"Don't die on me, Bob. Don't do this to me!" Peter shouted at the same time Patrick ran inside my apartment like he was being chased by a ghost.
"I'm too late!"
"What?" I take off my headphones and turn to look at Patrick who seemed confused.
"Great, now we lost the mission! Thanks for ruining everything Patrick." Peter pouted then turned off the console.
"I thought... I thought you were dying." Patrick stuttered.
"If it was that bad I wouldn't be home." I try to reason, but Patrick seems immune to logic whenever it suits him. He just rushed for a hug which I tried to decline, but although I look mostly fine on the outside everything hurts.
"We were playing Beacon of Justice, want to join? Bob sucks at this game."
"It's not that. This game is not tactical enough and the missions don't make sense! That's not how things are in real life."
"Like you know what a mission is."
"Bob... I'm really hurt you didn't call me before Peter. You know he's a dumbass who can't even take care of himself, let alone an injured friend. No offense."
"None taken." Peter shrugged. He really can't. He made me wake up early to make breakfast because he couldn't toast bread without triggering the smoke alarm.
"Relax. It was just a minor accident. I'm totally fine."
"That's excellent news, because today..."
"Before you finish that sentence I want to be very clear. I will not go out of this apartment even if it catches on fire." Which honestly seems pretty likely with Peter around.
"Cool, because the girls are coming. They'll be making lunch for us today."
"The girls? What girls?" Peter suddenly caught interest though he didn't take his eyes from the screen.
"You don't know? We're best friends dating best friends." He said proudly.
Patrick acts like our argument didn't happen as always. Even when we were children and fought over toys or whatever, he always came back no matter what. He has the communication skills of a potato, same as Peter and probably me. I really want to apologize, but if he's not saying anything then maybe it's better to leave things as they are. Harris is the only one in our group with actual people skills and would likely try to help us fix things by talking things through, but now he's a surgeon he barely has time to get together anymore.
"The doctor is here!" Harris entered using the keys. "and look who I ran into."
He entered my apartment with two beautiful women, Maggie and Tasha. They wore casual clothes, but it was evident they made an extra effort to look good. Especially Tasha who looked completely different from her usually disheveled appearance at the bureau.
"I heard about what happened, are you alright?" Tasha said as she kissed my cheek then placed a bag of groceries on the table.
"I'm fine, really." At moments like these I wonder how is it possible for us humans to feel when people stares intently and it makes me wonder if we actually live in a fantasy world. I shrug off the thought when I remember there's a guideline to prevent delusions and paranoia caused by the knowledge of the existence of other worlds.
"You should have called me first," Tasha said in a syrupy voice that turned cold once she leaned close to whisper in my ear. "next time you call me first or I'll make you disappear."
"My bad, I'm new to this boyfriend thing." I apologize trying not to blow her cover. My dearest friends, I love them, but they're idiots. I assumed they would take the news like the adults they are, but they all reacted the same way.
"Is there something wrong?" Maggie pierced the silence as Patrick, Peter and Harris remained still like slack jawed sculptures.
"I can't believe it. You got a girlfriend and didn't tell me first." Patrick took an invisible arrow to the heart and dropped on the couch and Harris rushed in pretending to CPR him.
"We're losing the patient! We need to administer 355cc beer STAT!"
"You silly bunch." Maggie chuckled as she handed a beer to Harris who promptly opened the can and taste tested it before administering it to the patient.
"I can't be the only one without a girlfriend. I need to go, now." Peter finally turned off the console and ran off, probably to grovel hoping his girlfriend would take him back.
"You too?" Patrick suddenly stopped pretending to be sick and looked at Harris with a betrayed look.
"Yes, we've been seeing each other for a while now, but don't expect to meet her anytime soon. She's also a surgeon." He shrugged.
"About that, thanks for coming Harris but it wasn't necessary. As you can see, I'm fine. I know you're busy so..."
"Sure, I'm leaving right after you tell us everything about this lovely lady." Harris smiled at Tasha leaving me stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could tell the truth and expose Tasha's cover and probably die in an 'accident'. Or I could lie my way out of the tough spot, but I don't know what has Tasha been saying. I didn't even know she met Harris before.
"It's none of your business." My usual reply.
"Come on, hun, don't be like that with your friends." Tasha nudged me on the ribs as if she was teasing but it almost bent me over. She really is stronger than she looks.
"They met thanks to me!" Patrick jumped in and Maggie followed suit.
"And thanks to me too!" They really are a match made in heaven... or hell.
"Maggie said she didn't want to meet this 'finance bro' that gave her a weird vibe alone..."
"It was a setup." I butted in just to participate enough so they wouldn't pester me with questions later.
"And the rest is history." Tasha nodded.
"No, no, no... it's precisely this history I'm interested in. Bob has never... damn, there's an emergency at the hospital." Harris apologized and rushed out leaving only us four at the apartment. Then Maggie and Patrick said something about a date and also left.
"So..." I started speaking, but Tasha cut me off.
"There's no need to talk, I'll just stay the night here so they can have some time alone."
"Hold your horses, you can't just declare you're staying at someone's house." I stopped her right in her tracks before she made herself comfortable.
"Fine." She dropped on the couch like a sack of potatoes.
"I've been covering for you because we're colleagues, but the least I deserve is an explanation."
"I'm a field agent and usually take part in confidential missions. I have the highest clearance level in the agency, but that poses a problem. I need the most solid cover possible, so that's why I am roommate's with Maggie."
"And she's getting suspicious about your job." I nodded.
"That's not the case, it's other agents. I put the socially awkward act at work to excuse my lack of social life and it worked until this hotshot rookie came in and made my life hell."
"Huh?"
"It's this heroic type of man that needs to be the main character and doesn't care how much work he puts on other people's desks. You know the type."
"I hate them." I grumble.
Tasha then proceeded to explain how difficult it was for her to keep a cover and her workload at the same time. Something I obviously relate to as I've faced the same difficulties. At first I thought she might also work at the otherworldly affairs department at the FBI, but the more she talked about her job the less I believed it. She's a special agent that usually goes undercover with her partner who got shot and is now recovering at the hospital.
'So much for the highest level of clearance.' I chuckle thinking that our department medics can heal wounds on the spot.
"Is what I'm saying funny to you?" She glared at me like she wanted to kill me.
"I didn't mean to be disrespectful, I was just thinking this could work. However, there's something I need in return."
"Fine, I'll sleep with you." She huffed and moved towards my bedroom.
"That would break the department rules of confraternity." I shame my head.
"Then what is it?" She lunged back in shock.
"I need to make it clear that I decided to help you, not because you threatened me but because we're colleagues. It is only out of duty, but duty is a two way street."
"I understand, I'll make it easy for you and try not to disrupt your life. We can set our stories straight later."
"Take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch." I say as I take the same spot where Peter slept the night before.
It's funny how things worked out by themselves. Tasha thinks I'm providing her the best cover when she's actually helping me prevent my friends from blowing up my cover. This arrangement is exactly what I needed.