Everly froze, a mental deer in headlights. The voice wasn't buzzing in her ears, but directly inside her brain, a sensation both disorienting and utterly bizarre. She was, by all accounts, unconscious, yet her mind felt sharper than a freshly honed blade, perfectly capable of processing this surreal, shadowy realm.
But as the word "system" finally registered, a lightbulb flickered on, then exploded into a supernova of realization.
System! Wasn't that a staple of those ridiculous web novels? The ones where a plucky protagonist gets saddled with a magical AI to help them navigate a treacherous, cliché-ridden life and avoid a terrible fate? So, not only am I the star of a "fake vs. real heiress" drama, but I've also bagged myself a system?!
This was either the universe's most elaborate prank or her life had officially become a genre-bending, meta-commentary masterpiece.
Leaping to conclusions with the grace of a charging rhino, Everly blurted out, "Are you... are you really a system? The kind that gives tasks? Or, like, superpowers or something?"
The voice returned, accompanied by the blue box emitting another ridiculously cheerful emoticon, ヽ(´▽｀)ノ🎵.
[That's right! I'm so glad my host understands without me having to explain a single thing! Host, you were chosen because you possess one of the most cliché-ridden lives in this entire world, a life practically guaranteed to end in a tragic, tear-jerking mess! But fear not! I'm here to ensure you don't spectacularly crash and burn!]
Everly's excitement levels spiked like a caffeine-addicted squirrel, especially at the mention of potential powers. She immediately launched a rapid-fire interrogation at System 006.
"So, what's the grand mission? Defeat the fake daughter? Uncover scandalous family secrets? Or did I get reborn and now I have to reverse everything? And are you going to give me points so I can get prettier or, like, super-smart?"
The emoticon on the blue screen did a frantic little dance, morphing from a shocked ∑(O_O;) to a more resigned ( ;´ - `;).
[...Ahem.]
[Host, your primary task is simply to survive...by utilizing the abilities you choose from the system.]
".....?"
Everly blinked in the void.
That felt... anticlimactic. And strangely ominous. It sounded less like a helpful system and more like a twisted game show where the real challenge wasn't the fake daughter or the idiotic family, but the "help" itself.
System 006, seemingly oblivious to Everly's internal alarm bells, chirped on with another cheerful emoticon o( ^▾^ )o.
[Well, now, Host, you must choose one from several available abilities. But you must remember, each abilities comes with a random side effect~ So, whenever you use it, prepare for some... unexpected consequences!]
"Eehhhh??? Are you absolutely positive this is going to help me in my life instead of, you know, actively trying to ruin it?"
Everly's bubble of excitement deflated faster than a punctured party balloon. A side effect plot? This was a new one. Had she really not read enough trashy web novels, or was her life truly breaking new ground in the realm of convoluted tropes?
System 006, apparently having developed selective hearing, completely ignored Everly's very valid concerns.
[And there are four... ah, sorry, I mean three abilities that you can choose from. Host, do you want to choose it now?]
Hey, this is highly suspicious!
Everly thought, her internal alarm bells clanging like a fire truck. The system's evasiveness, coupled with the suspiciously shifting number of choices, was setting off every 'this-is-a-trap' sensor in her brain. Yet, her insatiable curiosity, a trait that had often led her into questionable situations, won out. She had to know what bizarre powers awaited her.
"Alright, then tell me what the options are," she conceded, mentally bracing herself for whatever absurdity was about to be unveiled.
[Ok, host!]
The emoticon on the blue screen morphed into a bold, gleaming number 1, sending a weird flutter of anticipation through Everly's non-existent stomach.
[So, the first system ability...]
[TA-DAAAAHH~~]
[It's the Kiss System! Mwaahh~]
The blue screen instantly transformed into a giant, smoochy (˘ ³˘)♥︎ emoticon.
".........."
Everly was utterly speechless. She'd been mentally preparing for telekinesis, perhaps a handy shop system, maybe even the ability to summon a loyal pet dragon. But "Kiss System"? What in the actual heck was that supposed to be? Was this some kind of twisted dating sim?
[Host, the Kiss System allows you to swap bodies with the person you kiss for 15 minutes. And the person whose body you've entered will conveniently faint for those same 15 minutes!]
Everly's voice, or rather, her mental projection of a voice, was flat, devoid of all emotion.
"...Are you sure this isn't less of a 'Kiss System' and more of a 'Sexual Harassment System'?"
The floating blue screen seemed to vibrate with indignation, the emoticon snapping from cheerful to a rather miffed ( ｡ -̀ ⤙ -́ ｡ ).
[Host!!! What do you mean by sexual harassment?! You don't have to kiss on the lips! Any limb will do, as long as it's not their clothes or accessories!]
"It's still sexual harassment," Everly deadpanned, completely unimpressed. "If anyone saw me passionately kissing the calf of some unsuspecting stranger I wanted to body-swap with, they'd definitely call security. Or the police. Probably both. I'd be arrested for public weirdness, at best."
[........]
System 006 was, for once, utterly speechless. Of all the body parts, why did Everly's mind immediately jump to the calf?!
"And another thing..." Everly continued, relentless in her logical assault. "What if I have a boyfriend? If we kiss, doesn't that mean I'll swap souls with him, and then I'll essentially kiss myself unconscious? And if I've already switched bodies, and then I kiss someone else, do I swap bodies again with the second person?"
Everly might not have been a straight-A student, but when it came to dissecting convoluted scenarios, her brain was a finely tuned instrument of perception. If she was going to be stuck with this bizarre power, she was going to know every single ridiculous detail.
System 006 was truly stunned, its emoticon now a wide-eyed, flabbergasted (°ㅁ°)!!!
[That is... ahem... if the host manages to acquire a significant other who genuinely aids in achieving a good ending – in other words, the host's true love – there will be an additional system function that allows you to toggle the Kiss System on or off. Of course, that means the host needs to actually find this true love first, otherwise, the on/off function remains frustratingly unavailable~]
[And as for the other... intricate details of the Kiss System, I shall enlighten you further should you, against all common sense, choose this particular ability~]
[So... host, do you wish to embrace the magnificent power of the Kiss System?]