"Huh?" that was all I could say as I listened to the pure bullshit that came out of this chic's mouth.
"Excuse me, I'm trying to explain what's going on here, not spouting bullshit as you called it" The chic said. 'Wait, did I say that out loud?'
"No you didn't, I have the ability to hear the thoughts of all beings that enter this realm."
"Ahhh, cliches all around I see" I said wise airs surrounding me. "Cliches? And I don't think Yoda has ever said that." the chic deadpans.
"What cliches you ask, well I'm in a dark room with a very sexy girl dressed in what seems to be a Japanese high school uniform explaining to me how I died and I'm being given a second chance at life."
" Which either means I've been kidnapped or I'm in the setting for a cliche fanfic where the Mc goes around slapping people while shouting "COURTING DEATH" and continuously saying he's a time traveller for some reason."
" Well, there is a third senario but considering my sense of self preservation is zero when I know they are no consequences and that booty skirt you're wearing, we wouldn't be haven't this conversation if this was a dream. One of us will be face down ass up and it sure as hell wouldn't be me." I said with the straightest face I could muster.
"What did I do to deserve this?" The chic asked exasperated. "You said you slept with your boss' husband or something…see I was listening" I said to the chic.
"Stop calling me chic, my name is Denise and I said I slept with which you would know if you actually listened to me the whole time and not just when I was talking about a scandal."
"Alright, sheesh don't take it out on me, I wasn't the one whose husband you slept with." I said.
"You know what let's just get this over with, I have a bottle of wine waiting for me at home." she sighed. "Alright I'm only going to explain this one more time. You died, you were run over by a speeding truck…"
"Cliche" her brow twitched as she continued "…That was carrying 10 kidnapped children. The driver tried to continue moving but you got stuck in the wheels and things got messy, the driver got out and tried to run but, he run into a van carrying his accomplices as well as two more kids and also got stuck in the wheel. Long story short, there was a police patrol nearby, they busted the creeps and returned the kids."
"Damn, I did not expect that, I also have no recollection of any of that." I said in awe, screw cliche I saved twelve kids, Chinese MC number one to a million only saved one, I rock.
"Yeah, well you didn't die then. Somehow, by some miracle you survived and pushed through the pain only dying when you where wheeled into the hospital mumbling something about history and God blessing Opera GX or something…" She explained a thoughtful look on her face.
"We had to erase that part of the accident to prevent you from going mad from the phantom pains"
"Wait if I'm dead how would I feel pain?" I asked.
"I said phantom, you brain dead imbecile" the chic said. "I said my name is DENISE" she screamed. "I know, chic just sounds wayyy better. Either that or rude bimbo" I said in utmost seriousness.
"You know what screw this. So the rundown is this. You're a Christian, not devout sure, but you're a Christian. At this point you should be in limbo awaiting cleansing but, what you did is somewhat of an extremely good deed if intentional, the Hindu say something about karna..kanar…karma yeah karma."
"You have excess good karma but how you got about getting it conflicts with your religion and Limbo is full right now. There are wayyy to many Christians that need cleansing. So you're being yeeted of to a new world, the world is a bit unorthodox but…"
"…It's DxD isn't it?"
"What?"
"The world I'm going to, it's High school DxD" I said.
"Yes, how did you know that?" The chick asked eyebrow twitching. "Cliche senario 101, if it ain't DxD it's worse so yeah I just went for the easiest one" I stated my analysis.
"But you could've gotten a world like ASOIAF/GOT, Modern family, friends, HIMYM,you know fun worlds" she said.
"What the fuck is GOT on that list, and besides despite how fun the rest are, there's way too much drama. Not dealing with Hayley's teenager phase, Ted's mid-life crisis and there's no way I'm seeing prime Jennifer Aniston and not tapping that ass but I never want to cuck Ross, he's Chandler's bro. I'd rather fight a dragon than deal with that" I explained.
"Alright then, I don't know why I asked but just pass through here and you'll be where you need to be." She said pointing to a glowing white portal that appeared out of nowhere.
"Wait, what about my cheat, my all mighty golden finger, my immortal jade of a thousand poisons technique?" I asked looking at the portal.
"Your Karma gets to decide that, and just so you know, all the shit you did here got added to your Karma, let it bit known that Karma's a bitch." her voice echoed behind me.
"Shit" Was all I could say before I was kicked patches style into the swirly portal.
"Finally, now unto the next one"