#Tae's POV~
It didn't take long for me to realize that I'd traded in my old problems with Jeon Jungkook for a whole new set of problems with Jeon Jungkook. I could feel his anger a mile away.
It was actually worse having him mad at me than having him harass me.
Why? Because I'd screwed up, that's why. I had egg all over my face, and blaming it on his yard had done nothing to wash it off. The way he ignored me, or so obviously avoided me, was a screaming loud reminder to me that I'd been a jerk. A royal cluck-faced jerk.
Then one day I'm coming home from hanging out with Wooshik after school, and there's Jungkook in his front yard, hacking at a shrub. He is thrashing on the thing. Branches are flying over his shoulder, and clear across the street I can hear his grunting and growling and saying stuff like, ❝No…you… don't! You are coming… off… whether you like it or …not!❞
Did I feel good about this? No, my friend, I did not. Yeah, their yard was a mess, and it was about time someone did something about it, but c'mon — where's the dad? What about Yeonjun and Beomgyu? Why Jungkook?
Because I'd embarrassed him into it, that's why. I felt worse than ever.
So I snuck inside and tried to ignore the fact that here's my desk and here's my window, and right across the street from me is Jungkook, beating up a bush. Not conducive to concentration.
No siree, Bob. I got all of my Zero homework done.
The next day at school I was trying to get up the nerve to say something to him, but I never even got the chance. He wouldn't let me get anywhere near him.
Then on the ride home, I had this thought. It kind of freaked me out at first, but the more I played with it, the more I figured that, yeah, helping him with the yard would make up for my having been such a jerk. Assuming he didn't boss me too much, and assuming he didn't decide to get all gooey-eyed or something stupid like that. No, I'd go up and just tell him that I felt bad for being a jerk and I wanted to make it up to him by helping him cut back some bushes. Period. End of story. And if he still wanted to be mad at me after that, then fine. That was his problem.
My problem was, I never got the chance. I came trekking down from the bus stop to find my grandfather doing my good deed.
Now, jump back. This was not something I could immediately absorb. My grandfather did not do yard work. At least, he'd never offered to help me out. My grandfather lived in house slippers — where'd he get those work boots? And those jeans and that flannel shirt — what was up with those?
I crouched behind a neighbor's hedge and watched them for ten or fifteen minutes, and man, the longer I watched, the madder I got. My grandfather had already said more to him in this little slice of time than he'd said to me the whole year and a half he'd been living with us. What was his deal with Jeon Jungkook?
I took the back way home, which involved climbing two fences and kicking off the neighbor's stupid little terrier, but it was worth it, considering I avoided the garden party across the street.
Again I got no homework done. The more I watched them, the madder I got. I was still a cluck-faced jerk, while Jungkook was laughing it up with my grandfather. Have I ever seen him smile? Really smile? I don't think so! But now he was knee-high in nettles, laughing.
At dinner that night he'd showered and changed back into his regular clothes and house slippers, but he didn't look the same. It was like someone had plugged him in and turned on the light.
❝Good evening,❞ he said as he sat down with the rest of us. ❝Oh, Jinnie, that looks delicious!❞
❝Well, Appa,❞ my Papa said with a laugh, ❝your excursion across the street seems to have done you a world of good.❞
❝Yeah,❞ my Appa said. ❝Jinnie tells me you've been over there all afternoon. If you were in the mood for home improvement projects, why didn't you just say so?❞
My Apppa was just joking around, but I don't think my Hal-abeoji took it that way. He helped himself to a cheese-stuffed potato and said, ❝Pass the salt, won't you, Taehyung?❞
So there was this definite tension between my Appa and my Hal-abeoji, but I think if Appa had dropped the subject right then, the vibe would've vanished.
Appa didn't drop it, though. Instead, he said, ❝So why's the Boy the one who's finally doing something about their place?❞
My Hal-abeoji salted his potato very carefully, then looked across the table at me. Uh-oh, I thought. Uh-oh. In a flash, I knew those stupid eggs were not behind me. Two years of sneaking them in the trash, two years of avoiding discussion of Jungkook and his eggs and his chickens and his early-morning visits, and for what? Hal-abeoji knew I could see it in his eyes. In a matter of seconds, he'd crack open the truth, and I'd be as good as fried.
Enter a miracle. My Hal- abeoji petrified me for a minute with his eyes but then turned to my Appa and said, ❝He wants to, is all.❞
A raging river of sweat ran down my temples, and as my Appa said, ❝Well, it's about time someone did,❞ my Hal-abeoji looked back at me and I knew—he was not going to let me forget this. We'd just had another conversation, only this time I was definitely not dismissed.
After the dishes were cleared, I retreated to my room, but my Hal-abeoji came right in, closed the door behind him, and then sat on my bed. He did this all without making a sound. No squeaking, no clanking, no scraping, no breathing …I swear, the guy moved through my room like a ghost.
And of course, I'm banging my knee and dropping my pencil and deteriorating into a pathetic pool of Jell-O. But I tried my best to sound cool as I said, ❝Hello, Abeoji. Come to check out the digs?❞
He pinched his lips together and looked at nothing but me.
I cracked. ❝Look, Abeoji, I know I messed up. I should've just told him, but I couldn't. And I kept thinking they'd stop. I mean, how long can a chicken lay eggs? Those things hatched in the fifth grade! That was like, three years ago! Don't they eventually run out? And what was I supposed to do? Tell him that Papa was afraid of salmonella poisoning? And Appa wanted me to tell him that we were allergic—c'mon, who's going to buy that? So I just kept, you know, throwing them out. I didn't know he could've sold them. I thought they were just extras.❞
He was nodding, but very slowly.
I sighed and said, ❝Thank you for not saying anything about it at dinner. I owe you.❞
He pulled my curtain aside and looked across the street. ❝One's character is set at an early age, son. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life.❞ He was quiet for a minute, then dropped the curtain and said, ❝I hate to see you swim out so far you can't swim back.❞
❝Yes, sir.❞
He frowned and said, ❝Don't yes-sir me, Taehyung.❞ Then he stood and added, ❝Just think about what I've said, and the next time you're faced with a choice, do the right thing. It hurts everyone less in the long run.❞
With that, poof, he was gone.
The next day I went to shoot some hoops at Wooshik's after school, and when his Papa dropped me off later that afternoon, my Hal-Abeoji didn't even notice. He was too busy being The Hobi Carpenter in Jungkook's front yard.
I tried to do my homework at the breakfast bar, but my Papa came home from work and started being all chatty, and then Jennie appeared and the two of them started fighting about whether Jennie's makeup made her look like a wounded raccoon.
Jennie. I swear she'll never learn.
I packed up my stuff and escaped to my room, which, of course, was a total waste. They've got a saw revving and wailing across the street, and in between cuts, I can hear the whack, whack, whack! Whack, whack, whack! of a hammer. I look out the window and there's Jungkook, spitting out nails and slamming them in place. No kidding. He's got nails lined up between his lips like steel cigarettes, and he's swinging that hammer full-arc, way above his head, driving nails into pickets like they're going into butter.
For a split second there, I saw my head as the recipient of his hammer, cracking open like Humpty Dumpty. I shuddered and dropped the curtain, ditched the homework, and headed for the TV.
They handymanned all week. And every night Abeoji would come in with rosy cheeks and a huge appetite and compliment my Papa on what a great cook he was. Then Saturday happened. And the last thing I wanted was to spend the day at home while my Abeoji churned up dirt and helped plant Jungkook's yard. Papa tried to get me to do our own yard, but I would have felt ridiculous micro-mowing our grass with Abeoji and Jungkook making real changes right across the street.
So I locked myself in my room and called Wooshik. He wasn't home, and everybody else I called had stuff they had to do. And hitting up Papa or Appa for a ride to the movies or the mall was hopeless. They'd tell me I was supposed to be doing the yard.
What I was, was stuck.
And what I wound up doing was looking out the stupid window at Jungkook and my grandfather. It was a totally lame thing to do, but that's what I did.
I got nailed doing it, too. By my grandfather. And he, of course, had to point me out to Jungkook, which made me feel another two inches shorter. I dropped the curtain and blasted out the back door and over the fence. I had to get out of there.
I swear I walked ten miles that day. And I don't know who I was madder at — my Abeoji, Jungkook, or me. What was wrong with me? If I wanted to make it up to Jungkook, why didn't I just go over there and help? What was stopping me?
I wound up at Wooshik's house, and man, I'd never been so glad to see anyone in my life. Leave it to Wooshik to get your mind off anything important. That dude's the master. We went out back and shot hoops, watched the tube, and talked about hitting the water slides this summer.
And when I got home, there was Jungkook, sprinkling the yard.
He saw me, all right, but he didn't wave or smile or anything. He just looked away.
Normally what I'd do in that situation is maybe pretend like I hadn't seen him, or give a quick wave and charge inside. But he'd been mad at me for what seemed like ages. He hadn't said word one to me since the morning of the eggs. He'd completely dismissed me in math a couple of days before when I'd smiled at him, trying to tell him I was sorry. He didn't smile back or nod or anything. He just turned away and never looked back.
I even waited for him outside the classroom to say something, anything, about him fixing up the yard and how bad I felt, but he ditched me out the other door, and after that anytime I got anywhere near him, he'd find some way to skate around me.
🌳🐓🌳
So there he was, watering the yard, making me feel like a jerk, and I'd had enough of it. I went up to him and said, ❝It's looking real good, Jungkook. Nice job.❞
❝Thanks,❞ he said without smiling. ❝Hobi did most of it.❞
⁍Hobi?⁌ I thought. HOBI!? What was he doing, calling my Abeoji by his first name? ❝Look, Jungkook,❞ I said, trying to get on with why I was there. ❝I'm sorry for what I did.❞
He looked at me for a second, then went back to watching the water spray across the dirt. Finally, he said, ❝I still don't get it, Tae-hyung. Why didn't you just tell me?❞
❝I…I don't know. It was dumb. I should have. And I shouldn't have said anything about the yard, either. It was, you know, out of line.❞
I was already feeling better. A lot better. Then Jungkook says, ❝Well, maybe it's all for the better,❞ and starts bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, acting more like his old self. ❝Doesn't it look great? I learned so much from Hobi, it's amazing. You are so lucky. I don't even have grandparents anymore.❞
❝Oh,❞ I said, not knowing what to say.
❝I do feel sorry for him, though. He sure misses your grandmother.❞ Then he laughs and shakes his head, saying, ❝Can you believe it? He says I remind him of her.❞
❝What?!❞ ❝Yeah,❞ he laughs again. ❝That's what I said. But he meant it in a nice way.❞
I looked at Jungkook and tried to picture my grandma as an eighth grader. It was hopeless. I mean, Jungkook's got long, fluffy brown hair and a button nose full of fluffiness & freckles, whereas my grandma had always been some variety of blond freckles. And my grandma had used powder. Puffy white powder. She'd put it on her face and in her hair, in her slippers and on her chest…. That woman powdered everything.
I could not see Jungkook coated in powder. Okay, maybe gunpowder, but the white perfumy stuff? Forget it.
I guess I was staring, because Jungkook says, ❝Look, I didn't say it, he did. I just thought it was nice, that's all.❞
❝Yeah, whatever. Well, good luck with the grass. I'm sure it'll come up great.❞ Then I totally surprised myself by saying, ❝Knowing you, you'll get 'em all to hatch.❞ I didn't say it mean or anything, I really meant it. I laughed, and then he laughed, and that's how I left him—sprinkling his soon-to-be sod, smiling.
I hadn't been in such a good mood in weeks. The eggs were finally behind me. I was absolved. Relieved. Happy.
It took me a few minutes at the dinner table to realize that I was the only one who was. Jennie had on her usual pout, so that wasn't it. But my Appa's idea of saying hello was to lay into me about the lawn.
❝No sweat,❞ I told him. ❝I'll do it tomorrow.❞
All that got me was a scowl.
Then Papa says to my Hal-Abeoji, ❝You tired tonight, Appa?❞
I hadn't even noticed him sitting there like a stone.
❝Yeah,❞ my Appa tosses down the table at him. ❝That Boy working you too hard?❞
My Abeoji straightens his fork on his napkin and says, ❝That boys is named Jungkook, and no, he isn't ❛working me too hard,❜ as you so callously put it.❞
❝Callous? Me?❞ My Appa laughs and says, ❝Developed quite a soft spot for that boy, haven't you?❞
Even Jennie let her pout go for a minute. These were fighting words and everyone knew it. Papa nudged Appa with his foot, but that only made things worse. ❝No, Jin! I want to know why your father has the energy and inclination to befriend a complete stranger when he's never done so much as toss a baseball around with his own grandson!❞
Well, yeah! I thought. But then I remembered — I owed my grandfather. Owed him big time. Without thinking, I said, ❝Take it easy, Appa. Jungkook just reminds him of Grandma.❞
Everyone clammed up and stared at me. So I looked at my grandfather and said, ❝Uh … isn't that right, Abeoji?❞
He nodded and rearranged his fork some more.
❝Of Renée Eomeonim?❞ My Appa looked at my Papa and then at Abeoji. ❝He can't possibly!❞
My Abeoji closed his eyes and said, ❝It's his spirit that reminds me of Renée.❞
❝His spirit,❞ my Appa says. Like he's talking to a lying kindergartner.
❝Yes, his spirit.❞ My Abeoji quiet for a minute, then asks, ❝Do you know why the Jeons haven't fixed up the yard until now?❞
❝Why? Sure. They're trash, that's why. They've got a beat-up house, two beat-up cars, and a beat-up yard.❞
❝They are not trash, Namjoon. They are good, honest, hard working people — ❞
❝Who have absolutely no pride in how they present themselves to the rest of the world. We've lived across the street from those people for over six years, and there is no excuse for the state they're in.❞
❝No?❞ My Abeoji takes a deep breath and seems to weigh things in his mind for a few seconds. Then he says, ❝Tell me this, Namjoon Urf Rm. If you had a brother or sister or child who had a severe mental or physical handicap, what would you do?❞
It was like my Abeoji had passed gas in church. My Appa's face pinched, his head shook, and finally, he said, ❝Hoseok, what does that have to do with anything?❞
My Abeoji looks at him for a minute, then ignoring his rudeness, he quietly says, ❝Jungkook's father has a retarded brother, and—❞
My Appa interrupts him with a laugh. ❝Well, that explains a lot, doesn't it!❞
❝Explains…a lot?❞ my grandfather asks. Quietly. Calmly.
❝Sure! It explains why those people are the way they are … !❞ He grins around the table at us. ❝Must run in the family.❞
Everyone looks at him. Jennje's jaw drops, and for once she's speechless. My Papa says, ❝NAMJOON!❞ but all my Appa can do is laugh a nervous kind of laugh and say, ❝It was just a joke! I mean, obviously, something's wrong with those people. Oh, excuse me, Hobi. I forgot. The boy reminds you of Emeonim.❞
❝NAMJOON!❞ my Papa says again, only this time he's mad.
❝Oh, Jin-hyung, please. Your father's being overly dramatic, trying to make me feel bad for criticizing our neighbors because there's a retarded relative someplace. Other people have family troubles and still manage to mow their lawns. They should have a little pride in ownership, for cryin' out loud!❞
My Abeoji's cheeks are seriously flushed, but his voice is rock-steady as he says, ❝They don't own that house, Namjoon. The landlord is supposed to maintain the premises, but he doesn't. And since Jungkook's father is responsible for his brother, all their reserves go to his care, and obviously it doesn't come cheap.❞
Very quietly my Papa asks, ❝Don't they have government facilities for that kind of thing?❞
❝I don't know the details, Jinnie. Maybe there are no government facilities nearby. Maybe they thought a private facility was a better place for him to be.❞
❝Still,❞ my Appa says, ❝there are government facilities available, and if they don't want to go that route, that's their choice. It's not our fault their family had some sort of chromosomal abnormality, and I refuse to feel guilty for wanting — ❞
My Abeoji slams his hand on the table and half-stands as he says, ❝It had nothing to do with chromosomes, NAMJOON! It was caused by a lack of oxygen at birth.❞ He brings his voice down, but it makes his words seem even more forceful. ❝Jungkook's uncle had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. Twice. One minute he was a perfect little baby, just like your son, Taehyung, and the next he was irreversibly damaged.❞
My Papa was suddenly hysterical. In seconds he was bawling his eyes out, wailing, and my Appa was all over him, trying to calm him down. It was no use. He slightly pushed Joon. He basically dissolved right there on the spot.
Jennie threw her napkin down and muttered, ❝This family is a joke,❞ and took off. Then my Papa bolted out of the room, sobbing into his hands, and my Appa raced after him while apologizing to him, throwing my Abeoji the wickedest look I'd ever seen.
That left Abeoji and me and a table full of cold food. ❝Wow,❞ I finally said. ❝I had no idea.❞
❝You still don't,❞ he told me.
❝What do you mean?❞
He sat there like granite for a minute, then leaned across the table toward me and said, ❝Why do you suppose that you upset My son so much?❞
❝I…I don't know.❞ I gave a halfhearted grin and said, ❝Because he's Alone?❞
He smiled, but just barely. ❝No. he's upset because he knows that he could very well be standing in Mr. Jeon's shoes right now.❞
I thought about it for a minute and finally asked, ❝Did his brother have the cord around his neck when he was born?❞
He shook his head.
❝Well, then …❞
He leaned forward even farther and whispered, ❝You did.❞
❝I did?❞
He nodded. ❝Twice.❞
❝But …❞
❝The doctor who delivered you was on the ball, plus apparently there was some slack in the cord, so he was able to loop it off as you came out. You didn't hang yourself coming into the world, but it could very easily have gone the other way.❞
If I'd been told years or even weeks ago that I'd come down the chute noosed and ready to hang, I'd have made some kind of joke about it, or more likely I'd have said, Yeah, that's nice; now can you spare me the discussion?
But after everything that had happened, I was really freaking out, and I couldn't escape the questions tidal-waving my brain. Where would I be if things had been different? What would they have done with me? From the way my Appa was talking, he wouldn't have had much use for me, that's for sure. He'd have stuck me in a nuthouse somewhere, anywhere, and forgotten about me. But then I thought, ⁍No! I'm his kid. He wouldn't do that … would he?⁌
I looked around at everything we had — the big house, the white carpet, the antiques and artwork, and stuff that was everywhere. Would they have given up all the stuff to make my life more pleasant?
I doubted it, and man, I doubted it big-time. I'd have been an embarrassment. Something to try to forget about. How things looked had always been a biggie to my parents. Especially to my Appa.
Very quietly my Abeoji said, ❝You can't dwell on what might have been, Taehyung.❞ Then, like he could read my mind, he added, ❝And it's not fair to condemn him for something he hasn't done.❞
I nodded and tried to get a grip, but I wasn't doing a very good job of it. Then he said, ❝By the way, I appreciated your comment before.❞
❝What?❞ I asked, but my throat was feeling all pinched and swollen.
❝About your grandmother. How did you know that?❞
I shook my head and said, ❝Jungkook told me.❞
❝Oh? You spoke with him, then?❞
❝Yeah. Actually, I apologized to him.❞
❝Well…!❞
❝And I was feeling a lot better about everything, but now … God, I feel like such a jerk again.❞
❝Don't. You apologized, and that's what matters.❞ He stood up and said, ❝Say, I'm in the mood for a walk. Want to join me?❞
Go for a walk? What I wanted to do was go to my room, lock the door, and be left alone.
❝I find it really helps to clear the mind,❞ he said, and that's when I realized that this wasn't just a walk — this was an invitation to do something together.
I stood up and said, ❝Yeah. Let's get out of here.❞
For a guy who'd only basically ever said Pass the salt to me, my granddad turned out to be a real talker. We walked our neighborhood and the next neighborhood and the next neighborhood, and not only did I find out that my granddad knows a lot of stuff, I found out that the guy is funny. In a subtle kind of dry way. It's the stuff he says, plus the way he says it. It's really, I don't know, cool.
As we were winding back into our own territory, we passed by the house that was going up where the sycamore tree used to be. My Abeoji stopped, looked up into the night, and said, ❝It must've been a spectacular view.❞
I looked up, too, and noticed for the first time that night that you could see the stars. ❝Did you ever see him up there?❞ I asked him.
❝Your Papa pointed him out to me one time as we drove by. It scared me to see him up so high, but after I read the article I understood why he did it.❞ He shook his head. ❝The tree's gone, but he's still got the spark it gave him. Know what I mean?❞
Luckily I didn't have to answer. He just grinned and said, ❝Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss….❞ He turned to me. ❝But every once in a while, you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.❞
As we walked up to our front porch, my Abeoji put his arm around my shoulder and said, ❝It was nice walking with you, Taehyung. I enjoyed myself very much.❞
❝Me too,❞ I told him, and we went inside.
Right away we knew we'd stepped into a war zone. And even though no one was yelling or crying, from the look on my parents' faces I could tell there'd been a major meltdown while my Abeoji and I were out.
Abeoji whispered to me, ❝I've got another fence to mend, I'm afraid,❞ and headed into the dining room to talk to my parents.
I wanted nothing to do with that vibe. I went straight to my room, closed the door, and flopped through the darkness onto my bed.
I lay there awhile and let the dinner disaster play through my mind. And when I'd totally burned a fuse thinking about it, I sat up and looked out the window. There was a light somewhere inside the Jeons' house and the streetlights were glowing, but the night still seemed really dense. Like it was darker than usual and, I don't know, heavy.
I leaned closer to the window and looked up into the sky, but I couldn't see the stars anymore. I wondered if Jungkook had ever been in the sycamore at night. Among the stars.
I shook my head. Flat, glossy, iridescent. What was up with that? Jeon Jungkook had always seemed just plain dusty to me.
I snapped on my desk lamp and dug the newspaper with the article about Jungkook out of the drawer where I'd tossed it.
Just like I thought — they made it sound like Jungkook was trying to save Mount Rushmore or something. They called her a ❝ ❛strong voice in an urban wilderness❜ and ❛a radiant beacon,❜ shedding light on the need to curtail continued overdevelopment of our once quaint and tranquil community.❞
Property so he can build a house? His lot, his tree, his decision. End of story. The piece in the paper was gag-me-gush.
Except. Except for the places where they quoted Jungkook. Maybe it was just in contrast to the reporter's slant or something, but Jungkook's parts didn't come off oh-woe-is-me like I was expecting. They were, I don't know, deep. Sitting in that tree was seriously philosophical to him.
And the odd thing is, it all made sense to me. He talked about what it felt like to be up in that tree, and how it, like, transcended dimensional space. ❝To be held above the earth and brushed by the wind,❞ he said, ❝it's like your heart has been kissed by beauty.❞ Who in junior high do you know that would put together a sentence like that? None of my friends, that's for sure.
There was other stuff, too, like how something can be so much more than the parts it took to make it, and why people need things around them that lift them above their lives and make them feel the miracle of living.
I wound up reading and re-reading his parts, wondering when in the world he started thinking like that. I mean, no kidding, Jeon Jungkook's smart, but this was something way beyond straight A's.
A month ago if I'd read this article, I would have chucked it in the trash as complete garbage, but for some reason, it made sense to me now. It makes a lot of sense.
A month ago I also wouldn't have paid any attention to the picture of Jungkook, but now I found myself staring at it. Not the one of the whole scene — that was more emergency rescue equipment than Jungkook. The other one is on the bottom half of the page. Someone must've used a killer telephoto lens because you can tell that he's in the tree, but it's mostly from the shoulders up. He's looking off into the distance and the wind is blowing his hair back like he's at the helm of a ship or something, sailing into the sun.
I'd spent so many years avoiding Jeon Jungkook that I'd never really looked at him, and now all of a sudden I couldn't stop. This weird feeling started taking over the pit of my stomach, and I didn't like it. Not one bit. To tell you the truth, it scared the Sheetrock out of me.
I buried the paper under my pillow and tried to remind myself of what a pain Jeon Jungkook was. But my mind started to wander again, and pretty soon I had that stupid paper out from under my pillow.
This was insane! What was I doing?
I made myself shut out the light and go to bed. I was slipping, man, and it was definitely time to get a grip.