Deflated after my fight with Katie, I walk zombie-like back into the dining hall and sit at my half-finished stack of pancakes.
Todd and Simon are on their way out, offering a "sorry bud," and a "too bad, bro," on their way.
I slump into my chair and turn up my lips at the pile of food in front of me. It looks like a gross pile of mush to me now, so I push the plate as far away from me as I can.
"Morning, dude," I hear Aisha say. She's approaching the table carrying a full plate of waffles. "How's it hanging?"
She stops in her tracks when she sees my expression.
"Oh, not good, hey?"
She slips into the chair next to me, Katie's chair, and puts a reassuring hand on my knee.
"What's going on?" she asks.
"Katie and I had a fight."
"Riiight." She nods like a therapist. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"
The irony that our fight was sort of about Aisha and now she's the one trying to comfort me is not lost.
But it wasn't really about Aisha, I realize. She's more like a symptom. The truth of the cause sits in my gut like a lump of stone.
"Mates," I mumble.
"I see," Aisha says, crossing her legs, making herself comfortable.
"Does she want to be your mate?"
"I think so." Finally, it's all become clear to me. The reason Katie reacted the way she did yesterday when I asked Aisha to go canoeing. The reason she was so excited for us both to go to our first festival together. I've been so ignorant, so willfully blind. But I guess I just didn't want the friendship to change...or end.
I'm worried it has.
"And you don't feel the same?" Aisha asks slowly.
I shake my head.
She sighs caringly. "It's tricky business this mating stuff. And the blue moon messing with everyone's hormones doesn't help much either."
"You got that right."
She grins when I'm finally able to make comprehensible words.
"There he is!"
But her joy is somewhat premature. I feel awful. Not only have I been ignoring the clear signs Katie has been giving me, I've also been so insensitive to her feelings that she's had to run away from me, into the literal unknown. I slump back into my chair and wonder if I'm about to cry too.
Aisha appraises me, puckering her lips and squinting.
"I know what will cheer you up," she says.
Fifteen minutes later we're standing in our bathing suits at the edge of the river.
"I'm not sure this is a good idea," I say. "The water was freezing when I fell in yesterday."
It's a gloriously sunny day, the sky is a bright cartoon blue, the few puffy clouds look like cotton candy, the trees are emerald and the water does look delightfully refreshing.
But the icy sting of my unexpected dip is fresh in my mind.
"The water is warmer here," Aisha says. "It's more stagnant."
Great…?
The swimming area is a designated section of the riverbank a short distance behind the cabins. There are wolves splashing about in the shallows and a few further out. Some are swinging from a hanging tire and launching themselves into the water.
It can't be that cold if they're all swimming in it.
"What better way to wash your blues away," Aisha says in a sing-song voice.
I stand frozen glancing along the shoreline.
Colorful beach towels dot the pebbly shore like rectangular flowers.
The sweet pine scent of the air fills my nostrils and helps begin to clear my mind.
Maybe she's right.
"If a quick dip can't shake that gloom off your shoulders I don't know what will." Aisha smiles and begins walking toward the water.
She's wearing a black bikini, her athletic body is shining in the sunlight. Compared to her I feel like a marshmallow, soft and pale.
"First one to the platform is an omega," she calls over her shoulder, picking up speed. Out in the middle of the lake is a wooden platform, with an algae-covered ladder attached to the side.
Aisha is already halfway down the shore. I refuse to be left behind, even though the thought of swimming out in that icy water is giving me severe brain freeze. I take off after her.
We splash our way into the shallows, the water shocking my body awake. When the cold, breath-stealing liquid is up to my waist I take a giant gulp of air and brace myself. I dive under head first, and come up gasping.
The water is so cold it's hard to breathe.
It's definitely the same temperature as yesterday!
Aisha is already making strokes toward the platform, cutting through the surface of the water like a samurai sword. I kick my feet and try to remember my freestyle technique from when I took swimming lessons in elementary school.
It's hard to gain any speed or catch my breath, but eventually I find my rhythm. I stroke as hard as I can, kicking frantically, and I make it out to the platform.
Aisha, who beat me by a mile, takes my hand and helps me up the slimy ladder. Cold water runs off me, dripping from my swimming shorts.
We take a seat on the decking, looking back at the other wolves still splashing about, and let the sun warm our skin. We're further out than I thought. I feel like we're so far away that we could growl our loudest growls and no one would hear us.
"Feel better?" Aisha asks.
"My head does feel clearer," I respond and it's the truth. Our little swim has helped me feel less like the world is collapsing. I know Katie and I are going to be fine. We're best friends and we always will be. One stupid fight at a stupid festival can't shake that.
"See, a little exercise will always shake the blues away."
"Totally."
"You wanna talk about what happened?"
Aisha looks at me like she's ready to listen. I'm amazed. We only met yesterday and I basically fangirled majorly. I wouldn't have been surprised if Aisha thought I was a complete wacko. But her big, princess eyes are full of genuine concern and I feel as if she wants to help.
"I guess I just always thought of Katie more like a friend...a best friend."
"Well, that's ok. If that's how you feel."
"But I should have been able to see that she felt a different kind of way. Or I should have made her feel like she could tell me."
"Sure, but it can be hard talking about feelings. Even to the people you love the most. Hell, sometimes that's harder."
"It's just...well, she's so obsessed with mates."
"Of course she is, she's a teenage wolf."
"I don't think just because you're a wolf you have to buy into the whole mate bond thing."
"Yeah, well, what else would you expect from her? That's what we're all taught to be obsessed with. Look around, man. Everyone here is just hoping to find their person."
"Sure." Everyone on the beach is smiling, laughing, but then I notice something as well. There's a strange scent on the wind. A mixture of sweat, salty and sharp, and something sweeter, something like wildflowers, tangy and enticing. Wolf pheromones! Everyone back on the beach, and probably all the wolves at camp, are low-level emitting their scent, designed to attract the opposite sex.
"I guess I'm not like everyone else," I say, sighing and resting my chin on my knees.
"Maybe this isn't all your fault then," Aisha says, bumping shoulders with me. "If Katie knows you as well as you know her, maybe she should have known what matters to you and not pushed the whole mate thing."
"Maybe." Aisha has a point, kind of. But it's not enough that I don't still feel like trash.
Waves lap at the edge of our platform, sending water slopping onto the decking. The coolness against my feet and my butt is a nice relief from the hot sun beating down on my back. Aisha stretches out her legs, crossing one ankle over the other, and leans back on her hands.
"So you're really not into the whole 'mates' thing then?" she asks, side-eyeing me.
"Nah," I say and lean back so that our shoulders are next to each other. "I just don't get it. I'm only sixteen. There's stuff I want to do before I settle down forever."
"Makes sense," she says, nodding appreciatively.
"What about you?" I ask. "Excited to find your mate?"
"I told you I'm already mated to dance."
"But what about tonight? You might find some guy during the Mating Run."
"Not if I don't plan on running," she says.
Eleanor said that the run wasn't compulsory. That wolves could opt out if they wanted. I assumed most people came here for the sole reason of joining the run. I guess Aisha isn't like most people either.
"You're not going to do the Mating Run?"
"Nope," she says.
"Why not?"
Aisha tilts her head, squinting at me through the glare.
"Don't tell anybody this, ok?" I nod eagerly. "I don't want to find a mate, because I already found a boyfriend. A human boyfriend."
"What…?"
My mouth hangs open.
"Does that freak you out?" she asks. "I know a lot of people think mixing the species is weird or gross, or some kind of betrayal or whatever…" "No! Not at all! I think that's cool."
My parents raised me to believe that everyone was equal. My Mom is always going on and on about how there are too many male alpha's running the packs, and my Dad always advocates for human rights amongst his colleagues.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound shocked. I've just never met anyone who's dating a human before."
"It's not very common."
"Or maybe I just haven't met many people." I smile and Aisha smiles back. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to tell me her secret.
Maybe it's just a side effect of our private island in the stream, but I still feel privileged to have been let inside her life like this.
"What's he like?" I ask.
"His name is Troy and he goes to Columbia, to study molecular biology or something sciencey. We met a couple years ago in New York and since then he's come to every single performance I've done."
I have a momentary flashback to the night at the ballet when I first saw Aisha dance. I remember a guy in the front row handing her flowers.
Maybe that was Troy.
"He sounds sweet," I say.
"He's the best."
A cool wind blows across my shoulders, as I take a breath and lean further back.
"The rest of the camp is going to be disappointed." "Why do you say that?"
"Everyone thinks you're going to end up being mates with Jasper."
Aisha sits up in a rush, laughter bursting out of her like a comedy volcano erupting.
"Me...and...Jasper…? That's crazy!"
I start to giggle and then laugh and then both of us are cackling like we've completely lost the plot.
As we start to calm down, a cloud crosses the sky, blocking the sun.
"So you don't think you and Jasper would be a good match then?" I ask, starting to shiver a little.
"Nah, we're a bit like you and Katie. Just good friends. Besides, I don't know if you've noticed but he's a little uptight."
"Oh my Moon Gods, I know! I pity the poor wolf he does end up with."
Aisha chuckles but stops herself. "We shouldn't be too hard on him."
"Why not?"
"Jasper is the future alpha of our whole pack. The biggest pack on the east coast. There's a lot of pressure on him. And his father...woo! He's a tough cookie."
"You mean Alpha Jericho? You must know him, right?' "Yeah, I've met him a few times. But he doesn't stick around if you know what I mean. Not much of a talker. What I do know is he has high expectations for Jasper and he does not like being disappointed."
Jasper always seems so confident and unshakeable. He always seems so judgemental and stern. But I never really stopped to think what made him that way.
"Speak of the devil," Aisha says, peering across the water. "The sequel."
Back on the shore, Jasper has arrived at the beach. He and Olivia are wandering down the pebbles. An unswallowable lump lodges itself in my throat as I watch him. He's wearing a pair of black swim shorts, some black slip-on shoes, and wayfarer sunglasses. His tanned chest seems broader than it does when he's wearing clothes and each of his abs might as well have its own postal code, they're that defined.
What if he spots me and Aisha out here? Will he swim out to meet us?
The thought of him seeing me in all my pasty, marshmallow-y glory makes me want to dive to the bottom of the lake and stay there.
"You see something you like?" Aisha asks and I turn to find her leering at me suggestively. I nearly topple right off the platform.
"Wha…? No...I…" "Hey, calm down. I was only kidding."
"Yeah, well, I was only distracted because he makes me so furious," I lie. "I honestly don't know how you can stand to be his friend."
"Like I said, don't be too hard on Jasper. He's got a lot going on."
Just like clockwork a man and a woman dressed in camouflage pants and khaki green t-shirts come jogging down the beach toward Jasper.
I watch as they get his attention and proceed to have a very quiet, very urgent discussion. In a split second Jasper's voice booms across the lake.
"Everyone out of the water! Emergency meeting in the amphitheater in ten minutes! This is not a drill. Everyone out of the water now!"
I glance to Aisha as panic floods my limbs.
"This isn't good," she says, already on her feet and reaching down to help me up.
The sun has completely disappeared behind a bank of clouds and the wind has begun to pick up.
Wolves are fleeing the water like a scene from Jaws. I brace myself as I dive back into the river. I'm too scared to notice the cold.