Captain's log, third day of the journey.
As of two days ago we have left behind the Fire Country and set sail on the open sea. The Daitoppa was enough for the initial boost, Furou scrolls and some control seals are responsible for the rest. The 'Enterprise' is holding nicely, though the small degree of strenghtening of the general structure was the only thing I could do. Stupid bastard and lack of time.
Anyway, we are doing a good time if slower and we set a course on the Sunflower Island. If the weather holds, we will be there tomorrow. Then it is straight to Coral after we resupply./
"Where has the rum gone?!"
/Yes, resupply is vital. Hana seems to have settled in nicely. I'm surprised by that, actually. She seems to take things in stride and amazed me by quickly grasping the Sasuke-chan SOP./
"There is a 'Sasuke-chan Standard Operation Procedure?"
"Yes."
"Huh. What is it?"
"Pretend you don't see anything and maybe it will all go away."
/It is a good think she doesn't have her dogs with her, otherwise we'd have a problem. Though Hana can be quite a female dog when she wants to, if you know what I mean... and I do hope she didn't hear that. Anyway. The weather is nice, which is good. Sasuke-chan seems to have taken a liking to it, which is bad. Or good. I don't know. I am confused because the rum is gone. Hence I had to mourn that tragic fact with large quantities of jiu. And sake. And beer./
"Where the hell had all the beer gone?!"
/Note to self - resupply is a must. Especially since Sasuke is demolishing our chocolate supply and Hana isn't far behind. And they left none for me which, I would like to point out, is FUCKING unfair!/
"You get plenty of candy as it is, dobe."
"I am not going to dignify that with an answer. Get her in the bikini, then we'll talk."
"...I'm still here you two fucking deviants."
/Though on the whole, I would like to say that the cooperation is going smoothly and our bitchy, in a good way, miss Inuzuka slowly adapts to our crew. Sasuke, as loathe as I am to admit it, helps. Somewhat. A little bit?/
"...I am not wearing that."
"Oh come on, it is a perfectly-"
"It is so skimpy it leaves nothing to the imagination and it is almost see through! It is marginally better than yours and that's only because it's bigger!"
"I know. Awesome, isn't it?"
/Those are the voyages of the ship Enterprise, boldly sailing without rum on our quest for profit, vengeance and hot babes. I hope./
"Drink?"
Hana looked up, seeing Sasuke, in his...hers... whatever, outrageous bikini extending a hand with a tall glass. There was a piece of a fruit on the side as well as a little umbrella in it.
"What is it?" She asked curiously, sniffing.
Alcohol, fruits, some... spice?
"A tropical drink I've learned to make somewhere." Sasuke-chan shrugged, sitting on the folding chair and taking a sip with relish. "Ah man... there is nothing better for such weather."
Hana looked at the drink with a slight mistrust. They had tricked her into drinking that... whatever it was two days ago but this one seemed on the level.
Sasuke-chan hummed, stretching languidly on the deck like a large cat.
Hana stared.
The Uchiha was still a mystery to her. The seemingly impossible jutsu aside, no man should feel as comfortable as a woman. Especially no twelve year old boy famed for his anal-retentive, cold nature.
"What is it?"
Hana blinked, shaken off her reverie to see Sasuke-chan staring at her, her sunglasses slid down the bridge of her nose.
"Huh?"
Sasuke-chan sighed.
"I can feel your eyes on me." She said with exasperation. "And you've been all odd ever since we left the bay." Sasuke-chan leaned forward, raising an eyebrow. "It's starting to get kinda annoying, you know? What's your problem?"
"What's my problem?" Hana scowled. "What's my problem?" She pointed at Sasuke's breasts. "THAT is my problem!"
The neo-girl followed Hana's finger.
"Yeah, they are quite nice." She nodded. "But what about them?"
"It is not about the... the..." The older woman slumped. "How can you be...?"
Sasuke looked at her for a moment, before sighing.
"So that's what's eating you." She said, putting away her drink. "The whole female thing, huh?"
"Thing? THING?!" Hana snapped. "One minute you are a man, the next you are a woman. This ain't no henge - I can smell the gender! And you... you even move like a woman like this!"
"That's because I am one." Sasuke shrugged. "Should I walk like a man when I'm not one?"
"This!" Hana growled. "This is exactly what I'm talking about! And you have the fucking gall to ask me what's my problem?! What is YOURS, Uchiha?!" She slammed her drink down, nearly breaking the glass. "You are a fucking teenager, insecure in your sexuality and shit and here you go... changing into a woman. And more... you behave like some fucking little vixen, all flirtatious, sexy and... kami I can't believe I'm even SAYING that!" The dog master rubbed her temple.
Sasuke chuckled shaking her head.
"It's really bugging you, doesn't it?"
"Fuck YES it's bugging me!" Hana growled. "Where is your Uchiha pride or whatever the fuck it is? What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"Wrong... Funny you say that." Sasuke frowned thoughtfully, tapping her cheek for a long moment. "Ever seen the Hyuuga?"
Hana blinked.
"What has that got to do with anything?"
"Humor me." Sasuke-chan said.
"Well, yeah. Everybody does at some point."
"Tell me..." The neo-girl murmured thoughtfully "Have you ever saw one smile?"
Hana looked at Sasuke incredulously.
"You're kidding, right?"
Sasuke-chan sighed, taking off her glasses.
"No. And that's the whole problem."
Hana looked at the... girl for a long moment.
"Okay, you lost me." She admitted finally.
"Hyuuga are the 'strongest in the Leaf'." Sasuke-chan scoffed, showing what she thought of that. "They consider themselves noble, well bred, civilized and basically above the 'rabble' - read every non-Hyuuga. Using their fancy jyuuken, boasting the 'invincibility' thing and so on. Mighty Byakugan." The neo-girl looked at Hana. "And yet they never smile. Never go out to have a drink with friends and get wasted to do some stupid shit. They mark their own children with a seal that is like a delayed execution order at worst and a mark of slavery at best. Two thirds of their clan are slaves to the minority - slaves that are not even taught the more powerful moves of their style out of paranoia." Sasuke shook her head. "You know what I see? I don't see the 'strongest in the Leaf'. I see the saddest in the Leaf."
Hana's eyes widened.
"...what?"
"Well, they are." The Uchiha heir shrugged. "Sure, they are aloof, proud and shit... and I haven't seen a sadder bunch of people in my life. Because they are the 'strongest in the leaf' they are noble and they have an obligation to live up to some kind of stupid ass ideal. A Hyuuga won't go out to get wasted with a friend - he's a HYUUGA! Unthinkable. You won't find Hyuuga eating ramen in some ratty little bar - it is not for the likes of a Hyuuga. You won't find a Hyuuga doing some stupid shit to make a person he likes notice, because they are Hyuuga. Hyuuga won't ask for even most trivial thing, not without making a scene. They have Hyuuga pride to think of."
"When you put it that way..." Hana said slowly.
"And they are hardly alone, you know. Demanding from people to conform to some 'ideal' in the name of 'insert name here' pride. You? You are lucky, because Inuzuka Clan don't care about that garbage. You don't know what it is like." Sasuke smiled wryly. "Try to live with the 'genius' label for a while. Do that, because you're a genius. Do this because you're an Uchiha. Doesn't matter what you might or might not want. Live with it so long that you live it, and that 'pride' takes over. You don't know what or who you are anymore." A hint of steel flashed in the onyx eyes. "Me? I'll pass, thank you. If I have pride in something, it is myself. I am myself. I do what I do not because I'm a 'genius' "She made the mocking quotations with her fingers. "Or because I'm the 'great Uchiha'. I do what I do because I am myself."
"As a girl?" Hana raised an eyebrow.
"And why not?" The neo-girl shrugged.
"Well, you're a man for one." Hana grumbled.
"Not in this particular moment I am not." Sasuke pointed out with smirk.
"I mean... doesn't it strike you as weird?" Hana asked, struggling with words. "You are a boy... and you are comfortable as fuck like... that."
"Shouldn't I be?" Sasuke asked curiously. "It is me. Male, female... I'm still myself. I can do it, why not use it? Tanning is great when I'm a girl. Chocolate simply rocks, as does ice cream. Women can wear some fancy clothes and can get away with shit men never would be able to. I like sleeping like that - it is more comfortable. And I'm hot." The neo girl shrugged.
"Modest, too." Hana muttered.
"Modesty is for others. I don't need to be modest with a body like that." The Uchiha heir waved her hand airily.
Hana shook her head.
"So you do it because you can? Just... like that?"
"Just like that." The neo-girl nodded. "I like it. I enjoy myself. Why shouldn't I?" She stretched. "Does it hurt anybody? Well, save from some people getting heart attacks." Sasuke-chan smirked.
"I still say that it ain't fair." The Inuzuka grumbled, eyeing the smooth, taut yet perfectly built body. "I mean, what kind of woman can compete with some kind of idealized super-henge?"
"Ideal-" Sasuke-chan scowled. "Hey! That was damn low! It's all natural, I'll have you know!" She sniffed.
Hana raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"Okay... explanation time." Sasuke pointed at herself. "This is the derivate of something called Oiroke no jutsu. Developed by a certain moron."
"Wait. Wait... Oiroke... Where did I-" She snapped her fingers. "Kiba told me Naruto boasted he used something called that to take down Sarutobi-sama!"
"Yep. It's true, too." Sasuke-chan smirked. "Versatile little thing, that. It technically should be a henge but..." Sasuke-chan shrugged. "Let's just say he has a unique ability that actually created a complete transformation. I tried to copy it. Failed. We sat down to work, trying everything from seals to some obscure things I won't bore you with. In the end, I failed, but got this out of it. This is, essentially, how I'd look had I been born female and a few years older. Don't ask why older - I dunno. We think it's because Naruko looks to be in her late teens."
Hana blinked.
"...Naruko?" She asked.
Sasuke smirked.
"Ask me next time Naruto's on the deck. I'll show you. And if you think, those are big..." She grinned. "Well, let's just say that Naruko puts us both to shame."
Hana blinked owlishly.
"...wow. That's..." She scratched her chin. "Really?"
Sasuke chuckled before sliding the sunglasses back up and laying on the deck like a large cat, humming something under her breath.
'Hmm... Nice. Kind of catchy.' Hana thought absently.
"...I don't care, I'm still free. You can't take the sky from me..."
Sasuke hummed, soaking in the warmth of the sun.
Naruto blinked.
"...what?"
"A new one." Sasuke-chan pointed at her yo-yo. "I need a second one."
"Sheesh. Build one yourself." Naruto scowled, going back to his scroll. "It's not like you can't."
"Yours are better, dobe. Come on!" She pouted. "Pretty please?"
"...freak." The blond shuddered. "...all right. What do you want?"
"Wire. And some spikes."
"Again?"
Sasuke shrugged.
"Useful."
"All right. I think I have some supplies here. I can make one."
"Cool." Sasuke-chan nodded and Naruto sighed.
"...could you please put on so-" He palmed his face at Sasuke's smirk. "Never mind."
"Heh." She turned to the deck, looking at the napping Hana. "What are we going to do with her?"
Naruto shrugged, grabbing some tools and a few clear sheets of paper.
"I dunno. Let her complete the mission. We'll see later on. Who cares anyway."
"She's gooing to be trouble." Sasuke frowned.
"And that is new... how, exactly?"
"Point." Sasuke-chan smirked. "Up for some sparring?"
"With you naked? I don't think so." Naruto scowled. "Go away before I do something I might regret."
"Oh you tease." Sasuke-chan pouted.
"...NOT THAT WAY YOU SICKO!"
Sasuke chuckled, twirling and walking away, laughing her head off.
"...I hate when she... GAH he... fuck does that..." Naruto slumped.
"...she does make a one hot babe though." One of the clones said shyly.
Naruto turned, glaring.
"And why don't I dispel you?"
The clone shrugged.
"Well I do so now. Shoo." The clone vanished in a poof of smoke and Naruto paled, slamming his head on the small desk.
"...oh god but I didn't need that..." He whimpered. "Not to self - monitor the clones. Ogling Sasuke is so not right on so many levels."
"Hey, Naruto, can you rub some sun screen on my back?"
"FUCK YOU, BASTARD!" The blond snapped.
"You promise?"
Naruto whimpered.
"...why me...?"
"Captain! Captain!"
Naruto looked up from his pipe (there just might be something to this smoking business...)
"What is it, Mr. Uzumaki?"
"We have noticed three ships to the north west. They are unusually fast an approaching us with a steady speed!"
"...ships? Here?" Naruto puffed on his pipe thoughtfully. "Odd. This is almost out of-" He blinked. "Give my my spyglass, Number One!"
"Aye, captain!"
Naruto grabbed the spyglass, walking out of the control room.
"...one... two... three..." The jinchuuriki muttered, looking through the spyglass. "Oh they are there all right. What are they d-..." He magnified the view, looking over the strangely arrow-shaped foredecks. "...oh fuck me..." Naruto breathed. "...Rakers... Kiri Rakers... How in the world?!"
"...uh-oh..." The clones looked at each other suddenly nervous. "...Are you sure, captain?"
"FUCK yes I'm sure. And they have jolly roger too... Just great!" He threw the spyglass to the Number One. "Scroll Master! How much power can you give to the Furou?"
"She can' take anymore, capt'n!" The clone shook his head. "Little more and we be breakin' 'er apart!"
"I knew I should have made some more mods... SASUKE! Get your ass over here!" He screamed, running through the deck, his captain coat flailing after him. "We've got trouble!"
Sasuke lowered her shades lazily.
"What is it? I'm kind of in a middle of something."
"Well we will be in a middle of three pirate rakers in about an hour. So if you could kindly get of your ass and HELP?!"
The neo-girl blinked.
"...really?"
"Yes. Really."
"Rakers?"
"Three of them."
Sasuke jumped off the deck, running to the cabin like crazy.
"Rakers?" Hana blinked.
"Pursuit ships built in Kiri shipyards."
"Dangerous?" Hana put down her book, getting up on the deck quickly in a way that did interesting things to her bikini-clad body.
Naruto tried not to stare. Much.
"Very. Very fast, far faster than anything that size should be. Armed with four catapults, and they carry a contingent of shinobi."
"What would Kiri navy want with us?"
"They are not Navy." Naruto shook his head. "Kiri navy never uses just rakers alone. They don't even use them much, to be honest. A lot of speed, but not enough bang for the buck. The crew capacity is too low and they can be flimsy. Pirates, on the other hand, love them. They've been also called 'sharks' and with a good reason. I've heard rumors of pirate shipyards geared toward full servicing of the rakers, even building them from scratch. I didn't believe that but..."
"Shit." Hana paled. "Can we outrun them?"
"Enterprise is fast, but it is just a sailing boat. No. Raker is the fastest ship on the Mist Sea period."
"How much time?" She said grimly walking to the cabin.
"An hour, around that."
"Dammit!" She lunged for the lower deck.
Naruto grabbed several scrolls, cursing under his breath.
"I can see them."
"Well whoop de-fucking-DO, having a Sharingan and all." Naruto rolled his eyes."
Sasuke, now in male form slammed a metallic sounding satchel on the deck.
"I've been wondering what you've been lugging there with you..." Naruto looked over curiously only for his jaw to drop as Sasuke opened the satchel.
"...what the-?!"
"Heh." Sasuke grinned, taking out the parts of the black armor.
"Where the did you get that?" asked Naruto with surprise, looking at the matte black armor plates.
"From Tenten's shop." Sasuke whistled, putting the undermesh on.
"What the hell for?"
"Because it is cool, useful and I never had real shinobi armor before." Sasuke strapped the breastplate, frowning for a second. "Well that, and it goes with my hair."
Naruto palmed his face.
"...of all the retarded..." He blinked. "...And you bough it for a male?"
"They didn't have female breastplates." Sasuke sulked. "And Tenten didn't have time to make one."
"...Thank you, all the kami!" Naruto clapped his hands with reverence. "I swear I will buy Tenten something nice for that!"
"Better do her something nice." Sasuke said, struggling with a gauntlet. "She looked stressed."
"Ah. Now that might be a good idea." Naruto frowned thoughtfully.
"And it would help you as well. You've been grumpy lately." Sasuke shrugged. "Too high strung or what?"
"...I think I'm going to die." Naruto said dryly. "Irony. It is killing me here." He blinked, snapping his fingers. "Right. Before I forget." The blond pulled out a sealing scroll from his pocket. "One spike yo-yo. Don't wreck it too fast."
Sasuke grinned gleefully.
"Heh." He unsealed the scroll, grabbing the significantly larger, crimson red yo-yo and fastening it on his finger.
The Uchiha let it fly several times.
"Oooh. Nice. Improved balance and..." The spikes extended. "... an internal sealing mechanism. And little chakra drain."
"'Cause it's fixed. It can go back and forth only twenty times. Well, nineteen times. Then you'll have to redo the seal." Naruto shrugged. "Charge some chakra and you'll have ejecting spikes."
"...Nasty." Sasuke breathed. "I think I'm in love." He said fondly, caressing the yo-yo. "Well, one more detail and I'm set..." The young ninja muttered, reaching for a long, wide but fairly thin package.
"What is that thing?" Naruto frowned as Sasuke unveiled a streamlined... board? With seals carved on it? "...those are release seals... what the hell?" He muttered, looking at it carefully.
"You'll see." Sasuke's grin turned nasty. "It's worth it. Trust me."
Naruto frowned, looking at Sasuke who carried the board to the side of the ship and set it there, whistling.
"...I have a bad feeling about this..." The blond muttered, reaching for his freshly scribbled scrolls. "Well..." He grabbed them. "Time to get ready, hmm?"
The jinchuuriki chucked the scrolls overboard, watching them sink quickly with satisfaction.
"Heh heh heh..." He grinned. "This is gonna be GRAND!"
"What are you waiting for, grab some weapons!" Hana snarled, walking out of the cabin in her chuunin uniform, kodachi on her back.
"I just did."
The young woman looked at him suspiciously and the blond just smirked.
"By the power of knowledge, I have conquered the universe! Heh." He whistled for a moment, before reaching for a large scroll.
The kunoichi raised an eyebrow as the blond smeared some blood on the outer seal, the scroll suddenly becoming twice as large.
Naruto unrolled it calmly, allowing the seals to open, deposing eleven smaller scrolls on the deck.
'...quick access storage seals...?' Hana's eyes widened. 'But that is a chuunin skill!'
"Now, which of you I should..." He grabbed one scroll. "...Ah. Bunker. Right. I need to get materials for that one." He put it away, grabbing another. "Avalanche...? No." Naruto took another, looking it over carefully. "Ah, high density air pressure. Neatness. But no. I need something... Something- A-HA!" He grabbed the dual scrolls. "Greetings, my lovely babe! Missed me?" The blond hugged the scroll, before frowning. "...Well, missed me from two days ago, anyway. But yes, yes, yes... You will be PERFECT! My prrrrrecious!" He stashed the scrolls in his pockets and grabbed the last one. "And you too, snakey. Time to earn your keep." Naruto threw the scroll overboard. "And I DARE you not to work this time!" He screamed after the scroll as it sunk.
Hana looked at the obviously not quite.. right boy with pity.
'...stress must have got to him. But then he is just a fresh genin. Poor kid.'
"Don't worry. We'll get through this somehow." Hana said softly, laying her arm on Naruto's shoulder.
"Yep." Naruto grinned, before frowning. "Oi, bastard!"
"...what?" Sasuke said distractedly, absorbed with playing with his newest yo-yo on the side.
"Don't you fucking dare to use fire, bitch." Naruto growled, pointing at him. "I never had an authentic pirate flag. I want one." He rubbed his chin. "...I never had an authentic pirate raker either, to tell the truth."
"Build yourself one, dobe." The Uchiha snorted.
"It wouldn't be authentic then, now would it."
Sasuke scowled, grumbling.
"...whatever." He said finally. "We'll see."
"We'll see, we'll see..." Naruto mimicked mockingly. "Fucking little princess. You should just stay female permanently you little bitch."
The Uchiha raised an eyebrow and Naruto paled.
"...On the other hand disregard that."
Sasuke smirked.
"Yeah, fuck you too." Naruto grumbled, snapping his fingers and twirling a deck of cards a second later. "Anybody up for a nice relaxing game of poker to pass the time?"
"...are you fucking MENTAL?" Hana pointed to the side. "We have three pirate shipts inbound in next forty minutes and you want to play POKER?! This is not some goddamn Academy exercise, you little fucker! Treat it seriously goddamit!"
"Poker is a serious thing." Naruto said solemnly.
"Very." Sasuke nodded, sitting by. "Deal. Let's see how little I can lose this time."
"You in?" Naruto looked at Hana.
"Are you fucking serious?!" Hana growled.
"Poker's boring with only two people."
The kunoichi gritted her teeth, trying not to strangle the two rather mental little shits.
"...two pairs."
"Full house."
"Royal flush."
"...son of a bitch!" The woman slammed her cards on the deck. "That's the second time! How do you do that?!" Hana was pissed. She was good at poker, and here was this little shit playing her for what she was worth! She already lost her payoff from this mission, for the next one, most of her kunai, her freaking chuunin vest and twenty percent of the income from her clinic for next year! And for the life of her she couldn't catch him cheating at all!
"Babe, you ain't half bad, but me?" Naruto shuffled the cards, withdrawing a straight flush. "I am magic."
"AGAIN!" Hana growled.
Sasuke shook his head, looking at his two pair. He managed not to bet too much this time, Fortunately. He smirked. Overall, not a bad game.
"And what are you laughing at! He just won two of the houses in Uchiha District!" The Inuzuka woman grumbled.
"Yep. Only two houses and some cash." The Uchiha nodded sagely.
"Stingy coward." Naruto smirked. "Bow before my card power, fools!"
"I still think you've got some kind of gamble or luck bloodlimit." Sasuke muttered curiously. "It is statistically impossible for anyone to win like you do."
"It's a kind of magic, bastard." Naruto grinned, before frowning, turning to the side as a mist rose. "...fucking wonderful." He grabbed the cards, snapping his fingers and the cards vanished.
"Nothing in my sleeves?" Naruto rolled them up, showing them off to Sasuke and Hana. "But... Oh my, what's this?" A chain appeared around his wrist.
"...You simply have to teach me that seal one day." Sasuke looked at Naruto's wrist with envy. "I mean... that's retrieval without seals or blood and faster by far."
"It takes helluva lot of chakra, though." Naruto shrugged.
"So why do you do it?" Hana asked curiously.
Naruto and Sasuke looked at her oddly.
"Because it's cool." The Uchiha heir explained patiently. "Why else?"
"If it's worth bein' done..." Naruto grinned. "Do it with style."
Sasuke nodded, snapping his yo-yo up and down gracefully.
The Inuzuka heiress blinked owlishly.
"...how stupid are you two?"
"Are they close?" Hana muttered, hiding over the impromptu shield.
The tag-arrow exploded and Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Well, it would appear so." He grabbed the board. "Naruto, I need a wave."
"How large?"
"Give me that snake."
Naruto raised an eyebrow and Sasuke smirked.
"...your fucking funeral." The blond muttered, biting his thumb and smearing a small scroll he took from the inner pocket of his coat. "Come out. Time to play."
"What are y-" Hana's eyes widened as the ship shuddered briefly as Naruto completed the sealing.
"Kuchiyose... KAIRYUU!"
There was a brief and sudden silence.
And then, the water exploded, straight upwards with a shriek.
"...what the hell...?" Hana muttered, her eyes wide, as the stream of water arced and flew back at the water again.
'...back...? No... I can something... moving...?' She blinked. 'And did he say... kuchiyose...?"
"Well you've got your snake. Pirates are waiting, bastard." Naruto pointed at the three ships.
Sasuke smirked, grabbing the board and lunging overboard.
"Where the hell ARE YOU GOING YOU... id...iot...?" Hana trailed off, halting.
Sasuke nimbly threw the board and landed on the water without trouble, kicking the board upwards on the wave and jumping on it.
"...Is he... riding that...thing...?" The Inuzuka woman said with disbelief.
Naruto stared.
"...son of a...!" He stomped the deck. "Fucker! YOU TOTAL FUCKER! And you didn't make one for me?!"
Sasuke chuckled, riding on the sealed surf board, before grinning. Then he let the chakra flow into the board, activating the sealed suiton jutsu.
The board... jumped.
And sped up.
"... MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Hana stared at the constantly speeding up Sasuke dumbly, trying to somehow come to terms with the odd sight, as did Naruto. Only he stomped his feet, sulked and gnashed his teeth. The chakra he was radiating was enough to make his chain snap around like an angry snake, accompanied by a wind-swept coat.
"...that's it... that's fucking IT!" Naruto snarled finally. "He thinks he's all that, he thinks he can upstage ME? I will show him who is the fucking seal master here!" He ripped a scroll from his jacket, throwing it to Hana. "Here. Things go bad, spill some blood on it and charge as much chakra as you can. It will summon a fun little helper."
"...what..." She looked at the blond who threw off his captain cap and opened the coat, already jumping overboard. "HEY! WHERE THE FUCK DO YO-"
Hana ducked under cover hastly as another arrow sailed over her head.
"...dammit! How do I explain this to the Hokage!?"
She looked out gingerly, noticing that Naruto was standing on the sea surface, his face in a rather oddly calm look.
Until he smirked, that is.
"Come! I call you forth! Come!"
'...oh great. Now he's gone even more overboard.' Hana slumped. 'Losing two genin on my solo mission. Great going there, Hana... I wi-" The kunoichi blinked, looking at the water closely. '...is that...? No. Impossible.' She shook her head, rubbing her eyes with disbelief. 'I'm seeing things.'
The water started to whirl around Naruto slowly, oddly enough leaving him just enough room to stand.
"Finally." The blond smiled. "Come on out, babe."
'...no... I can't believe this!' Hana stared, eyes wide. 'It can't be...! What the hell...?!'
"Come, my beauty."
The water erupted. But differently than before. Now it was steady. Almost... measured.
And instead of a wild, large serpentine form...
The kunoichi stared in the stupor at the tall, blue skinned form of a well endowed woman with a fish tail and a trident in hand.
Naruto grinned.
"Queen of the current... Keisei."
She was his masterpiece. Save for Kiyohime, who never left the drawing board since she was so hellishly complicated, Keisei was his crowning achievement as a seal master. Even more so than the 'castle summon' he was working on.
More than just a mindless, advanced version of Suiruyudan-turned-quasi summon that Kairyuu was, this was a true summon. Well, as close as one could without it being a real summon, seeing as niether he nor Sasuke could contract any tribe at all. But Kesei... Well, she was as close as it came.
A variation of Mizu Bunshin for body and form, the Kage Bunshin for matrix, chakra up the wazoo, a stream of seals that was nearly endless to figure out... She was the result of nearly ten years of work. Sure, she needed a lot of water but...
"Ah. Hot as ever." Naruto grinned as Keisei smiled back. "Come, my queen. Time to show a certain bastard who sits on the throne of the seven seas."
Keisei twirled her trident, stabbing it behind her as she grabbed Naruto.
The wave rose and, nimble like quicksilver, the siren lunged forward.
Sasuke spun, jumping up and swinging his yo-yo.
The nukenin who had been rising hands to make seals screamed as the spikes ripped his hands apart.
Sasuke smirked wagging his finger.
"Now that's a big no-no, scum." he let the yo-yo string tie over the man's throat and snapped his fingers in two simple seals. The Kiri nukenin didn't have a chance to scream as the high voltage fired through him.
The crew just stared in shock.
Sasuke snapped his yo-yo back, lunging forward, yo-yo flying and closed his eyes as he avoided the clumsy stab with ease, kicking up and snapping his spiked yo-yo to the side, ripping a throat of an overly enthusiastic pirate.
The Uchiha scion spun gracefully, both yo-yo's flailing around, only to release the spikes.
The men closest to him screamed and Sasuke's eyes snapped open, revealing the spinning wheels of the Sharingan.
Fingers moved quickly, spreading the explosive notes in the air.
The remaining pirates' eyes widened as the Uchiha simply jumped back on the railing. Sasuke's smirk widened a fraction as he took a deep breath, his fingers going through the fluidly at a speed msot jounin would be hard pressed to match.
A second later, the chakra from Housenka, coupled with the fire reached the slowly falling explosive notes.
Sasuke chuckled as he jumped on the board, again releasing the mini-furou jutsu he had there, propelling himself forward.
He always loved fireworks.
Naruto rolled his eyes at the explosion.
"I told him not to blow them up! That fire-happy moron..." He sighed, before frowning. "But I won't be outdone by that bastard! Let's go wild, Keisei!"
The summon smirked and grabbed her trident stronger, before stabbing it into the ship and using it and her powerful tail to smash the side of the ship, before propelling herself and Naruto up.
"...what in the name of-?!" One of the nukenin, captain by the looks of it, simply stared at the real, honest to kami siren smashing his ship in shock.
"Why hello there. You are a pirate, right?" Naruto smiled.
The man nodded in his stupor.
"That's good. Would hate to make a mistake." Naruto's eyes flashed red.
It was the killer aura that rose around the genin that propelled the shinobi to action.
The captain went for his kunai, only to stop with a sickening crunch as a long chain smashed his skull open.
"Hoo. Niiiice. Handy. Very much so." Naruto grinned. "Come on. I have a weapon test to do!"
A man in a chuunin vest growled, grabbing a sword and aiming at Naruto's back.
"...you fucking ba-" He halted, his eyes wide.
Keisei waggled her finger with disapproval, her almond-shaped eyes slitted and red, her fish tail gone in favor of two shapely legs. The ninja slipped from the trident with a wet sound and Keisei smirked, revealing disturbingly pointed incisors as she licked her lips.
Naruto let go of the chain, allowing it to go back to the storage seal on his wrist as the next shinobi turned a little too close for comfort. He twisted the kunai from the man's hand and fluidly opening his throat, only halt as a Suiryudan rose from the water. The dragon roared, lunging at the blond's unprotected side even as Naruto put his hands in the pockets of his coat, closing his eyes with a sigh.
The dragon's roar turned into a pitiful, dying shriek as the water was dispersed by the vicious twirl of the trident and a geyser of water erupting around the blond and his summon, coating the deck in moisture.
"Idiot. My beautiful Keisei is the queen of the current." Naruto sneered at the pirates as the wall of water dispersed. "You think some half assed Suiryudan used by a pitiful chuunin can make her even blink? EH?!" The jinchuuriki lunged forward, hand snapping back and 'reaching' into the storage seal, withdrawing the chain. "Who do you think I AM?! I AM UZUMAKI NARUTO BITCHES!" He roared snapping the chain forward even as the shinobi jumped out of range.
"...GET OVER HERE!" Screamed the blond and the Kiri nukenin's eyes widened as the chain seemed to just... fall apart.
'...no...it is... it is held by chakra str-' He slumped as the spike at the end of the chain found his throat.
Other shinobi went for their kunai, lunging at the blond.
Naruto spun the chain over his head.
"Wanna see something special, bastards?" He grinned nastily. "BREAK!"
And the chain... did.
Each link scattered over the deck, impacting the Kiri-nin with a force of a hammer strike, twirling around the blonde like a horde of large, steel mosquitos. Naruto pulled his hands to the sides, snapping the countless chakra strings back with a grin.
'...Yeah. I HAVE to make something nice for Tenten for that. Oh yeah.'
Keisei grinned, her clawed hands ripping apart one of the shinobi that tried to get to close to her master with glee.
One of the Kiri nins finally dropped his kunai, running away to jump ship.
Naruto snapped his fingers, letting loose a torrent of playing cards from his sleeve that ended up stabbing the man or running him clean through.
"...Oh." Naruto's eyes widened as he looked at cards. "Fuck. Umm..." He looked at the pirates. "...Umm. Sorry but... I think it's time for me to go." He grinned sheepishly. "Baibai!" The blond jumped back, closing his eyes as Keisei's nimble hands snatched him, shielding him with her body as they went for the water.
Barely two seconds later, the upper deck of the ship exploded.
"Well, there goes my jolly roger I guess..." Naruto muttered with dissapointment.
Keisei rubbed his face consolingly, before pointing at the last ship that started to run away.
Naruto perked up.
"Well, as they say... Third time is a charm!"
The siren smiled, patting her master's head as her legs 'flowed' into a fish tail shape and they lunged after the boat.
"...I told you not to blow them up!"
"Feh. As if you were any better."
"ACCIDENT you bastard! ACCIDENT!" Naruto scowled. "What part of 'accident' don't you get?" Keisei patted Naruto's back soothingly. "Thanks. At least someone here appreciates me." He muttered sulkily.
"When did she get so..." Sasuke waved his hand vaguely. "Anyway?"
"Well, I've put a lot of love and effort, bastard." Naruto looked at Keisei proudly and the siren smiled cheerfully, wagging her tail fin at Sasuke mockingly. "Isn't she just beautiful, eh? Perfect."
"Well she is hot, that much I can give you." He admitted grudgingly. "Still... shouldn't she be... I don't know, more impressive?" He asked. "Ten years of work and-" Sasuke sputtered as he somehow ended up tripping and falling face first into water.
Keisei smiled innocently, as Naruto laughed.
"...I get the point." The Uchiha heir muttered darkly, spitting water.
"Oh, my... They didn't even damage the ship. Cool." Naruto smiled, looking at the slowly drifting boat. "It would be a shame to lose her."
Keisei looked at Naruto, pointing upwards with a raised eyebrow.
"Sure."
The siren smiled, grabbing the blond and using her powerful tail to launch herself up. Mid-jump, her tail separated, forming a pair of shapely - and quite naked - legs as she landed gracefully, putting Naruto down. She looked at him for a second, cocking her head, before grabbing the collar of the coat and pulling it up with a nod.
Naruto blinked, looking at her oddly.
Keisei looked over his arm curiously, before pointing at something behind him.
Naruto turned.
"Oh. Hi."
"Hi." Hana said blandly, her face blank.
"Safe?"
"Unharmed."
"Cool." The blond nodded.
Sasuke jumped over the railing and walked to the cabin, shedding the armor along the way.
"So, who wants a beer?"
TBC...
OMAKE by Yojorocks:
Thump-thump
Thump-thump-thump
It was entirely too early in the morning and Sasuke needed her beauty sleep. "Naruto, go get the door... NARUTO!" Damnit, it was too fucking early to get up in the morning. Sasuke absently reached for the remote control and threw it at the sleeping blond, who was currently drooling on the couch.
"Ouch! Huh? yawns What now?"
Thump thump
"Get the door, Dobe."
Naruto blearily glanced at the curled up ball of sheets and pillows, sighed, and stumbled out of bed. Thump "Alright alre-ready. I'm coming, I'm coming."
Threading his way over the empty liquor bottles, he stumbled over to the cheap hotel door. Throwing an apologetic glance at the passed out form of Hana on the futon, he threw open the door.
"What the FUCK do you need this early in th-"
Black cape with red clouds? Check.
Ebony hair with a flat black gaze? Check.
Blue gill faced sidekick looking entirely unamused at having to be up this early? Check.
"Huh, so he had to pry you out of bed this early? What is it with Uchihas, anyway?"
Blank gazes met blue eyes, clearly unimpressed.
"Uzumaki Naruto, carrier of the Kyuu-"
"Yeah, yeah, come on in and I'll be out in a minute. Don't you guys ever call ahead or anything?" He grumbled ans he moved aside and turned back to the double bedroom. "I would offer the futon, but it's currently in use. Gimme a sec."
Without a backwards glance, he proceeded to weave his way to the sleeping Inuzuka, leaving two slightly confused Akatsuki members behind.
Never one to turn down a willing sacrifice, Itachi followed him inside to the trashed room. Before he got more than two steps in, Naruto bellowed out towards the bedroom "Teme-chan, the idiots are here again. It's for you."
Deeming the matter completed to his satisfaction, he turned to the two bewildered nuke-nins and offered a flask."We don't have much left, but can I interest you in some Amber Ice?"
"Ah, your loss. Here, have a seat." With a quick shove and a yelp, Hana's body met the floor and she sat up.
"Ooooh, what the hell, why did you do that you bas... Older Sasuke- why is older Sasuke a guy? And what the hell happened to her silk baby-t?"
She turned and glared at Naruto, who shrugged, downing a bit of the drink in his hand.
"Alright dobe, who is it that wrecked my bea- Itachi."
Everyone froze, for different reasons.
Itachi was trying to figure out who he missed in his family massacre, because there was one hot looking DEFINITELY female Uchiha glaring at him in the doorway, eyes bleeding red and tomes pacing. He activated his Sharingan in reflex. 'Maybe I was a wee bit too presumptuous in wiping out all of the females?'
Hana realizing that 'Sasuke was still female and just came out of the room, so therefore older male Not!Sasuke was, well, not Sasuke. But the Sharigan, Itachi- oh shit.'
Kisame was tired of not being treated like a threat and wanted to kill everyone. Seriously, what type of S-Rank nuke-nin knocked on doors anyway?
Naruto was trying to figure out why the freaky duo was here this early in the morning and how he was going to get his deposit back on the room, considering the violence that would ultimately ensue.
Sasuke-chan, well...
A pair of yo-yos appeared in her hands.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke, you killed my father, prepare to die."
The yo-yo spun up and down as the elder brother tried to figure out what the well stacked chick meant. 'Was Sasuke really my sister?'
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke, you Killed my Father, prepare to Die."
The yo-yo twitched and spun in a furious arc, moving faster than any normal eye could follow.
Smack. The Yo-yo was embedded in the wall a centimeter from Itachi's left ear. He didn't so much as start.
Itachi raised an eyebrow slightly, inwardly impressed. The Sharingan mutilated outward into the ultimate dojutsu. "Tsukuyomi."
As the world bled red, the ground wavered briefly before reasserting itself in the familiar scene of the Uchiha massacre.
"So, Sasuke, You've been chasing me your entire life, only to fail now. I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard; how marvelous."
Hateful eyes glared right back, and Itachi realized something wasn't quite right. Why was she still in a henge?
"You obviously haven't lived in an unsightly manner. You were supposed to live in that hate, not mutilate your body."
His comment made no impact on the glaring Ebony figure. Itachi's Sharingan itched.
"My name is Uchicha Sasuke, you KILLED my father, prepare to DIE."
The yo-yo was still spinning around her left hand. 'What the hell? How did that get here?'
A ripping noise tore the illusion apart, and with a start he was staring up at that ceiling. The first yo-yo was still embedded over where he had dodged it, but had large red spikes coming out of one of the fans on the side.
'What the hell?'
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke, you KILLED my father, my mother, my hamster, and BURNED MY COPY OF THE PRINCESS BRIDE, PREPARE TO DIE HEATHEN!"
'Yes, this was definitely Sasuke; no one else adored that book nearly as much. It was so unbecoming for the elite Uchiha to have such plebeian tastes...' He could feel something trickling down his neck as yo-yos seemed to form out of the ether and tore Kisame apart before he could blink. Itachi couldn't feel below his neck anymore.
"It is cough unbecoming for a cough Uchiha to like such a cough romantic farce, little brother. couch Live in an cough unsightly manner cough cough..."
Hana stared at the mutilated bodies with wide eyes, absently grabbing the Amber Ice out of Naruto's hands and knocking back a shot.
Naruto merely watched impassively as Sasuke-chan tore into her brother's chest with another vicious yo-yo strike.
"My NAME is UCHIHA SASUKE, you KILLED my FATHER, PREPARE to DIE!"
With a final exclamation, the yo-yo wrapped around Itachi's neck and tore it from his shoulders.
Silence descended upon the room.
"Next time take care of the messengers yourself, dobe. You interrupted my beauty sleep." Without a back glance Sasuke-chan returned to the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
Hana looked over at Naruto, on the verge of hyperventilation. "Wah-wha- Itachi? Nuke-nin Itachi? S-Rank, crazy-"
Naruto merely sighed as she continued to babble and took one last drain of the liquor bottle, and got up.
"Not quite. They do this cheapass cloning thing where they take over other idiot's bodies and have them pretend to be there." He grimaced, picking up the Iwa-nin's head, which was dripping all over the floor. Damn, now he really wouldn't be getting any of his deposit back!
"Usually Sasuke likes to vent on them a bit, but apparently he wanted his sleep this morning. Asshole."
And with that, he took out a scroll and started drawing on the mangled bodies. A few hand seals later and the bloody remains disappeared, leaving only the bloodied carpet and a hole in the wall as a reminder that they were ever there.
"So, you want some breakfast?"
Omake End
AN: If anybody is interested, Keisei looks a lot like Shiva from FFVIII. Only taller and with a nasty trident and long nails that are almost like claws.
Also, let me clarify something - Naruto worked on the theory behind creating her for ten years. Not constantly, but more or less he always had something like her in mind to beat 'that stupid limitation'. He can't create the intelligent, semi-iindependent summons the size of, say, Gamabunta. He tried - Kiyohime was the his pet project for years and it still fails utterly. So he won't be suddenly spamming summons left and right. Not the ones like Keisei anyways - she's one of the kind.
Also, a funny thing about Keisei - it means 'siren'. But it also means 'beauty' or 'courtesan'.
Kairyuu means ocean current.