Emiya Shirou's mental fortitude was, to put it mildly, robust.
Even when Hidan started screaming about him being an evil god, Shirou's first thought wasn't that his own dark secrets were exposed, but simply that someone was out there, using his name for some nefarious purpose.
Perhaps his disguise as a benevolent hero was a little too good. So good, in fact, that he'd convinced even himself that he couldn't possibly be an evil god.
Hidan, in contrast, was not so mentally fortified. The moment he learned the man who'd just casually lopped off his head was Emiya Shirou, he flew into a rage, accusing Shirou of blaspheming the very evil god he worshipped.
"How dare you defile the name of Lord!"
"Do you even know who Lord Emiya is?!" Hidan roared, his disembodied head a mask of fury. "Lord is the strongest medical ninja of the ancient era!"
"..." Shirou felt a faint, creeping sense of unease.
"You're the one blaspheming Lord Emiya's name, you cretin," Kakuzu growled, grabbing Hidan's head and delivering a series of brutal punches to the face. He proceeded to beat the information about this so-called "Emiya cult" out of him. "Spit it out. Who told you Lord Emiya was an evil god?"
A bruised and swollen Hidan spilled everything. He came from the evil god cult, a group that had always, in their own twisted way, believed in Emiya Shirou.
But while others respected his medical ninjutsu, the Emiya cult was dedicated to using the human experimentation notes he'd left behind to create man-killing monsters.
A few years ago, they'd finally succeeded, creating an immortal monster—Hidan. He was their first successful test subject, and they couldn't wait to unleash him on the world to spread the gospel of the evil god, Emiya Shirou.
"I don't know anything about genes and crap!" Hidan ranted, his face a mask of crazed fanaticism. "I just know how to kill everyone! This is the power he bestowed upon me! I will offer all their souls to the evil god, Lord Emiya!"
"..." Kakuzu slapped him across the face again.
"You bastard!" Hidan screamed.
"What about the other cultists?" Shirou asked, rubbing his brow wearily.
"I killed them all!" Hidan stopped cursing Kakuzu, a grin spreading across his face. "In this world, I am enough! The only believer who has truly received Lord Emiya's favor!"
"..." Kakuzu squeezed his head, a look of profound annoyance on his face.
"Take him back to the base," Shirou sighed, telling Kakuzu to haul their one and only successful experiment back to Akatsuki headquarters.
He'd find time later to study Hidan's immortal body himself.
If there were no surprises, the experiments likely involved DNA and genetics. It was inevitable that someone would use science to create monsters. Who knew how many failures the Jashin cult had produced to get to this one success.
"What about you, Lord Emiya?" Kakuzu asked, hoisting Hidan's body and holding his head. "If you need any information in the Land of Hot Water, you can go to the orphanage there. The descendants of the Uzumaki have lived in this country for a long time."
"Mm," Shirou nodded, not refusing the offer. But he didn't need it. He already knew where to find Kisame Hoshigaki.
-----
Kisame hadn't been hiding. As a seven-foot-tall man with shark-like features, hiding wasn't really his forte.
His shark eyes, gill-like markings, and mouth full of razor-sharp teeth tended to make people involuntarily shrink back in fear, clearing a path for him wherever he went.
He was used to it.
After leaving Orochimaru's base, he'd been wandering the ninja world, waiting for the Akatsuki to recruit him.
Their recruitment process, however, was a bit slow. After a few days of soaking in a hot spring with his greatsword, Samehada, Kisame figured they hadn't noticed him yet and was planning to cause a major incident to get their attention.
What he didn't notice was that someone had been quietly following him all along.
By a river in the Land of Grass, Kisame had just finished assassinating the leader of the Grass Village and the daimyo of the Land of Grass, two incidents guaranteed to make waves. He was now calmly repairing Samehada.
Life, to be honest, had been a bit too easy lately.
As a former Mist ninja, his life had been a constant slaughter, killing enemies and comrades alike. His old village had put a bounty on his head but hadn't bothered sending any hunter-nin after him. Maybe they were too busy with their own internal chaos.
So, Kisame was enjoying this unprecedented period of relaxation. He wasn't in a hurry. His superior, Obito Uchiha, might be anxious, but Kisame was content to continue his journey.
But his relaxing time was about to end. A voice quietly appeared in his ear. "Kisame Hoshigaki, rogue ninja of the Mist. You've caused quite a bit of trouble."
Kisame's hand instantly gripped Samehada, his body snapping into a combat stance.
The newcomer was a powerful sensor, Kisame hadn't detected a trace of them.
And the voice... it was coming from the sky. He whipped around and looked up, his eyes locking onto a figure floating in the air: a young ninja wearing a black cloak with red clouds and possessing the Rinnegan.
Kisame's focus, however, was on the red cloud pattern. He knew it was the Akatsuki uniform. They had finally found him. "They're here," he thought, a hint of regret for his lost easy days mixed with relief that his mission could finally begin.
"I am Emiya Shirou," the figure stated calmly.
Kisame's eyes widened in surprise. He knew from Obito that Shirou was the new controller of the Akatsuki, but he never expected the man himself to come for recruitment.
A figure of his stature, coming in person!
"I've come to recruit you into the Akatsuki," Shirou said, his tone casual. "Because you killed the Fourth Mizukage, I happen to have some free time.."
A slow grin spread across Kisame's face. He struggled to find an expression that conveyed his shock without revealing that he already knew who Shirou was.
"No need to be so surprised," Shirou said, casually piercing through Kisame's intended lie. "You should already know of my existence."
"Perhaps you already know more about the Akatsuki than you're meant to, don't you?" He was being remarkably sincere with the man his memories told him was known for his honesty.
A drop of sweat trickled down Kisame's cheek. "Does Your Excellency also know everything?" he asked, his heart pounding.
The Samehada in his hand was his only source of security. This was a situation he had never imagined. His superior, Obito, hadn't seemed to know that the Akatsuki already knew his identity.
The man didn't seem very reliable.
"Mm," Shirou nodded, unconcerned by Kisame's tension. "No need to be nervous. Let's talk conditions. After you join, you don't have to treat the Akatsuki as an enemy."
"For now, just think of it as a place to stay. I will find you a suitable teammate and have him monitor the information you pass on to Obito. Can you accept this?"
"Of course... I can," Kisame slowly nodded.
His expression became exceptionally interesting. However, when he learned who his new 'monitor' was, he was genuinely surprised.
How could it be... Itachi Uchiha.
No wonder Shirou knew about my connection to Obito.
Had Itachi already changed sides?
Shirou had immediately requisitioned Itachi from Obito, ordering him to monitor Kisame.
He no longer needed to spy on Obito's intelligence, after all.
At the same time, Kisame received a message from Obito, via Kabuto, ordering him to monitor Itachi, whom Obito had never trusted.
-----
By a lake at the Akatsuki base in the Land of Rain, Kisame stood with Samehada on his shoulder. Itachi was organizing his ninja tools.
Both of them already knew their new teammate was a spy sent to monitor them.
This world was becoming more and more absurd.
"Please take care of me in the future, Mr. Itachi," Kisame said, looking up at the perpetually gloomy sky before turning to his new partner.
"You're welcome," Itachi replied without looking up.
He knew Kisame was Obito's man. "I am only following orders to monitor you, and you are only following orders to monitor me."
Two spies could never trust each other.
Itachi seemed to realize his tone was a bit cold. He offered a small olive branch. "Compared to Lord Emiya Shirou, Obito... is not a very reliable person."
Kisame looked up at the sky again. He was beginning to sense Obito's unreliability himself.
Obito suspected Itachi but had no idea Itachi had already defected.
How could he be so unaware?
The 'Madara' of the past had seemed omniscient. Ever since Obito had taken off that mask, he'd lost his class.
Now... his superior had become a bit stupid.