It was strange to watch what was happening from my own body and not be able to stop it. Kaandor was charging full speed through the forest, occasionally brushing low branches of fluffy fir trees with his fur. It was lucky that we both had long, thick fur: the sharp needles slid off without touching the skin. His paws struck the icy crust, shattering it like delicate caramel on crème brûlée. The view jumped up and down, echoing the jumps that Kaandor needed to avoid sinking into the loose snow. The rush of wind carried the faint hum of cars, gradually fading, and I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that my dark companion was heading deeper into the forest.
Good. The further we got from people in this form, the better.
Suddenly, the trees parted. Kaandor climbed a hill in the heart of the forest and paused to listen. The city sounds in the distance reached us clearly, as if Kaandor could focus on and isolate only the ones he wanted. The spirit made me take a deep breath. He was searching for something, skillfully using all his senses to make it easier. One scent replaced another, as if Kaandor was sifting through thousands of familiar smells until he found the right one—and soon he did. I realized it by the way he surged forward on all fours.
We ran for a long time through the forest until we burst onto a road. A bright flash blinded my eyes. Tires screeched, followed by the sound of impact. But Kaandor didn't care. He kept running toward a barely perceptible scent that meant nothing to me, unlike the spirit.
As long as Kaandor had control over our shared body, I could feel emotions inside me that weren't mine and tried to recognize them. Inside, my dark companion didn't speak with me using primitive words that he deemed too simple. Instead, he opened his soul and allowed me to touch what was eating him from the inside.
Kaandor knew how to hate. Not me, but something inside, a thread connecting us invisibly, which poisoned our bond and caused him pain. He had decided to end it. And he planned to do it today. Once and for all.
The landscape barely changed as we ran. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed several fallen trees. The fir forest gave way to bare trunks of tall pines. For some reason, I felt a strange sense of recognition here, a hint that we were close.
Without slowing down, Kaandor coiled, pushed off the ground with all his strength, and leapt over the edge of an ugly fence. Contrary to my expectations, his paws sank softly into the snow, cushioning the landing. It was already dark, but I could still make out the house we had reached. The Smirnov house. From this angle, Nikita and I had once looked at it in autumn. A soft taste of lemon candy touched my lips, tempting me to lick them, recalling a kiss, but Kaandor didn't allow it. He offered something better: to taste revenge. To bring peace by inflicting pain on the one who set off the chain of events that had been spinning in my head, making life harder and more unbearable with each day.
I would never have thought that revenge could be so sweet. Kaandor loosened his grip, letting me move on my own, like a toddler learning to walk. His support was so tangible that I believed in myself and carefully started stepping onto the untouched snow. My fingertips were slightly numb from standing still for so long.
The victim Kaandor had chosen stood with their back to me, in a clearing inside the property, unaware. From my wolf's-eye view, I watched the vampire through the sparse branches, almost completely hidden. In my head, my father's voice repeated like a mantra:
"Stay hidden. Wait for the moment. Prepare yourself. Jump."
I wanted to do what Kaandor offered me. I wanted to inflict the same pain that had once been done to me. To pour out everything that had happened onto the guilty one and finally let it go. To allow myself to live on and accept the Asya I had become now.
Nik is here, in front of me. My new sense of smell catches every nuance of his scent, telling me where Karimov has been recently. The smell of gasoline cut through the brightness of wet black soil, forget-me-not pollen, and orange juice. I concentrated, trying to recognize the final aroma. It was him—lemon candy.
My heart clenched painfully, like a shard from the past stuck inside me, one that no doctor could ever pull out of my chest.
I loved him exactly as much as I hated him. And if the first had brought nothing good into my life, the second had a fair chance.
No matter how hard I tried to push thoughts of Nikita away, they always resurfaced during the day. I would never be able to forgive what he had done. Time might allow me to accept Maria's mistakes, Kostya's mistakes, but not his. Like a scab, he would always remind me of himself. I know it. Kaandor knows it. And it is he who gives me the chance to free myself, once and for all.
Summoning all my self-control, I prepared to leap, until doubt crept in. I aimed straight for the neck. My own thirst reminded me of itself once again. How sweet it was to know that I was about to quench it. One strike—and the story would end before it ever began, just like our romance. How easy and sweet it was to imagine my fangs sinking into the vampire's firm skin. Somehow I knew this feeling, and I quickly realized that it wasn't mine, but Kaandor's.
He had killed vampires before. He knew how it went and saw an enemy in Nikita.
But what if Kaandor was wrong? What if the doctor had really managed to wrap the vampire's nature in something simple, human?
My doubts only angered Kaandor more. He made me arch my back and shift my weight backward, giving our front paws more momentum for the leap. Once again, I did not control our body.
A moment later, we spring into the air. I leap over Nikita's head and descend swiftly toward the target. Kaandor opens his jaws, ready to bite.
Nikita turns. My gaze meets his sky-blue eyes, and the last fragments of certainty about what I am doing crumble to dust. Instead of defending himself, Nik wraps me in both arms, and we fall to the ground. I end up on top.
The collar of Nikita's shirt is open, exposing his neck. Even in the evening darkness, I see a prominent vein beneath the skin, and it beckons me. My throat goes instantly dry. More than anything, I want to sink my jaws into that vein. Tear it open. Let the blood flow. And I don't know if these are my feelings or Kaandor's. I don't want to know.
Nik lies still. When I look at his face, I see neither fear nor worry. He is calm.
Slowly, so I can see, he raises his hand and shows me an open palm. Carefully, Nikita brings it closer, and soon his fingers sink into the fur, touching the skin.
"Everything's okay," he says softly, smiling gently. "Do what you must."