(the episode that made six galaxies go vegetarian for a week)
[Planet Pyrovia-6 — 46° North of the Chili Belt]
The planet was basically a sizzling pan.
Volcanoes bubbled like overworked rice cookers, and the air smelled like grilled sinigang.
Lira wiped her visor, which was fogging up from sheer humidity.
"Arin, this planet's literally cooking itself."
Arin Sol, hero of questionable logic, adjusted his cracked goggles and sniffed.
"Perfect for grilling. You can taste the courage in the air."
"Or the carbon monoxide."
"Same thing, depende sa timpla."
He crouched down, dipped a finger into the reddish dust, and licked it.
Then immediately regretted it.
"Okay, yeah—Bicol-level spicy. I think my tongue saw God."
"Stop tasting the ground!"
He grinned. "Research, Lira. Every great cook suffers first."
"Then you must be the greatest cook alive."
1 — THE LEGEND
Their mission card flickered above the lava field:
ROUND SIX — THE SPACE OSTRICH BUFFALO WINGS OF PYROVIA-6
Objective: Harvest, cook, and present the wings of the Ostralus Maximus.
Warning: Creature is highly flammable and mildly judgmental.
The droid announcer cheerily added:
"Failure to present the dish will result in planetary disqualification! Have fun!"
Arin clapped his hands. "Ayos. So we just catch a flaming bird the size of a jeepney. Easy."
Lira groaned. "You have never done anything easy."
"Excuse me, I once boiled rice without supervision."
"Yeah, and it exploded."
"Still counts."
2 — THE VEGAN CULT OF DOOM
A green ship landed nearby, spraying confetti made of recycled lettuce.
Thirty robed figures stepped out, chanting, "MEAT IS DEFEAT!"
Their leader, a bald man in tofu armor, pointed at Arin.
"Carnivore! The Ostralus must live! Cooking it is a crime against digestion!"
Arin raised an eyebrow. "Bro, you're on a planet made of lava and bacon vapor. Morally, I think it's already cooked."
Lira whispered, "Just ignore them. Please."
But the cultist stepped forward, glowing spatula in hand.
"Repent! Or face the wrath of our holy quinoa!"
Arin sighed. "Okay, no offense, but I'm allergic to sanctimony and fiber."
He flicked the Quantum Knife on, its edge humming like an angry mosquito.
The air shimmered.
The cultists froze.
"Behold," Arin said dramatically, "the sacred utensil of flavor. Forged from the tears of underseasoned meals."
Lira muttered, "And pure nonsense."
"Power is nonsense, Lira."
3 — THE HUNT BEGINS
A sonic boom ripped through the sky.
The Ostralus Maximus descended—a mountain of feathers, fire, and arrogance.
Its wings flapped once, and half the volcanoes bowed in respect.
Lira stared. "...Grabe. That's not a bird. That's a barbecue apocalypse."
Arin's grin widened. "Exactly. Look at those drumsticks—crispy destiny."
The creature screamed, shaking the ground. Its feathers ignited, coating the air in sizzling spice mist.
Arin took a step forward. "Lira. Blaster ready?"
She aimed. "Always."
He pointed dramatically. "Operation Adobo Chicken: commence!"
"Arin, stop naming—"
Too late. He charged.
4 — COOKING COMBAT
The Ostralus stomped, releasing waves of heat so intense they caramelized the ground.
Arin dove sideways, slicing through the air with the Quantum Knife.
The blade left trails of condensed suka vapor.
"Vinegar Resonance Slash!"
The wave hit the bird's leg—it hissed, feathers sizzling like chicharon.
Lira fired three shots from her Whisk Blaster.
Each blast turned into crystalline salt that exploded on impact.
"Salted precision shot!"
The Ostralus roared, furious. A gust of flaming wind nearly threw them off balance.
Arin yelled, "Keep it busy!"
"I am keeping it busy! What are you doing?!"
He pulled out a bottle of calamansi concentrate from his belt pouch. "Marinating its ego!"
He lobbed it—perfect arc—splashing across the bird's chest.
The Ostralus froze mid-roar, confused by the citrusy assault.
"That's right," Arin whispered. "Feel the acidity of humility."
5 — THE FALL
The creature reared back, glowing brighter and brighter until—BOOM!
A shockwave of pure flavor erupted.
When the smoke cleared, it stood frozen in place, golden brown and lightly crisped.
The air smelled like fried hope and bad decisions.
Arin fell to his knees, gasping. "Lira… ano, ayos? Ayos ba?"
Lira coughed, covered in chili dust. "You're insane. But yeah… ayos."
She holstered her blaster, watching as Arin pulled out his portable wok.
"You're not cooking now, right?"
He smirked. "The oil's already hot. It would be rude not to."
6 — THE COOKING
Back aboard their hovering kitchen pod, Arin worked like a man possessed.
He sliced off glowing feathers that turned into perfect fillets midair.
He seasoned with twin-sun salt and a splash of calamansi juice.
The wok flared, shimmering in zero gravity.
Lira watched him, shaking her head.
"You know, sometimes I think you're a genius."
"And the other times?"
She shrugged. "I think you're trying to get reincarnated as a lumpia."
He flipped the wings, each turn releasing a burst of aroma so powerful the vegan monks started crying.
Arin plated the dish on a banana-leaf pattern holo-plate.
"Presenting… The Space Ostrich Buffalo Wings of Pyrovia-6!"
7 — THE TASTE
The judges took a bite.
Silence.
Then—
One judge floated off the chair.
Another clutched his heart.
A third whispered, "It tastes like… forgiveness."
Even the vegan monk leader stumbled forward, eyes glassy.
He tasted a morsel.
And wept.
"This flavor… it has no cruelty… only love."
Arin winked. "Told you. Ethically marinated."
Lira facepalmed. "You're impossible."
He grinned. "Yeah, but ayos, 'di ba?"
8 — THE AFTERTASTE
The announcer droid's voice boomed across the galaxy.
"ROUND SIX WINNER — TEAM EARTH!"
Confetti rained from drones.
A billion viewers screamed.
Back in the quiet of the kitchen pod, Lira leaned against the counter.
"So. What now?"
Arin stared at the stars, still holding his knife.
"Next dish. Something sweet. Something impossible."
She groaned. "You mean dessert."
He smiled, eyes glinting.
"Yup. Cosmic Leche Flan."
Lira sighed. "Of course. Because if we die, it might as well be delicious."
Arin raised a brow. "That's the spirit."
"Yeah," she muttered. "It's probably haunting me already."
End of Chapter 7