Dear Diary,
Today I had my follow-up appointment with Mrs. De Wit. This time, I walked in feeling a little less nervous, as I've already decided to open up completely. It's time to tell the whole story.
I walk into the office and sit back down in the same chair I was in a few days ago. She looks at me with a sweet expression, and before I know it, I start telling her:
"Last year, some kids at my old school were working on a new experiment. It was a typical day. I was in math class when we noticed the air slowly starting to feel thicker. The students working on the experiment were a few classrooms away, and apparently, something had gone wrong, because our room slowly filled with smoke. The class was confused; it was still relatively quiet in the school, and it felt like time stood still as more and more smoke poured into the classroom. At that moment, panic gripped the classroom; everyone started coughing, running, and shouting."
I see Mrs. De Wit looking at me calmly, no judgments but a form of understanding and support.
"I quickly became separated from many of my friends, most of whom immediately went outside. Some classmates pulled their phones out of their pockets to film, because apparently, this was 'cool' and 'awesome.' Meanwhile, I stood frozen in the back of the room, my feet glued to the floor beneath me, my thoughts racing through my mind. After a while, a last friend who remained grabbed my arm and pulled me outside. Meanwhile, my body still felt heavy, and I didn't even know what was happening. The smoke filled my airways, and I started coughing violently. Before I knew it, we were outside in the square, which was filled with a huge number of students."
I feel tears of relief streaming down my cheeks, finally glad I've told. More importantly, I feel understood and seen, because Mrs. De Wit is one of the first to take me completely seriously.
After I finished speaking, Mrs. De Wit talked about PTSD, triggers, and the fight-or-flight response. Everyone reacts differently in a moment of panic; some fight, some run, and others freeze completely in the moment. She told me more about how my body reacted during the fire and how it's still struggling now.
When I get home, I feel exhausted, but lighter. Tough, but good.
- G