My brother and I were never very close.
That's because I despised his lackadaisical attitude and coveted his talent. I wished I were half as talented as he was, and it constantly made me bitter. Here was someone who had the perfect physique for Martial Techniques, but would rather spend it chasing butterflies or lazing around.
I could never understand him.
In my eyes, he was a silly, immature, and detestable brat who just had to grow up.
But, my sister…
… She was always the one I cherished most.
Selicia was loving, cheerful, stubborn, brazen, and the most supportive person in my entire family. She was also very hardworking, unlike my younger brother, which made me love her even more.
Unlike Craig, she and I bonded on many matters, and I enjoyed her company greatly.
It pained me to have to marry her off, but I took extra care in ensuring the man was a decent gentleman by society's standards. I thought this was the greatest consideration I could offer her as her older brother.
… Until she killed herself right in her matrimonial bed.
Even now, I still tremble when I remember the way the corpse lay on that bed.
Her hollow eyes… her pale skin… her limp, completely lifeless body. It is a nightmare that has constantly plagued me since it happened.
At least, when my brother perished in war, I thought it was a noble sacrifice and a proper end to his life. It wasn't until later that guilt began eating at me. But the overwhelming sorrow and shame caused by my sister's death were immediate.
I looked for who to blame for so long, but quickly settled on the one person I could point at.
—Myself!
My little sister… died… because of me.
Now that I have returned to the past, I have seen my closest aide, my parents, and my younger brother, but I tried my best not to see her.
Because I don't know if I'll be able to control this stoic mask that has become my face.
The moment I spot her from behind, my lips twitch and my eyes begin to burn up, turning blurry in a flash. Her blond hair instantly brings back memories, and the thumping of my heart only rises in tempo.
I clutch my chest very tightly and feel immense pain.
It hurts.
It hurts. But I'm glad.
'You're alive… and still the same person you were…' Despite my hesitance and the immense guilt weighing down on me, I take steps forward—towards her.
I no longer wish to run away.
Perhaps it was fated for us to meet like this. I should not miss this opportunity.
"It looks like you're enjoying yourself… Selicia," I speak calmly once I stop right beside her.
"Uweee!!" Selicia jumps in both shock and fright, clearly not expecting my presence to suddenly appear next to her. "B-big brother Javi? What are you doing here?!"
Javi… the nickname she gave me.
It has been so long since I heard those words come from her lips.
Her voice is more childlike than I remember. Perhaps the version of her that I remember is the strong, far more competent woman who often bested me—the Head of the Aditi Household—in combat.
Her body was built with perfection in mind, and her mind was the model example of a Knight.
If she had been born as a man….
'No, it's useless to have those kinds of thoughts.' I slowly shake my head, returning my overall demeanor to the calm expression I am used to having on. However, I quickly realize I do not fully control my facial muscles.
Even without realizing it, my lips curl up, and a permanent smile is etched there.
"I was returning from the Library and spotted you hiding among the trees. You were watching the warriors train again, weren't you?"
"N-no… w-well, yes! I'm sorry, Javi! I couldn't help it!"
One thing about Selicia that I never appreciated enough in my past life is her honesty. Unlike that rascal, Craig, she stands on her ideals and is honest about them. Her brazen attitude and firm personality made me a little frustrated in the past, but I can only admire them a lot more now.
Unlike me, who had to go through a lifetime to learn to be honest about my own desires, this thirteen-year-old girl beat me to it.
She knows exactly what she wants and isn't afraid to say it.
'If it wasn't for my interference and the family's suppression, perhaps she would have achieved her dream of becoming a Knight.'
I remember Selicia being so determined in this goal that she was willing to leave the Aditi Household to become a wandering mercenary with the intention of eventually climbing up to the position of Knight once she made enough contributions to the Kingdom.
It was my family that prevented this by limiting her accumulation of resources and tying her down with familial bonds and sentiments. We even went as far as promising to give her what she wanted, but kept postponing it until it was too late.
Such unfairness… such manipulation… I resorted to all of that as well.
Yet, she never once despised me.
'Did she realize it back then… how hard things were for me as well? Why was she so kind to me despite how strict I was to her? Even after punishing her, she would still smile at me.'
My sister… oh, Selicia… I do not deserve you.
"Why are you looking at me like that, Javi? So are you going to punish me or not? I don't mind, but you know I won't stop, right? One day, I'm going to be a Knight! The first female Knight of our Aditi Household! I'm going to break the old traditions, like my role model, Lady Beatrice of Dustinville, and amass glorious fortune and honor for myself and the Household. Just you wait, brother! Until then… I guess I'll just receive my punishment."
"Why…?" I slowly ask, my eyes still fixed on her now pouty face.
"Hm?" She cocks her head in confusion. "Why what?"
"Why are you so obsessed with being a Knight? It's hard, and tough, and the training is so difficult to endure. It's also very dangerous, and the barriers you'll have to face are immense, so why do you stubbornly cling to that path?"
Silence stretches out between the two of us, and I fervently wait for her response.
Then—
"Why else?" My sister smiles, revealing a sharp tooth of hers among her perfect set of teeth. "Because it's super cool!"
That's right.
This has always been the kind of person my sister is.
'She seeks excitement and passionately chases after it no matter what. A dull life of marriage doesn't suit her at all. So this time for sure…' I smile, walking past Selicia as my body bleeds into the outdoor training field before turning back to look at her.
'… I'm going to help you.'
"Javi, what are you—?"
"Come with me," I speak softly, resuming my advance into the field.
She stares at me curiously, but follows behind in silence. She probably suspects that her punishment awaits on the training ground, and perhaps one could consider it a punishment of some sort.
But, knowing Selicia, this will be more beneficial than harmful.
"How many Knights does our Aditi Household have?" I ask her as we walk forward, already catching the attention of the training warriors.
"U-um, about nine? Our Main Family has Father, and the remaining eight are separated among our uncles and cousins in the Minor Families." My sister mumbles, guessing correctly; however, she doesn't stop there.
"If you finish your education in the Knight Academy, that'll make ten. And when I also achieve my goals, that will be eleven!"
Her bright amber eyes sparkle with immense brilliance, and I am nearly swept away by the innocence of it all. The bedazzlement I feel when I see my little sister is so immense.
Selicia is just too cute!
"Ahem! Why didn't you mention Craig?" I ask, now realizing that all the warriors around have stopped training and are now approaching us out of respect.
"Because he doesn't want to be a Knight."
"I see…"
The warriors greet us, and I ask them to leave the field for the moment and return later. Even though I'm not yet the official Heir, they all have the sense to know that matters will change in about two days, so none of them argues with me.
"Javi, why did you send them off? Is my punishment going to be that severe?"
"Who said I want to punish you?" I chuckle while shaking my head.
"E-eh? Then why are we here?"
I approach a weapon's rack on the field and take out one of the wooden blades hung there.
SWOOSH!
I throw it at Selicia, but the action must have startled her since she evades and lets the weapon land on the bare ground. I hide my sheepish smile and grab another identical blade, this time wielding it myself.
Selicia looks at me with a confused expression, trying to make sense of my actions.
"Actually, there will only be ten Knights in the immediate future…" I tell her while casually swinging the practice blade to get a feel of it.
"You and the current nine, right? You're still trying to discourage me from pursuing my dreams, aren't you?" Selicia sighs in disappointment, but this causes me to laugh.
"W-what's so funny?!" She yells at me in exasperation. "Javi, you've been acting weird for a while now. If you want to punish me, do it already. Let's be done with this!"
"The thing is, Selicia… I already told mother and father that I no longer want to be a Knight."
"E-eh?" Her jaw loosens and nearly falls to the ground. "You did that? For real?"
I slowly nod.
"W-whoa! T-that's… crazy! Mad respect, but it's still crazy! Why did you do that? What did mom and dad say?" Selicia itches her head roughly while giving me a strange stare, trying to understand the reason behind my decision.
"You… really don't want to be a Knight?"
I softly shake my head. "No, I don't."
"Wow…"
"Which is why I said there'll only be ten Knights. The current nine, and you… marking the tenth, as well as the first female Knight of our family."
The moment I say this, Selicia's eyes shine with brilliance.
She stares at me with a mix of disbelief and unabashed joy. It's like she is overflowing with joy because I finally recognize her potential and support her dreams. I'm sure all of this is still a lot to take in for her, and she has a million questions, but for the time being… I can tell that she is genuinely happy.
So…
I use my blade to point at the fallen wooden sword right in front of her.
"Pick it up."
"What?"
"Let's begin your training." I smile at her, my wide grin flashing with confidence. "I'll teach you everything I know."
[A/N: First fight scene coming up in the next chapter…]