I woke up with a gasp, breathing shakily. Looking at my hands.
Oh, so i am still in her bodies. Those all were real then.
I started to laughing crazily but i could feel warm tears showering my chin.
Should i Thank to god?
Even this is another chance for me that god gave me but i can't stay like that, in someone's body as a mere girl, No way.
I stepped down from my bed searching for the mirror. Wiping my tears. Looking at myself as a weak little girl. I couldn't hold but kept smashing the mirror. I can't be that pathetic.
I was touching the face. Derisively saying, "look who I am now". A thousand year old men's soul now trapped in a little girls body. My mind were ragging with fire. I can't accept it. How did I passed all those years in this form. As a human. Living with them whom putted me in this miserable state.
My nose started to bleeding hard like unstoppable. I understood i cant push this body that hard through. Because day by day this body feeling's attaching with my mind.
I understood in an instant why I couldn't live with my form because I disobeyed nature's order. I took my own life. But as William I didn't right? So is that why god made my wish true?
Just because i decide not to forget my past i had to bare this punishment. I mockingly muttered,
Pathetic.
I calmed down and sited front my study table, Reaching for that diary, page flipping to spot that poem.
My mind flashing with annoyance. Then when did i wrote that. I really couldn't remember every part of my life with Xiao Lin.
My eyes flashed with realization "Xiao Lin". I have to find him. But how? Is he here in this human world. How did he looked like. I barely could remember his face. My head were bursting in pain again. Like i reached at my limit. I managed to crawl through bed, my growling made the mother run to me.
Gabin, You okay.
I couldn't speak a word just gritting my teeth to hold the pain.
She came near me, massaging my head. I pointed her my middle forehead. Her gentle massage making the pain disappear. Like damn Mothers sure have magic hands.
I was slightly happy finding a family. But sometime i regret it. Wanted to run away from them. Though in my every weak moment her mother was there. Sure mothers yell and sometimes hurts by their words but they are also a human. And human's nasty natures is infinity.
Okay no judge.
I understood though my memory is clear but i still cant remember few moments, mostly what happened after that.
Indeed people will say I got lucky that i remembered my past life's even a bit, because i am experienced. But honestly it's a painful and hurts. Now as usual they will say forget the past why holding, just focus on future. But can you live tomorrow forgetting yesterday?
But I have to live. I have too. Because god gave me a chance to find him. I came for him again. I can't end this life. I will be staying like that. Enjoying all sorrows and happiness of this life.
Even if again this world do something stupid, I won't waste a second to burn everything into ashes. Because ruins do controls me. A body just a mere illusion because underneath the person who is here is me. The Chen Jun, The Kim Min, The William. People dare to compare their short life experience with me. Even they do. I will just ignore in silence, because talking with them also a waste of my words. I can't lower my guard. But I will find him.
Because It would be a shame, again if we couldn't found each other in this life too.