It's 20:00, just two hours before the cosplay party. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. Kudo's idea for a sleepover isn't something I was thrilled about from the start, but I suppose it's part of trying to fit in. Yet I can't help but question why we're even friends. Maybe it's because we're both loners, outsiders who found each other out of necessity. If we weren't friends, who else would I have? Ayumi? She appears to be someone who prefers to be alone. Ichika? She's my one and only true friend, but I can't depend on her all the time, I can't let her pity me.
In terms of social levels, Kudo is at the bottom, then I, Ayumi, followed by Ichika, and finally Sakura. Beyond that, I don't know anyone else well enough to place them. I feel a little sorry for Kudo. I'm probably his only friend, and he's grown too comfortable with me. He talks about anime, cosplays, and invites me to a sleepover after knowing me for barely any time at all. I don't know much about social standards, but this doesn't feel quite 'normal.'
'Normal', the word echoes in my mind. I can't let social norms dictate my decisions again. Kudo's just trying to make friends, I guess. "I need fresh air," I mutter to myself.
I rise from my bed and head to the door, taking in the cleanliness of my dorm room. Since Ichika visited, I've felt the need to keep it tidy every day. Maybe you could call me a perfectionist, but I don't think so.
I open the door and glance at the room number: 197. Ichika's room is one floor up. This floor ends at room 200, and the next floor starts the girls' dormitory, going from rooms 201 to 400. There's another smaller building with rooms up to 100 more, which I think is for staff members and teachers, so about 500 people in total at this school.
Would it be odd if I went up to the girls' floor to visit Ichika? There's a guard who patrols that area, just like on the boys' floor. If I try to go up, the guard will likely turn me away. Besides, I don't want to bother Ichika, she's probably busy.
I step into the elevator, considering which floor to choose, and decide on floor 0, the lobby. The lobby looks quite striking at night, but standing here alone makes me want to keep moving. I head to the exit, the vast campus sprawling before me. It's large, but typical for a school.
As I walk alone, I see a familiar figure approaching me. It's been a week since we last spoke, and that was just a brief morning greeting.
"Hey, Yamamoto. What are you doing out here?" her voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Hey, Ayumi. I just needed some fresh air," I reply, feeling more at ease with her than before.
"That's nice," she says, and then there's an awkward pause. Is she always this quiet? Ayumi doesn't seem to care about social standards, she chooses to be alone and doesn't seem to mind being friendless. Surprisingly, we're even having this conversation.
"So, why are you out here?" I ask her.
"Just finding things to paint..." she responds casually.
That's cool, but I need to ask her.
"Hey, um, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Let's say there's a big artist event, and you're invited. Would you go?"
"Yeah, sure. Why not?"
"But what if the artists are all painting in a style you don't like? Would you still go?"
"Uh, I guess not. There are plenty of events I skip. Besides painting, I'm not a fan of sports, so I wouldn't go to a sports event."
"Even if you're invited?"
"Yes, even if I were invited. I don't have to go."
"But what if the person who invited you is-"
"A close friend?" Ayumi interrupts.
"Yeah..."
"I don't have any, so I might not be the best person to ask."
"...May I ask why..?"
"Why don't I have close friends?"
"Yeah... That."
"I don't want to engage in activities I dislike just for someone else's sake."
"So, do you dislike this conversation..?" I ask.
"No, I meant the forceful kind. I don't like being compelled to talk to people, such as with small talk or idle chatter."
"So, our assignment to talk to each other was something you disliked?"
"Not necessarily."
"Oh..."
"As for that event, if you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't. Don't force yourself to attend just to please someone else."
"I'll think about it. Thank you, Ayumi."
"It's fine. Have a good night."
"W-Wait!" I call out.
"Hm?" She turned back, her eyes meeting mine.
"M-mind if I... walk you back?" The words slipped out before I could stop them.
"There's no need," she said lightly.
My chest tightened. "I just... want to make sure you get home safe."
"That's sweet, but you shouldn't force yourself."
"I'm not," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I want to."
For a moment she just looked at me, as if weighing the truth in my voice. Finally, she let out a small sigh and nodded. "If you insist..."
She slowed her steps so I could catch up beside her. The night air was cool, brushing against my face. For a while, neither of us spoke, and the only sound was our footsteps on the pavement.
"You usually paint at night?" I asked, trying to break the silence.
"Sometimes," she said. "The shadows are different. Colors don't matter as much."
"That... sounds kind of poetic."
"It's practical," she replied flatly, but there was no bite to it.
I scratched my cheek, searching for something else. "Do you ever... show your paintings to anyone?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"They're mine. That's enough."
I couldn't help but smile a little. "You sound like you really mean that."
"I do. Not everything has to be for display." She glanced at me briefly, then looked back ahead. "What about you? Do you share your... whatever you do?"
"I don't really do much," I said, feeling my ears warm.
She thought about that for a moment. "No hobbies at all?"
I let out a nervous laugh. "I just play on the computer..."
It got quiet once again.
So... you never do things just because someone expects it?" I asked quietly.
"No," she said. "Why would I? Even for a close friend. I'd rather skip it than feel forced."
"I see," I murmured. My voice sounded smaller than I intended. "I guess... I never really thought about it that way."
She tilted her head slightly, as if curious, though her expression remained neutral. "Most people don't. They just... follow the flow."
"Yeah," I admitted, my fingers tapping against my leg. "Follow the flow... without thinking."
We reached the lobby doors, but instead of stopping, Ayumi pushed them open and stepped inside. I hurried after her, still unsure why I hadn't just let her walk alone.
We stopped in front of the elevator. Ayumi tapped the button, and the faint hum of machinery echoed down the hall.
"Floor nine, right?" I asked, remembering her ID number.
She raised an eyebrow. "You pay that much attention?"
I scratched my neck. "Numbers stick with me. Yours was 328.
The doors slid open and we stepped inside.
The silence was heavy at first, just the soft whirring as we started moving. I shifted my weight and tried again. "Are you going to Sakura's birthday party?"
"No" she said simply.
"Any reason?"
"Parties aren't my thing."
"Same here," I admitted. "Too loud, too many people trying too hard to have fun. Feels fake."
The numbers lit up one by one. Six. Seven. Eight. The elevator slowed as it reached nine.
I swallowed hard. My chest tightened. If I didn't say it now, I'd regret it.
"Hey," I blurted.
"Hm?"
"C-Could I... get your contact? Just in case. For assignments, or... you know, anything."
Her expression didn't shift right away. The doors opened behind her, and for a second I thought she'd walk out without answering.
She didn't answer until the elevator doors closed.
Then she pulled her phone from her pocket. "Fine..."
"O-Oh, T-Thank you.."
She stepped out, turning back briefly. "Goodnight."
"G-Goodnight," I echoed, as the doors closed between us.
We part ways, and I return to my dorm, making my final decision. I will attend Kudo's sleepover.