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LOCATION: TMZ HEADQUARTERS
CITY: LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
DATE: SEPTEMBER 10, 2026 | TIME: 8:00 AM
King of Trolls
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SEPTEMBER 10, 2026
BREAKING:
@TrollKing694U Exposed!
Digital sleuths at TMZ have uncovered that the Internet's most notorious troll is none other than tech billionaire Lex Starborn, CEO of Nova Motors and Starborn Aerospace.
Starborn, who also owns one of the largest social media platforms, Flight, has been using the anonymous handle for months to mock and provoke millions of people.
"It was pretty obvious once we unearthed the data," said a white hat hacker at TMZ, who asked to remain anonymous.
The fallout was immediate. Within two hours of the revelation, Nova's stock dropped 12%, although the losses are expected to be recovered in the following days.
Before the plug was pulled on the account by Nova Motors' own board, @TrollKing694U fired off one last post:
"lol. cry more, snowflakes."
The boards of Nova Motors and Starborn Aerospace have not responded to requests for comment.
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Within minutes of the TMZ blast, Flight itself went into meltdown.
Memelords anointed their new monarch without hesitation. The hashtag #LongLiveTheKing began trending worldwide, complete with photoshopped portraits of Lex Starborn in medieval regalia.
One post simply pasted his last @TrollKing694U post over a Renaissance painting of a jester flipping the bird to the king. It racked up over two million likes in under an hour.
Not everyone was amused. Investors and industry types were wringing their hands about "a crisis of leadership" and "damage to brand equity." But on Flight, the mob had already made up its mind.
A popular parody account tweeted: "If you can't handle me at my lol, you don't deserve me at my snowflakes." It was trending worldwide within minutes.
By the time Colin and Ronan saw the headlines, the platform was practically a coronation. Lex Starborn had been unmasked, exposed, and crowned king all in the same morning.
"Did you see they unmasked TrollKing?" Ronan asked.
Colin laughed. "Yeah. Can't say I suspected it was Starborn, but I can't say I'm surprised either."
"It's not like he did any real harm," Ronan said.
"No," Colin replied, "but some of the stuff was a little mean. Not really the demeanor befitting such a high profile CEO."
"True. It's just funny that he used his special access as owner of Flight to boost his own posts."
Colin thought about that for just a moment.
"I guess he really is the Troll King!"
The two laughed about it for a bit before getting off the phone and back to work.
The Pursuit of Pâté
Ronan closed his laptop and packed it into his bag. On his way to the door, he scratched Operator behind the ears for a long minute.
"Be good, buddy. I'll be back later."
And then he stepped toward the door and left.
Just like that.
No orders to protect the home front.
But most importantly, no Tuna Pâté.
No, Operator thought, this will not do.
It was not okay for the Tall One to leave like that and not leave an offering to Operator, the Greatest Cat Ever.
He waited by the door for a while, sure that the Tall One would remember and come back to rectify this grievous wrong.
But alas, it was not to be.
Operator's stomach growled. In the silent condo, it may as well have been a gong being struck.
No, this desperate situation must be remedied.
Days ago, he had located the Stash. High above the cold-box-thing, behind a door, the Tuna Pâté awaited him.
He decided to waste no time.
Operator remembered his last attempt, and skipped the cat nip. He needed his full senses intact. Brute strength wouldn't be enough to achieve the Great Undertaking.
He would require finesse.
He entered the kitchen and easily leapt up onto the counter.
One down, two more leaps to go…
He gauged the distance carefully, stepped back to the far edge of the island, and jumped.
He sailed thorough the air and landed on the counter, but he had overshot the jump. His claws did nothing to stop his forward momentum, as he slid into the glass jars full of white stuff.
The one that contained the powdery white stuff fell into the sink but the top held in place. The other jar, though, clattered to the floor, breaking into a thousand glass shards, and spewing crystalline white stuff everywhere.
Operator looked at the scene for a minute.
He knew he'd be scolded, but there was no turning back now.
Right?
He was nothing if not committed to his course of action.
Operator shook himself off and refocused.
The top of the cold-box-thing was several feet above his position, but he knew he could make it.
Taking a few steps back, he launched himself forward and up, and landed gracefully on top of the big box.
Papers flew into the air behind him as his paws sought solid footing. Operator turned to see them flitting through the air and landing everywhere. On the island, the counter, and all over the floor.
Definitely not turning back now…
Finally, he pawed the cabinet door open and found it.
Operator heard cat angels singing in his mind as he reached forward and tapped a few of the canisters out.
But he misjudged their weight, and three of the canisters of Tuna Pâté flew through the air. One hit the island, cracked open, and fell to the floor.
The other two landed on the counter, bounced once, and landed.
One out of three isn't bad, Operator thought, as he leapt down to the floor.
Just as he extended his sandpaper tongue to savor that first taste of wonder, the door to the condo opened.
Ronan entered.
"Forgot to bring my lunch!" he said as he approached the kitchen.
He stepped into the room and took in the scene.
Papers were strewn everywhere.
Glass covered the floor between the island and the counter, and sugar exploded out from the point of impact.
A jar of flour lay on its side in the sink, thankfully still closed tight.
The cupboard above the fridge was open.
Ronan looked down at the floor, where Operator was poised over an open can of Tuna Pâté.
His eyes were dilated like saucers, and his tongue was still extended. Light specs of pâté covered his chin and whiskers.
Ronan just laughed.
"I'm sorry! I forgot to give you your morning treat, didn't I?"
He leaned over and picked up the can, scooped it into a crystal bowl, and set it in front of the cat.
"I should be angry at all the destruction," Ronan said, "but I guess I should reward your ingenuity. Just don't do it again, okay?"
Operator acknowledged the Tall One and went to town on the Tuna Pâté.
Sometimes it's good to be a cat.
Even when your antics are exposed.