stood robust, built with layers of hardened muscle.

By contrast, the woman embodied beauty and grace itself. Draped in a simple blue dress, her silky azure hair danced enchantingly with the night breeze.

Her gaze lingered lovingly on the man's face, his head resting upon her lap, while her slender hand gently stroked it with tender care.

The man, in turn, clasped her other hand against his chest, sleeping in quiet peace upon her lap.

A truly devoted couple…

But as fate dictates, where lovers exist, solitude lingers nearby.

Not far away…

Another man, bearing the same middle-aged appearance yet seeming older and sterner than the former, stared blankly into the crackling bonfire before him.

Inside his mind, a stampede of wild horses thundered endlessly. Questions swarmed his thoughts as he foolishly fixed his eyes on the flames, which hissed and spat sparks.

"I transmigrated? But why? Wasn't I living contentedly on Earth?" the man questioned inwardly. Yet no voice came to grant him the answer he craved.

He continued to watch the bonfire in silence… doubts and disbelief whirling like a storm. Shock was but the surface of his emotions.

At length, as though surrendering to reality, he released a heavy sigh… so strong it nearly snuffed out the flames. Thankfully, the fire endured.

His eyes then shifted toward the couple. Witnessing the scene, his gaze flickered with jealousy, irritation… and a trace of unwilling tenderness.

"For fuck's sake…" he muttered, voice thick with frustration.

It seemed he had transmigrated into Douluo Dalu, yet not only that—into Tang Xiao's very body. And the two before him were none other than his younger brother Tang Hao, and his sworn sister—also his one-sided love—Ah Yin.

"Transmigration is one thing, but why the hell did I become this spineless man?"

"Whoever put me in this body, at least let me change it…" Tang Xiao roared within his heart.

Yet no matter how long he cried out, nothing changed. He called for a system, for cheats, for golden fingers to appear, but all ended in vain.

In the end, just as he had calmed himself earlier, he forced himself to do so again. No amount of unwillingness could alter the truth.

It was fact: he had transmigrated into Tang Xiao, stripped of any cheats or golden fingers. Perhaps they might come later, but for now, he had nothing. There was no hidden potential, no blessing in disguise, no secret power.

Tang Xiao lowered his gaze, sorting through his thoughts.

Level 87… age 52… Clear Sky martial soul… the future clan head of the Clear Sky School.

This was all his mind could tally as worthy from his future knowledge of the novel and after examining himself.

But what use was it? Without cheats, with destiny already written, could he ever ascend to godhood? Impossible.

"So what is the point of this transmigration? Am I doomed to live as a side character, and die in another hundred years?" Tang Xiao brooded bitterly.

From an Earthling's view, this alone was already extravagant. To live another century was a luxury, considering he had been in his twenties when fate inexplicably threw him here.

And truthfully, he had always been a salted fish, one who preferred lying flat in idleness. Thus, transmigrating to Douluo Dalu, he hadn't truly lost much at all.

Yet having devoured countless novels and dreamt countless fantasies, he—this transmigrator—felt dissatisfied, unwilling to submit.

Still, Tang Xiao was rational. As much as he loathed it, nothing could be undone. Perhaps if he slept, he might wake back on Earth tomorrow.

But if that were so… he no longer wished to return. Better to remain here—even if this was a world of fantasy tiles and stone. He believed his life here would still surpass the one he left behind.

Even without internet or modern comforts… here, through cultivation, he could live freely, spared from aging illnesses and the mortal ailments of Earth.

"Alas… it seems I can only cling to the protagonist—my nephew's thigh," Tang Xiao thought silently, his eyes once more turning to the couple.

Yet at the sight of them, irritation boiled anew.

The original Tang Xiao's memories, now merged with his own, surged with emotions. He could feel his predecessor's love for this woman…

A love deep enough to break any heart. A love that sacrificed itself for another's happiness. A love pure, selfless, and divine.

"Bah… fuck, fuck, fuck… what the hell is this? You pathetic fool, damn your idiotic love!" Tang Xiao cursed the predecessor with every foul word he knew. The weight of those emotions made him want to vomit.

"Man… go hang yourself…"

Forcing restraint, Tang Xiao stiffly turned his head away.

"For god's sake… not only did I inherit this cuck's memories, but why the hell are his emotions bleeding into me?" Tang Xiao cursed once more, uncertain whether to laugh or cry.

At least the influence of Tang Xiao's emotions upon him seemed faint… and even that faintness was gradually dissolving as he digested them. For this, he exhaled a silent breath of relief.

Unwilling to look at the pair until he regained control, Tang Xiao shifted his thoughts to himself and his path ahead.

"From the memories… it's already the eighth year since Tang Xiao and Tang Hao began their journey. And the third year since meeting Ah Yin…"

"And apparently, Tang Xiao intends to leave tomorrow, quietly, so as not to disturb his younger brother's love… Hmph. What should I do?" Tang Xiao wrestled with his thoughts.

To accept transmigration and decide a future within a single day was a torment. Yet, with willpower and reason, he believed he could manage it.

At last, after countless musings, as dawn broke across the horizon, he reached his conclusion.

"I'll just let events unfold as they're meant to, and live the salted fish's life. Heh." Tang Xiao decided.

From his current standpoint, this was the only solution that made sense. Since the possibility of reaching godhood was slim, he wanted at least to live like a king in the mortal world. To achieve that, letting events unfold as they were meant to—at least for the next few years—was the best choice.

Turning once more toward the slumbering pair, Tang Xiao's eyes showed no feeling—only indifference.

And when his gaze touched Ah Yin's exquisite face, a fleeting glimmer of greed and lust flickered within. But Tang Xiao immediately shook it away…

"Not worth it.."