"Alright, the thing is the truth about your attribute,"
Elena said as she looked at me.
"First of all, I'm sorry for deciding to change your attribute without your permission and also for hiding my knowledge of you from the beginning." She bowed and apologized quickly.
"Hah?!, wait — there's no need to apologize. I'm not angry with at all. Actually, I should thank you for helping me. Without you I'd be in big trouble, so please lift your head."
I waved my hand quickly and asked her to raise her head; it was embarrassing for her to bow after she had helped me.
"Really? is thattrue, you're not angry even a little?"
She raised her head and looked at me with concern.
"Yes, in fact I'm just surprised you were involved in this, so there's no need for you to worry." I reassured her.
"That's good— I was dying from guilt."
She placed her hand on her chest and smiled with relief she looked like an angel in that moment.
"I want to ask you something, Elena."
"What is it? You can ask me anything."
She looked at me, ready to answer my question with an open heart.
"Did you approach me with a plan from the beginning? I mean, sitting next to me and the other things." I cleared my throat nervously and felt anxious about her answer.
I don't want her to tell me she did it just to watch me. I've lived my life without meeting kind people like her; if it turns out she lied about that, it will hurt me and make me never trust other people's kindness again. I still remember when I was twelve a man who seemed nice tried to take me somewhere saying he'd help me — it turned out he was part of a gang that tried to kidnap me; I barely escaped when I realized what was happening.
My mother always told me I should trust in people's love for one another and appreciate good intentions, but I got nothing from people except pain and suffering.
Some people gave me poisoned food when I was homeless; there was an old woman with me who got the food too and ate it before me. She collapsed quickly, writhing on the ground, then she died with face shows al lot of pain. When I saw their mocking expressions, I realized we were just insects to them, nothing more than a source of amusement. I tried to tell the police but they did nothing; that shows how unimportant we are to society.
'I wasn't like this. I used to be a kind boy who helped others. I was shy and cried easily, but life changed me before I realized it. At some point along the way I lost myself and became a broken person who hates others. My condition got worse day by day until I decided to commit suicide. I fear living; I fear the unknown future; but what I feared most was changing into a disturbed person who vents his rage on humans and kills others. I feared becoming scum like those I always hated.' I thought as I looked at Elena, waiting for her to open her lips and answer me.
'If someone like you, an angel, deceived me too, then my mother's talk about people's kindness is just an illusion — that would be painful.' I felt a chill in my mind thinking about that.
Luckily, Elena finally spoke.
"Nox. I didn't deceive you. Yes, I intended to get to know you one way or another, but that came from curiosity about you. I had no intention of harming you. As for sitting near you, I didn't mean to do that, but I was planning to sit there because I didn't want to draw attention to myself like I told you. It was a coincidence that you sat there, believe me." Elena stared into my eyes, hoping I'd believe her. Then, for some reason, her cheeks flushed and she looked away as she spoke softly.
"Also, for some reason, Nox, the moment I saw you a strange feeling crept into my heart and made me feel different. I acted in ways that aren't like me, such as clinging to you and following you," she said nervously, blushing until her ears were as red as tomatoes. She had her hands in her lap and shifted uncomfortably.
"Huh?!! — feeling isn't yours?! Don't tell me you too!!"
I shouted, shocked by Elena's sudden words.
'Wait, I thought this feeling was because of her attribute, but it turns out she feels it too. For heaven's sake, what does that even mean?' My thoughts were a chaotic mess as I tried to make sense of it.
Elena tilted her head toward me and opened her eyes wide.
"Huh! What do you mean? Do you feel that too? I mean like you want..." Before Elena finished her sentence, I quickly placed my hand over her mouth and spoke nervously.
"Elena, please don't continue or we'll both die of embarrassment, do you understand?" I said, smiling awkwardly.
Elena was surprised by what I did But she nodded in understanding.
I removed my hand from her mouth and leaned back. Both of us turned our faces away, feeling embarrassed by the current situation.
'Great. Now what do I do? It appears she feels it too. Damn, are we in a romance novel where the destined hero meets his soulmate and they fall in love at first sight and act shy? Don't joke with me.'
After moments of nerve-racking silence, I finally spoke.
"Uhm, I don't know the reason for this feeling. I'm sure it's foreign to me. I suspected you might have a attribute that affects others and used it on me, so I planned ways to find out the truth. But now I don't understand anything." I told her my thoughts and suspicions; I decided to be frank — that was the best way if I wanted to know the reason.
"Huh? I don't have a disgusting attribute like that. In fact, I thought your attribute was manipulation of others, that's why you decided to conceal it from others. Actually, I came here to ask you to stop doing that or you'll put yourself in danger." Elena shook her head quickly, denying my claim.
"No, I assure you I don't have anything like that."
I raised my hand and spoke quickly to dismiss her thoughts.
"Then why do we feel this way..."
Elena paused for a bit out of shyness, then regained her courage and spoke again.
"Anyway, it would be better if we cooperate to find out the reason. That will be best," Elena suggested firmly.
"I agree with you. I hate feeling emotions that aren't mine, and worse, they make me lose myself, and that's what I hate most." I nodded at her suggestion and agreed.
"Good then... do you have any idea?"
Elena tilted her head, asking my thoughts about the truth of these feelings.
"Well, actually I was thinking it might be related to me having a shard of darkness and you having the shard of light. Some think they're opposites, but I read a book today that says light and dark complement each other. So I thought maybe these are shard feelings affecting me. But we shouldn't feel anything before contacting with them — I mean, this feeling started before I made any contact with the shard. Even if we suppose she sent feelings without contact, that doesn't explain why there was no reaction when I met your grandfather." Elena listened to my thoughts and nodded in agreement, then spoke after I finished.
"Your thinking is logical, but as you said this hypothesis is flawed . It seems we lack information at the moment. I think we should wait and also, uhm, we should resist those feelings," Elena said, blushing in the last part.
"Wouldn't it solve everything if we stopped seeing each other?" I blurted out the suggestion without thinking too much, but to my surprise Elena reacted strongly.
"No!! I don't want that. I... I feel this would be a huge mistake. I don't know why, but the idea of not seeing you fills my heart with endless sadness." Elena pressed her hand to her chest and her eyes were teary; she looked like a sad puppy.
"Um, fine, as you wish."
I turned my face and spoke shyly.
'Does this girl even realize what she said? She sounds like a wife refusing divorce, but— she's right. I also feel like I don't want to be away from her no matter what happens.' I thought sadly, imagining leaving her.
'Damn, stop these strange feelings. These are my body and my emotions; I don't want a mysterious power to controlling me.' I thought angrily as the strange feelings continued to invade me.
Elena spoke after a while, still wearing the same sad expression.
"I think it's time to leave."
Elena stood from the bed and headed toward the door slowly.
"I agree, we'll discuss this later."
I followed her toward the exit. I opened the door for her and let her pass. Elena turned while standing in front of me with hunched shoulders and her face looking down.
"See you tomorrow."
I said goodbye as I tried to close the door, but her hand gently caught my shirt, making me stop.
Elena lifted her face and looked at me sadly.
"Nox, please don't say we're better off apart. True, strange feelings affect me, but I still consider you a friend. In fact, you're my only friend; all my other friends leave me in the end, so I don't want to lose you too." Elena spoke, sadness filling her voice. She wasn't the bright girl she usually seemed; she was just a girl tired of bearing loneliness.
Her fragile appearance made me sad; that was my real feeling not some foreign feelings that moved me — it reminded me of myself when I was broken, begging someone to help me and lift me out of my misery.
Without realizing it, I placed my hand on her head and patted it gently. I smiled softly as I spoke.
"Okay, don't worry. I won't end our friendship. After all, you're my only friend too."
Elena was surprised by my action but smiled happily and spoke with joy in her voice.
"Thank you."
I continued patting her head and smoothing her silky hair. After some time I removed my hand.
"Umm, see you later, Nox. Good night."
Elena smiled and waved to me.
I waved back as I bade her goodbye.
"See you later, Elena. Good night to you too."
Elena's smile widened when she heard my reply. She turned and walked away, overflowing with happiness.
'That girl ,She looked like she was over the moon.'
I thought, shaking my head in mockery. I closed the door and returned to bed.
I lay on the bed and thought about what had just happened.
'By God, so much happened and I'm only on the first day. Are you telling me I have to see her every day for five whole months? Impossible — I can't handle this. I'm afraid those feelings will completely take over me. What will happen? Don't tell me I'm going to lose control and tell her I love her. No, I reject that. I would have wanted to be with someone I truly love, not be forced by strange feelings. The problem isn't Elena — I wouldn't mind loving her, but if our love is built on strange feelings, is that real love? It's like manipulating the minds of two people and making them think they're lovely lovers— that's a crime against humanity. Yes, I want to love Elena with my heart.' Wait, what the hell am I thinking — I love Elena? Are you kidding me? But...
I stopped as I remembered stroking her hair and her beautiful smile. I brought my right hand closer to my face.
A pleasant scent of roses entered my nose; it had the power to make me addicted.
'What am I doing, for heaven's sake?'
I murmured, covering my eyes with my hand and blushing. I had turned into a pervert who sniffs girls' scents.
"Hah."
I sighed and tried to calm my body that was acting crazy.
'How will I see her tomorrow after all that happened today? On top of that she'll sit next to me as usual in class.' I fidgeted in bed, trying to drive negative thoughts from my mind.
"Let me stop worrying about tomorrow. That's a future psychological problem; it should deal with itself," I decided as I turned off the light and went to sleep.
....