Jack had fought werewolves, outwitted vampire elders, and somehow one-punch KO'd the deadliest hunter alive.And yet—none of that compared to the terror of being forced to attend a small-town mixer.
Yes. A mixer. A potluck. A nightmare in khakis.
"Why am I here again?" Jack hissed as Karen practically shoved him down the steps of a rustic community hall.
"Because," she growled, fixing his collar with all the subtlety of a bulldozer, "you need to socialize. The Council insists."
Lucian, waiting at the door like a bored prom king, added, "You must appear… approachable. Humans must see you as more than a drunken prophecy accident."
Love Dick, of course, leaned against the doorframe in a velvet gown far too dramatic for the occasion. She smirked. "Relax, darling. It's just a bunch of peasants eating casserole. What's the worst that could happen?"
Jack muttered, "Famous last words."
The Mixer of Doom
Inside, the hall was buzzing with locals: soccer moms arranging cupcakes, dads in polo shirts grilling burgers outside, teenagers pretending to enjoy acoustic guitar. Fairy lights twinkled across the ceiling.
Jack froze at the door. "Oh God. Normal people. My greatest weakness."
"Smile," Lucian ordered, baring fangs in what was technically a smile but looked more like a serial killer trying to sell toothpaste.
Karen grabbed Jack's arm and dragged him inside. "He's with us!" she barked at the hostess, who looked both confused and terrified.
Jack shuffled to the snack table, loading a paper plate with chips. Maybe if he hid in the corner, nobody would notice him.
No such luck.
Spotlight, Whether He Wanted It or Not
"Hey!" shouted a man in a baseball cap. "Aren't you that guy from the news? The… Blood Moon Dude?"
Heads turned. Phones came out. Someone started recording.
Jack nearly choked on his chip. "Uh, nope! That's, uh, my twin brother. Chad. He's cooler. And taller. And has a six-pack."
A kid ran up. "Do the thing! The prophecy thing!"
"What thing?"
"You know, the glowy hand thing!"
Before Jack could protest, his Medallion mark flickered—probably reacting to his stress. The lights overhead fizzled, the sound system screeched, and every soda can in the room exploded simultaneously.
The crowd gasped.
Jack, dripping cola, spread his arms. "Ta-da. Party trick. I also juggle."
Awkward Social Encounters, Level 99
From there, things spiraled.
A grandma cornered him, insisting he was "such a nice young man" and trying to set him up with her granddaughter.
A local preacher asked if he was "the Antichrist, or just adjacent."
A drunk teenager challenged him to beer pong. Jack missed every cup—except the last one, which ricocheted off three chairs, bounced off Karen's head, and landed perfectly. The crowd cheered like he'd just saved the Super Bowl.
Lucian pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are humiliating yourself."
Love Dick cackled. "No, darling. He's humiliating you."
The Talent Show Disaster
And then came the talent show.
"Each guest must participate," the hostess said sweetly.
Jack's blood ran cold. "Nope. Hard pass. Zero talent here. Unless sarcasm counts."
The crowd chanted. "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
Cornered, Jack stumbled onto the stage. A single spotlight hit him. He squinted like a raccoon in a dumpster.
"Uh… hi. I'm Jack. Full-time loser, part-time prophecy accident."
Awkward chuckles.
He scratched his head. "Look, I know you've all heard stories about me—chosen one, world-ender, blah blah blah. But honestly? I still can't pay rent. My credit score is lower than my self-esteem. If destiny really wanted me, it should've at least given me abs."
Laughter rippled through the crowd.
Jack warmed up. "You know what's scarier than vampires and werewolves? Health insurance. You ever try to get a cavity filled without coverage? I'd rather fight Mordrax again!"
The hall erupted with applause and laughter. For the first time in forever, Jack wasn't just surviving—he was winning a crowd.
The Hunter Guild Crashes the Party
And then the doors slammed open.
Smoke grenades rolled across the floor. The fairy lights shattered. From the darkness marched figures in black tactical gear, rifles gleaming under the flickering bulbs.
At their head was a familiar jawline: Chad Thunderbullet.
"Party's over," Chad barked, his voice echoing. "Step away from the loser. He belongs to the Guild."
The hall erupted in screams. Parents grabbed kids, cupcakes hit the floor, chaos everywhere.
Karen shifted, claws sprouting. Lucian's eyes burned crimson. Love Dick licked her lips, thrilled by the drama.
And Jack? Jack froze in the spotlight, still holding the microphone.
"Uh… plot twist?"
Chad raised his rifle. "By order of the Hunter Guild, we are taking him alive. Anyone who resists—dies."
Gasps. Panic.
And then, in the middle of all that chaos, a grandma stood up with a rolling pin. "You leave that sweet boy alone!"
The room roared with unexpected support. Locals threw chairs, kids pelted hunters with cupcakes, the preacher swung his Bible like a mace.
Jack, blinking, muttered into the mic: "Did I just… start a riot? By accident?"
Karen grinned. "Hell yeah, mate."
Lucian smirked. "For once, your idiocy is useful."
Love Dick raised her glass. "To destiny's drunk clown."
The crowd surged. Hunters fought civilians. Vampires and wolves joined in. The hall became a battleground of chaos.
And Jack, somehow still holding the mic, delivered the line that would be quoted for years:
"Welcome to the Blood Moon Comedy Hour! Two drink minimum, and try not to die!"
Aftermath
By the time the dust settled, the hunters had retreated, swearing vengeance. The hall was wrecked. Tables broken, cupcakes smeared across walls, one poor guy stuck head-first in the punch bowl.
But the people… were cheering. For Jack.
He had no idea how, but he'd gone from loser to local hero in one night.
Lucian muttered, "They actually adore you."Karen clapped him on the back so hard he nearly face-planted. "Told you, mate. Socializing!"Love Dick winked. "And the Hunters? Oh, darling… they're not done. Not even close."
Jack groaned, rubbing soda from his hair. "Great. I just wanted chips and quiet. Instead, I've started a supernatural civil war with karaoke night."