|Eva|
"
Let me bear these sufferings and pain…
Let me burn with this searing ache…
Love,
Family,
Affection…
I dared to dream of having them…
Delusional castles I build around you…
Let the waves of reality crash them!
"
Repeating those lines helped me in retaining my rationality. I sat on my favourite rock looking at the happenings around me, the only place that could provide the much-needed peace to my restless soul.
The waves crashing on shore surprisingly always calmed down turmoil within my heart and mind. I looked at children making sand castles. Their parents watched them with fond smiles from a little distance, while sitting holding each other. I did not envy them, just that every time when I saw them, I could not help but feel disappointed in the fact that I was not able to feel those moments.
Life had snatched that right from me.
Spending life alone taught me many things. Not to expect life to be a fairy tale topped that list. I had believed this thing from the time I started understanding the world around me,
I learned the ways people inflict pain on others. Thinking they could do so just to have some fun.
Despite trying over years to make myself stronger so that nothing could ever break the spirit with which I held myself together- not to get lost in this cruel world where no one would give a damn even if my breath left my body. I realized it too late. No matter however I had tried, the wall around my heart had crumbled down long ago…
All because of him.
Being non-believer in destiny, I had just laughingly dismissed all the conversations on soul mates. How I wish I had never met him in the first place, because meeting him made me question my belief of unbelief. Irony of life was- in the past I had dismissed the concept of soul mates and now life was doing the same to me.
It brought him in my life just to make me realize what love was. However, as everybody in my life went away he too did. Just the difference was, others left unwillingly while he did willingly. I gave my heart to him, I loved him with everything, and perhaps due to that same love I was unable to hate him unwillingly.
***
"How could you be so careless to forget your own purse in college? You will have to spend the whole night outside of your apartment. Stupid girl!," I muttered disappointedly, wrapping the shawl tightly around me as the chilly wind started to nip at my skin.
Who told you to wear a knee length skirt today? My mind snapped, irritated. If not for the committee visiting our department, I would have preferred the usual tunics and jeans.
The red Kashmiri shawl has been with me for the last six years. I brought it from the roadside stall as soon as it had caught my eyes. It served the purpose of saving me from the cold as for now.
I started walking faster, almost sprinting in my steps as I mentally kicked and cursed myself for forgetting my purse in the college.
I joined the "SVP College of Engineering," one of the top colleges in Zarling last year after completing my post-graduation degree. The one of the reasons for joining the college was, the guide allotted to me for my PhD was head of the department of Electronics & Telecommunication engineering where I joined as an assistant professor.
As the memories of him plagued my mind, I had left the college in a hurry to my only hideout. The beach, totally forgetting about my purse in my cabin.
Four hours later around nine in the night after I left the beach, the need for money made me remember my mistake. It was too late to rectify as college must have closed and the super intelligent me had forgotten my mobile at my apartment in the morning itself. That meant I could not call anyone for help, not that I had anyone in my mind.
I was on my own in this big world. After the heartbreak I suffered by trusting him, I could no longer trust anyone. I padded faster as my apartment came into view. Thankfully, the apartment was no longer than fifty minutes walking distance from the beach.
It would have been just fifteen minutes from college but me being silly, had to increase it by going to the beach in turn resulting in the extra distance.
The black car standing in the parking lot caught my attention. I had seen this car somewhere. I tried recalling where, yet nothing seems to come to my mind. Shaking my head, I crossed the security guard's office.
Security guard, he must have extra keys to my apartment. How genius of me not to think about it first, rather than wondering about spending the night outside the locked door of my apartment! How great! Sometimes I wonder if I hit my head many times when I was child because I could not find any other reason to justify my foolishness.
I heaved a sigh of relief as I collected the extra key from him. I literally dashed for my flat on the fourth floor totally ignoring the lift, and climbing the stairs. My feet seemed to love walking and thus carrying me on them as if the total walking of the past hour was not enough.
How lovely!
My steps faltered once my eyes fell on the leaning figure of the man beside the locked door of my apartment. His face hidden from the place I stood. What caught my attention was the brown purse that screamed the familiarity. I stepped forward contemplating whether to approach the stranger or call the security guard.
The person stood there wearing the black Armani Suit in a way as if he owned the whole place. His whole aura demanded attention. Through the corner of my eyes, I spotted Mrs. Gates and two other women I forgot the names of, glancing at him curiously in the middle of their gossip.
The man turned as I reached near my door and happened to stand beside with the familiar purse near his legs. I was momentarily taken aback as the person's face and identity registered in my mind.
"You?" The whisper of recognition left my lips. I stared at the reflection of my shocked face in the black aviators covering his eyes.
'The hell!'