The old man's cane hovered mid-swing. His brow furrowed. "Wait a minute… why are you… uh… naked?"
David froze, eyes darting down at himself. "Oh. Uh. I, um… took off my clothes to be… uh… free?"
The old man's frown deepened. "Right. Well… I'm still going to kill you."
David held up both hands. "Wait, wait! I have an offer for you."
One wiry eyebrow went up. "Oh really? Do tell."
David's eyes flicked around the clearing. His lips curled into a smirk. He reached slowly for his slime-coated stick and held it out like a sacred relic. "This…"
The old man squinted. "What?"
"This stick," David declared solemnly, "is worth millions."
The old man blinked. "You think I'm that dumb?"
David shook his head vigorously. "No, no! This stick is very rare. You see the blue on it? That's not just slime. It's a rare substance. I found it in a treasure chest. It was extremely dangerous to get."
The old man tilted his head. "Oh really. And you're just going to… give it to me?"
"Yes!" David said earnestly. "My life is worth more than this stick. Plus…" his eyes darted to the cane, "…I want that cane in exchange."
The old man chuckled darkly. "Why not just kill you and keep my cane?"
David leaned closer, lowering his voice like a salesman. "Because this stick heals you and makes you feel like you're in your prime. I once broke my back—this stick healed me. Healed me, old man. Plus I'll help you find more treasures. Imagine it: gold, jewels, youth."
The old man rubbed his chin, eyes narrowing in thought. David could barely contain the grin stretching across his face.
"Very well," the old man said at last. "Hand me the stick."
David got to his feet and held it out with mock reverence. The old man handed over his cane.
The moment their fingers parted, the old man gave the stick a testing swing. "Hmmm. Doesn't seem to—"
WHAM.
The cane cracked across the back of his skull. The old man crumpled to the ground like a dropped marionette.
David stood over him, panting. "That's for hitting my nose, you old bastard." He pressed a finger to the bridge of his nose; it was still sore. "Now… time to see what you've got on you."
He crouched and patted the old man down. His fingers found a small pouch tied at the man's belt. David untied it and flipped it open—four lonely gold coins glimmered in the sunlight.
His face twisted. "Are you kidding me?!"
He started kicking the unconscious man's side, coins rattling in the pouch. "HOW THE HELL ARE YOU THIS BROKE, YOU BASTARD!"
After a few more angry stomps he stopped, breathing hard. "Ugh. Fine. Whatever."
He tugged the patched cloak off the man's shoulders and swung it over his own, the rough fabric scratching his skin. He grabbed the cane, the slimy stick, and the pouch, and slung them across his back.
He took one last look at the old man sprawled in the dirt. "Okay, David," he muttered. "You are officially alone again."
The forest path stretched ahead, dark and inviting. David squared his shoulders, adjusted the cloak, and walked on.
A few minutes later David collapsed onto his knees, his bare skin scraping the dirt. He crawled until his back hit a tree and slumped there, chest heaving. "Shit… shit… I'm tired," he muttered, clutching his ribs. "I have no food, no water… and there might be a monster ready to… do something bad to me. Oh god. I can't even imagine it."
A faint ping echoed in the air. A blue holographic window flickered into existence before his eyes, shimmering like glass.
"W–what the hell?" David whispered. "Am I hallucinating?"
The glowing text read: Inventory.
David squinted at it. "Inventory? Like… like in a video game?" He reached out and tapped the word. Another screen opened, showing five empty slots lined with faint silver squares.
His jaw dropped. "Oh… oh, I can put my stuff in here!"
He quickly grabbed the cane and pushed it toward an empty slot. With a soft shwip, it vanished from his hands and appeared as a tiny icon in the hologram. He did the same with his pouch of coins, leaving only his slime-stained stick in the real world.
He wiped sweat from his brow. "Okay… that's pretty cool. Now if only it had a burger in there."
His nose dripped blood. He looked around, grabbed a handful of grass, and stuffed it up his nostrils. "There we go. Five-star medical care. Now I just need food… and water…"
David picked up his stick and staggered off the dirt path, deeper into the trees. The forest was surprisingly beautiful: birds chirped overhead, squirrels darted along the branches, shafts of light pierced through the leaves like golden spears. And then there was David—the half-naked man limping through it all like a deranged pilgrim.
He tripped over a root and faceplanted with a grunt. "Ow! Damn it…" He pushed himself up, spitting out dirt.
Then he saw them—tiny blue berries growing in a thick cluster. His eyes filled with tears of joy. "Thank you, God. Thank you for this beautiful food I'm about to devour!"
He fell to his knees and scooped the berries by the handful, stuffing them into his mouth like a chipmunk on a binge. Juice stained his fingers and chin.
"Mmfff—so good—mmmfff—" he moaned between bites.
Within seconds the cluster was gone. He sat back, burped loudly, and wiped his hands on the grass. "There. That should keep me at bay for now. But I still need water…"
A soft chime rang in his ears. His HP bar, which hovered faintly at the edge of his vision, ticked up from 3 → 8.
David grinned. "Okay. I should be A-okay now." He twirled his stick like a baton. "Now I should probably look for some water… or fight monsters… or rob some people… mmm…"
He tapped his chin, smirking. "I could just scam them too. Yeah, I like that idea. If everyone treated me like crap in my old life, why should I be nice to people in this world? No more Mr. Nice Guy."
Fffthwip!
An arrow whistled past his cheek and buried itself in the tree trunk next to him with a dull thunk. Bark splintered.
David's eyes went wide. He turned slowly toward the source of the sound. The bushes were rustling, shadows moving.
"Uh…" he said. "Please tell me that was just a really aggressive squirrel…"
A chorus of high-pitched screeches answered him. Goblins burst from the undergrowth—short, green-skinned creatures with jagged teeth and gleaming eyes. Some held crude bows, others gripped rusty knives and glassy bombs that sloshed ominously. They were grinning and squealing like kids at a carnival.
"Oh, come on…" David whispered.
One goblin licked its blade. Another knocked another arrow, pointing right at his face.
David raised his stick like it was a holy relic. "Okay, okay. Everybody relax. I'm unarmed—well, mostly unarmed—and half-naked! That's gotta count for something, right?"
The goblins only screamed louder, fanning out around him.
David's last words before they lunged were: "Aw, shit."