Chapter 15 - Elderly Man Donated His Savings to Vtuber Because She Committed a Federal Crime
DING
[You have acquired a new trait, Boarish Stamina!]
[The trait will now register on your status menu.]
* * *
Name: Parita Kestrel
Age: 22
Class: Vtuber Idol
Level: 0
Strength: 30
Fitness: 11
Magic: 24
Singing: 1
Dancing: 1
Charm: 7
System Features:
- Inventory System: Level 2
- Livestream System: Level 1
Traits:
- Boarish Stamina
* * *
Parita snorted, but she accidentally made a pig's snort noise. Her antics were captured live, and everybody in the guild could hear them.
The chat went crazy.
Sars: 'Did she just OINK!?'
Dementia: 'OINK?!'
Herpes: 'Is that an elf or a pig?!'
Lice: 'Pig elf?'
Itai-Itai: 'PIG SNORT!?'
Parita's eyes widened. Her face reddened in shame as she screeched.
"I ain't no pig, you bum!!"
Cholera: 'That means you're a pig.'
Sars: 'I am not no pig? That means you're a pig.'
Lice: 'Pig elf!'
Tectonitis: 'FAT ELF!'
DING
[Tectonitis has been banned for 7 days.]
Parita facepalmed. She regretted growing up in the States and absorbed their speech patterns.
While Parita regretted everything in her life, a loud noise and a flashy system message flashed. Someone dropped a Super Chat.
DING
= Lupus, Level 87, Non-Member =
= 1 G =
["Where are you right now? Do you feel any pain in your chest or sense any change in your body? That meat is poisonous, you know?"]
Parita's mood improved upon reading the considerate message. She grinned for the camera and made a victory sign.
"I'm perfectly fine, actually. As long as you get rid of all the blood in the meat and cook it properly, it is edible."
DING
= Lupus, Level 87, Non-Member =
= 1 G =
["That's good, but we need to talk. Instigating and tempting people to eat monster meat is a crime, you know?"]
"…Shit."
Parita's smile froze. She started sweating.
"Will I go to jail?"
DING
= Lupus, Level 87, Non-Member =
= 1 G =
["As long as you come to town and report to me directly."]
Parita smiled wryly. She sensed trouble ahead. Still, Parita believed she had to cooperate. Otherwise, the townspeople might shun her.
"Fine. I'll visit the town tomorrow morning… no, two days later. I need to clean this goddamn house first."
DING
= Lupus, Level 87, Non-Member =
= 1 G =
["Good. Also, if you run into a Hunger and kill it again, you can call our people to get rid of the corpse for you. Do not touch it, or you'll be bloodscorched."]
"…Okay. By the way, thank you for the super chats."
Being wary of the local laws and culture, Parita waved her hand at the camera. She muttered.
"Ah, well. Since I got called out, I have to end the stream early. Thank you for watching my impromptu cooking session. BYE!"
The thought of her arrest made her shudder. Parita pressed the end-stream button. The chat menu and OBS screen were closed.
DING
[You have finished livestreaming a cooking session.]
[You have received 10 Idol Points.]
[Five gold coins have been deposited into your inventory.]
The daily quest rewards weren't as exciting as they were the other day. Parita was slightly disappointed with her income. She finished her breakfast, cleaned the tools, and resumed her housecleaning job.
* * *
Afternoon, Sparrow and her crew returned. They stormed into the mansion and found Parita, who was in the middle of deep-cleaning the second floor.
"KESTREL! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" Sparrow shouted and locked Parita's shoulders from behind.
Parrot used her mana to examine the housekeeper, Parita. Goldfinch and others likewise grasped Parita's arms and legs, examining them for signs of any mutation. However, nobody found anything unusual.
Parrot didn't give up. She pried Parita's eyes open and inspected her pupils. However, nothing seemed unusual.
"…She's clean," Parrot concluded their inspection.
Sparrow released Parita. She complained. "What were you thinking?! Did you have a dying wish?! Why did you eat Hunger's meat?"
Parita smiled faintly and countered. "I was hungry. No pun intended."
"The monster meat is CURSED! CURSED, I say! What if you get bloodscorched?!"
"As long as I cook it thoroughly and I don't touch its blood, I'll be fine."
"No, you are not fine! If the nobles hear of this, your neck will be under a guillotine!"
"…"
Being reminded of the aristocrats of this world, Parita recalled her Isekai Guidebook's rules.
* * *
Step #10: Nobles are landmines! Do not get involved! Do not high-five the crown prince! Don't be prettier than a princess! Don't be seen by a spoiled fat f*ck.
Step #11: If you encounter a noble, smile and try to remain unnoticed, but be extra careful. Smile too little = death. Smile too pretty = marriage. Smile too wide = witch trial. Smile too much = psych ward.
* * *
Realizing how deadly noblemen of a medieval world could be, Parita sweated profusely. She nodded, admitting her fault.
"Sorry."
Everybody sighed. Sparrow warned her. "What's done is done. Don't go around showing off that you can eat monster meat. If you want to eat it, do it quietly in the kitchen."
"…Okay."
"Anyway." Sparrow grinned widely and gestured for Parita to follow her. "We got the bounty. Come, take a look."
"Oh?"
Parita followed the crowd to the lobby, where everybody had dropped the gold chest. They opened the container and showed their helper the treasure.
In the hall, gold coins gleamed, reflecting the flickering dance of the candlelight. Parita stared at the rich in a daze.
"It's yours now. Take it to your room. We make sure nobody embezzles it." Parrot smirked.
"…T-thanks."
"What do you want to buy with those coins? A new house? A slave? Some legendary bows?"
Parita paused to think. She hadn't explored shops in this world yet, and she had no idea what they could offer or improve her quality of life. As her eyes shifted, she was drawn to the candles in the lobby.
"Light bulbs." Parita answered and added. "And electricity."
"What are you talking about?"
"Technologia." Parita imitated a meme's accent.
"And what in the goddess's name is that?!"
Parita shrugged. It would be futile to explain modern technologies to these folks, so she changed the subject.
"I know what I must do. Anyway, thanks for the gold coins. May I keep the chest?"
"…Do what you will."
"Cool. Oh, may I ask for a day off tomorrow? I want to visit town and buy some knives… and other magic tools, if any."
"…No shop sells magic tools. You have to visit the capital or request one from the governor."
"Tsk. Well, what about potions?"
"You helped the potion store before. The store there has the best healing potions and rare herbs. Say, are you planning to go hunt more Hungers?"
"Yeah, no. I won't be killing those creeps anytime soon. 'Kay, I'll be off with this!"
Parita stored the entire gold coin chest into her inventory and returned to the second floor, continuing her work.
Sparrow, Parrot, and others gazed at their dorky helper in silence. Parita's antics and unique speech style gave them a headache.
The elf knight sighed. "Let's take a break. We take no jobs today."
"Agreed. Also, we have too many clothes. I don't know where to store them."
"…"
Because they were purchasing new clothes instead of washing the ones they owned, the garments began to stack up. Typically, they disposed of the old ones in places other than their rooms. Consequently, after the girls collected the second load of clean clothes from Parita, they had no space left in their rooms.
"…Should we sell our clothes or donate them?" Goldfinch asked.
Sparrow facepalmed. "Give the ones you can't wear to Kestrel. I don't think she has other clothes."
"…"
And so, the elf ladies got busy the entire day, sorting their clothes. Parrot and Goldfinch also realized that their waists had expanded, making it impossible to wear some of their old clothes from years past. They got depressed and sulked the entire day.
* * *
The next day, Parita woke up at 6 AM, though it was late for Sparrow and others. The elf ladies had already had their breakfast and left for the town.
Since Parita didn't clean the clothes after midnight last night, she exited the mansion and performed the magic. This time, the majority of the earth jars containing organic waste were purified, but Parita barely touched the dirty clothes. The awful odor in the front yard diminished, though the area remained just as repulsive as before.
'Yeah. Like I thought. Doing it in the morning feels a lot better. I don't have to shit in that primitive toilet anymore.'
The Idol Meeting spell's typical side effect eliminated impurities from her, including the accumulated waste. She no longer had to wash her face or use the washroom.
Additionally, the spell granted her some goodies.
DING
[You have obtained 254 Idol Points. Current Points: 264.]
Parita rubbed her hands. She asked the system for advice.
"So, which stats should I raise today? Recommendation?"
[Max your strength and add the rest to magic and fitness.]
"…Hoh? Why is it different today? I thought you wanted me to focus on magic."
[Your magic defense is now strong enough that you won't get one-shotted by an elite monster. You can focus on your offensive power and other cheap stats for the time being.]
"What about my level?"
[There will be an opportunity later today.]
Parita paused and gave the system message screen a meaningful look. She suspected that the system knew something she didn't.
"What is gonna happen?"
[The Hungers have amazing noses and remember things for ages. It's likely they knew their friend had died and located this place by last night. If you head out too late, you will run into them.]
"…"
Parita frowned and climbed the mountain of clothes, peeking outside the wall. From her vantage point atop the garments, she saw six crimson eyes glaring back.
There was a lion, a giant one. Based on her estimation, it stood six meters tall, bigger than the dead boar.
Sporting six eyes, six enormous human arms as legs, and a black, lustrous scorpion tail, the giant lion was a sight to behold. Its mouth opened wide, revealing hundreds of pointed teeth and dripping saliva. Human faces appeared on its back, smirking as if they shared thoughts and awareness with the monster.
Seeing the Eldritch monster, Parita got goosebumps.
"What in the tarnation…"
[That's the Starve, a superior variant of the Hunger.]