How am I supposed to fight, let alone defeat that growling muscle booger?
You didn't give me a superpower by activating a part of my brain like in those sci-fi movies, right?
[ Item Found: Pineapple Ice Cream ]
Of course not.
What am I supposed to do with a Pineapple Ice Cream?
I doubt the giant goblin that just started to drool over the poor girl behind the counter would be put in a good mood if I buy him an ice cream!
[ Intelligence Status: lower than the average ]
Yeah, cuz dropping my stats will make sure to solve this whole situation.
Please, Babe, help me!
[ Loading ]
If not for me, at least for the cute girl who's about to pass out because of the green cloud formed by this guy's breath.
[ Hmph ]
Hmph?
Are you f-cking sulking right now?
As I was too busy to argue inside my head like I am rehearsing winning an argument in the shower, the goblin banged his overly grotesque hands on the counter, leaning in, inches away from the poor girl.
I need to do something.
But what?
Pepper. We are in a grocery store, right?
If I hit his eyes with the pepper, it will give me enough time to get the girl and run out of here.
Man, I hate running.
It's my fault really. I should have stayed at home and ordered in.
DoorDash would never have put me in this situation.
[ Item Found: Pineapple Ice Cream ]
Can you give me a break?
What am I supposed to do with an ice cream?
I tried to make as little noise as I could as I grabbed two jars of pepper and powdered chilli.
It's fine.
I got this.
Just walk out to him and throw it into his eyes. Push him out of balance. Get the girl and get out.
It's fine. I can do it.
[ Bad idea, fam, get the ice cream. Trust ]
Sure. Because trusting you worked out so well so far.
I am doing well on my own.
You already made me see goblins. I don't want any more help.
[ Babe's Annoyance Increased by 5% ]
Can we— can we talk about this at home?
I have a bit of a situation on my hands right now.
Sneaking behind the goblin, I focused all my attention on gripping the jars. They were those types of containers that had little holes so I got ready to shake them as soon as he turned around.
Sadly for me, I've realised a bit too late that I forgot to peel off the plastic wrap from under the top. So nothing came out.
And I now had all the attention of the goblin.
Just great.
I felt like my jaw dislocated more than a few inches in the back of my cranium when his punch met my face.
I am going to die.
I am going to die at a Seven Eleven.
By the hands of a goblin— not even a troll.
[ Item Found: Pineapple Ice Cream ]
Can you leave me alone with the ice cream already? Can a man at least be killed in peace?
[ Item Found: Pineapple Ice Cream ]
Fine. Fine.
Whatever. You're dying with me so I should at least give you one final wish.
I grabbed the Pineapple ice cream from my behind pocket.
Well, not exactly.
Since the punch threw me some meters away straight into the refrigerator, I fell on my butt. So now, all that is left of the ice cream is a pressed and melted puddle of heavy cream and pineapple.
With nothing left to lose— I just dipped my fingers in it as the goblin climbed on top of me to serve the final punch.
Which was unnecessary really.
After all, that body odor was enough to kill a small animal. No wonder why the girl behind the counter started to cry.
It wasn't fear. It was just her eyes watering, trying to not go blind because of the smell.
Back to the green, oversized booger, he raised his punch while displaying those yellow crooked teeth. All of them.
More than all of them.
I am sure the dentist appointment before him just said "Double it and give it to the next person". Or goblin.
I frantically ran my fingers on his face. A desperate, pointless gesture of a dying man.
My eyes were locked shut while I screamed with all my might.
[ Item Successfully Used ]
The sound of the window popping up gave me the courage to pick. And to my surprise, the goblin was rolling theatrically on the floor as his face started to swell more and more.
Until it was like a balloon ready to pop. A very ugly, anti-skin-care, dent balloon.
The girl behind the counter had already pressed the panic button, because the sound of the police coming grew closer and closer.
And the green atrocity slowly glitched back to a pathetic gang member crying on the floor.
[ Strength Increased +2% ]
[ Social Status Increased by 5% ]
[ Current Stats- Social Status: 20% ( endearing loser ), Strength: 7% ( a full push up can still be deadly for him ) ]
Glad that we're alive too, buddy.
"Oh my God, are you ok?"
The girl hurried up with an aid kit ready to treat my overly bloody and broken nose. Which was cute, if I was not having a concussion that couldn't be fixed with Hello Kitty patches.
"I am fine."
I am one second away from passing out.
"Thank you for saving me. The guy was really aggressive. He kept coming to flirt with me and followed me home. Guess today he was tired of being ignored."
"Such a goblin, right?"
"Right."
The girl smiled. She was pretty.
[ Health Dropped by 70% ]
[ Collapse Initiated ]
No charisma points for that joke? The girl smiled!
[ It was giving high-key simp. She smiled out of obligation, fam. Don't be delulu! ]
Oh.
Thank you for the advice by the way. I would have been dead without you, Babe!
It could have been caused by my brain bleeding, but I could have sworn I've seen a smiley face emoji on my stats window.
But I guess we'll never know if that was true or not.
[ Collapse Completed ]
[ Good job, babe ]