Forget. Give up. Turn away.
It feels like if I could just learn to numb myself, everything would get better . Like if I could trick myself into believing it's fine, things would change. Like if I could just let go, everything would fall back into place... If I gave up music, my dreams, my persistence, maybe I'd find a whole new sky waiting for me.
But is that really true?
Is it really that simple? Would I really be okay with it? Could I actually be happy? Could I find a future that's truly mine? Could I—really—give up?
Back then, my life came to a screeching halt, chaining me down. I wasn't ready to accept it, I had regrets, so I gritted my teeth and charged forward, just to prove something. But now, I've got my health back—so should I take a different path? Abandon music and chase a broader, bigger life?
Whether it was then or now, the dream of music feels like a dead-end street. Maybe giving up really is the easier choice.
"...Ah!"
A scream from deep within my soul bursts out, growing louder and louder. The drumbeats in my mind explode like a thunderstorm ⚡, so intense my heart curls up tight. I can feel the sting in my veins as my whole body tenses, inching toward a peak.
Ah.
Ah!
The roar from my soul breaks free, erupting from my throat: "Help me—it's like the walls are crashing down around me, trapping me in. I've wanted to give up so many times, but no pill can fix this. Somebody help me—anxiety's tearing me apart. I've wanted to quit over and over, but I can't."
Giving up—just give up, turn away, forget it all—it'd be so easy. But... I can't. I just can't do it.
Because I know what it means to keep going, what I'd have to face. I know the road ahead is rough and full of thorns. I know my stubbornness is a dumb choice. I know my refusal to let go might push me into a corner... I get it. I understand it all. But still—I can't.
I just can't.
In an instant, my emotions spill out like a flood. My fists clench on their own as I open my eyes and look up. The starry sky reflects deep in my pupils, bright and clear, catching every dazzling twinkle . It's like a streak of vivid red rips through the night—and then the whole world in front of me bursts into flames.
"There's no giving up in my blood! Born this way, I refuse to quit!"
The melody's energy soars with the high notes, pushing to the limit. A perfect pause lets the emotions bloom at their peak, then reins it in with a clean, crisp finish. The boiling in my veins settles, the fire in my eyes flickers, and the rising steam shines with a thousand rays of light.
My voice echoes through the empty, dry swimming pool, the lingering sound bouncing off the walls, rippling layer after layer. There's not a drop of water in this cracked pool, but I swear I can feel crashing waves roaring through it —grand and unstoppable.
Quietly, Alice watches me through the camera lens, her eyes fixed on my profile. For a split second, it's like she's seeing me standing on a cliff, arms wide open, facing the sea—an endless, vast freedom. It's as if her chest could hug the sky and ocean, the whole blue world cradled in her arms.
She can't help it—tears well up, hot and unstoppable .
The scalding tears blur her vision, a warm, misty emotion heating her heart. She hears it—she hears my cry for help. She hears the struggle and pain in my soul. At the end of it all, I'm just a regular guy, chasing a dream and crashing into walls. Seven long years of holding on, running toward a finish line I can't even see, not even sure if I'm going the right way.
I get tired too. I want to give up too. I know what the "smart" choice is. But... I can't.
I really can't.
I've even cried out for help, hoping someone would stop me—tie me down, force me to let go of this stubborn fight.
But...
Alice knows, even if someone bound my hands and feet, they could never chain my soul. My soul is free, passionate, wild. It's got wings that soar without limits . The sky—that's where my heart belongs. No one can stop me.
It's in my blood. It's carved into the depths of my soul. It's who I was born to be.
My clear, bright voice swirls around Alice's ears, the restrained high notes hiding a touch of softness and unyielding fire. It drifts through the night, so pure, so warm, breaking down every wall and wrapping her heart in comfort .
Through the lens, Alice watches my back. It's like all my strength has poured out, leaving me slumped with exhaustion. My head hangs low, shadows falling over my face. She can't make out my features anymore—just a hint of loneliness and quiet sadness.
Zzt. Zzt.
The sound of the camera's film rolling hums through the air. Then a crackling pop-pop cuts in—the streetlamp by the pool must've shorted out. Sparks fly for a moment, but it doesn't light up. Instead, it fizzles out completely, a faint burnt smell drifting over.
Alice and I both snap our heads up, staring at the fallen lamp with a bit of confusion . Then I notice her.
With a quick turn, I spot the camera. My steps falter, my movements stiffen—a little awkward, a little unnatural. Even my voice gets formal, almost forced. "You... why are you here? When did you get there?"
"Pfft!" Alice bursts out laughing , lifting the camera closer to me. "No need to freak out! Just pretend the camera's not even there. Be yourself—the real, simple you. That's all you need." She pats her camera fondly. "This? It's my other pair of eyes."
She zooms the lens right up to my face, and I flail my hands to block it, flustered. That just makes her laugh harder—bright and cheerful—before she switches off the camera and sets it aside. "That's enough filming for tonight. Any more, and I'd need to swap the film."
I'm still not used to it. Once I'm sure the camera's off, I relax a little. "How am I supposed to ignore it when it's right there?"
"You'll get the hang of it," Alice says with a grin . She pauses for a sec, then adds, "I think you should keep going."
I shoot her a puzzled look.
"I mean that song just now," she explains. "I could feel the power in the melody, the emotion in the lyrics. If that's not a reason to keep pushing, then I don't know what is. Life doesn't have a better answer than that."
She nudges my shoulder lightly with hers. "Trust me, you belong on a stage. When you sing, you're different. Seriously—I can see your glow! It's in your blood."
Note 1: "In My Blood" – Shawn Mendes