|Eva|
Even after five years, his presence made me unsettled. I almost took a step back, ready to bolt out of this place, away from his presence. However, my legs decided to betray me for they shook and screamed with pain as if complaining regarding the overwork I made them do. Shakily reaching out to the wall, I pressed my palm to balance my unsteady figure, watching the man I thought I would never see again… ever.
He took off his shades, his eyes darkened with anger.
Why are you angry? Forgive me for being shocked and you can leave. I wanted to say that but I could not. How was I supposed to know I would meet the sponsor for the orphanage I had grown in, or the man I loved... at my doorsteps after so long?
Well technically, he was not the sponsor; he had started off as a student leader working for welfare under some program conducted by his college. I had met him a couple of times— okay, maybe more than that as I was assigned to help him.
"How are you, Ms. Eva?" He asked in a crisp tone. It was new to me. He never talked to me in that tone, even though we were only acquaintances.
"Wh- How do you know where I live?" I changed the question after getting hold of myself and trying very hard not to stammer. The praying ears and questioning gaze of my neighbours was not lost on me. Therefore, I hastily put the key in the lock.
"I know a lot of things— though that is not important now." There. His gruff voice was back and I had no idea what he was so mad at. My hands froze for a while before I focused on the task in my hand.
Seriously, Eva? Get a grip on yourself. You don't have to mind how he addresses you or talks to you. You aren't a teenager anymore. Why behave like a lovelorn?
Giving a small smile to curious eyes at the other end, I entered inside my apartment. Before I could invite him in, he picked up my purse and followed me inside without a word.
How he had my purse was another concern that needed to be addressed.
All I wanted for him to tell the purpose of his visit and leave but I couldn't be that rude.
"What would you have?" I asked instead.
"Nothing," he denied softly.
Strange? What caused him to mellow down? I wondered. His mood changes were faster than the weather.
"Oh, okay. Have a sit, sir." I gestured towards the two-seater wooden sofa. Being on my own and not a fan of shopping, I had minimal furniture. I only brought things that were important and needed for this apartment. I could not afford spending money on unnecessary things. I hardly had guests coming over. To be precise the man occupying the small sofa rather awkwardly given his well-built personality was the only person apart from me to enter my home in the last one year.
"Excuse me, Sir, I will be back." I rushed inside the kitchen, which was just a couple of feet away from the living room. Thankfully, the curtains were drawn hiding the view from the living room. It was a small apartment with an open kitchen attached to the living room and a small bedroom with an attached bathroom. The only beautiful thing about the whole apartment was the balcony where I spent most of my time.
Once inside the kitchen, I opened the tap and splashed water on my face. The cold water was a welcome relief. I splashed water a couple of times more to get rid of past memories which were threatening to consume me. Lathering my hands with the soap, I washed them hurriedly before I grabbed the clean towel usually kept for spare purposes.
I knew he was waiting outside and despite his denial, I prepared two cups of tea. I was just stalling the confrontation. His presence brought all the memories back along with his—
I shook my head to get rid of those memories. Putting the cups and some snacks on the tray, I walked outside. I just prayed he was not here for the purpose I was thinking. He might have forgotten everything and moved on.
He had discarded his jacket and was sitting with one leg propped up against his knee. He did not look uncomfortable anymore, rather he seemed at ease. His eyes were busy looking around— there was not much to look at, honestly. With the frown lines on his forehead, I realized that he did not approve of my living arrangement.
Did I care?
No. He could think whatever he wanted because it was none of his business.
"What brings you here?" I handed him his cup and sat back on the beanbag just opposite to him. I had not met his eyes for once and as I sat back, I kept my gaze glued to the floor, finding it more interesting at the moment.
In my home, I was feeling like a stranger. What an irony.
"You."
My eyes snapped to his face. Surprised with his blunt answer but then again he was never the person to talk in circles. He would always be straightforward, not caring about the outcome.
"How are you?" He asked. He either did not realize that I was shocked or he chose to ignore it. However, I was not up for the conversation.
I silently sipped my tea. There might be a number of reasons for him to leave like he did but right now I had no reason to accept his return.
"Good. I am not sure how you found my purse, address, or me for that fact but thank you for your assistance. I would like you to leave. It is rather late if you must realize," I stated once he set his empty cup back on the tray. I had enough of him and the longer he stayed the more agonizing it was going to be for my already broken heart.
His lips curved into a small smile as he remained in his place. There was not even an acknowledgement on his face that I just asked him to get out of my house. "You are still the same... Running away from the problems won't make them resolve on their own," he concluded on his own.
I glared at him. I was so done with his cryptic behaviour. Crossing my hands across my chest, I stood up turning my back to him. The tension in the room suddenly felt suffocating. I walked to the balcony and stepped outside leaving him, hoping he would leave.
Why was he here?
There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be with him and have hours of endless discussion though he was quite a less talkative person.
'Stop! Don't think about it. Don't think about him.'
I reminded myself that it was not my fault. He simply walked out of my life.
The sky was alone just like me. There weren't any stars and moon to accompany him today. The traffic seemed endless. The lights from vehicles, shops houses were dancing everywhere. No one could say that it was time for bed. There was liveliness as if the day had just begun for the people.
Standing seemed like a hard task, my legs were in pain. Like a falling leaf my body collapsed. Taking support of railings I rested my limp body against it.
Why was he here, when I was trying to move on?
Move on?
I scoffed internally. I also knew what a white lie it was. Till date I was in love with him. If it was so easy to forget the first love then no one would have suffered from heartbreaks and the pain.
Devon.
I had never heard that name in my life. His name had piqued my curiosity and like they say, 'curiosity killed the cat'. Same happened with me; the curiosity that started with his name landed me in the bottomless pit of love and later into heartache.
I clutched the fabric of my clothes tighter in my fist. Tears stung in my eyes. My throat clogging with the emotions that were ready to burst.
I just wanted to scream. Scream till my voice reached to the one up above in the heaven... If there really was someone, I wanted to ask him why he could just not leave me alone.
Thud!
The shattering sound of porcelain breaking pulled me out of my past memories and the pain they brought. The noise reminded me of something I forgot in my haste to avoid him.
The glass door connecting balcony and the living room.
I lifted my tear filled eyes. From the sofa, one could easily see the balcony if curtains were not drawn and the door was open.
What if he had not left?
Terrified, I raised my head, my hold getting stronger on my clothes.
I wished to forget him with every passing moments. I could never bring myself to let him see what his mere presence would do to me. He could leave me behind without a single word. He returned after five years, behaving as if he never left.
His departure. His return. His purpose behind his visit. It should mean nothing to me. Yet, I was an idiot who still shed tears for him.
How pathetic!
Please, don't be here. Please!
As I turned around with pounding heart, I just prayed he had left.
Alas!
All the prayers went down the drain.
There he was, still in front of my eyes, in my home and... in my heart too.