I remembered, those all thing's why only happened to me? Just because world was unfair with me? Never, God gave me a chance too, but there was someone behind those. As far I know. Xiao Lin not such an easy person to kill by strikes. He is a Moon Prince. Not belonging from This three realm of Purity, Poverty and Divine. He hold's strength more than the whole ancestors of Jade dynasty. My spirit power is nothing compared to him. I may lose my seat as The God of War but he can't. He don't need a seat. He himself holds the power. He don't even have any disciple because it's impossible. But he left me. Disappeared into thin air just because he gave his life scale to me.
Indeed it's true that, "Nothing is Consequence's"
So what I got in return, unlocking my ability. While it effects this body. Not just effect. It's making this body rots. I know i don't have much time left. But even if i found him again will we be able to stay together. The sacrifices he did is nothing compared to mine. So all my life all i did for those peoples, whom claimed me as a sinner. And couldn't do anything for him. Just a pathetic way only sacrificing my valueless life.
I couldn't stop but thinking about Johan too. But honestly even i myself were pretty confused about my feelings toward him. Also a pangs of doubtful betrayed thought stayed. But i couldn't bare anymore how every time, every life my closest peoples, the peoples who cared about me always snatched by those stinky humans. They had to leave this world for my this fucking pathetic life. Like every time i remember that, my heart crashes and giving up on living kept poking my mind like it controls it. But nothing lefts for me. I think of leaving, running away from everything. But honestly only darkness is only thing that keeps me. Without that place i have nowhere to hide, nowhere to stay.
My life started to become more hard, everyday fighting with this body and mind. Couldn't control anything. But I got busy using my Truth Eye left by my beloved. But it was another burden and weapon also for me because I am living in the earth with beasts and monsters. Barely could find someone who really worth of spending my time with. More than that I became more of sick seeing their thoughts and aura.
Doctors, Hospitals were already became my often visiting place. Because more i am pushing this body more its weakening. Countless injuries and flesh rotting happening, also i cant even eat foods like a normal person. Just to live i have to eat forcefully, while the foods tastes like ashes. The smells of them making it more worse. But the fun fact is I make the best dishes, just claimed by those people for them who tasted.
Of course i did made foods for humans, Because i became more of an actor for living as her. Though i know how people really thinks inside about me but i still tease them. Like i really hold some power. I am rude and sassy but I am more of a wicked about using my ability of seeing their thoughts to make it fueling the fire.
And what made my life less boring was finding out peoples life. Yeah that's true no one is in peace but do they deserve it? Because no one is happy with what they have. Even I have that effects too. Just look, while my beloved Xiao Lin and my friend Qing Xue Ye sacrificed their life for live my life while he gave me the chance to remember everything about my past life, to find him but i kept thinking of giving up, killing my this body too.
I started to loving and hating my life at the same time. But at least i really cant live like this, still i clenched my jaw and kept bearing my all those storms of life. What left for me is to live like this.
Observing peoples, tasting their life's sweetness and bitterness at once while kept noting them all at my diary.