Ei pondered for a moment longer.
"Then, I suppose, what interests me most at this stage is girls..."
"Tch."
Mordred gave him a look of sheer exasperation, as if asking, "You're just like those guys in the Round Table. Is there nothing else?"
"What's wrong? I can spit out pretty words all day if you want, but I was trying to be honest with you," Ei quickly defended himself.
"Fine, fine," Mordred waved her hand dismissively. "So, you're not coming here with... lustful intentions, like wanting to massage cute girls, or anything?"
"You are completely overthinking it, kid. I'm here for the money. Although I did briefly fantasize about that wonderful possibility, the reality is that only elderly men or uncles come to Enma-tei to enjoy life and relax their muscles... I bet the person who shows up next will be an osteoporotic old man, like James Moriarty."
"But..."
"I still hold onto that tiny bit of hope. What if a miracle happens and a beautiful girl actually appears...?"
Bang!
Before he finished speaking, a heavy stomping sound suddenly came from outside the VIP room, accompanied by the clanking of armor.
For some reason, Ei felt a suffocating sense of pressure emanating from those footsteps.
The door to the VIP room violently burst open, as if struck by a fierce gust of wind.
A colossal figure in black, imposing and terrifying, appeared at the entrance. He wore a skeletal mask, and his pitch-black heavy armor glowed with pale-blue ghost fire. His cold, azure eyes briefly glanced at Ei.
"—Is this the VIP room that Beni-Enma mentioned?"
I'm screwed. That's not a beautiful girl; that's King Hassan! A truly formidable old man has arrived!
This is the Grand Assassin. What is he doing here? Is he here to assassinate a target?!
"Y-yes..." Ei stammered in panic. "M-may I help you?"
"I am the Old Man of the Mountain, sent by Chaldea Academy to give lessons. They have temporarily arranged for me to rest in a private room at Enma-tei. Who are you?"
King Hassan spoke in his deep, ancient voice. Although his tone was calm, it carried an oppressive weight, heavy as a mountain.
Are you kidding me? The Grand Assassin is going to teach at Chaldea Academy?!
This is a high school comedy setting! Everyone else has changed into modern uniforms. Why are you still dressed in terrifying Assassin attire? Is this the Grand Servant's sense of idol packaging?
No, no, that's not the point. Am I seriously expected to serve King Hassan next? Is this for real?
"Oh, oh...!"
Suddenly, a loud shout erupted from beneath King Hassan's authoritative mask, and the pale-blue flames briefly flared up.
Ei's nerves instantly snapped taut.
W-what's happening? Is he about to unleash a massacre?
King Hassan's massive body suddenly leaned back, his shoulders tensing, followed by a hoarse, low growl.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!!!!"
After a moment, King Hassan stopped moving.
Then, both parties stared at each other in silence.
...He was just stretching? You nearly scared me to death with that commotion!
The abruptness of the action nearly gave Ei a heart attack.
"So... does this guest require a massage service?" Ei carefully asked.
Although he desperately wanted to turn and run, he would lose his job. While he didn't think King Hassan would allow anyone to touch him, he still had to ask—a minimum level of customer service was necessary.
"Is that your appointed task?" King Hassan asked.
"I believe so..."
"Then I entrust it to you. Work must not be neglected."
Ei thought, I was just asking! How did you actually agree and lie down? King Hassan, do you have to be so cooperative? If your fans saw this, wouldn't they accuse the author of being a Moon-clueless hack who writes characters as OOC, even if disguised as a youthful comedy?
Ei slapped his forehead. I'm done for.
"I'm screwed. I'm waiting on a Grand Assassin."
If the service is poor, will he behead me?
Can anyone step in and break this situation? Anyone at all, just break this deadlock...
"Thump, thump!"
Another impossibly heavy sound rang out from outside the VIP room.
A moment later, a gigantic, mammoth-like creature walked over and lowered its head to inspect the situation inside the VIP room.
It was none other than Ivan the Terrible, the Lostbelt King!
"Is this the VIP room that Beni-Enma spoke of?" Ivan the Terrible asked with his deep, imposing imperial voice.
This is going to kill me...
"I apologize," Ei said, sweating profusely. "The VIP room is full. Please come back later for accommodation."
"I did not come to change my quarters; I came to enjoy a massage service."
Saying this, he, like King Hassan, laid down on the adjacent massage bed.
CRASH! The massage bed was utterly crushed by his weight, but Ivan the Terrible himself was unconcerned.
"???"
It's over. There is absolutely no way to escape now.
"Hey, what are you going to do?" Mordred asked from the side. "These two look like serious trouble."
"Haha, not at all! Don't they look quite amiable?"
"Amiable? How can you tell? Have you finally lost your mind?"
Ei pointed at King Hassan: "Look, that's a handsome old man!"
Then he pointed at Ivan the Terrible on the other side: "That's a furry!"
He concluded, "See? If you change the way you refer to them, don't they seem quite endearing? I love handsome old men, and I'm a furry enthusiast. I'm basically a double-fanatic in a state of sheer ecstasy right now."
"Snap out of it! One is a Grand Servant, and the other is a Lostbelt King."
"...I-It's fine. Just King Hassan, merely a common warrior, nothing to worry about," he insisted. "And Ivan the Terrible? It's embarrassing to even mention him. He and his frozen land were purely stepping stones for later Lostbelts, utterly lacking in clout."
With that, Ei buried his head like an ostrich into the drawer containing the fire cupping set.
"...Goodbye! I'm going to take a time machine to find another Singularity! Sayonara!"
"Are you so scared you can't face reality?!"
Mordred dragged Ei out of the drawer and said, "Calm down. Even though they look terrifying, they don't intend to start a bloodbath. If you just offer your best service and give them a top-tier massage, nothing bad will happen."
"Top-tier massage service, to satisfy them...?"
He slowly calmed down, glancing at King Hassan, then at Ivan the Terrible on the other side.
Then he thought about the 3000 QP needed for the mixer. Fortune favors the bold.
"...It'll be difficult, but I can try."
One minute later, Ei returned, carrying a waterbed and massage lubricant.
Mordred froze.
He silently put down the waterbed, then poured the lubricant into a basin of water.
"First, I'll just stir the lubricant a bit..."
A red-faced Mordred punched him.
"What kind of service are you planning to give them?! Where did you learn this kind of massage? Did you go to some weird place?!"
"I've never been there! I just saw how weary they looked and wanted to sterilize them for hygiene!" Ei explained earnestly.
"...Besides, I've heard that men can't resist lubricant. Maybe it'll have a special effectiveness?"
"..."