The Same Location, after the heroes left
— How soon do you think they'll realize they've been, shall we say, tricked? — Shego asked, watching the heroes speed away. She still hadn't let go of my hand, by the way.
— Frankly, I didn't even expect the main plan to work. You know that law of the genre: Plan A never works, and you always have to move on to Plan B. But I'm even glad we managed to talk our way out of it this time, — I replied thoughtfully. Shego nodded in satisfaction.
— And what was "Plan B"? — she suddenly asked after a few dozen seconds of silence.
— Improvisation! Well, mostly the flailing of hands and feet performed by you and Kim. And I would have been viciously shooting her with whatever I could lay my hands on, — I answered the honest truth proudly. I must admit, although I was keeping my finger on the pulse, anticipating my opponent's appearance on the scene, she arrived too suddenly. I tried to observe her successes and, when possible, track her public appearances. But she appeared almost out of nowhere when she arrived on a jet ski. If I understood correctly, their computer genius, Wade, partially uncovered my sources of information. So they cruised through the most vulnerable spots of my surveillance system.
I sighed heavily, examining my tower. Oh yes, how much dough the redesign cost me! But it was worth it. Image is everything. And I maintained my Persona as the chief, most cunning villain with utmost care. The primary goal, however, was not intimidation at all, but memory. I genuinely deeply grieved for the works that had never been written in this world. Especially the books by Professor Tolkien.
My sidekick and I started walking back. She was pondering something, not breaking the comfortable silence. I, on the other hand, was thinking about how much work I still had ahead of me. I needed to patch up all the holes they'd found, add some serious traps, and much more. As practice showed, Kim Possible might be a naive and arrogant girl, but she is by no means stupid or incompetent. As they say in my homeland: "For every cunning nut, there is a bolt with a special thread." And that applies not just to me, but to the heroine herself. So I'll have to come up with a lot.
— Drakken, you do realize you owe me for all these "rehearsals" of yours? — Shego asked with a cunning smirk. She was clearly plotting something, but I couldn't figure out what. And although she often teased me, she never actually collected on those "debts."
— Hypothetically. Is there something you desire? — I asked with dignity, in no way showing my bewilderment. But, I suppose, I could not have predicted the answer to my question.
— Of course. We're going on a date! — she wasn't asking, but stating. I stumbled betrayingly, and only my sidekick's hand kept me upright. I hadn't expected such an aggressive move from her. Shego smiled smugly.
— Yes, my faithful sidekick, we are going on a date! — I agreed after a slight hesitation. I wonder what a villainous date is like?
***
The next day, we went into town. Shego, as usual, was dressed in a light black and green dress. I chose trousers and a shirt. I must admit, my mind, which usually had a plan for everything, was suspiciously blank right now. I had no idea what to do on a date with a supervillain.
Let's reason logically. What is the essence of a date? To get to know each other better, find out interests, life plans, and have a good time together. What might Shego like? Well, besides savoring the moral suffering of the people around her. Hmm, now there's an idea.
— We're heading to the pizzeria! — I announced. Shego merely raised an interested eyebrow, took my arm, and then graciously nodded.
— Interesting, — she drawled, intrigued.
"What are you doing, Drakken?" you might ask. "No idea," I would answer you. Shego often seemed like a thorny rose to me. Although now, as we stroll grandly through the streets of this little town, I realize that in reality, she worried about our villainous enterprise even more than I did. She was constantly abusing the help... the henchmen. She always tried to find out my plans in detail so she could prepare thoroughly for everything. And my unexpected antics made her worry. And then get angry. Now it becomes clear why Norman cited exhaustion after cooking and withdrew. What a... tactful old man.
But in any case, if there's anywhere one can enjoy moral suffering, it's at a pizzeria. How? Oh, first we'll seize the kitchen, and then we'll start making pizza. And she likes my cooking, doesn't she?
Soon we approached the pizzeria. I helpfully handed my sidekick the Shrink Ray. She took it with doubt, her look showing that she craved an explanation. But I kept the suspense high.
— Nobody move, I can't control myself! — I roared, bursting into the building. People stared at me in shock. — If you so much as twitch, I'll turn your hot and hearty food into ice cubes!
To confirm the weight of my arguments, I froze someone's pizza. A smile shone on my sidekick's face. All that remained was to reach the kitchen and feed the guests.
— I truly can't control myself! If anything goes wrong—I'll kill myself first, and then you! — Um... I think I misspoke somewhere. In any case, I set the right tone. — Clear the kitchen for me, I'm going to feed you!
— Move! Didn't you hear him? — Shego waved the Shrink Ray toward the chefs who had peered out. — Wait, what?
— Come, my sidekick, now we will show them some real evil, — I grabbed an apron and quickly put it on, simultaneously examining the workplace. Shego also put on an apron, but she wasn't strong in cooking, so she glared menacingly at the patrons.
— And what do you plan to do?
— Oh, I'm glad you asked. We'll feed them pizza. With pineapples. Maybe even cold, — I replied in a burst of creative enthusiasm, starting to work.
— Do you know you're crazy? — my subordinate asked with a smile. In that smile, however, there was understanding and support. I see she's already embraced this spirit of mischief.
The patrons begged and screamed, but I was relentless. No one left hungry. We, like true villains, ate hot pizza without pineapples right in front of them. After that, the date clearly went easier. That awkwardness was gone.
We threw fake spiders at strangers' car windows; replaced all the merchandise at the caramel apple vendor with caramel onions; hid toy snakes among the vegetables at the grocery store; changed the speed of the carousel and the Ferris wheel; knocked out the power in entire districts; and also caused a localized sewage backup.
Closer to nightfall, we snuck onto a closed military airfield. How did we find out about it? Thanks to the hacked satellite maps I downloaded onto our custom-made smartphones. After all, they are an extremely useful thing.
This time, Shego took the lead in our insane duo. We crept through the night toward one of the hangars, bypassing all patrols and sentries. And those we couldn't bypass—we froze. Villainous dates are like that.
So, what awaited us in the hangar? The most sophisticated prototype of a stealth jet. And Shego clearly wanted one. Who am I to stop her? Although...
— Shego, I didn't know you knew how to fly planes, — I asked when we had already climbed into the cockpit. I was putting a helmet on my head.
— I don't, — my sidekick answered thoughtfully, placing a finger on her lips. After those words, I betrayingly wanted to jump out, but the button for closing the cockpit, found accidentally (or very intentionally), had already been pressed. And my escape routes, if they ever existed—I still couldn't just abandon Shego here—were cut off along with the descending glass.
I probably won't describe the next two hours of the flight. What? What are you talking about, Shego? No, it's not at all because I was screaming like a banshee. And not because you were screaming back. No, this is absolutely not to preserve my Persona. Any person would kiss and try to hug the ground after such a flight, don't be ridiculous.
As it turned out, Shego may not know how to fly a plane, but she learns very quickly. I had to, too. At least for the last ten minutes, I wasn't even screaming. But we still wrecked the plane. A hard landing right in a field. Both wings were ripped off "with the meat," all the electronics were burned out from overload, but we were safe and sound. Well, just a little wobbly.
It was night. Practically the end of autumn. The sky was then surprisingly clear, which gave us a view of the stars. We were lying on the ground, hugging, and laughing heartily from the adrenaline and the overflow of positive emotions from the day and, especially, the landing. Norman was already flying toward us, having brought our flying vehicle from the base. And the next couple of hours of waiting belonged only to us.
***
Kim sat in class, angrily chewing on her pencil. Her thoughts were nowhere near math. Yesterday, she had complained to the police about Drakken, but they had merely shrugged their shoulders helplessly. Now, during her lessons, she was studying the criminal code. The topics of the class had long been mastered, but knowing her rights wouldn't hurt.
Besides, this... this!... The cunning villain had simply talked her ear off. She used to deal with robbers quite peacefully. And no one said a word against her. But this insolent man twisted everything so that she, the naive fool, believed him. Her first experience meeting a supervillain ended not with a victory or a defeat. It ended with nothing! Meaning they traveled there for about four hours, got wet, and swam. Only to be sent away half an hour later! True, they were kindly fed, and even given food to go. But that doesn't change the fact that he is a tricky villain.
Her proud nature demanded retribution. And she was going to visit Drakken again. Besides, she needed to return the stolen goods. True, she had no idea how to haul that behemoth. And everything else that the villain had shamelessly stolen.
She also needed to go with Ron to Bueno Nacho. The bell was about to ring, and everyone would be gathering. And on the way, they would need to discuss the plan of action for their next meeting with the villain. This time, she definitely wouldn't be talked out of it!
A few days later, again near the Evil Lair
And here they were again. Cruising again on jet skis. This time, her friend reacted to the news of visiting Drakken quite calmly. As if he had become convinced of the villain's mental health. But it was absolutely clear to her that this was not the case. Dr. Drakken might be as courteous, sensible, and intelligent as possible, but in no way was he sane.
Yesterday, he and that green snake woman staged some sort of completely wild raid on Herotown. And why did he dislike that little town? Because the town's name contains the word "hero"? It's absolutely outrageous! The city still hasn't recovered. All utility systems are in chaos: electricians are unwinding wires tied in knots, plumbers are dealing with sudden sewage floods. But not only that! He also stole a prototype of a new type of aircraft from a neighboring military base, which, by the way, was classified. Which, allegedly, could successfully bypass radars. If he says he's going to use it as a taxi; or to transport the Evil League choir; well, or says he just totaled it, she won't be able to stop herself from hitting him! Although hitting people just because is unprofessional. On the other hand, he is a villain. But he hasn't tried to harm her yet.
— Kim, remind me why we're going after Drakken again? — Ron yawned contagiously.
— Because he's a Villain!!! — the red-haired girl snapped.
— He treated us pretty well last time. And even though he stole the Ion Cleaner, he's not in a hurry to destroy anyone.
— He's still guilty. He stole it. And he's going to give it back, — Possible was furious. Very. Sailing out to the middle of nowhere again, going to sleep late again, and having school again tomorrow. Moreover, Drakken had updated his security systems, and because of that, they had to take detours this time. Even Wade complained that he had to stay up all night looking for vulnerabilities.
— Okay, okay. Can we eat at Drakken's again? His butler cooks wonderfully!
— Ron! — she was outraged and froze her friend with a reproving look.
— All's fair in love and war, but lunch is on a schedule... — he grumbled in response.
She snorted and steered the jet ski forward. This time, the Eye on the tower didn't seem to notice them. She was definitely going to put an end to his villainy!
They left their transport in the bushes and started making their way into the tower. This time, they were truly expected. Turrets with paralyzing rays, tranquilizer darts hidden in the walls, tasers. Various pits with assorted contents, nets, and much more. Ron often had to be pulled out. Or dragged, because his legs gave out.
When they reached the doors of the large hall-laboratory, where the last meeting had taken place, they heard music coming from behind them. Someone had left a note on the door: "Do not enter, rehearsal in progress." But this time, the enraged heroine could not be stopped. She was burning with the flame of vengeance. And so she confidently threw open the doors, only to find... A rehearsal?
Villains of all stripes and all kinds were just... singing. And dancing? There was an extensive stage against the wall. In front of it were soft red chairs for the audience, where, apparently, the sidekicks of all the villains were sitting. The first among them were a striped white cat with a fancy collar, who was purring blissfully with his eyes closed, and that snake-like sidekick of Drakken's. Drakken himself was on stage, performing with everyone.
— Tonight, evil has come to visit you,
You won't find anyone meaner, see for yourself!
We declare war on all the goodness in the world,
No need to hide our vile thoughts!
An evil star has emerged from the darkness tonight,
Meet the chief scoundrels—here we are!
Kim stared, stunned, at all these terrible and scary villains. Those who threaten the whole world. In the most diverse outfits. Singing. And their joyfully applauding sidekicks. Even Ron started to traitorously sing along. She grabbed him by the scruff of his neck to quietly sit down in the last row. If she could still handle one Drakken, then practically all the villains at once... That was completely impossible. The performance, meanwhile, continued.
— The cruel villain code tells us, you see,
If you're not evil enough, you're out of the show!
Out of the game!
You can't do it!
We can do anything!
Why?
We are evil! Evil!
Evil! Our ide-a-al!
Finally, the singing ended. The villains' Right Hands applauded. Everyone looked incredibly pleased. Even the cat licked its chops with a happy face. Drakken's voice interrupted them as he took the floor.
— Colleagues, congratulations. We finally found the right tempo. I must admit, I didn't expect to be appointed the head of the artists' group for our annual Festival of Evil. And I expected even less that we would manage to come up with such a wonderful number in just one day!
— Come on, Drakken, would the most brilliant minds in humanity not come up with some act in a couple of weeks? Nonsense! — a tall bald man with a scar on his face replied from the group of villains.
— Last year-meow you all fought and nearly killed each other, — replied... the cat from the front rows. More precisely, a speech synthesizer with a slight delay was speaking, while the cat itself meowed with a clever look. A traitorous thought pricked Kim: "The world would be better off if you all killed each other." But she had to keep her balance because the chair beneath her almost broke. — Dr. Drakken purr-resented little meow-effort to gather you all, fellas, into a sync-hro-nized group.
— You're right, Cheshire, plus Drakken is known for his showmanship even among us, — some hag replied to the cat with a giggle.
— Colleagues, I suggest we disband for now. We'll meet here again tomorrow at the same time, — Drakken concluded and glanced at the hall. — Besides, I have guests.
— See you tomorrow/Goodbye/Farewell, — a discordant chorus of voices replied. Everyone started gathering, sidekicks handed over outerwear to their bosses and boss-ladies, villains collected various weapons. Soon, only Drakken, suspiciously scratching his nose, his sidekick, and the cat remained in the hall.
— Miss Possible! Mister So-So! I welcome you, — the mad scientist addressed her and her friend. The cat examined them with interest.
— Bravo, Doctor Drakken! — exclaimed... Ron. — I never suspected villains had such theatrical talent.
— Oh, don't flatter me, Mister So-So. I appreciate your words, but I assume you didn't come to me for no reason?
— Correct! — Kim cut into the dialogue. The fact that she was being ignored infuriated her to no end. — Give back what you stole! Or I won't be responsible for myself!
— Alright, alright. Here, — he handed her... napkins.
— What is this?! — Kim asked furiously, snatching the napkins from his hands.
— These are the napkins I stole from the pizzeria yesterday. Very decent ones, by the way, — explained this... windbag. She raised her hand to hit him, but her hand was met by another, burning with green flame.
— Wanna fight, little girl? We can arrange that! — his sidekick growled.
— Whoa, whoa, girls, stop, — Drakken separated them. — Miss Possible, you are undoubtedly doing a fine job coming here with all righteousness to punish me according to the law. And I am immensely pleased that I was the reason for your awareness of the Law. But there is a problem.
— And what is it? — the heroine yanked her hand away angrily.
— You see, according to the Hero's Code, only one hero can attack a villain at a time.
— Do you see multiple heroes here?!
— Well... — he glanced around the hall and pointed at Ron. — As far as I know, Mister So-So is not officially registered as your sidekick. So he is very much counted as a hero. Moreover, he entered the hall first.
— So what?! — the heroine was at her breaking point. Her fists were itching terribly, and her anger demanded release. But she wouldn't be who she is if she couldn't control herself.
— Well, the same Code states that if two heroes are in the same room with a villain, the first one to attack is the one who first discovered him. And attacking simultaneously is forbidden. Only villains with their sidekicks and henchmen can do that.
— WHAT NONSENSE?! — Kim yelled.
— Here, take a look, — he handed her a small book with a blue cover and gold lettering.
Kim snatched it from his hands and stared at the title. "The Hero's Code," it mockingly read. Possible shifted her gaze to Ron, showing her friend with her eyes: "Act." He timidly got up from the chair and walked toward them on shaky legs.
— I must point out, Mister So-So, we really don't have to resort to wanton violence. And if you wish, Shego will beat you up. We don't want that, do we? "The best sword is the one that is never drawn." Perhaps we should choose a more, — Drakken waved his hand vaguely, — intellectual challenge?
— And what do you propose, Doctor Drakken? — Ron joined the game. All hope was on him.
— A cookie! — Drakken pulled a small bag with a round, chocolate chip cookie from his inner pocket. For some reason, looking at it, on the edge of her consciousness, she heard: "Join us."
— Whoa! Is that... **the** one? — Ron even stammered. His gaze was dreamy, but he quickly reined himself in and now looked extremely composed.
— Oh, I take it you're in the know, Mister So-So? — the villain smiled mysteriously. Kim watched both men, bewildered. That snake, Shego, seemed to be mirroring her.
— I'm not that naive, Doctor Drakken, — he sighed heavily. — Kim, you have no idea how much it tempts me. Only years of friendship with you are keeping me from making that rash move.
— I think I've lost the thread of this conversation. What are you two talking about, Ron? And what's so special about that cookie? — she eyed her friend suspiciously.
— Forget it, — Drakken suddenly said. — Then, Mister So-So, why don't we discuss our "battle" over dinner?
— Now *that* I'd be happy to do! — the glutton replied.
Kim groaned with powerless anger. However, she followed everyone into the dining hall. There, they finally saw the notorious butler. Well, he was indeed old. The butler bowed respectfully to Drakken and his sidekick, then to her and Ron, and then invited everyone to the table. He also served dinner. A couple of minutes into the meal, her eyes started to droop, and her consciousness betrayingly tried to visit Morpheus. "Sleeping pill!" she realized too late.
— But where did you get the Hero's Code from, anyway? — she heard Shego's voice.
— The Code? Ah! You know, when I started taking more breaks, I began writing something for my soul now and then. So, I decided to write some kind of charter for the heroes in my spare time. No one ever reads the fine print. And the large print only lists the publishing house. My name is very, very tiny at the end, — was the last thing she heard before consciousness finally left her.
She woke up abruptly. Kim was lying on a peacefully snoring Ron. The latter, in turn, was lying on a park bench. The heroine looked around and recognized her hometown park in Middleton. It seemed the grinding of her teeth had scared away all the wildlife in the vicinity.