"DRUNK BUT CLEAR"
I've been drinking a lot lately, falling behind with my dues, don't know how to catch balance on this turbulent phase because one minute I'm cool and then the next I'm falling apart. I used to have exactly what I'm out here chasing girls for, a genuine love and a connection, I realise that I should leave that old shit in the past where it belong and I should just walk into what is for me now.
Maybe love isn't meant for me at this moment, I find myself yearning for a strong connection that'll bring my heart healing and light but maybe this is where I gotta be right now, in between these girls with no consistency.
I keep seeing resemblances of the girl in my thoughts, tryna find interest in girls that are nothing like her but it all ends up being evident that my heart is somewhere else, especially when they start talking about relationships and love. I'm stuck between two different places, the left side has me living like I don't give a fuck about her anymore, doing me and being toxic, then the other side is me letting myself feel whatever I'm feeling without worrying about what the fuck she got going on in her life.
If I start posting girls on my story, I know that's gonna fuck with her mind but that's not what I wanna do to myself, what does it profit me to gain anything less in exchange of my soul? I don't wanna be the bitter ex who posts girls and toxic shit just to get to somebody who's moved on from him, I'm just gonna choose myself and live my life in peace.
I've been drinking way too much, this is not the way to live a life.