Lyra's POV
What If I could change this with just a thought?
In this tiniest of all moments, Cassian's mind has changed towards me, and now, I can't define what it is about us. Has he cut ties with me or he just needs a break from this?
Maybe a break is what he needs.
But last night… Last night, he avoided me like a plague designed to heighten the effects of his curse, like he'd just decided I'm what he needs to get rid of.
He didn't go on with the blood moon ritual. I thought that was the cure, how come he decided to stop without thinking about what is at stake against him?
He's about to become a feral wolf.
If I could change this with just a thought, I could have been at ease.
My head leaning against the door, causes it to creak open.
"Lyra?" Velora calls.
She gets out of bed. "You've been outside the door."
It wasn't a question. It's obvious I've been, and it's unfortunate that I haven't been listening to whatever they must have been saying.
"You were peeking on us," she says, walking towards me.
I do not answer, but go over to the mattress.
Velora remains where she's standing, and Elara does nothing else but is probably waiting for me to start a war with her. I'm not doing it. Or maybe I plan to. I study her body, wondering how it must have caught Cassian's eyes.
Could it really be about her body?
I highly doubt that. I mean, I'm not ugly either. I can see she isn't ugly, and that evens out body out.
But what if Cassian had a kind of spec?
Her eyes are like mirrors staring back at me. I want to rant at her, but they force me to look into them as they come up with my reflection in them and they must have been the charm.
I don't have these, but everyone has their own uniqueness, right?
Ugh! I hate to put myself in this position!
Cassian says she's his mate, and that is knocking me out. After all these years with him?
"Lyra?" Velora touches my back.
I snap back. I don't realize I've lost myself studying Elara.
"You have to leave," Velora says.
I turn back, walking to the door, the grief in me returning in a double fold that my feet feel too heavy.
"Did you hear anything?" Velora asks when I reach the doorpost. "You invaded our privacy!"
"And what if I did?"
She grunts.
***
Now, I'm standing at the entrance of Cassian's room, my arms clamped at my sides, watching him with fear that he might leave my sight.
There's no expression on his face. He isn't frowning to show off anger, and neither does he seem happy. Of course he can't be happy. But this look on his face always unsettled me. His lips are slightly patted, and I can barely see a tooth.
His teeth could turn into fangs.
"Cassian…" I swallow the lump down my throat.
My eyes are heavy, but I shouldn't let them take control over me. Even if they are going to release blood instead of tears. But… I don't have such strength to suppress it.
"Cassian?"
He doesn't answer.
His eyes are on me, he is staring at me, but those eyes are blank. He can't see me. I can never get used to episodes of the curse taking control over him.
I sit beside him. Still, he doesn't react. The foam depressing on the spot I sit doesn't notify him.
My left hand relaxes on his back. "I left everything to come see you… I'm here for you, Cassian."
Of course he doesn't hear. I accept that. That's part of our reality. But I still pour out my thoughts to him.
"I saw the girl you called your mate…" I force a smile on my face, but my eyes betray it as tears come along with it. "I noticed she was in fear… in fear of you, and you still insist she's your mate."
I leave the bed to stand where his blank amber eyes are facing, blocking whatever his view is. I do this imagining that he is my audience, and that I am making an effort to convince him.
"Of what use will she be your mate if this curse consumes you?"
I wait even though I know he won't answer.
"She was meant for your cure!" I scream at him.
Again, he doesn't move, he doesn't flinch.
This numbness from him is not strange. It always happens on occasions the curse decides to have its effect. I've never been used to it, but now, it is worse.
He is getting closer to a feral state.
"Of what use would it be if you lose yourself?"
I step backward till my back touches the wall. I crawl downward, refusing to resist the warm line of tears that comes down my jaws.
"Cassian… even if you decide she's your mate… I need you cured of this," I say with chattering teeth.
The sound of my sobbing fills the room.
"Lyra…"
His voice… He pulls my attention. He regains sanity as usual?
"Cassian." My palms touch his jaws, smiling at him.
"It's not safe that you're here," he says. "I might become feral at any moment. I would become an aggressive wolf."
"Yeah… Yeah, I know that."
The fur in his skin, dark in color, is still out. It is more visible than the way it always is.
"Every one of your sane moments should be spent with me."
"Hmm…" His eyes are no longer blank. "You want to do so?"
"Yes, yes." I nod rapidly. "And I wonder why you refuse me to come so close to you."
He shakes his head. "Being so close to her makes the instinct of her being my mate strong. So strong that I can't stand any other female."
This statement stings. He should stop calling the word "mate" if he feels I can't be the one. I take in breath, then breath out. This moment is too special, and nothing should spoil it, not even my thoughts.
"Okay." I nod once just to keep the moment going.
He stares at me, and I force a chuckle that's so obviously fake.
He just nods. At least I can tell he is sincere.
"And–"
I kiss him. Now that I have this moment, why waste it?
It feels pleasing and exciting that my lips are on his, even if he's back, it feels like those days when our love burned like fresh wood.
I hope everything returns to that, and that this drama ends.
Almost a minute passed with my lips still connected to his. He's not kissing back, but at least he isn't resisting. Not like yesterday.
A knock on the door interrupts this moment. It opens without a response from Cassian.
"Lyra?" Alaric asks, stepping in.
Damn! Not at this very moment. Won't anyone give me a break, at least for now?
"Lyra, you have to leave," Alaric says.
"What?" I look at Cassian, and back at him. "I'm not doing that. I can't leave him."
"You have to." He shrugs.
He's holding a bag, but it's a bit black. It's not the usual bag he always carries around, especially when coming to check on Cassian.
He gently puts it on the mattress, then looks at me, gesturing I leave.
But I don't.
"Cassian?" I call him.
"You know what, just go," he says.
But I still hesitate, walking slowly to the door in high hope that he would call me back. But he lies flat on the bed, his gaze not even trailing me.
"I have to do this at this time," I hear Alaric say.
It's definitely not the normal treatment.
I stop, turning back to face them. "Time you did what?"