"Though I don't really get what you plan to do with that lubricant, my gut tells me it's very dangerous."
"Alright, you caught me," Ei admitted. "I actually planned to use the lubricant and get flagged by the censors. That way, this book would probably end right here. Rounding up, it's equivalent to me 'breaking' the Grand Servant!"
"......"
Mordred was completely lost now, unable to follow anything he was saying.
However, relying on her Instinct, she snatched the basin full of lubricant out of his hands without a word.
"Don't do anything stupid. Don't forget you still owe me a pack of cigarettes."
"Let go! I'm going to solo the Lostbelt King and the Grand Assassin!"
Both had Strength B+, making their raw power roughly equal. The basin caught between them was quickly being pulled out of shape.
[You and Mordred start struggling violently over the basin.]
[But Mordred is clearly stronger than you. You quickly lose strength. She drags the basin, and you along with it.]
[You are close to exhaustion.]
"Why? I'm Strength B+ too! Is this because I stayed up all night again?"
Even though Mordred was a girl, her strength was absurd. She pulled the basin full of lubricant, forcefully dragging him forward, and a little lubricant spilled over the edge.
"Mordred, what we're doing is dangerous! Maybe you should let go first..."
"If I let go, you'll grab it. No way."
"Then I'll let go first!"
Ei felt his strength draining away, his fingers losing their grip on the rim of the basin.
CRASH!
But before he could let go, Mordred stepped on the lubricant that had splashed onto the floor. Her center of gravity suddenly shifted, her wrist flipped, and the entire contents of the basin spilled out.
In that instant, lubricant splattered everywhere.
SPLOOSH!
It poured all over both Ivan the Terrible and King Hassan!
Ei's heart instantly stopped.
Only one word remained in his mind:
F**.
"Mordred, you are invincible! How dare you do something so sacrilegious to our Grand Servant!"
"That was your idiotic idea in the first place!"
Mordred was also soaked. She wiped her beautiful face, then grabbed his equally slippery collar with a dark expression.
"You bastard, what is going on?"
"...Mordred, calm down first. You're covered in lubricant, I'm covered in lubricant, and even they are. This scene is truly awful in every sense. I feel like we're about to become ambiguous."
Ei said.
Looking at the two imposing guests who were now covered in lubricant, Ei was ready to perform the ultimate Japanese apologetic bow, but Ivan the Terrible and King Hassan showed no reaction at all.
"Are they... sleeping?"
"Hard to say for King Hassan, but Ivan the Terrible is likely genuinely asleep."
Ei thought this wasn't too surprising, as the Lostbelt King was known to have slept until the end of his own world.
He looked at the motionless King Hassan. The figure was completely still, like a fortress, seemingly deep in meditation—such a minor external disturbance couldn't possibly startle him.
"Phew..."
Ei sighed in relief. The pressure instantly lessened.
Maybe he was overthinking things. These two Heroic Spirits probably didn't care about this level of minor offense.
Since that was the case, he should just massage them honestly and finish work quickly.
But looking at Ivan the Terrible's enormous, robust elephantine body, he sank into contemplation.
"Did Beni-Enma overestimate me...?" he muttered.
"King Hassan is one thing; at least he's humanoid. But where do I even begin to massage this elephant? My 'Human Study' skill is completely useless on him."
This problem was far beyond his scope. Ei decided to temporarily give up on the mammoth and turned to King Hassan.
He carefully lifted King Hassan's black cloak, revealing a suit of pitch-black heavy armor underneath.
Ei fell silent.
Who comes for a massage wearing a full suit of armor? This guy is clearly looking for trouble.
"...King Hassan?"
He attempted to gently shake the figure.
But the Grand Servant showed no reaction. His concentration was truly astonishing.
BANG!
Ei punched the nearby wall.
"Where the hell am I supposed to start with this!"
If he had known it would come to this, he would have jumped ship to Kinoko Heavy Industries next door.
Mordred, seeing his frustration, also looked troubled: "Maybe we should just give up. These two aren't the kind you can easily handle."
"No, since we're here, how can we give up now? I have an obligation to be responsible for the customers until the end," Ei said with a determined look.
"No choice! Let me try to pry his armor open!"
Besides, he was genuinely curious what the Grand Assassin King Hassan looked like under his armor. Seeing that would be worth the price of admission, even if he died trying.
[You attempt to pry open his armor with your hands.]
[Strength Check Failed.]
[You attempt to use a crowbar and leverage to pry open his armor.]
[The crowbar is broken.]
"Too strong..."
Ei looked at the broken crowbar, filled with awe.
"Is this the power of a Grand Assassin? Truly terrifying...!"
"The moment you stood on him trying to use a crowbar, the scene stopped being terrifying," Mordred rolled her eyes, then lit another cigarette.
"Mordred, take out your Clarent."
"What are you planning?"
"I figure since I can't open King Hassan's armor with ordinary tools, maybe a Noble Phantasm can bypass his defense. Just give him a blast of light, for starters."
"...What kind of service are you providing to guests? That's practically murder! Do you want me to give your brain a blast of light first?" Mordred couldn't help but complain.
"Then come and lend a hand. Maybe if we combine our strength, we can pry it open. Surely, a person of your regal stature won't stand idly by when your citizens need help."
That sentence worked immediately. Mordred instantly crushed her cigarette and leaped over to help him.
She's so easy to persuade... Ei thought.
Mordred wore a smug, brilliant smile, revealing a small canine tooth.
"Alright, I'll help you out!"
[You and Mordred begin working together to pry open King Hassan's armor.]
[However, facing the Grand Assassin's heavy armor, you are still lacking in power.]
[Attempt a difficult Strength Check.]