Chapter 2: Taking It Out on a Drink Is the Best
Then, Zhang Rui raised his voice from the back:"Teacher, but you yourself look like you came straight out of a children's comedy!"
The group exploded once again in laughter. Another one added, almost shouting:"Yeah, the teacher is like that crazy uncle nobody invites to the wedding, but he still shows up in a wrinkled suit!"
Attacked by my own people, I clutched my chest as if struck by an arrow and let myself collapse dramatically to the ground. Not even an ex-girlfriend had ever hurt me this much… well, not that I had ever actually had an ex-girlfriend; life was already too expensive to afford that luxury.
"Hey… that hurt," I said between groan and performance. "And here I treat you like my own children…" I got up slowly, staring at each of them with exaggerated solemnity. "Much less handsome than me, and with far less talent, but my children nonetheless."
The silence lasted barely two seconds. Then, the whole class erupted into mocking laughter and applause. Even Wang Peng, still on his knees from the last joke, ended up rolling on the floor, tears streaming down his face from laughing.
I couldn't help but smile as well. Yes, they were insufferable brats… but deep down, seeing them laugh like this made me think that maybe my life wasn't as hopeless as I imagined.
"Alright, enough games," I said, raising my hand to calm the commotion. Unfortunately, I was a teacher, and a teacher had to pretend to teach something more than just sarcasm. "The next school play will be in two weeks, so we already have the title of our piece."
The students looked at me expectantly. That spark in their eyes reminded me of myself in my youth… though in this case, it wasn't artistic passion, but pure greed: all they wanted was to film themselves and upload content to their DogTube accounts.
"I don't know where you picked up those miserly habits about money…" I muttered, shaking my head. A dozen sharp glares pierced me, so I cleared my throat. "Fine, I'll continue with the announcement."
The audience demanded it, and I couldn't afford to turn into a mayor with a two-hour speech about the weather, ending by thanking even the town's stray dog.
"The play will be titled… The Great Dragon That Ate My Homework."
The classroom fell into sepulchral silence.
"… What?" Zhang Rui asked, eyes wide open.
"Yes, you heard right," I replied with the utmost seriousness. "A deep metaphor about man's eternal struggle against responsibility. An existential drama… disguised as a children's comedy."
The kids began whispering, until a student timidly raised her hand:"Teacher, that sounds exactly like the excuse Wang Peng uses whenever he doesn't bring his homework."
"Hey!" protested Wang Peng, turning red as a tomato. "That's not true! One time the dog really did eat it… well, my neighbor's dog… well, actually it was the washing machine… it's complicated!"
Laughter shook the classroom again.
I struck the desk theatrically with my palm."Silence! This will be our legacy. Picture it: dragons flying on stage, fire, drama, tears, a powerful message about… well, about something I haven't thought of yet, but definitely deeper than Wei Jinchao's movies."
Some students applauded out of obligation, others just looked resigned. Finally, from the back, someone muttered in despair:"As long as he doesn't make us sing again…"
"Of course there will be songs!" I answered with a devilish smile. "What's a dragon without its tragic ballad?"
The collective groan was so synchronized it sounded like a trained choir.
I smiled, satisfied. Yes, they complained… but in two weeks, when they stepped on stage, they would shine.
Or at the very least, they'd give me enough material to laugh at them for years.
Although, as every wise man once said, school was not meant to be an excuse to steal hours of teaching for free pay… because if you got caught, the authorities wouldn't hesitate to send you to help the janitor clean the school bathrooms.
And as if the universe wanted to confirm it, the door creaked open solemnly.
There he was: Principal Liu. Dark suit, tie pulled too tight, forehead so shiny it reflected the hallway lights like a cheap mirror.
I could almost swear anyone could see their reflection in that forehead.
"I wonder if I could ask to use it as a mirror when I forget mine…" I whispered to myself, marveling at the supernatural ability of Principal Liu's head.
"Well, well…" he said as he entered with his hands behind his back. "I came to see how the preparations for the school play were going."
The whole classroom fell silent. The same uncomfortable silence you hear when you open the wrong bathroom door.
I cleared my throat, trying to look like a serious, competent teacher—which was asking too much."Principal Liu, we were just… eh… working on the script."
"You know how this generation is," I added with a nervous laugh, "wanting to start with an old-school musical full of young lovers, bright colors, and glitter…"
"Oh, really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. His sharp eyes scanned the class: students with faces still red from laughter, one on the floor (Wang Peng, of course), and another with a dragon doodled in pen across his forehead.
The principal inhaled deeply."Fine, I want to see discipline, commitment, art…" He paused for a second and narrowed his eyes. "And this time, don't end up using the gym curtains as costumes."
The scolding went in one ear and out the other. Honestly, it had pretty much gotten lost at grandpa's farm. And it wasn't our fault: most of the budget went into the teacher's food… cough, cough. The little that remained barely covered the basics for the play.
Though we had always relied on creative engineering with whatever was at hand. The first time we staged a massive battle in a square world made entirely of cardboard boxes. What better than a cubic universe where you could even build a house just by stacking them?
Thus were born the legendary adventures of Lu Cheng and his dog.
"Of course, Principal! This year we'll make history. We even have the title already: The Great Dragon That Ate My Homework."
Principal Liu's forehead wrinkled like wet paper."… Excuse me?"
Before he could say anything else, Zhang Rui raised his voice with suicidal enthusiasm:"Yes, Principal! It will be an existential metaphor about youth, responsibility, and the cruelty of the education system."
The principal looked at him as if he'd just uttered the worst blasphemy of his life. I nodded quickly, trying to keep my composure."Exactly, an artistic portrayal of contemporary society… with dragons. The motto of our nation."
A muffled cough was heard in the corner—probably someone trying not to laugh.
The principal closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and muttered something like, "These are the future leaders of the country… we're doomed." Then he turned around and left, leaving behind absolute silence.
Barely had the door closed when Wang Peng blurted out:"Teacher, if the principal comes back and sees us singing the dragon ballad, you're definitely getting fired!"
Laughter erupted like a cannon blast.
I just slumped into my chair in resignation. Yes, they were probably right… but for some reason, the idea of watching it all burn into chaos seemed more fun by the minute.
This could be the start of a revolution where a theater teacher ended up working at a fast-food restaurant, just to survive one more day in the harsh life of consumer society.
Didn't sound like a bad title… if not for the fact that we were in the twenty-first century, an era where art wasn't appreciated. The only things people wanted to see—besides trying to decode the supposed deep thoughts of a scriptwriter—were guys in tights fighting other guys in superhero costumes.
"Now that I think of it…" I murmured doubtfully. "The principal said something before leaving, but I didn't catch it. Do you know what he said?"
Eyes crossed in silence until someone finally answered in a trembling voice:"He said there would be extra support… Wei Jinchao."
And so it was that, the next day, I was already planning to draft my resignation letter. Maybe even burn the school down while I was at it.